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It’s a Mystery

Posted on April 17, 2011 in Russian Roulette Sunday | 0 comments

Hi, Marc here.  Hope you’re having a great Sunday, I know I am.  Now.  But I wasn’t earlier on.  Because this morning, while I was fast asleep at 04:48, the 7 Reasons team received a tweet.  I know this because my head vibrated.  It turns out that my phone was between my pillows (which is not a euphemism for anything).  As the parent of a new-born baby my automatic response is just to deal with any event that wakes me up then and there.  Accordingly, I read the tweet.

a tweet to @7_Reasons

Okay, I’ve read the tweet.  There isn’t a screaming baby.  I’m going to go back to sleep now…wait…the Dutch?  What can this mean?  I know, it must refer to our most recent post.  What was that?  Um…got it.  It was 7 Reasons That Androids are Better Than iPhones.  They’re better because of the Dutch.  Great.  I can go back to sleep now.

Wait!  That doesn’t make sense.  Dutch people are associated with orange, which is different to Apple and Orange is a phone network that Apple phones are available on but it’s French.  Nope.  This tweet can’t relate to the most recent post.  It must pertain to a different one.  What else have we done recently?  I know, 7 Reasons We Like Birthday Cards7 Reasons to Take a Spoon to Bed?  No, we don’t like birthday cards because of the Dutch.  And I fail to see why anyone would need to take a spoon to bed because of the Dutch, and if they do, I don’t want to know why. Not even a little bit.

So it can’t be a recent post.  It must be another one.  What are our most popular posts?  7 Reasons That Series II of Downton Abbey Will be Even Better Than Series I. Yes, series II will be immeasurably better because of the Dutch.  They’ll come over from the Netherlands and enliven life at Downton no end with their tallness, nice cheese and liberalism and…no…that doesn’t seem right either.  7 Reasons You Shouldn’t Kayak Across The Pacific?  You shouldn’t kayak across the Pacific because of the Dutch?  Definitely no.  You shouldn’t kayak across the Pacific because of the giant squid and because it looks really hard.  Not because of the Dutch.

Okay, I’ll think about it tomorrow.  I’ve only been asleep for a couple of hours and I’ll probably be woken up again soon, I’d better go to sleep.

7 Reasons it’s Dangerous to Drive a Golf Buggy up the M4?  The Dutch don’t like golf buggies?  They become enraged when they see them.  Livid!  No.  7 Reasons That Women Shouldn’t Listen to Chaka Khan?  Because of the Dutch?  Has Chaka Khan ever cancelled a gig in Amsterdam?  Does Chaka Khan mean something vulgar in Flemish?  What can Chaka Khan have possibly done to the Netherlands?  It can’t be that.  Must.  Go.  To.  Sleep.

Why don’t I know anything about the Dutch?  I know loads about America, and that’s much further away.  I know more about Italy too.  And Ireland.  Come to think of it, I know more about Mongolia than I do the Netherlands…and…oh bugger, the baby’s woken up again.  Must make the baby quiet.  Must make the baby quiet.*

*Essentially there are two lessons to be learned here.

1)  Never look at tweets when you should be sleeping.

2)  Never have children.  They interrupt everything (including thinking about the Dutch).


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