7 Reasons

Category: Other Posts

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Badges

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Badges

    The coveted 7Reasons.org Guest Writer Badge

    A long, long time ago, way back in the mists of 7 Reasons(.org) history, Jon promised that there would be badges for guest posters, and Marc rolled his eyes and said, “SHH!  You’ll bankrupt us before we’ve even started.”   But now, many months – possibly even a whole year later – we have an announcement to make about badges for guest posters.

    We’ve never forgotten the promised badges, and just recently we took another look into the 7 Reasons coffers (once we’d located them in a dusty ante-room) to see if badges were now feasible.  As we expectantly lifted the heavy wooden lid of our treasure chest it creaked with reassuring portent and, with the light of our torches to guide us, we peered into the interior of the dark, gloomy box.

    To say that we were amazed by what we found there would be an understatement.  After we had emptied the contents of the chest into a pile on the floor and methodically totalled it up, we were staggered.

    So now, we can announce that the 7 Reasons Badge Fund stands at…(drum-roll)…(go on, just bang on the desk, no one will think you’re mad)…half a dead spider, a creased Post-it® note, the crumbs from several ginger nut biscuits, twelve business cards, a mug with a broken handle and a lemon.  Plus some blue stuff that neither of us wanted to touch.

    But necessity is the mother of invention and we’re nothing if not creative here so we’ve made badges anyway.  For free.  In Photoshop.  So if you write (or have written) for us, you can now have a 7 Reasons Guest Writer badge simply by sending us a photograph of yourself.  And we’ll send it back with your badge on it.

    Not only will this help us achieve our goal of not running 7 Reasons at a loss one day, it’s also far more environmentally friendly than an actual, physical badge, which benefits the whole world.  So the virtual badge is something worthy, it’s a force for good.  It’s actually saving penguins.

    A guest poster has already taken us up on our virtual badge offer (in fact, it’s what convinced him to write for us in the first place).  Here is Sir Andrew Straussy jubilantly wearing his:

    A jubilant Sir Andrew Straussy receives his 7 Reasons Guest Writer badge

    And here’s an owl wearing his (because one day, we hope to convince an owl to write for us (and the virtual badge is less cruel than an actual one)).

    An owl with a badge.

    We also sent (to the lady herself) a picture of Jennifer Aniston wearing a badge and we received this in return.

    A restraining order with a 7 Reasons Guest writer badge placed on it

    So this probably means that marriage is still out of the question.

    Anyway, the point of all of these badge-related-shenanigans is to mention that we’re currently looking for more guest posts.  So, if you’ve never written for us, or if you have; if you have an idea, or even half an idea (because that’s how we work most of the time), then please get in touch.

    We have always felt genuinely honoured and flattered that brilliant people, who write to such a high standard, have submitted pieces for us to use, and we hope that – one day – we will be able to reward their endeavours with something more tangible than our thanks, our admiration and our love (which, to be honest may put people off).  Perhaps in the form of a badge, perhaps in the form of money, perhaps we will build a shrine, who knows?  Anyway, however we decide to reward guest posters when we are dripping with the riches of Croseous, the fact remains that we aren’t right now, but we do feel genuinely humble – and honoured – that people read us regularly and that people allow us to use their work.

    Anyway, if you fancy earning yourself some thanks, some publicity and a virtual badge then email [email protected].  We don’t promise to use everything that’s sent to us (because, well, we might not like it, and if we didn’t have standards, then we wouldn’t feel proud of our own website ).  We will always consider it, however, and are happy to offer guidance or advice, where solicited.

    Here’s a brief guide to writing a post for us.  Thanks,

    Marc and Jon.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Help Us Help You

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Help Us Help You

    If you are a proper England cricket supporter, you will have no doubt found yourself assisting your country in their times of need. If they need a wicket, there is nothing quite like disappearing from the room for five minutes to make a cup of tea or visit the bathroom or just sit on the stairs. Whenever England take a wicket, it is very rare that the bowler should be congratulated. One of us should. The one who had the gumption to leave the room and go a make a sock drawer. And we have a similar approach to batting. In England’s hour of need, when they really could do without losing another wicket before lunch, it is down to us to make sure they don’t. This is generally accomplished by remaining motionless on the sofa. Or standing on one leg. Or thumping your thigh to the rhythm of Cilla Black’s Anyone Who Had A Heart. If the stumps are demolished, you can be sure it’s because some twat, somewhere made him/herself more comfortable between overs.

    Here at 7 Reasons, despite what you may think, we are not infallible. Sometimes, this really is a tough job. Much tougher than working out upon which strip Mitchell Johnson is next going to pitch the ball. This week was a turgid one. In fact, it was as tough a week as we have ever experience. For the majority of it we were completely devoid of inspiration. Hence the fact that on Tuesday Marc wrote about writers block, on Wednesday we had a guest post and on Friday we both advised you not to ride a crocodile. It was only when I was attempting to get England that vital breakthrough on Friday morning by walking around the coffee table backwards, that I realised 7 Reasons could do with some assistance from our supporters. So this post is aimed at all four of you. But don’t think we’re being selfish. This is not a question of you giving up your time just to make 7 Reasons better, you actually get a choice. With that in mind, we have devised six positions we would like you to adopt depending on what you want out of 7 Reasons. All we ask is that you perform one of these positions at around about 8.45am each day. That’s generally the time Marc and I realise there is no way we are going to meet the 9am deadline. We are sure, with your help, we’ll never be devoid of inspiration again. Thank you.

    7 Reasons Yoga Positions

  • Special Guest Post: 7 Reasons I’m Backing Us To Win The Ashes

    Special Guest Post: 7 Reasons I’m Backing Us To Win The Ashes

    Hello!  It’s Wednesday, and regular 7 Reasons (.org) readers might be surprised to find a guest post here.  But today is special.  Because today is the day that The Ashes begins, and I can’t begin to tell you how excited the 7 Reasons team are by this.  Well, I could begin, but I’d never be able to stop myself and we’d all miss the cricket while I babbled on and on.  So, joining us on the 7 Reasons sofa today is Sir Straussy who has taken time out from his busy cricketing and tweeting schedule to explain why he’s backing us to win The Ashes.  And by us, I sincerely hope he isn’t referring to the 7 Reasons team; that would be a disaster.

    Disclaimer: The views expressed by the England Captain are entirely his own and do not represent those of 7 Reasons (.org)*

    Ricky Ponting And Andrew Strauss Ashes 2010

    1.  It’s In The Toss. This is nothing new, but Ricky Ponting and I are tossers. We have to be. It’s in the contract. To be a captain you must be a tosser. And I am very proud to be both. So is Ricky. The difference between us is that, while I’m a good tosser, he’s a useless tosser. The stats don’t lie. Using the motto ‘tails never fails’ I have won 59% of tosses as England captain, Ricky has won a mere 49% in his role as an Australian tosser. And with the toss being so crucial these days, that 10% will give us the edge. But, I hear you ask, what happens if tails fails? Is that it? Shall we give up? Forget about this Test? No, certainly not. Again, let’s examine the stats, in the 41% of matches in which tails never fails has gone tits down, I have led England to victories 64% of the time. And as for Punter? Well, under his tossership, Australia have won just 30% of the Tests in which he has lost the toss. So, just remember, if my tossing goes wonky, don’t worry, I still produce results.

    2.  Younger, Fitter, Stronger. Assuming we go into the first Test with the team I want and Australia go into the first Test with the team I want, the average age of the England team is going to be twenty years lower than that of our counterparts. And even if Australia don’t go with Dame Edna Everage and Bill Lawry, our boys will still be younger on average. If the probable teams that have been bandied about in the papers for the last few days are to be believed, we’ll step onto the field with the average age of 28 years and six months. Australia will wheel themselves onto the field averaging 31 years. That age difference means we’re much fitter. Just take a look at our bodies. No one can tell me Dougy Bollinger is fitter than pin-up sensation Stuart Broad. Or Simon Katich is fitter than Brighton favourite Jimmy Anderson. Or podge-face Punter is fitter than the hairy-armed version of myself.

    3.  The Hair Apparent. According to the internet, the American writer, actor and comedian Larry David once said, ‘Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair, but a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough’. He was talking about Matt Prior. The one player in world cricket whose surname inexplicably can’t be used with an O or Y to form a nickname.

    4.  Names. And talking of nicknames, should you wish to use ours on the Scrabble board we will score you an average of 9.5 points per player. That’s a staggering 0.9 points more than the Aussies. When you also throw into the equation that this includes the nickname-less Prior, it almost defies belief. How is this going to help us win the Ashes though? Well, it’s not directly, it was more an observation I made playing online scrabble with Lady Straussy. But it did get me thinking. Us English and South African-English just whack a Y on the end of a surname and be done with it. We then get on with the cricket. The Aussies though, well judging by some of the nicknames for their players, I imagine they spend a great deal of time in the middle trying to think of something wondrous. That must be why Haddin is called BJ, Bollinger is called Eagle, North is called Snorks and the 27 year-old new boy, Xavier Doherty, is called X. You need to concentrate on the game in this game, not faff around thinking of schoolboy nicknames. In some ways this is why I hope Usman Khawaja plays. Though I suspect he’s called Koala.

    5.  The KP Factor. With his Movember challenge nearly at an end – a contest Monty has dominated from an early stage – and his blindfold cricket ‘viral’ video for Brylcreem out of the way, KP now has the chance to concentrate on what he loves. And, talking about love, the other day the lads saw that the fat lad Warney had said KP needed loving again. So that’s exactly what we have given him. Lots of it. Aussie, watch out.

    6.  Midge. That’s the nickname of Mitchell Johnson, presumably because like a midge he has no sense of co-ordination. Anyway, he has vowed to make me crumble. Which is lovely. I’m looking forward to it at tea. But Midge has also vowed to make me suffer under a bouncer barrage. This goes back to the 2006/7 Ashes where I fully admit I got out hooking twice. Midge wants to exploit this perceived weakness. Given that I was caught behind four times in the same series, one could be forgiven to think I am far more susceptible to the one that pitches in the corridor of uncertainty and moves a fraction away off the seam. Mind you, Midge’s corridor of uncertainty is only slightly smaller than Steve Harmison’s, so perhaps that’s what he means anyway.

    7.  We Are England! To paraphrase Hugh Grant, ‘We may be an England cricket team, but we are a South African one too. A country of Allan Lamb, Basil D’Oliveira, Tony Greig, Robin Smith, Robin Smith’s brother. Nasser Hussain’s index finger. Nasser Hussain’s middle finger come to that. And a friend who bullies us is a Commonwealth country that wants to become a Republic. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to whip out my guns more often. And the whole of Australia should be prepared for that.’ Actually, it sounds much better like this.

    *Unless he makes fun of Ricky Ponting or the French.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: The Stats Don’t Lie

    Russian Roulette Sunday: The Stats Don’t Lie

    Ever wanted to know who writes what and when here at 7 Reasons? No, neither did I. But I didn’t want to go to school either and I did that. So here are the stats behind 7 Reasons. And they are all accurate, except where I have made them up.

    Russian Roulette Sunday: The Stats Don't Lie

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Celebrity Exclusive

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Celebrity Exclusive

    At 7 Reasons we’ve never brought you exclusive celebrity news before, but now we have some.  A letter has been erroneously delivered to one of us (the York based one) with exciting details about the private life of an icon of both the large and the small screen.

    We don’t know why Bairstow Eves sent this letter to us, as it’s addressed to homeowners in Clifton, York, where neither of the 7 Reasons team live, but we’re jolly glad they did.  Here it is:

    A letter from Bairstow Eves with important news about Mr T.

    Dear Home Owner,
    BUYERS WAITING
    CLIFTON

    We urgently require more properties to sell in Clifton for the following clients who are registered with our office.
    • Mr T is a first time buyer looking for a property with a minimum of two bedrooms.  He will consider any style of house.
    • Mr & Mrs H have their property on the market and are looking to purchase a two bedroom house in Clifton.
    • Mrs H is looking for a semi or detached property with a minimum of four bedrooms.
    I would stress that this is a genuine and urgent enquiry; we only take this time and effort for serious potential purchasers.  Please contact our Sales Team on 01904 622 355 to arrange your free, no obligation Market Appraisal.
    Assuring you of our best attention at all times.
    Yours Faithfully,
    *********************
    Office Manager – Bairstow Eves York.

    That’s right, 7 Reasons readers!  This man.  Mr T is looking to buy a house in York!

    The A-Team's B.A. Baracus (Mr T) winking and pointing
    I pity the fool that sells me a home in the wrong area!

    Now we don’t know why the star of the A-Team and Rocky III is looking to buy a property here.  It seems unlikely that it’s going to be a second home for holidaying as the letter also reveals that (surprisingly) Mr T is a first time buyer.  And it tells us that he will consider any style of house; though presumably he’ll want one with a garage full of odds and ends that he can spontaneously fashion into an armoured car or use to construct an impromptu gun turret.

    The letter goes on to tell us that Mr and Mrs H (we don’t know who these people are, they’re not important celebrities like Mr T) are looking to purchase a two bedroom house in Clifton.  But wait!  Mrs H is also looking to buy a semi or detached property with a minimum of four bedrooms.  We don’t know why.  Perhaps she’s a brazen strumpet who’s looking for somewhere to house her army of lovers?  We just don’t know.   We do feel that Mr H should be worried, but mostly we’re excited about Mr T.*

    Thank you, Bairstow Eves, for bringing this important celebrity news to our attention.  7 Reasons (.org) will return tomorrow with reasons (unless there is any more Mr T news).

    *I have an A-Team duvet cover that needs signing.

  • We’ve Moved!

    We’ve Moved!

    It’s Sunday, so no reasons today.  Here’s something different.  Last week we brought you a tale of horror and woe, and this week we bring you…a tale of horror and woe, because we have an announcement:

    We’ve moved!  You may not have noticed yet, but we have.  We’ve moved from Gloucestershire to Kent.  Strange, the website doesn’t look any different, you’re probably thinking; I can’t see any oast-houses or Dover Castle or France, but I promise you that we’ve moved. We’ve changed our web-hosts from Fasthosts to EZPZ hosting.

    And we hope the new web-hosts that we’ve moved to will provide you, the reader and us, the men who have spent many, many, many of the hours that they should have spent writing in the last year trying to get answers from Fasthosts about why our website wasn’t being hosted effectively, with a more reliable experience.  As our experience with Fasthosts has been appalling.

    In fact, we started monitoring our site’s uptime over the past few weeks, and it turns out that with Fasthosts, our site was working less than 99% of the time.  Imagine if you had a car that wasn’t there 1% of the time when you came to use it.  Or your house wasn’t there for over three and a half days out of the year, but you didn’t know when that would be, or that the sun vanished intermittently.

    And it’s not just that the site would disappear while we were trying to read it; it would also disappear while we were trying to write it, which resulted in an awful lot of lost work.  In fact, I’ve found myself spending a lot of time that I should have spent creating stuff and writing for the website monitoring its performance and corresponding with the web hosts.

    As a result of the many support tickets that we have raised and the many questions we have asked them in the past year, Fasthosts have properly investigated our downtime twice.  And they’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t a problem at their end and that it must be our fault, which is strange as, since we’ve moved the website, it has been working for 100% of the time.  Which rather undermines their claims.

    It’s not just technical incompetence.  A couple of days ago – we disabled the auto-renew facility some time ago – they tried to take money from my credit card to pay for web hosting for the coming year (something they didn’t have permission to do).  Fortunately, they have the details of an old card and it didn’t go through.

    Anyway, we’ve moved and we wanted our experiences with Fasthosts to have a home on the internet so that anyone thinking of using them and perhaps googling “Should I switch to Fasthosts”, “Are Fasthosts any good” or, “naked web hosting” (people search for almost everything pre-fixed by the word naked) would find this piece and would be forewarned.

    Hopefully now, the 7 Reasons team will have less correspondence like this:

    Jon,

    I fully intended to forward any response on why we’re down to you.  But, other than the initial automated (and pointless) response to our first email from Shithosts, there has been none.  Nor have they replied to us via Twitter.  This is on their webshite:

    Websites hosted on 88.208.252.193 will currently be unavailable. Our engineers are investigating.
    Update: 8:35: Our engineers have found the cause of the issue. However, it is likely that a resolution will require a server rebuild. We will restore all data from a recent backup and will update this page when further information and a completion time become available. Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.
    This issue is presently under investigation:

    Our ip address is 88.208.252.3:21so whether this applies to us is a mystery to me, I’ll update you as soon as I hear anything/they bother to reply/I turn up at their offices in Gloucester brandishing a weapon,

    Marc.

    P.S.  Makes me really glad I spent 8 hours working on today’s post now.

    P.P.S.  Do you have backups of all of the posts that you uploaded yesterday?

    P.P.P.S.  We were on course to have one of our best Mondays ever yesterday.  Before our site disappeared.

    And more correspondence like this:

    Jon,

    The website is working fine.  It’s nice here in Kent.  Look, I can see deer strolling through the meadow next to the tiramisu farm.  Would you like some beer from the perpetual fountain?

    Marc.

    In conclusion: If you are looking for web hosting.  Never, ever use Fasthosts.  They’re no good at web hosting, their customer service is woeful, they can’t be trusted with your credit card details and they’re expensive (our new hosting is almost two and a half times cheaper).

    7 Reasons (.org) will return tomorrow; I can state with utter confidence.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Halloween Special

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Halloween Special

    Hi, Marc here.  Happy Halloween.  Jon and I thought long and hard about what to bring you on el Día de los Muertos and, having considered it for some time we began working on a project early last week.  Then things went a bit awry, and we ended up postponing it until next year.  So it was left to me to write the Halloween special alone.  And, looking into the dark recesses of my soul for inspiration, I came up with a horror-filled tale of woe and dread.  Do not read on if you are of a nervous disposition.  Or if you are a lover of poetry.

    a scary picture of a spooky house

    1

    ‘Twas a crisp, moonlit night, and all was still,

    yet into the house came a terrible chill,

    the creak of a door, an inrush of air,

    the muffled report of a foot on the stair.

    2

    The woman awoke, and sat with a start,

    with trembling hands, and a racing heart,

    was it her husband, returned from the bar?

    Was it a spectre, or a burglar?

    3

    A rustling sound rose up from the kitchen,

    and this resolved her to spring into action,

    Shrilly, she called, in a faltering voice,

    “Who is that down there, that’s causing the noise?”

    4

    No answer was given, to her nervous query,

    she listened and listened, the silence was eerie,

    and so it was, with a palpable dread,

    she resolved to get up and stepped out of the bed.

    5

    She crossed the room swiftly, donning her gown,

    tiptoed through the door and prepared to go down,

    to discover who-knew-what was down there.

    She stifled a whimper and went down the stairs.

    6

    Breathlessly she crept, along the hallway,

    and when she arrived at the kitchen doorway,

    she flung open the door, and switched on the light,

    and then she received the most terrible fright.

    7

    She recoiled in horror, and let out a shriek,

    she fell to the floor unable to speak,

    she covered her eyes and continued to scream,

    ‘twas quite the most horrible thing that she’d seen.

    8

    So what was this horror, this terror, this sight?

    That haunted the kitchen in the dead of night?

    The most hideous thing she ever will see,

    ‘twas the bone-chilling mask of Jonathan Lee.

    A scary Jonathan Lee mask hanging from a pan rack

    Have a great Halloween!  Oh, and if you haven’t read it yet, this comes highly recommended:  7 Reasons we Should Trick-or-Treat Ourselves out of the Deficit

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: One Year In Numbers!

    Russian Roulette Sunday: One Year In Numbers!

    Wednesday 27th October 2010 marks the first birthday of 7 Reasons. In the past year we have written approximately 2,000 reasons. Which, thinking about it, is 1,993 more than we should have done. We have also had countless guest writers and hundreds upon hundreds of comments. Some good, mostly anti-Jon. All in all, it’s been pretty good. Hopefully year two will be even better. Maybe a book? Maybe a panel show? Maybe we’ll finally appear in Esquire? Who knows. But that’s the future. Today, I want to concentrate on what we’ve achieved.

    Russian Roulette Sunday: One Year In Numbers

    Right, now that’s done, we can move on. Oh, but before we do, can we just say thank you to everyone who has read 7 Reasons over the last year. And give an even bigger thank you to those who have commented on and/or shared 7 Reasons posts. And then there needs to be an even bigger thank you to all those who have written for us. Saturdays wouldn’t be the same without you. Now let’s hug. Okay, that’s long enough. Someone’s lemon is pressing into my thigh.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: How You Found Us: Part 2

    Russian Roulette Sunday: How You Found Us: Part 2

    Hello!  It’s Sunday again and here’s part two in an occasional series that takes you behind the scenes of 7 Reasons.  How You Found Us gives you, the reader, a glimpse into something usually only seen by us, the people who know the password, into the ways that this website has been discovered.  This time, we’ve split them into categories.  Seven categories (it felt weird experimenting with the number ten last week).  Enjoy.  And try not to have nightmares.

    1.  Phrases you used to find us that we found flattering:

    funny website

    VIRILE MEN

    good humour

    Epic Moustache

    I lust you

    Extra large penis

    lotharios

    2.  Phrases you used to find us that we found less flattering:

    scary man

    FAIL

    I dont care

    funny faced people

    KNOB END

    you dirty mind

    the scariest mask in the world

    3.  Phrases you used to find us that we’re sorry we couldn’t help with:

    cooking frozen sausages

    What time is Blue Peter on

    where do women urinate from?

    what to do with lemons

    who is the most beautiful naked woman in the world?

    are oranges gay?

    how to wear socks

    4.  Phrases you used to find us that we don’t know anything about and nor do we want to:

    horse sex tube

    The Pope naked

    PIRAHNA PORN

    Margaret Thatcher mask

    sex with house

    Naked Pocahontas

    pictures of socks

    5.  Phrases you used to find us that are just plain wrong:

    Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a foot

    reasons for Piers Morgan

    the queen paints front door

    The Daily Mail

    6.  Phrases you used to find us that there is no earthly explanation for and that we can’t help with:

    pin the sperm on the egg

    naked hunting

    syphilis fruit

    dead squirrels

    mermaid found in Haiti

    7.  Phrases you used to find us that there is no earthly explanation for but that we were able to help with:

    the network is down  (easy one, our website is hosted by Fasthosts)

    Ryan Giggs hiding cupboard (we don’t know why a friend of ours googled this but we do know who she is so we made her one).

    the stylish and functional Ryan Giggs hiding cupboard.  Also available in black.7 Reasons will return tomorrow.  With reasons and stuff.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: 10/10/10 10:10

    Russian Roulette Sunday: 10/10/10 10:10

    It’s Sunday!  But it’s not just any Sunday, it’s 10/10/10.  And, because at 7 Reasons we’re really quite cool – despite all the tea-drinking and war-buffery – we’ve posted today’s piece at ten past ten.  So, at the very moment that this post goes live it is 10/10/10 10:10.  And that causes us a bit of a problem.  Because we only know about the number 7:  We know lots about the number seven, and we know cock-all about the number ten.  But we’ve done some research, and here are five things about the number ten.  Because it’s 10/10/10 10:10 (which is five of them).  I’m sure you get that.

    three men holding up cards bearing the number ten
    Look! Some Tens.

    1.  Binary.  10, as a binary number, means 2.  The binary way if displaying 10 is 1010.  Therefore…er…we really don’t understand binary.  And it doesn’t contain the number seven.  You can only understand binary if you wear spectacles.

    2.  Virgins.  Virgins, according to the bible, come in tens (Matthew 25:1-13); half of them foolish, half of them wise.  We did not learn this by googling “virgins”, by the way.  Mary was also a virgin in the bible, making a total of 11, which is also a binary number.   In Procul Harem’s Whiter Shade of Pale, there are sixteen virgins.  Though I appear to have become become completely sidetracked from the number ten, which is what we’re supposed to be celebrating.

    3.  Lobsters.  Lobsters have ten legs.  As do all crustaceans, apparently.  Which makes them two better than spiders, and eight better than Piers Morgan.

    4.  Italian. The number ten in Italian is dieci.  The Italian for leader is duce (a phrase which is usually associated with Mussolini.  They sound quite similar to the untrained ear.  I once left my wife seated outside a café in Milano to finish her coffee and settle the bill while I bought a newspaper.  Several minutes later, I returned to find an agitated-looking wife still seated at the table.  “I thought you were going to pay the bill”, I said.  “The waitress came out and kept saying, “Duce, Duce” when I asked her how much we owed.  I gave her a ten euro note and she hasn’t come back with the change yet”, my shocked-looking wife replied.  Fortunately we were able to avoid an international incident.

    5.  Harry Potter.  The tenth highest grossing film of all time is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.  Which is abjectly depressing.  And it’s not even the highest-grossing Harry Potter film.  It does, however, go to demonstrate that money isn’t everything.  And it goes to show that the number ten just isn’t as good as the number seven, so we were right all along.

    Normal service – involving a proper number – will resume tomorrow.  But not at seven past seven.