Tag: colour

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Men Should Never Wear A Pink Personalised T-Shirt

“Pink T-Shirt?! PINK T-SHIRT?!?!?! Are you…? Are you…serious? Why is that guy wearing that? Pink?! REALLY?!”

The above is, believe it or not, an abbreviated (and cleaner) version of the thought process racing through a man or woman’s head when they spot that rare and ridiculous beast: the pink T-shirt-wearing male.

Here is a fun list of reasons you should NOT be that beast:

1. All Aboard The Camp-er Van. OK. Let’s start with the reason that most red-blooded males will put at the top: it’s camp. A pink t-shirt is camp. And wearing a pink t-shirt is even camper. If you deem yourself to be camp, well that’s fine. You are what you wear. But if you’re not camp, well then a pink t-shirt is just not for you. Many things in life are said to be impossible. But they’re not really. Wearing a pink t-shirt and not looking camp, however, is. You just can’t do it. Wearing a pink t-shirt gives off certain signals you see. Like using straighteners on your hair or painting your nails. People might just think you care a little TOO much about your appearance. And that makes you a tart.

2. I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty. Unconvinced by the last point? This is the 21st century, right? We can straighten our hair and wear nail varnish and put on our mummy’s dresses and sing West Side Story. Errr…no…no you can’t. Metro sexuality was a passing fad to shift product. It’s gone now. Wave goodbye. Basic traditions stand the test of time for a reason.

3. Why? Just Why? Think of all the other personalised t shirts colours you could wear…
BLACK: Mysterious.
WHITE: Clean and cool.
RED: ROAR!
YELLOW: Summer time.
GREEN: …Dude…
BLUE: Cool.
PINK….now tell me, after that list, pink doesn’t NATURALLY strike you as a little odd.

4. Pink Is Not For Girls. Even WOMEN don’t really wear pink. Think about Angie at the Oscars. Elizabeth Hurley in THAT dress. Black is sexy. Red is feisty. Pink doesn’t often make the list for chicks, so…cased close?

5. You’re Fired. OK so you want three more reasons. You greedy piglets. Ladies and gentleman of the jury I refer you to the excellent, internationally-loved cartoon series The Simpsons. In the episode ‘Stark Raving Dad’ Homer is fired from work by Mr. Burns for being a “free-thinking anarchist” BECAUSE he wore a PINK SHIRT to work! So in Simpson-world it’s OFFICIALLY CRAZY. And let us NOT forget, ladies and gentleman of the jury, that Homer wore that pink shirt by MISTAKE! He washed his reds with his whites. He did NOT BUY a pink shirt.

6. It’s Not Rocket Science. If you want us to go all technical on you, we will. PINK is scientifically proven to only go with a very select amount of skin tones. We are pink and peachy and pasty and black and white and brown and NONE OF THOSE, not ONE is supposed to be a great fit with pink. Don’t blame us. BLAME SCIENCE.

7. Horticultural Impact. The word Pink comes from flowers…

BONUS REASON: Try Google image searching ‘Brad Pitt wearing pink personalised T-shirt’ or George Clooney or Johnny Depp. NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING can be found.

March 16, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Need An LED TV

Long gone are the days when you could simply ‘rumble on down to Rumbelows’, choose your desired screen size and have your new TV delivered to your home. These days buying a new TV is like sitting a small exam on the latest technology. Aside from how big you want your screen to be, you also need to choose between LCD and plasma – which do you plump for? Well worry no more, as there’s a new boy in town that wipes the floor with the pair of them – the LED TV. Why should you choose LED over LCD and plasma? Here’s why:

All LED TVs Include Snowboarders Jumping Out Of The Screen As Standard

1. You Don’t Need To Re-Mortgage To Buy One Anymore. Okay, so let’s be honest, LED TVs have been around for a while, but the first wave of these new sets where pretty pricey and maxed out most of the credit cards in your wallet. However, the latest variants of LED TV are now much more affordable meaning they can be compared like for like alongside comparative formats without price being an issue.

2. Unlike Plasma, You Won’t Need Your Own Power Plant To Run One. LED TVs are currently much more energy efficient than their rivals with a typical 40 inch set using just 83 watts – as opposed to the 96 watts used by an LCD and the whopping 221 watts drained by similar sized plasma.

3. You’ll Remember What A Colour TV Is Supposed To Look Like. Remember the good old days of CRT televisions when colour TV was actually colourful? Well, thanks to LED TV those days are back! LED TVs are awash with colour and unlike their LCD cousins they can actually ‘do’ the colour black too!

4. Size Matters. Indeed size does matter, but in the case of the modern TV, the thinner the better. LED TVs are now available at just over an inch think, unlike LCD TVs and plasmas which are significantly bigger. As well as taking up less space and being easier to handle, this also makes LED TVs much more suitable to wall mounting than their chubby counterparts.

5. You’ll Be Helping To Save the Planet. As well as using much less power than their rivals, LED TVs are environmental friendly in another way too. Unlike LCDs and Plasma televisions, they don’t use mercury in their manufacture and therefore can be disposed of safely without any risk to the environment.

6. They Look Awesome. As well as having a great picture LCD TVs look pretty cool too. Their ultra slim appearance and skinny frames make them more about the picture than the set itself. Even when they’re turned off their sleek design means an end to that butt ugly lump of plastic sitting in the corner of the room we’ve all become accustomed too.

7. Your Mates Will All Be Jealous. A combination of slick design and awesome performance will have all your friends green with envy when they return home to their archaic plasma. And, when someone mistakenly refers to your awesome gadgetry as an LCD TV, make sure you’re on hand to say, “Erm, no, it’s an LED TV actually!”

February 27, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Your Bathroom Needs Renovating

Like most men, we take the 7 Reasons bathroom for granted. We don’t spend very long in there (certainly not together) and very rarely do we have a conversation about it. Today, though, that might have to change. Because today Stephanie Staszko is on the 7 Reasons sofa and Stephanie has just had a look at our bathroom. To be entirely honest, she wasn’t that impressed. According to her, it’s time for a change. And if your bathroom looks anything like the below, it’s probably time you got the builders and plumbers in too. Right, after the photo, it’ll be Stephanie.

This may (or may not) be the 7 Reasons bathroom

Everyday your bathroom burdens your life that little bit more, maybe it’s the pink bathtub fresh out of the 1970s that makes your blood boil? Or perhaps it’s the sink that refuses to accept water to flow down the plughole and so regurgitates it with tufts of hair? If you really want a bathroom makeover – but can’t find a good enough reason to splash the cash – here are a few 7 reasons to justify the expense…

1. The Toilet Seat of Doom. Everyone’s had that moment, when you’re desperate for the toilet and when you finally get there, you place your behind on the seat in satisfaction and release an “aaahhh”. But in some unfortunate circumstances this is closely followed by a sideways jolt, a skip of the heartbeat and the realisation that you could slowly be disappearing down the pan. If this sounds like your daily bathroom experience it’s time for a new toilet seat!

2. Mirror, Mirror On The Wall… Mirrors gather dirt and grime over time, making their visibility slowly deteriorate. If you find that you’re starting to look somewhat more attractive on a Monday morning it’s time for either an eye test or to replace that deceiving bathroom mirror. After all, you’re only kidding yourself!

3. Tap Dancing. Over excitable bathroom taps revel in your embarrassment. No matter how carefully you approach turning that handle to release a steady flow, the tap unleashes an almighty gush of water, destined only for one area: your crotch. As you leave the house displaying what resembles a bladder problem, it’s time you realised new taps could actually improve your social life.

4. Shower Power. After a hard day’s work you feel grimy and groggy, so what could possibly be more refreshing than a shower? That would be a hard question to answer if your shower head didn’t have a personal vendetta against your eyeball. As you turn on the spray and expect a warming sensation, you’re greeted unexpectedly with a powerful gush that ruins your retina. The perfect reason for a new bathroom – you don’t want to wind up blind.

5. Posterior Pincher. It seems toilet seats have a lot in common with sea creatures – particularly crabs. These toilet seats are particularly nasty as they trap the skin on your buttocks as you sit, sending you shooting into the air with the sharp pain of the pinch. One of these times it WILL result in a nasty accident.

6. Banana Skin Bathtub. Much like the slapstick comedies, the bottom of your bathtub can mimic the effect of stepping on a banana skin. Even if you’ve yet to be seriously injured by a slip, the fact that your stomach pretty much ends up in your mouth from every near death experience says that your bathroom suite’s a health hazard.

7. The Toe-Breaker. If you’ve tried your hand at DIY by hanging your own towel rail you may realise your toes could be in jeopardy. As you lift your towel with the utmost care so as not to dislodge the rail a sense of fear creeps over you as the rail ever-so slightly drops. If you’re considering wearing steel toe-capped boots for each bathroom venture then your towel rail needs replacing.

After reading this you’re probably too scared to ever step foot in your bathroom again. But fear not, bathroom suites which are correctly installed can actually be rather enjoyable to use. Get that toilet repaired and take your newspaper for some quiet, thinking time.

November 11, 2011
7 Reasons To Revisit Movember

If you knew me or read 7 Reasons (or indeed both) this time two years ago, you will know that I was preparing my face for Movember. After a year off in 2010 – so that I didn’t scare the future mother-in-law – I have decided to have another go. In a little over a week I am going for glory. Here’s why:

1. Colour. The first thing you’ll notice from the above is that the 2009 edition of my Movember ‘tache was somewhat ginger – with assorted whispy grey bits. It wasn’t pleasant and saw me stay exclusively in my room for the final week. 730 days on though and surely the pigments have matured? I need to know.

2. Engineering. The design I went for last time was something of a bespoke handlebar. A small handlebar for a ginger bike. I can’t honestly say that it did much for my then otherwise burgeoning sex appeal. This Movemeber I need to find out whether I can bring sexy back. I suspect I can. As long as I’m just in my pants.

3. Growth. If you think the above was precision trimmed everyday, you’d be wrong. The handlebar in question was never touched. It just grew and grew and grew. Slowly and slowly and slowly. In hindsight I actually think my follicles got bored around the second Wednesday and gave up. I need to know that can now grow something worthwhile. Something that will enable me to call myself a real man.

4. Brotherly Love. My brother is nearly two and a half years younger than me, but he can grow a beard. And a moustache. Sometimes together. Not only does this break the rules of brotherhood (a younger sibling must never make his elder look unmanly), but it also means he is better than me at something. And as all those with younger brothers can testify, this is not a pleasant or indeed acceptable situation. As such I must grow a mo this Movember to show that – normally – I don’t have facial hair out of choice, not inability.

5. Food. I like to think I’m a pretty good eater. I’ve certainly always found that I have good food to mouth coordination. Obviously there are some foods, however, that are slightly tricky to eat. Biscuits for example. Despite the speed at which I get them to my mouth, I always find a few crumbs on my t-shirt or the sofa. The crumbs that fall from the base of the biscuit, well a mo can’t do much about those, but the crumbs that fly up from the top of the biscuit as you bite into it, well they could be caught in my moustache. Perfect for a late-afternoon snack.

6. Excuse. B*Witched said ‘blame it on the weatherman’, this month I’ll blame it on the moustache. November is the kind of month when I am at my clumsy best. I am bound to knock over a plant or drop keys down a drain or accidentally steal a baby. They are not things the clean shaven version of me does. Well, apart from the plant thing. That’s just standard. Stealing babies though, is something I certainly don’t do. But, if for some strange reason I find myself charging through the North Downs will a baby, you’ll know why.

7. Massage. I know it makes me sound like a bit of a tart, but I do like a head massage. Especially when I don’t have to give myself one. Coincidentally they work wonders when I am trying to think of seven reasons. Must be a stress thing. Anyway, if the massage goes to where the hair is, maybe I’ll get a top lip massage too?*

*Oh. Apparently I won’t.

October 20, 2011
7 Reasons That A Red Bucket Is The Most Amazing Thing In The World

Hello 7 Reasons readers. Due to unforeseen circumstances we’re going to publish a guest post on a Thursday, which is something that we’ve never done before. So here, taking up not very much space on the 7 Reasons sofa at all, but making quite a lot of noise and a bit of a smell that we’re pretending not to notice, is today’s guest poster. Possibly our youngest ever.

Hello! My name’s Byron Sebastian Fearns and I’m a baby. Now I may not have seen much in my five and three quarter months, but today the most wonderful thing happened and I was compelled to share with you what I discovered; it is the most exciting thing in the whole history of the world ever. It’s something called a red bucket. Here are seven reasons that it’s more amazing than anything else, even elephants and balls.

1. It’s Red! The first thing I noticed when my mother and father wheeled me through the big building full of shiny stuff and dishcloths and picked up my toy that I now know is called a “bucket” (which rhymes with “fuck it”, a phrase I heard my father say once shortly before mother became very cross) was that it is red. This means that it’s amazing and not blue or yellow like everything else that people buy for me on the basis that “it’s for a boy” or that “yellow is a neutral colour”. I don’t like blue (it is a colour that makes my father cry at football matches) and I’m not neutral. If I liked neutral colours I’d hurl magnolia coloured food at the walls rather than orange coloured food. I like bright colours! I like red!

2. It Makes A Noise! It does! As we perambulated through the big building full of shiny stuff and dishcloths Father turned the bucket upside-down and began banging on the bottom of it. It made a noise like the noise that the man next door makes all day long in his kitchen or the sound that Father sometimes makes with his head on the desk after he has stared at a white screen for a considerable period of time. I’m relatively new to the concept of onomatopoeia, but it made a noise that sounded like thump-thump-diddle-diddle-ump and was very loud. The ladies that live in the big building full of shiny things seemed most impressed.

3. It’s Hilarious! Then we took my bucket to the park where the trees and squirrels live. We lay down on the grass and, after I had completed a short bout of screaming for absolutely no reason, Father said “Look Byron” and put the bucket over his head. This was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Ever! Father then took it off his head and put it back on his head and I laughed again. We did this for hours! Father enjoyed this so much that he started rolling his eyes and staring at his watch with delight.

4. It Makes Another Noise! Just when I felt that I might eventually tire of Father putting the bucket on his head, taking it off again and then putting it back on his head, something amazing happened. Father coughed and it sounded like the deepest loudest sound ever heard by anyone at all. This was hilarious. I laughed for ages. Then Father made other noises in the bucket too and they were even funnier. They were so funny that I laughed more than I ever have before; they were so funny that Mother had to edge slowly away from us in case she injured herself with all of the fun; they were so funny that Father suddenly became religious and started asking god when he could go home. He spoke to god in the bucket! Oh, how I laughed.

5. It Moves! Then Father stood up and started running round the park with the bucket on his head and pretended to be a monster (which is a creature similar to a dog). “Rooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!” he said as he ran round a tree; “Roooooooooaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!” he said as he ran past a bench; “Rooooooaaaaarrrrrrr!!!!!!!” he said as he ran behind a bush”; “Aaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!” screamed a tour group from behind the bush; “Roooooaaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!!!” he said as he ran back from the bush; “OOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!” he said as he fell over a bin. Then he said a word that I’ve never heard before and Mother shouted a lot and we had to go home.

6. It’s Red Inside Too! On the way home Father put the bucket on my head and I thought it was the most awesome and amazing thing that it’s possible for any human to experience, ever. It turned everything in the world red and when I made a noise it was the biggest noise that anyone has ever made. It was bigger even than the noise that Father made when I weed on his coat as he was changing my nappy at the National Railway Museum. It was amazing! Then Father took the bucket off my head and the next-door-neighbours were there and they seemed concerned.

7. I Can Get In It! After a long – and really boring – conversation with the neighbours about babies and the bucket and stuff we got home and then something happened that was the most incredible, fantastical and phantasmagorical thing of all. I got into the bucket!

Look at me! I’m in the bucket.

Then Father took the bucket away and told me if I ever wanted to see it again I had to write today’s 7 Reasons post as he has something called a “headache”, which he says is a contagious disease that is contracted by proximity to children. So now I’ve written it I’m going to get the bucket back and play with it all day every day for a week. Or perhaps a month! I’m off to play with my bucket now. Bye-bye.

September 15, 2011
7 Reasons Life Would Be So Much Better In Black & White

This post needs no introduction, but I’ll give it one anyway. Colour is rubbish. Right, on with the reasoning.

1. Colour Blindness. Suffering from the disability myself, I know that a world without colour would make things much easier. Especially when it comes to my work as a designer. Never again would a client phone me up and ask why I have decided to turn their red logo a shade of dark green. I then wouldn’t have to apologise and spend hours redoing the poxy thing. Nor would I get a subsequent phone call from the client advising me that they are terminating the contract because I obviously thought it would be funny to send it back brown.

2. Dull Games More Exciting. There was a time that I used to like snooker. I was at school and it proved a more enthralling than doing my homework. These days though I have found my entertainment elsewhere. I like to prod myself in the eye with chopsticks for example. If snooker went back to the good old days when it was played in black and white though, I can imagine being positively horny about the prospect. What colour has he hit?

3. Wardrobe. The reason I have such questionable dress sense is because I just have so many colours to choose from. That’s my excuse anyway. If everything was black or white though I couldn’t possibly go wrong. I could wear black with white. Or black with black. Or white with white. Or, if I was feeling adventurous, I could replicate a pack of dominoes.

4. Embarrassing Clothes. Talking about dress sense, why is there always someone who turns up to the wedding looking like a twat? Either they are wearing pick shoes or a turtle-shell patterned blazer.Black and white would eradicate this problem immediately. And you wouldn’t need to store your photo album in the loft.

5. Sunburn. Another disability I suffer with, the inability to put enough suncream on regularly. Because of this I often find myself getting burnt. Mostly on the face and neck, but I have been known to get burnt somewhere near Maidstone before too. While a black and white world wouldn’t lessen the physically pain, it would certainly reduce the mental anguish. I’d probably have something of a grayscale face which would enable me to blend nicely into an urban world of roads, pavements and lampposts.

6. Cheaper. The reason living is so expensive is due in no small part to likes of cyan, magenta and yellow. Get rid of them I say. Let’s just have black with nothing filling in where one wants white. We’d save a fortune and

7. Decision Making. In a world that is black and white it would only make sense that there are no blured issues. We would automatically know right from wrong. We would know that tea is right. We would know that Janet Street-Porter is wrong. Life would just be so much simpler.

March 2, 2011
7 Reasons John McEnroe Can Not Be Serious (About His Hair)

With the opening credits of BBC’s 2010 Wimbledon coverage came joy, happiness, extortionately priced strawberries and the horror of John McEnroe’s new hair. I say new hair, it’s probably quite old hair, but it does look different. And not for the better. Here are 7 Reasons – in a nicely packaged video format (just to show I can’t be outdone) – that explain why Mr John McEnroe should not have been tempted to rid the old look.

7 Reasons John McEnroe Can Not Be Serious (About His Hair)

June 23, 2010
7 Reasons That it Sucks to be a Psychedelic Penguin

1. Ostracisation. The other penguins won’t play with you, because you’re different, and penguins can be mean.

2. Confectionery. The manufacturers of Penguin bars won’t like you, because your colours would increase their printing costs and their accountants are all about the bottom line and are mean.

3. Spectacle. People may capture you and imprison you in a zoo, because you’re different, and people are mean.

4. Movies. Black and white movie-makers will shun you. This is because you eclipse their colourless show, and because they are mean.

5. Dinner. Killer whales will be able to see you more easily, and will eat you, because killer whales are mean (and greedy).

6. Decor. Interior designers will detest you because you will ruin their carefully planned colour schemes, and because interior designers are mean.

7. Poo. No one will want to step on your psychedelic poo. This is because poo -psychedelic or otherwise – is disgusting. They’ll know it was you that did it too.

Okay, who doesn’t want a psychedelic penguin?

*7 Reasons for grown-ups will return tomorrow.

April 30, 2010
7 Reasons You Should Wear A Tie

1. It’s Smart. A tie creates a good first impression. Whether you are are going for an interview or taking that rusty bike to the skip, you should always wear a tie. It is much easier saying goodbye to the rusty bike with a tie on. It feels more like a funeral.

2. It’s Sexy. As Jennifer Aniston aptly demonstrates for us, a woman in a tie can be quite lovely. You turn up to an interview like that and you will get that job. You better just hope they don’t give you a complimentary pencil sharpener. Where are you going to put it?

3. It’s Fashion. You may not have heard about it yet, but 2010 is going to be the year of the tie-pyjama combo. That’s right, people are going to start wearing their tie in bed. It’s going to be the ‘must do’ activity so you should probably start now. Pyjama parties will never be the same again.

4. It’s You. The way you wear a tie says a lot about you. Just think of Rambo. The colour also says what type of person you are. Blue indicates a caring and humorous nature. Red shows passion and fire. Black denotes serious intent. Yellow with green dots suggests colour blindness. So remember, ‘Whatever message you want to get across, say it with a tie’. (That’s a great line and now the copyright of Jonathan Lee).

5. It’s Food. A tie is the only piece of clothing that it is acceptable to be seen chewing on. It is to apparel what the biro is to stationary. And of course you are not actually eating the tie, you are just sucking out all the nutrients. It is much healthier than a Snickers bar and does count as one of your ‘five-a-day’.*

6. It’s Useful. Why do you think James Bond always wears a tie? It’s because he never knows when he is about to be attacked. (Between you and me, I don’t know why he just doesn’t read the script. That way he could catch a different cable car than the bad guy. But anyway, he has a tie so it doesn’t really matter I suppose). James Bond and bad guy are in the same cable car. Bond left his gun under some French fancies pillow so he is both unarmed and knackered from all the fancying. Suddenly the cable car comes to an abrupt halt because bad guy’s mate has pressed the ‘off’ button. Bad guy whips out his gun but before you can say, ‘Bloody Hell Girlfriend! Bond is in a spot of bother here.’ Bond has electrocuted bad guy using the latest iPhone app and is whizzing down the cable hanging onto his tie. Genius.

7. It’s Clever. The tie was invented for one purpose and one purpose only. Everything else you have read are simply unforeseen bonus features. The one reason a tie was invented was because it is very clever at covering up jam stains on your shirt. Everyone drops jam on their shirt in the morning and it always lands right in line with the sternum. That can’t be covered with a jacket. A tie is your hero. And in the unusual occurrence that the jam stain is just off centre, well you wear a crooked tie.

*This is a lie.

November 20, 2009