Category: Russian Roulette Sunday

Russian Roulette Sunday: Instant Gratification

The first thing you’ll probably ask yourself is, ‘Why is there an American infographic on the patriotically British site, 7 Reasons?’ It’s a fair question. It does seem a strange mix. The thing is, though, we get dozens upon dozens of 7 Reasons guest posts every week – mainly because that’s what we ask for – so sometimes it’s good to see something a bit different. So we’re publishing it in the hope that you might think so too. It’s not just something different, though. It’s something interesting too. Well, I like to think so.

Created by: OnlineGraduatePrograms.com

July 22, 2012
7 Reasons to buy an Austin Seven

What’s this? You’re doubtless thinking. A 7 Reasons post on a Sunday? That’s never happened before. And you’d be right (probably). But today, history has provided us with one, in the form of an Austin Seven advert from 1933. And it’s brilliant; I’m so convinced by the arguments contained within it that I want one. So here, for your entertainment, amusement and personal betterment, is the amazing advert and also a bit of an analysis.

1. “It provides the cheapest form of road travel-a penny a mile for four, all in.” This is astonishing. If you (or I) were to purchase one of these and operate it as a taxi the profits would be so vast that we’d soon be richer than Croesus. And conveniently, less dead. Less than a penny a mile!

2. “It is extremely easy to drive, easy to park.” That’s brilliant. That will save me spending ten minutes reversing and going forward in a car before saying “fuck it” and abandoning it in the middle of the road. It will also make it easy to train others to drive it (of which more later).

3. “It needs no mechanical knowledge; it is trouble-free.” It’s an everlasting car that never needs to be tinkered with. Fantastic.

4. “It is good for five, six or even more years of hard use.” Oh, so it isn’t then. Still, that’s quite a lot of use. Especially hard use. After all, it’s hard for cars to float on the sea, so for it to last five, six or even more years when being used to drive to and from France would be a good performance.

5. “It is as fully equipped and finely finished as cars three times its size.” Superb. It’s every bit as good as the Austin Twenty-One then.

6. “It is free from superfluous weight, being the lightest saloon car made-hence its unburdened power and light running costs.” Unburdened power: I like the sound of that and, even if there are costs involved in running the lights, I don’t care. I’m sold on it. I want one.

7. “It is the only baby car proved by the public for over twelve years. No other car can give you equal results.” Wait! Baby car? That’s amazing. I have a baby. I won’t even have to drive it myself! I’m going train him to drive (it’s easy to drive, remember) and put him to work as a taxi driver. Then I can sit back and wait for all of the money to come flooding in. This is going to be amazing.

*7 Reasons will return tomorrow, probably in diamond-encrusted form, with gold taps.

July 31, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: The Worst 7 Reasons Ever

Each week we get a lot of guest post submissions. I suspect we actually get more submissions than we do readers. Of the submissions we receive, we use about one in every ten. Three of the other nine are usable, but don’t quite meet the high standards you so desire and the remaining six are, well, rubbish. Never though did I think I would ever receive something quite like this:

7 Reasons My Mom Should By Me A Dog by Tom.

1. Jarod has one.

2. If she don’t I’m gonna runaway with Jarod.

3. I only get $5 pocket money a week and Jarod gets $20.

4. Mom promised me an X-box but never got me one.

5. I have to go to church on Sunday and it sucks.

6. I got grades better than Mom expected.

7. Jarod says his dog attacked his Pop and mom don’t like Pop.

You may think I am being slightly harsh given Thursday’s piece, but do bear in mind that this has been heavily edited to include capital letters and full-stops. If you think you can write a worse 7 Reasons piece please send it to [email protected]. I would be astounded.

July 24, 2011
Win A Prize!

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed 7 Reasons readers, people of the internet, lovers of SPAM; we have an exciting prize to offer one lucky person.

You may remember a reference from a 7 Reasons post earlier in the week to the giving of the gift of a tin of SPAM. Well, that didn’t go too well. Consequently, we’re now in the position to offer you, the reader, that very self-same tin of SPAM, though now with a slight dent on it.

The Prize (pen, notebook and table not included)

Sadly though, we haven’t had much time to devise a competition – and one of the team also has something of a headache – but we’ve realised something: That 7 Reasons readers are probably creative and resourceful people too. Accordingly, we’re setting you a challenge.

To win this tin of SPAM, which will be dispatched direct from Yorkshire, simply come up with a competition to win a tin of SPAM and send your entry to [email protected]. We’ll judge the entries and the winner will be the person that that has devised – in our opinion – the best competition. You’ve got full licence to be as innovative and creative as you like (in fact, we positively encourage it). Feel free to send illustrations too, if you feel they will enhance your presentation. We’ll announce the lucky winner next Sunday. We might even use the winning competition in the future.

So get your thinking caps on as fame, fortune and a tin of SPAM await you. Oh, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. See you tomorrow.

July 10, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: How You Found Us Part 4

It’s been almost five months since we last took a look at the phrases you used to find our website, which means it must be time to do it again. And once they are some of the strangest, weirdest and disturbing phrases as you are likely to find anywhere on the inter-web.

1. Phrases you used to find us that we found flattering:

British

Boys are better than girls

Funny Asterix comments

2. Phrases you used to find us that we found less flattering:

Syphilis designers

Fernando is faster than you

Talked nonsense

Cheryl Cole

3. Phrases you used to find us that we’re sorry we couldn’t help with:

Bear roulette

Bikini clad women with hose pipes

Relieve air travel butt pain

4. Phrases you used to find us that we don’t know anything about and nor do we want to:

Ten reasons

Where is CCTV

jewel house guarded 24 hours

5. Phrases you used to find us that are just plain wrong:

Naked chef calendar

Sweater kittens

Noki c2-03

Why did the French not invade England

Piers Morgan hair

Moobs

6. Phrases you used to find us that there is no earthly explanation for and that we can’t help with:

Minefields on the way to Seven Sisters

Carbonated water burps

When I look at things I go cross-eyed

Yupik kiss

Martin Sheen can’t swim

7. Phrases you used to find us that there is no earthly explanation for but that we were able to help with:

Baby name bayron (It’s spelt Byron)

Should I go to Frence on holiday? (No)

July 3, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: You’ve Decided On Blowers’ T-Shirt

On Friday we had a dilemma. We just didn’t know which Blowers’ t-shirt design to go for. So we asked you. And you voted in your droves. Having spent all night counting the votes we are pleased to annouce the winner. Well, show it to you anyway. It’s this one:

Well done. Good decision. The t-shirt will be nestled in our Emporium from tomorrow – ready to be worn by all cricket going Blowers fanatics. But the thing is, there were votes, as you’d expect, for other t-shirts too. And quite a few votes. Which by our calculations means there’ll be a lot of unhappy Blowers fans out there. So what to do? Well, we thought we’d make the lot. Except ‘Red Trousers’. That got no votes at all. So, ‘My Dear Old Thing, ‘Bus Stop’, ‘On Mic’, ‘Silhouette’ & ‘The Collection’ will also in the Emporium tomorrow. But only for limited time. In fact, we are only making twenty of each – ten male, ten female. Once they are gone, they are gone. ‘Hat, Glasses & Bow Tie’ on the other hand, will be in there indefinitely. Which is the way it should be.

Oh, one final thing, if you voted you’ll be getting a message from us in the next week with your 20% discount code.

June 26, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: The Winners!

Last week you entered a competition. No, not you. Nor you. Or you. But, you. Yes, you. This week we take great pleasure in announcing the winners. Are you one of them? You’ll find out soon. First though, let’s look at the answers you should have given us.

1) When the 7 Reasons team successfully invades France, what do we plan to replace the Eiffel Tower with? A burger van.

2) What colour should you paint your front door? Orange.

3) Which date should be known as the day of the sausage? 24th December. (Though we did accept Christmas Eve).

4) At what time should you not carry out bicycle maintenance? 3am.

5) What vehicle should you not drive up the M4? A Golf Buggy.

6) How many sailors make up the 7 Reasons sponsored Mongolian Navy? Seven.

7) What type of dancer are at least 50% of the 7 Reasons team afraid of? Flamenco.

So, all those who got 100% were put in a hat. Well, their names were. And it wasn’t so much a hat, more of a bowl. But either way the winners were in there. And the names came out like this.

Simon Best. You are a winner!

Claire Quinn. You are a winner!

Aspasia Matthaiou. You are a winner!

But then I looked back into my bowl and I was overcome with a feeling of utter sorrow. You see, there was just one name left. (What are you smirking at? So what if we only had four entries?). It felt somewhat harsh to leave Giles Clarkydum on his lonesome. So I didn’t. I whipped him out of the bowl and put him on the table.

Giles Clarkydum. You are a winner!

And it is only just seeing as this was their approach to entering.

Well done to all the winners. A set of propaganda postcards will soon be landing on your door mat.

*Ceci Masters was disqualified for not following simple instructions and entering via the medium of secret code on Facebook.

June 19, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: Competition Time

This isn’t the first time we have tried our hand at 7 Reasons competitions. We are sure you remember with great fondness our ‘Be the 8th Reasoner’ and ‘Pimp Our Sofa’ contests. Today sees us continue that great tradition. Only this time there is more at stake than just pride. Fresh from the Emporium, we have three sets of Propaganda Postcards to give away. To stand a chance of winning, just answer the questions below – ideally with the correct answers. Then send your entries to [email protected] with ‘Competitions’ as the subject. The closing date is 11:59:59pm on Tuesday, 14th June 2011. Good luck!

*HINT* All the answers will be found on this website. Do not rely on wikipedia.

1) When the 7 Reasons team successfully invades France, what do we plan to replace the Eiffel Tower with?

2) What colour should you paint your front door?

3) Which date should be known as the day of the sausage?

4) At what time should you not carry out bicycle maintenance?

5) What vehicle should you not drive up the M4?

6) How many sailors make up the 7 Reasons sponsored Mongolian Navy?

7) What type of dancer are at least 50% of the 7 Reasons team afraid of?

*Winners will be chosen at random from those who answer all questions correctly. No cash alternative. No t-shirt alternative. Sorry.

June 12, 2011
7 Reasons According To Them

Everywhere you go, celebrities are endorsing something or other. Now it’s our turn.*

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"7 Reasons wanted to stop me. They failed. Now I'm going to crush them in my giant hand."

"We will be judged by 7 Reasons. When they want to inflict great pain on the world they will stop writing."

"I've bought a komodo dragon, a cross-eyed opossum, a Kim Jong Il and I've urinated in a policeman's helmet. Thank you 7 Reasons."

"I adore 7 Reasons; it's an absolute joy to read every day. It's an essential lifestyle guide that has taught me so much about cats and biscuits. Both of the team seem lovely, but I especially like the tall, grumpy one with the spell-check facility. And thanks to the other one, I'm planning a trip to Whitstable."

"I'm a devotee of 7 Reasons and can categorically state that it is NOT a cult. Not even close."

"The 7 Reasons Marc Fearns picture book gets me hyped."

"I read 7 Reasons and now I'd give my right arm to beat the French. At anything."

*Only words and pictures have been altered and fabricated in the making of this post. Everything else is real.

June 5, 2011
Pies, Damned Pies, And Statistics

May 29, 2011