Tag: TWITTER

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Social Media Is More Important Than Record Labels

1. Find Likeminded Fans. Record labels can only promote your music using a scattergun approach, advertising to everyone within a certain demographic. Using social media means that word will spread among friends who know each other’s taste and may well share it so when they find an artist they like.

2. Get People Talking. No matter how much money a record label throws at an artist, there’s no guarantee that anyone will be interested in buying their albums or seeing them play. A buzz on social media is much more likely to draw people’s attention as they will hear about it through their friends and social contacts. Viral marketing is a powerful tool when it comes to attracting attention to your music and many bands have built their careers on the basis of a grassroots movement among fans who have discovered their music online.

3. Share Your Music. A record label will be concerned with getting people to buy your music, but when you use social media you can share your music and let people listen to it without having to commit to making a purchase. This allows people to follow an artist’s progress and see how their sound grows as they mature. The outlay for the musician is also minimal as there is no need to pay to have CDs pressed or spend money on marketing. They can focus on just making music.

4. No Compromise. If you know how you want to sound and feel passionate about your music, then you don’t want to have to change it to suit a record label’s agenda. For many artists, keeping the music at the forefront is crucial.

5. The Importance of Live Music. With so many studio tricks possible, live music could be a dying art if it weren’t for social media. Listening to a band or artist performing their unedited tracks online could encourage people to go to a live show where they can get an idea of how their favourite artists really sound.

6. Find People Where They Are. Instead of hoping that fans come to you, using social media to promote your music means that you are taking your music to them. You don’t have to worry about whether you are reaching your target market because the word will spread among their peers and reach people who might otherwise not respond to record-company advertising.

7. Honest Feedback. A record label will tell you how you could be marketed and what your key demographic might be. They will be interested in maximising their investment. When you promote your music through social media, however, the people listening to it will give you honest and useful feedback to help you shape your sound.

Social Media & Web has become more important for young artists like Anassa Oneill who appreciates the value of giving her fans a taste of her music. As an independent artist, Anassa chooses to stay true to her roots and produce the music she loves in the way that she wants. She enjoys the freedom that comes with not having to conform.

July 19, 2013
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Your Friends’ Social Profiles Have Been Hacked (And How To Spot If They Have)

How well do you know the people you’re connected to on social media? Would you know if they’d been hacked? Would you know why they were hacked?

Every day the people we follow create hundreds of updates. We get status posts. Photo uploads. Direct messages. We get links to off-site content.

But sometimes the stuff your friends post looks weird. Why? Most of your friends probably have a weak understanding of internet security, and might be using the same guessable password across all their social and email accounts.

Basically, they’re very hackable, and they need some free virus protection. So how do you know if your friend has been hacked or if you just need to unfollow them?

Here are some tips to work out how and why your friends may have been hacked…or whether you might actually just need to unfriend them…

1. The strange Twitter DM. A friend sends you a peculiar direct message. It says someone has said something bad about you on a blog. Or it doesn’t say anything, there’s just a strange-looking link with no explanation.

This is spam. Your friend has been hacked. Do not click on the link. It’s probably a phishing scam. The hacker wants your account data, and the link could lead to the internet’s version of Mordor.

Stay in the Shire. Get in touch with your friend and let them know what’s happening. And tell them to change their password!

2. The unexpected Google+ invitation. Out of the blue a friend invites you to join them on Google+. Is this spam? Have they been hacked? Of course. No one uses Google+!

Actually, that’s unfair. And far from the truth. Google’s social baby has just overtaken Twitter to become the world’s second-biggest networking site. Your friend’s message is almost certainly legit.

So respond to your friend and join them on G+. Unless you don’t like them, in which case pretend you never got the message and have never heard of Google+.

3. The relentless Facebook updates. One of your friends begins posting relentlessly about games they’re playing. You get constant newsfeed updates about the in-game levels they’ve completed, items they’ve found and secrets they’ve unlocked.

You also keep getting notifications about the apps they’re using, and never-ending invitations to install garish-looking third-party widgets.

Your friend’s Facebook profile has not been hacked. They simply have a poor grasp of the site’s posting and privacy settings. You need to either unfriend this person or hide all updates from them apart from the absolute essentials. It depends on how you feel about poor social media etiquette.

Alternatively, you might want to let them know about the volume of stuff they’re posting. They might actually be cool, but not realise they’re essentially spamming their friends with digital gibberish.

4. The bizarre Vine messages. Similar to the Twitter direct messages, your friends start posting odd sayings, messages and links in comments on your videos. Your friends don’t usually do this. Is it legit? What’s going on?

It’s likely that your friends’ have been hacked. Vine is a new social platform, and people may not have got a grasp on the security settings for their accounts yet.

Most likely the hacker is just spamming for the lulz. Or more sinister forces could be at work. In either case, don’t click on the links, and let your friends know what someone is posting in their name.

This guy who calls himself the Burger King got hacked by some Scottish bloke called MacDonald. Sort of.

5. The Tumblr that tumbles in quality. You notice that your friend’s old fashion and pop culture blog has become active again. Hooray! But wait – they’ve started blogging about kitchen cabinets and laptops and foreign holidays. The posts are nonsensical. What’s going on?

It’s spam for sure. What’s happened is a hacker has gained access to your friend’s blog and started posting ‘spun’ articles. Spun content is like digital sewage clogging up the web. Don’t become part of the blockage!
Holler at your friend and let them know what’s happening with their blog. They’ll be eternally grateful.

6. The Instagram account that flips. Your friend used to post awesomely arty photos on Instagram. They uploaded interesting images of bars, restaurants, mountains, sunsets, food and clothes. Now they only post images of their kids.

What’s happened? Your friend has grown up and had kids. It happens. Unfortunately, they’ve also decided that all people want to see them post now is pictures of their children.

This syndrome is not confined to Instagram, either. Once contracted, it may spread to all your friend’s social profiles. It’s usually incurable, but there’s hope in the form of browser plug-ins that swap newsfeed photos of babies for cool images.

7. The email that promises unbelievable riches. Ok, email isn’t officially a social media profile, but if it’s part of your Google profile the lines begin to blur.

So you check out your email inbox. There’s a message from a friend. The subject line tells you they’ve made lots of money from the internet.

Unless you know your friend has recently reaped the rewards of some digital startup enterprise, this is probably spam or a scam – the hackers want to gain access to sensitive data on your computer through malware.

So don’t click on any links in the email. In fact, don’t open the email at all. Drop your friend a line and let them know. Again: password, password, password.

About the author: Andrew Tipp is a writer, blogger and editor. He is a full-time digital scribbler and part-time appreciator of Britney Spears. In his spare time he eats bacon.

February 26, 2013
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why The Internet Can Save You Money

1. At Your Fingertips. If you need car or house insurance, or even a credit card or a loan, there are now lots of comparison sites out there that can help you find the cheapest option for you. So instead of having to call or even visit these places, you can now find the best options at the click of a button. You’ll save immediately. And not just money. Think of the time you’ve just saved. That can be put to good use straight away. There’s bound to be something good on ITV 3.

2. Free Delivery. Before the internet age, if you wanted something to eat, you’d usually have to cook it yourself. And although that probably is the cheapest option, it’s incredibly tiresome. It also makes a mess out of those pans. Which is why ordering your chicken jalfrezzi online seems like the perfect solution. No petrol costs to get you to the takeaway and no eating it on the bus on the way home before it gets cold.

3. Smaller Is Better. Internet and mobile technology has advanced. And so have coupons. You no longer need to stuff your bag full of paper when you’re shopping for a bargain. You can just use an internet code. If you’re a big coupon hunter, just think of all the space you’ll save. Fewer coupons, smaller handbag*. Smaller handbag**, cheaper price.

4. Get Social. More and more businesses are starting to take notice of social media. And with so many of us using the likes of Twitter and Facebook, so they should. A simple click of the ‘follow’ or ‘like’ button will open your feed up to discount codes, exclusive sales and ‘behind-the-scenes’ videos that no one wants to see. Well worth it then for a freebie. And if you don’t want your friends to know you ‘Like’ Lidl, BHS and Kerry Katona, well, just open up a new account.

5. Keeping The Love Alive. If you’re someone who likes a date or two, or if you’re newly single and ready to mingle, you can have dinner (or even drink) dates over the internet. Get a webcam, get some food, and enjoy each other’s company over Skype. You don’t have to worry about getting a taxi home and the food will cost a lot less than in Pizza Hut. The kissing might be a bit disappointing, but shut the curtains anyway. Don’t want the milkman thinking you’re weird.

6. Thinking Ahead. If you do want to venture out for dinner or drinks, whip out your smartphone and check out the reviews for all the local bars and restaurants. Look for the cheapest place, and you’ve saved a bit of money already. Yes, everywhere will have the odd bad review, but generally the person who said, ‘Don’t visit! The soup was cold!!! :-(‘ actually ordered a bowl of gazpacho.

7. Bargain Hunt. You can find pretty much everything you can think of online. Except hoverboards. Well, hoverboards that work anyway. Old DVDs, electrical items and clothes are in abundance on eBay, but it’s also worth checking local recycling groups on Facebook and Google. In some cases, like Freecycle in London, you can pick up someone’s unwanted tat for nothing. And as they say, one man’s tat is another man’s hat. Something like that.

* Or manbag.

** Or manbag.

February 7, 2012
7 Reasons That I’ve Been Baffled By A Doormat

Okay, I’ve been really confused. I’ve had a tricky problem that’s been plaguing me for the past two days that I think I’ve finally solved but it’s been quite a journey. It all started with a new arrival*. A doormat. I bought it to go inside the front door in the 3’ x 3’ space that, if I were grand, I’d refer to as my entrance hall or vestibule. As it is, I’ve really never referred to that space before, I just know it as the-area-behind-the-front-door or occasionally the-area-in-front-of-the-world. Anyway, I digress. Below these words and above some more is a picture of the doormat. Here are seven reasons that it’s been baffling me.

1. Perspective. Yesterday morning, I pulled the mat from its bag and strode to the front door. I had blithely supposed that I would be able to place the doormat inside the door and walk away to do something else. Something important. Something interesting. But as I went to place the mat on the floor I felt troubled. The problem was that the mat has a picture on it. That means that it’s no mere utilitarian home accessory. It’s also art. Not high-art, admittedly. It’s not Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa or Klimpt’s Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I, which is fortunate as they probably wouldn’t fare well hanging on the floor in my hallway, and I would probably soon tire of the tourists. But it’s still art. And art’s there to be contemplated and enjoyed, to enhance an environment and provide stimulation for those that inhabit the same space. Essentially, in this case, I realised that when I looked at the owls, I wanted them not to be upside down.

2. But That Would Be Unwelcoming. Surely the doormat should face outward. To welcome guests. To make a nice first impression. What would we be saying by having the mat face inward? That we’re selfish people that want the owls the right way up for ourselves and care not a whit for the feelings of others? That would make us appear distinctly unwelcoming. You can’t greet people with upside down owls. It’s a question of doormat etiquette. Doormatiquette.

3. But! Does an outward facing mat welcome guests though? Because when the guests come into the house – and they sometimes do, we’re sociable people that don’t bite – the owls would be upside down. So then everybody would be looking at the owls the wrong way up. Both guests and residents. No one would win.

4. Furthermore! Having an outward facing mat would send another message. An unwelcoming message. And that message is Stop! Come no further. Being in the house is an anti climax. Beyond this point, the owls are upside down. If you stay outside it’s better. These people have put this thing here to make sure you stand on their doorstep and come no further. I was beginning to realise that placing a doormat was more complicated than I thought it was going to be.

5. A Compromise? Okay, so there was no way I could have the doormat facing inward or outward. But could I compromise? Turning the doormat sideways would seem to be a fair thing to do, but wait?! A sideways doormat! That would be weird. If someone opened a front door to you and their doormat was sideways you’d think they were barmy. You’d assume that they were a gibbering harebrain that spent their nights pointing at the moon and their days pointing at the space the moon had been the previous night, pausing only to laugh hysterically at bicycles. Have you ever been in the house of anyone with a sideways doormat? No. Of course not. People that have been in the houses of people with sideways doormats are probably still there tied down in the cellar or imprisoned in the shed, being forced to eat balloons and comb a jelly or some equally bizarre and hideous fate. The sideways doormat compromise was out.

6. Brainstorming. By this point, I realised I needed help**. I decided to ask Twitter. Carrying the doormat over to the computer, I tweeted my dilemma. With help from @kittyQ, @davidofyork, @kateypotatey, @jonesyinc1 and @amazingzeesh (all lovely tweeters) I brainstormed the problem. It was difficult and there was no real consensus. The nearest we got to a solution was @kateypotatey’s idea of hanging the doormat on the wall and putting it down facing outward only when anyone knocked on the door. But that raised a further problem. What would we do when the guests came in? Wait for them to cross the threshold and then hang the doormat up on the wall? That would make us look odd. Not sideways-doormat-odd, but still a teensy bit weird. And if we didn’t hang it back on the wall we’d all be looking at upside down owls again. Unless I turned the mat to face inward after they came in but that would appear strange too. And what if more guests arrived while existing guests were there? What if we had a party? Should my wife be responsible for making drinks and handing out nibbles while I take charge of rotating the doormat and greeting people? That doesn’t sound like much of a party to me. Or a picnic. The capacity for it all to go horribly wrong would be endless. I felt dizzy just thinking about it. I decided to sleep on it.

7. And Sleep Helped. This morning, when I woke I had an idea. I walked downstairs and turned the doormat upside down. The doormat would be ostensibly plain and no one would get to see the owls, but I would be able to peek at them whenever I liked. We’d have secret owls. But that felt ungenerous and it bothered me for most of the day. This evening, however, I did solve the problem. What I need to do is position the mat picture side up, facing outwards, and to convince myself and everyone that comes into the house that it’s a picture of three owls standing on their heads. I also need to make them forget that I’ve convinced them of that when they leave. What I need is a live-in hypnotist. Anyone know one?

*Cue angry mob.

**And I sense that many people might agree with me.

October 4, 2011
7 Reasons That Peter Allen Should Be On Twitter
Hello 7 Reasons readers! I hadn’t intended to write about Peter Allen or Twitter today. I had originally intended to write about Hitler and the British plot to add oestrogen to his meals but then, in a fleetingly overheard snatch of BBC Radio 5Live’s Drive programme, I heard Anita Anand exhorting broadcasting legend and curmudgeon’s curmudgeon, Peter Allen to open a Twitter account. Amazing idea, I thought, as all notions of one charismatic pint-sized despot receded from my mind, to be replaced by thoughts of Peter Allen using Twitter. That would be amazing. Here are seven reasons why.

1. The Username Potential Is Great. Anita Anand is presenting Drive all week alongside Peter Allen. Her Twitter-name is @tweeter_anita. Peter Allen could take the name @tweeter_peter. Could anything be sweeter than @tweeter_anita helping @tweeter_peter take his first tentative steps on Twitter? Well, yes, kittens and just about all other things in the known world, but the matching names sound like fun. They’d be the Howard and Hilda of the Twitterverse.

2. We’d Learn More About Him. What do we really know about Peter Allen’s life? Very little. I checked his Wikipedia entry and this is all of the information contained in the Personal Life section:

He follows Tottenham Hotspur, owns a barn and has a trademark grunt.

While every 5Live listener will be aware of the first and third things mentioned, that he owns a barn is a revelation that has piqued my interest and raises many, many questions:
- Why does Peter Allen own a barn?
- What colour is Peter Allen’s barn?
- What does Peter Allen keep in his barn?
- Where is Peter Allen’s barn?
- How long has Peter Allen owned a barn?
- Does Peter Allen allow other people into his barn or is it like a rural Essex-based version of Superman’s Fortress of Solitude where he goes to hone his opinions and polish his hair?
- Did Peter Allen wake up one morning and think, “You know, what I really need to complete my life is a barn”?
- Does Peter Allen actually live in the barn?
- Why can’t I stop thinking about Peter Allen’s barn?
I’ll try to contain my curiosity about Peter Allen’s barn for the moment. Essentially we’d get to know more about the man behind the microphone and the barn behind the man behind the microphone. That would be great.

3. He Would Bring Something Different To Twitter. According to people that spuriously concoct statistics on the internet* rather than researching things properly, the average age of a Twitter user is thirty-one. That isn’t high enough to make Twitter truly representative of society. Peter Allen is more than twice that age. He’d bring a rarely seen perspective of experience and the benefit of time-accrued wisdom to the social network. Twitter is – in my experience – also predominantly a happy and joyful medium. He’d soon sort that too.

4. He Would Be Better Informed. During Drive, he regularly solicits listener feedback via text and email. If he were on Twitter, he’d get feedback 24 hours a day, whether he’d asked for it or not. He’d get feedback about travel, he’d get feedback about news, he’d get feedback about sport, he’d get questions about the barn from me, he’d get tweets from his colleagues poking fun at him (which would stop Aasmah getting out of practice during her week off) and he’d get feedback about things that he didn’t even know he wanted feedback about. Peter Allen would be better informed than he’d ever been in his life. If you need an opinion on anything, it will find you on Twitter.

5. There Would Be Pictures. Radio is a non-visual medium, so the ability to post pictures on Twitter would probably be liberating for Peter Allen and enlightening for the rest of us. We’d get pictures of Essex, we’d get pictures of the studio, we’d get pictures of the most bountiful and luxuriant silver barnet in the known universe and – most importantly – we’d get pictures of the barn. Please.

6. He Would Be Good On Twitter. A lifetime spent in journalism and broadcasting is the ideal preparation for the successful use of Twitter. After all, the distillation of the essence of a news story down to a headline or the dogged pursuit of an insightful quote from a radio interviewee are pretty much the same skills that are involved in condensing a thought, experience or opinion down to 140 characters on Twitter. Peter Allen’s tweets are likely to be provocative, incisive and sharp. Or at the very least he’d be able to say “Go away!” with alacrity and authority when confronted with the ninth question of the day about the barn or the fifteenth about his hair. Probably by tweeting “Go away!”.

7. His Presence Would Provide Encouragement For Curmudgeons. Having such a high-profile, self-confessed Twitter-sceptic jump into the fray would be an interesting experience for the man himself, his listeners and Twitter users. What better way to introduce other sceptics, doubters, technophobes and the plain hostile to the medium than to hear someone with a similar mindset coming to terms with its use? He might even learn to love it or, at the very least, loathe it less; which possibly amounts to the same thing in his world. Peter Allen could blaze a trail for the timid, the wary and the sceptical to become late-adopters of Twitter and would probably entertain his listeners royally into the bargain. I’ve loved listening to him since Radio 5 (as was) started and I can’t help thinking I’d enjoy his presence on Twitter every bit as much. Anita Anand is right. #letsgetpeterallenontwitter as soon as possible. Then we can teach him what that hashtag means.

*Source: 7Reasons.org, 2011.
August 15, 2011
7 Reasons Joey Barton Is Modern Day Liverpudlian Confucius

We don’t usually give much time to footballers on 7 Reasons – unless we’re using our satirical skills to make they look silly – but today we are dedicating an entire post to Newcastle’s very own Joey Barton. Now, I’ve always thought Joey Barton was a bit of an idiot. And, indeed, a thug. But in recent times – via the medium of Twitter – he has started to change my mind. I now consider him a modern day Liverpudlian Confucius. Here’s why:

Hi Mum! Five Retweets Today Already!

1. Philosophy. There is no doubt about it, Joey Barton is a burgeoning philosopher. While it would be easy to point at his retweets of Nietzsche, Orwell and Morgan* one should not be so fast as to ignore his own work. Yesterday he tweeted, “If this was nipped in the bud in London, with plenty of beatings for these knobheads. It wouldn’t be happening elsewhere. #bringbackthebirch“. It’s important to understand that in the modern age, with a 140 character limit and millions of other people vying for attention, getting your message heard is difficult. But Joey Barton, through his Confucius-like choice of language, finds a way. If he had said, “Naughtiness should be followed by a smacked bottom”, I just don’t think he’d have got his message through.

2. Disciples. It’s unknown exactly how many disciples Confucius had, but it is believed to have been somewhere around the 100 mark. One hundred people believed in him enough to follow him and repeat his work to the world. Currently 280,000 people follow Joey Barton and at least 250 people are sharing (RT’ing) everything he says. That must make him about 5,000 times greater than Confucius. Incredible.

3. Well Read. My formally uneducated view of Joey Barton was that he would sit down of an evening and watch The Football Factory or Green Street or Sesame Street. How wrong could I be? Staggeringly is the answer. Joey Barton doesn’t watch Big Bird having his head kicked in by Elijah Wood. Oh no, instead he reads foreignpolicy.com. Seriously, this guy is the William Hague of the Premier League.

4. Arrest. Like Confucius, Joey Barton has also spent a bit of time at Her Majesty’s Pleasure. (I mean they’ve both been arrested and spent time in jail, not that they’ve both slept with the Queen. That would be weird). Joey Barton spent 77 days of his six month sentence behind bars. Confucius spent five days of his 12 day sentence behind bars. That means they were both released having only completed 42% of their respective sentences. The coincidence is too much.

5. English. Interestingly, both Confucius and Joey Barton had/have problems with the English language. Barton struggles with the concept of grammar and spells words such as dismantled, ‘dimantled’, while Confucius just doodled. This is his attempt at dismantled, 拆除. Pathetic really. One has to say, at least Jory tried.

6. Tea. Tea! Joey Barton likes tea! In fact, he says, “you cannot beat a cup of tea.” How right is that? This boy is a genius.

7. Riots. He’s talking a lot of sense. Joey Barton! Sense! So much so that he’s saying what I – and probably you – have been thinking. The media – by showing these rioters chucking bricks at Police and looting so easily – is not helping. In fact, it’s probably inspiring others to do the same. If they showed more coverage of these people being arrested then maybe, just maybe, that would act as a deterrent. Ladies and gentlemen, Joey Barton. The voice of a nation.

*Yes, Piers Morgan. Don’t look at me, it’s not my fault.

August 10, 2011
7 Reasons That It’s Not As Bad As You Think

Okay! This is a humour site and my country’s been on fire for the last couple of days, so there’s only really one thing that I can write about today, so let’s be funny about the riots. Except, no. That isn’t really going to work, is it? There are people out there losing their homes and livelihoods as a result of them and I’m sure we all have friends and family that are affected, so writing a lot of nonsense about how good the coverage of the riots will look on a brand new (and free) HD television, or how phoning 999 to report themselves will be so much easier now that everyone with a hooded top has an iPhone would seem trite and foolish. Fortunately, though, while events may have saddened me and affected my sense of humour, they haven’t affected my spirit, my love of humanity and my wonderment at peoples’ innate capacity for good and their astonishing ingenuity. Accordingly, here are seven reasons that it’s not as bad as you think.

1. Innovative Brilliance. “Necessity is the mother of invention” said Plato (in Greek, probably) and our brave and hard-working police force need tea. These lovely people have taken the time out to make them some. They’ve also devised the absolute best way to use a riot shield. Is there an image that captures Britain’s spirit better than this?

2. Collective Brilliance. The riots have demonstrated the country’s capacity for collective brilliance. Many, many people decided that they weren’t going to let their (our) streets be wrecked by the mindless idiocy of a few. The Twitter account @riotcleanup was set up and it now has almost 80,000 followers. That’s more people than have been involved in rioting and looting. People have got together in overwhelming numbers for the power of good. This picture by @lawcol888 is wonderfully uplifting.

3. Individual Brilliance. Oscar Levant said that there was “a fine line between genius and insanity” and, from that very line, this woman bravely berates rioters and looters. That there are people in this country courageous and brilliant enough to stand up to a mob so eloquently is wonderful.

4. Expectation-Altering-Brilliance. Stan Collymore (What? Wait, he’s gone mad. He’s been lauding examples of brilliance and now he’s writing about Stan Collymore!?), former Premier League footballer and someone that I have occasionally thought of as a bit of an idiot over the years tweeted this earlier:

Now, professional footballers (and former professional footballers) are often pilloried – sometimes rightly – for behaving poorly and setting a bad example to people and this was unexpected, but it was a cheering and most welcome thing to see, even if he did make me feel like a git.

5. Technological Brilliance. It’s been a while since Britain has seen rioting on this scale and there’ve been a lot of technological advances in the meantime, so it’s fair to say that any online response to it was going to be breaking new ground. The innovative use of social media as a response to events has been staggering. Almost as soon as disturbances began in Birmingham yesterday, the rather brilliant @caseyrain set up a Birmingham Riots Tumblr account to document events in the second city while the attention of the national media was focussed on London. There have been many, many other wonderful examples of innovative use of social media, with Facebook groups (,http://www.facebook.com/londoncleanup), Tumblr accounts (http://catchalooter.tumblr.com/) and websites (http://www.londonrioters.co.uk/identify/) used to promote various causes and to mobilise people into various types of action. That people have used the internet and social media so effectively to mobilize themselves into making our streets better and catching the looters is both marvellous and demonstrative of a laudable degree of collective will and creativity. Oh, and the looters are helping by using Facebook too.

6. Just Utter Brilliance. Don’t want the rioting and looting to ruin your evening? Simple. Just pretend it isn’t happening. “Riot, what riot? I say, could you pass the port, my good man?”

7. Historical Brilliance. The oft-cited high-water-mark of societal unity, sacrifice and collective accomplishment was the way that Britain dealt with the blitz during World War II. The blitz spirit is something that is often mentioned in articles that decry modern society to illustrate a decline in standards and unity, and many commentators on the current situation have spoken of the riots as being symptomatic of a breakdown in society. But rioting and looting are nothing new. During the blitz – that exalted time when our society is seen as having been at its strongest and most cohesive – with a war-depreciated police force and abundance of opportunity there was widespread looting and criminality too. The truth is that there has always been a sociopathic minority in our country ready to exploit any weakness (lack of police cover, evacuated streets etc) for their own personal gain, regardless of the consequences to others. That we don’t let the looting during the blitz affect the high regard in which we hold the selfless sacrifice of the majority during the second world war speaks volumes about us. History tells us that it’s possible to have a strong, dynamic and caring society despite having a minor element that riots and loots. And the way that the majority of Britain has reacted today to the events of the past few days suggests that little has changed. That is heartening.

August 9, 2011
7 Reasons We Don’t Want To Go To The Tower

Loyal readers, the 7 Reasons team have an announcement to make. It looks as if we’ll be going away for a while. We don’t want to, but a combination of circumstances means that we might not have any say in the matter. Allow us to explain.

A long, long time ago, though in this galaxy – indeed, on this very website – we published a piece entitled 7 Reasons That Looking Like A Horse Shouldn’t Be A Barrier To Success. In it, we looked at how seven celebrities had overcome their rather equine looks to make a success of their lives, and one of the people we featured was Her Royal Highness, The Princess Royal. The piece proved popular, so popular in fact, that it now ranks rather highly on Google. As a consequence, if you go to Google and type in “Princess Anne looks like a horse” we’re the first thing that comes up for that search. We discovered this the other day and tweeted about it. We then forgot about it and got on with our lives. A day later though, we received this tweet from Princess Anne:

This was rather a rather unexpected development and also a rather unwelcome one. We’d rather not go to the tower, thank you, and here are (because it’s us and this is what we do) seven reasons why. Ma’am.

1. Familiarity. It breeds contempt. Now, this may come as something of a surprise to you, but we don’t hang around together very much. At all. In fact you can count the number of times the team have gone to the pub together on one hand. Captain Hook’s hand. And it’s probably this that has helped 7 Reasons run for as long as it has. Apart from that phase when Jon kept uploading jpegs instead of gifs and the time when Marc thought it would be a great idea to do Blowers’ t-shirts and then went away for the weekend, we have got on pretty well. The last thing we want to do therefore is end up in the same small, dank, dark, locked room with each other. We will drive each other mad.

2. Pigeons. We both have connections. We both have people who could break us out of the tower. However, given that it is unlikely that we will have access to Twitter in the Tower, we’ll need to employ a different method of communication to contact the Mongolian Navy. Being high up in a tower lends itself favourably to one method. The carrier pigeon. Only there are no carrier pigeons around the Tower. They are all far too scared of the ravens. And who has ever heard of a carrier raven? Exactly. We’re doomed.

3. Tourists. The Tower is open to the public, which means we are going to be on show to thousands and thousands of Japanese, American and German tourists every week. Not to mention all the Australians who make the trip over from Shepherds Bush. We are going to be publicly humiliated. It won’t be long before one of us snaps and shoves a long lens somewhere where the exposure don’t shine.

4. We Have A Viable Compromise. Princess Anne was probably a fine filly in her day, but that day was Thursday June 4th, 1969. She also wants to lock us in a tower. But that’s almost exactly the opposite thing to what we want to happen and we won’t go willingly. Our ambition has long been to be handed the keys to Pippa Middleton’s dungeon*, so we’re prepared to offer a compromise. Send us somewhere halfway between a tower and a dungeon, do something that’s halfway between handing us keys and locking us up and have it done by someone who’s neither royal nor common. So that’s the 7 Reasons team not locked up on the ground floor by Jennifer Aniston. That’s the sort of punishment we can take.

5. Republicanism. Prepare yourself for a shock, but it might surprise you to learn that half of the 7 Reasons team is (gasp) a republican that just doesn’t believe in monarchy. He also doesn’t believe in god, ghosts, fairies, goblins or leprechauns. But being in the Tower of London might have a profound effect on this. After all, if he were to see evidence of god, ghosts, fairies, goblins or leprechauns he’d be forced to believe in them. Not that he’s likely to see them in the tower, but he would be considerably more likely to see a monarch. He almost saw one as a child, but fortunately our queen is so tiny that all he saw was Prince Philip speeding past in the back of a Rolls Royce seated next to a large blue hat. You can’t play fast and loose with people’s belief systems, it’s inhuman.

6. Ravens. It’s not just the carrier pigeons and the Mongolian Navy that are afraid of the ravens. It’s us. Have you seen the things? They’re enormous wing-ed creatures with piercing eyes, razor-sharp beaks and plumage as dark and shiny as crude oil in a mirror. Plus they’ve got talons! And it’s not just out of fear that we don’t want to be near them. Being locked in a tower with someone who insists on bickering that it’s a crow, a jackdaw or a rook every time you spot a raven during your afternoon game of i-spy is a sure recipe for disaster. It would only be a matter of time until the answer to “I spy with my little eye something beginning with C”, would be “corpse”. Or cadaver.

7. It Wasn’t Us. When Jon sees a beefeater, his thoughts turn to steak restaurants. When Marc sees a beefeater, his mind turns to gin. What sort of monster would put these two – for the most part, harmless – men in an environment where they would be cruelly deprived of both of these things, yet constantly reminded of them? To quote Alexander Pope: “Who breaks a butterfly on a wheel?” To quote Oliver Cromwell****: “I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken.” Because Princess Anne is mistaken. After all, it was Google that made us number one for “Princess Anne looks like a horse”, not us. She needs to lock Google in the Tower. Or perhaps the internet. Just anyone but us. Please.

7 Reasons may or may not return tomorrow.

*Fiancés of the 7 Reasons team: Marc wrote this**.

**Wives of the 7 Reasons team: Jon wrote this***.

***7 Reasons team: That will definitely work, well played.

****Perhaps unwisely.

July 1, 2011
7 Reasons Following Henry Blofeld On Twitter Makes The Mind Boggle

Don’t worry if you’re not on Twitter, you don’t need to be to read this post. Do worry if you don’t like cricket though, you’re an odd one. Henry Blofeld, for those of you who don’t know, is best known as a pigeon-loving, bus-spotting cricket commentator on the most glorious of radio shows, Test Match Special. Less well known are his forays on to the social media platform, Twitter. Now I don’t wish to upset the apple cart by saying he hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet, but occasionally, just occasionally, he puts something into the public domain that clearly shouldn’t be there. Sometimes it’s an erroneous punctuation mark, other times it’s a message clearly meant for someone in particular – he’s just forgotten to include the recipients username. Every time this happens though I can’t help but wonder what he was trying to do or say. Nor can I help wondering what conversation he is in the midst of. To my mind it usually involves pigeons. Being curious I have gone through his Twitter feed and found the last seven tweets that make little sense. After much analysis, I have discovered something that is rather alarming. Prepare yourself for a shock.

The Twitterati Know Him As @blowersh

1. “My Dear Old Thing. Many thanks for sending me news from the ship! Let’s hope we succeed in packing them in!” – 29 Mar 2011. Good golly gosh! Blowers is smuggling pigeons into Britain! He has a man – who he has unsurprisingly dubbed ‘My Dear Old Thing’ – and he has a ship. A ship that no doubt sits somewhere in the middle of the English Channel. And this man on the ship relays news to Blowers as and when he has packed as many pigeons into the vaults as humanly possible. No wonder Blowers doesn’t commentate as much as he used to. He’s far too busy preparing fake British pigeon documents.

2. “.X” – 10th Apr 2011. Interesting. Is this a kiss for a young lady who Blowers is embroiled in an exotic dalliance with? Or does it mean ‘X marks the spot’? Is it code for his man on the ship? Is that a full-stop or is it a dot? Google Maps indicate there is a place called Dot Cottage near Winchelsea Beach in Sussex. So this is code! It means, ‘X marks the dot’. Blowers is unloading illegal pigeons at Dot Cottage!

3. “My Dear Old Thing. I suppose it takes one to know one. Anyway, good to hear from you. Pip pip Blowers.” – 12th Apr 2011. What is one? A cricket commentator? Is this message for Aggers? No, he wouldn’t say that to Aggers. This must be a reply to another pigeon smuggler! I bet it’s Boycott. Blowers’ message contains hints of a brush off. The use of ‘anyway’ signifies that Blowers doesn’t have time for this. He’s got things to do. My only conclusion is that Boycott is also smuggling pigeons and therefore they are fighting for business.

4. “#” – 22nd Apr 2011. A hashtag. But without the tag. So really it’s just a hash. Oh crikey! Someone’s made a terrible hash of things haven’t they? The man on the ship! It must be him. Has he been captured by a ghastly pigeon immigration official at Dot Cottage?!

5. “Yes please! What a terrific idea! Where do you suggest?” – 4th May 2011. Yes! It looks like I was right. Blowers’ man on the ship is now imprisoned. And even worse Dot Cottage is now a no go area. But it looks like someone else has approached Blowers with an offer. An offer Blowers really likes. We can only presume it’s an offer in a similar business and a new arrival port is being sought.

6. “My Dear Old Thing. Just arrived back in London. See you at 1.30 and look so much to meeting you. Pip pip Henry.” – 7th May 2011. Where’s Blowers been? Has he been to the new Dot Cottage or has he been to the printers to get the fake pigeon passports? And who is he meeting at 1.30pm? Is it his new pigeon supplier? The other option really isn’t worth thinking about. The idea of Blowers being caught in a honey trap by the pesky RSPCP (the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pigeons) fills one with absolute fright. Oh, Blowers, do be careful.

7. “My Dear Old Thing. How’s the new ‘phone coming along? Pip pip.” – 17th May 2011. Odd. I have absolutely no idea how this relates to pigeon smuggling. Have I got this all wrong? Is Blowers actually something worse than a pigeon smuggler? Does he work in customer service for Vodafone?

*Disclaimer: Obviously this is entirely made up. We are not suggesting for one minute that Henry Blofeld or any of his associates are involved in the smuggling of pigeons into Great Britain. Nor are we suggesting he endorses Vodafone. The only thing we know about Blowers for sure is that he is the sound of cricket, a national treasure and he’s still struggling with Twitter. And, to be honest, we wouldn’t have him any other way.

May 17, 2011
It’s a Mystery

Hi, Marc here. Hope you’re having a great Sunday, I know I am. Now. But I wasn’t earlier on. Because this morning, while I was fast asleep at 04:48, the 7 Reasons team received a tweet. I know this because my head vibrated. It turns out that my phone was between my pillows (which is not a euphemism for anything). As the parent of a new-born baby my automatic response is just to deal with any event that wakes me up then and there. Accordingly, I read the tweet.

Okay, I’ve read the tweet. There isn’t a screaming baby. I’m going to go back to sleep now…wait…the Dutch? What can this mean? I know, it must refer to our most recent post. What was that? Um…got it. It was 7 Reasons That Androids are Better Than iPhones. They’re better because of the Dutch. Great. I can go back to sleep now.

Wait! That doesn’t make sense. Dutch people are associated with orange, which is different to Apple and Orange is a phone network that Apple phones are available on but it’s French. Nope. This tweet can’t relate to the most recent post. It must pertain to a different one. What else have we done recently? I know, 7 Reasons We Like Birthday Cards. 7 Reasons to Take a Spoon to Bed? No, we don’t like birthday cards because of the Dutch. And I fail to see why anyone would need to take a spoon to bed because of the Dutch, and if they do, I don’t want to know why. Not even a little bit.

So it can’t be a recent post. It must be another one. What are our most popular posts? 7 Reasons That Series II of Downton Abbey Will be Even Better Than Series I. Yes, series II will be immeasurably better because of the Dutch. They’ll come over from the Netherlands and enliven life at Downton no end with their tallness, nice cheese and liberalism and…no…that doesn’t seem right either. 7 Reasons You Shouldn’t Kayak Across The Pacific? You shouldn’t kayak across the Pacific because of the Dutch? Definitely no. You shouldn’t kayak across the Pacific because of the giant squid and because it looks really hard. Not because of the Dutch.

Okay, I’ll think about it tomorrow. I’ve only been asleep for a couple of hours and I’ll probably be woken up again soon, I’d better go to sleep.

7 Reasons it’s Dangerous to Drive a Golf Buggy up the M4? The Dutch don’t like golf buggies? They become enraged when they see them. Livid! No. 7 Reasons That Women Shouldn’t Listen to Chaka Khan? Because of the Dutch? Has Chaka Khan ever cancelled a gig in Amsterdam? Does Chaka Khan mean something vulgar in Flemish? What can Chaka Khan have possibly done to the Netherlands? It can’t be that. Must. Go. To. Sleep.

Why don’t I know anything about the Dutch? I know loads about America, and that’s much further away. I know more about Italy too. And Ireland. Come to think of it, I know more about Mongolia than I do the Netherlands…and…oh bugger, the baby’s woken up again. Must make the baby quiet. Must make the baby quiet.*

*Essentially there are two lessons to be learned here.

1) Never look at tweets when you should be sleeping.

2) Never have children. They interrupt everything (including thinking about the Dutch).

April 17, 2011