Tag: stephen fry

Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Staycate This Summer

1. One Expects Ones Presence At The Diamond Bash. In case you hadn’t noticed, our dear old Queenie will be celebrating 60 years on the throne next month. Now, before you start, I know what you’re going to say, ‘I couldn’t care less about the Royals. The only purpose they serve is as a honey-trap for nostalgia hungry tourists, desperate to relive the days of old, when the monarchy actually had any power.’ Yes, yes, cutting stuff, Mr Opinions. But think of it this way. The Queen is the second longest serving female monarch in HISTORY OF THE WORLD. If she manages another 3 or so years (which is likely, seeing as she has royally appointed medical care) she’ll overtake Queen Victoria and go down in the history books as an incredibly empowering female figure head. And after all, this will most definitely be the only diamond jubilee any of us will be alive to see.

2. London Hasn’t Hosted The Olympics Since 1948. And after this year, it’ll be a very long time before we get the privilege again. That’s not to say we aren’t doing a splendid job, but the financial implications of such a gargantuan privilege have run up a bill close to £24 billion. Since last summer’s riots tore the soul out of the city, a lot of time and resources have gone into restoring London’s international stage status, which is definitely worth experiencing. From the red swirly statue that looks like a blood clot to the ‘fantasticology’ wildflower meadows that run adjacent to the main stadium, London’s had the mother of all makeovers.

3. The Weather Will Get More Exciting, Honest. It’s been a year of radical weather. From the wettest drought on record to a truly unseasonable May, Brits are crying out for the lustre of an endless summer. We are most certainly overdue a hot one and, as much as I want to use words like ‘heat-wave’ and ‘scorcher’ and ‘BBQ summer,’ I can’t, yet. All I can say is this, with wet droughts and dry winters, something exciting is bound to happen. Worst comes to the worst, you’ll save money on sun cream and still have a fun-filled break at a Great Yarmouth Holiday Park.

4. The European Union Is Going, Going… Who knows what will happen, but there are half a dozen countries on the verge of financial collapse and a couple that have already taken the hit. Visitors to Greece, for example, have been told to expect regular strikes, demonstrations, a general threat of terrorism and tear gas at protests. This, in general, is nothing the UK hasn’t dealt with before (minus the tear gas) but tackling these situations in a foreign country can be very testing and dangerous.

5. Hey Shakey, It’s Your Birthday. Shakespeare is 400 this year, Dickens is 200, Bond is 50 and the world’s greatest food invention, the humble sandwich, is 250 years old. There’s a lot of celebrating to do, and us Brits certainly know how to party. In fact, we’re known for it.

6. No Passports Please, We’re British. You heard it here first. If you’re staying in the country that you live in, you don’t need a passport! Jubilation! Not only that, but you don’t have to bother with flights or packing or connections or foreign languages or delays or sunburn or shark attacks. It’s time to appreciate lovely, safe Britain with its familiar quirks, rich diversity and fantastic holiday parks.

7. Stephen Fry Told You To. ‘Why on earth would anyone want to go abroad in 2012? I mean, there are so many events all around the country…’ Well, if the English Treasure bids it, who I am to say otherwise?

May 19, 2012
7 Reasons We Were Unlucky To Miss Out On A Scout Birthday Badge
Yesterday the Scouts celebrated their 104th birthday. Quite an accomplishment from an association that has a maximum age limit of 25. As part of the celebrations they handed out big birthday badges to a number of celebrities. Celebrities who have – apparently – inspired youngsters. For example, James May received the ‘navigation’ badge for driving all over the country using his sat-nav. And Stephen Fry earned himself the ‘IT’ badge for being on Twitter. Worthy winners I think we can all agree. In total, fourteen badges were handed to fifteen celebrities (Sue Perkins and Giles Coren had to share the ‘smallholder’ badge). However, there was an alarming omission. There was no mention of 7 Reasons. Which is a shocking oversight when you consider the number of people we have inspired in true Scout fashion. And I say true Scout fashion because of course there are seven Scout Laws:
1. A Scout is to be trusted.
2. A Scout is loyal.
3. A Scout is friendly and considerate.
4. A Scout belongs to the worldwide family of Scouts.
5. A Scout has courage in all difficulties.
6. A Scout makes good use of time and is careful of possessions and property.
7. A Scout has self-respect and respect for others.
This then, is why we should have been rewarded:

1. Trust. Ask yourselves a question. Ideally this one. Can you trust 7 Reasons? Of course you can. When we highlighted the dangers of a dating a polar bear or riding a crocodile, were we telling the truth? Yes. When we told you not to hold a conversation in the men’s toilets or not to dream about Andy Murray’s mother, was this sound advice? Yes. It strikes us that when it comes to honesty, we lead the way every single day.

2. Loyalty. We are fiercely proud of our roots. Our British roots. Which is why we uphold all that is good about this country. It is why we dislike France and urge you to invade at your soonest convenience. It’s why… actually, that’s pretty much it really. But it’s enough. We don’t like the French. And this isn’t because we’re xenophobic (at least not both of us), it’s because we are loyal to Nelson and Wellington and everyone else who had the joy of fighting the frogs. Invade the garlic-eating, beret-wearing, onions-around-their-neck-cycling, Francs today!

3. Friendliness And Consideration. Like I say, we love everyone.

4. Family. Our audience is our family. But we don’t need to tell you that. The amount of you we let sit on the 7 Reasons sofa is testament to how much we care about you. How much we cherish you. How much we love you and need you and want you. It’s why everything we do is for you. We cater for every aspect of your life. Let’s take one example. Cooking. Ignoring previous accusations that one of us once gave our housemate food poisoning, 7 Reasons has lead the way on bringing culinary delights to your home. We single-handily made SPAM fashionable again. For you. We advised you not to fall victim to the verbal row ignitor that is M&S’ ‘Dine in for £10’ deal. We told you to make a pizza. We told you never, ever, ever to host a dinner party. All wise words and all words that the majority of people immediately adhered to. So why were we overlooked I wonder?

5. Courage. One criticism often levied at us is that we don’t do our research. That we just write without thinking of the consequences. Nothing, it must be stressed, can be further from the truth. Each piece is painstakingly researched. Which is why we post things about wrapping up presents after the event, not before. It’s why we kayak the Pacific and then tell you not to do it. It’s why we listen to stuff by Owl City and then advise you against it. It’s why Marc goes to prison for a while and then tells you not to have sex with a penguin. All this takes a huge amount of bravery on our part and it’s a crushing blow when people just assume you wrote this while sitting on the sofa watching cricket.

6. Time Efficiency. One of 7 Reasons’ finest accomplishments is that we always adhere to our promise of posting on or before 9am each day. Today, for instance, I am posting well ahead of 9am EST. And on Monday Marc posted well before 9am BST. On Tuesday.

7. Respect. As I’ve said, we love everyone. But not quite as much as we love ourselves. And don’t for one minute think I love myself while Marc spends all day bemoaning his life. Only one of us wears the moisturiser around here and my rough, flaking, peeling skin says it isn’t me.
August 2, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: Nobody Likes A Smartarse

The phrase, “nobody likes a smartarse” is wrong. People do like smartarses: Look at the popularity of Stephen Fry.

Nobody likes this man?

We, the team at 7 Reasons, have decided to debunk this abjectly wrong saying via the medium of Facebook. If you like a smartarse – or are a smartarse who is liked – visit this new Facebook page and click the Like button. That’ll show the vacuous, unimaginative dullards that mindlessly trot out this idiotic phrase, once and for all, that they are very very wrong.

If we act together, we can perform a valuable public service by drawing attention to the stupidity of this phrase and, in turn, help to put a stop to its use. That is all.

August 8, 2010
Guest Post: 7 Reasons The United States of America is Better Than Great Britain

Today we are joined on the 7 Reasons sofa by Simon Best who, when he isn’t committing treason or thinking about trains, is a Youth Worker. Simon’s fantastic tweets can be found here. They are as fine a guide to tasteful living as you will find anywhere.

1. The Weather. In Britain we love talking about the weather but, frankly, the British weather is pathetic, insipid and dull. For 5/6 of the year the weather in Britain is predominantly cloudy; In America they get real weather – winters with feet of snow, scorching hot summers and spectacular fall colours. They might not make a great fuss about it but America actually has proper seasons rather than shades of grey with slight temperature variations.

2. Television. Yes, we have the BBC, and American TV is frequently accused of dumbing-down and being full of cynical product placement; It is also true that the Jerry Springer Show originated in America, but while they have given Britain television masterpieces like the Sopranos, the Wire and Sesame Street, we have given them Wife Swap and Simon Cowell. On behalf of the nation I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all Americans for this affront to your dignity.

3. Roads. As America is the nation of the automobile this might not be a surprising inclusion, but I’m not talking about the quality of the tarmac. Roads and road trips are part of American life. From Kerouac to Chuck Berry, from travelling salesmen to wandering preachers, American roads have enriched western culture; Britain has contributed Chris Rea singing about the M25. It is also impossible to imagine anyone getting excited about a road trip from Plymouth to Inverness, driving the same distance as a journey from Chicago to Memphis – a journey anyone would rather make. In America you can drive for hours and only see four guys with shotguns in a Ford pickup; you’re likely to spend most of any UK road trip stuck behind a caravan driven by someone called Maurice who wears string-backed driving gloves. Drive from Land’s End to John o’Groats and that East17 album your ex put on your iPod is bound to repeat at least 3 times. You can drive across the USA 25 times without that happening.*

4. Music. America is often derided for the schmaltz of Country and Western and the aggression of rap, but it has produced many of the finest musicians ever: The Beach Boys, Elvis, Buddy Holly, Miles Davis, Rock and Roll, Pop, Blues and Jazz were all born in America. America has given the world its record collection. Britain gave America Acker Bilk and Leo Sayer (who both amazingly reached number 1 in the Billboard top 100). Obviously we gave you The Beatles and The ‘Stones too, but they were just copying black American music.

5. Pancakes. American pancakes are, plainly and simply, superior to British pancakes; Thick, fluffy and the size of a plate, they’re delicious with maple syrup. No wonder they eat them all year round. Here in Britain we have our pathetic thin and flimsy efforts once a year – with a lemon.

6. Sporting Spectacular . Americans know how to do sporting spectaculars. The Super Bowl is the American Football equivalent of the FA Cup Final, yet as an event it is more comparable to the Last Night of the Proms and the Lord Mayor’s Show with the viewing figures of a royal wedding. Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Prince and U2 have played the Superbowl half-time; Wembley gets the marching band of the Coldstream Guards and some majorettes. The opening ceremony for the Los Angeles Olympics featured a man arriving on a jet-pack, the best Britain has achieved was the opening ceremony for the 1999 Cricket World Cup when the fireworks failed to go off, Tony Blair’s microphone fused in the rain and Prince Philip spoke. It’s a good thing that China doesn’t play cricket. There is a serious risk that when London 2012 starts, the Olympic torch will be carried into the stadium by Boris Johnson on his bike.

7. Monuments & Memorials . There’s really no contest here. The United States has the Washington Monument, Mount Rushmore and a 500 foot high statue of Crazy Horse that is being carved out of a mountain in South Dakota. Britain has Nelson’s column and what else? The Diana Memorial was a shambolic failure that had to close because people kept slipping in the water, in fact, Britain is so bad at building monuments that for much of the past summer we put living people on a plinth in Trafalgar Square; America would have taken this opportunity to commemorate a former President, a Civil War General or a Baseball star. America doesn’t just stop at statues, pretty much everything is a memorial to someone noteworthy: bridges, schools, highways, parks, buildings. Can you imagine Mansfield opening the Richard Bacon Memorial Roundabout or Norwich naming a new underpass after Stephen Fry? No, of course not. In America these fitting tributes would be a stone cold certainty.

*Unsubstantiated. To be tested during the US iPod Challenge, starts October 1st, 2011. Follow them on Twitter.

January 23, 2010