Author: 7 Reasons

7 Reasons That The Nautical Look Is Objectionable

1. Saturation Point. Too much of a thing is never good – which is why I’m editing this with a hangover – and the nautical look is everywhere. It’s finally reached saturation point and now it seems that almost every woman in the UK is dressed as a sailor.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with women dressing as sailors, or anything else that takes their fancy, but that doesn’t mean that every woman should dress as one.  Wouldn’t it be nice to see some of them dressing in outfits without horizontal stripes and rope motifs? Perhaps as spacewomen or conquistadors. Or Minnie Mouse. Or just as themselves. Our high streets look like a production of HMS Pinafore at the moment.

2. Confusion. It’s confusing. Sailors are sailors: we can tell that by their uniforms and their weatherbeaten faces. Women are women: we can tell that because they smell nice and have soft hands. But the nautical look blurs the issue somewhat. Allow me to demonstrate using science…or maths (It’s definitely one of those things).

A Venn diagram which illustrates the inherent confusion caused by the nautical look.

3. Anchor. When choosing an outfit with a decorative motif, is it really wise to choose one that rhymes with wanker? No, it isn’t. Because people will take the piss.  Not having an anchor on your breast pocket insulates you from jibes and cruel humour. The same goes for not having a ship on your handbag.

4. The Next Step. Many women are currently dressing as sailors, but what if this fad takes a slight twist? What if sailors start dressing as women?  It’s confusing enough already, do we really need that?

5. Weather. Now I’m sure the nautical look would look fine and dandy when worn on the back of a motor-yacht moored in Porta Banus or Cannes. But it isn’t. It’s being worn in Manchester, where it rains all summer. And, unlike real sailors, people are wearing stuff that isn’t waterproof. I saw people attired in faux-nautical gear sheltering from rain in a bus shelter yesterday. They looked foolish.

6. Do It Properly. The nautical look is being done in a half-hearted manner. Wearing a stripy top under a blue jacket is lame. If you want to do the nautical look well, wear a tricorn hat, an eye-patch, a peg-leg, a hand-hook; carry a parrot around. Wear vast epaulettes dripping with gold braid and the full cuff insignia of an Admiral; accessorise your outfit with a telescope or a sextant. Ditch your umbrella in favour of a Sowester hat, oilskins and a life-jacket. Grow a beard. This woman demonstrates how to pull off the nautical look properly.

Or you could do what this man did and dress up as a mermaid before sinking without trace. That’s true dedication to the nautical look.

7. Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton’s a big fan of the nautical look. Paris Hilton’s also an idiot. Do you really want to dress like an idiot? I use Paris Hilton as a general guide to life. You can too. Whoever you are, whatever you’re about to do, ask yourself the question: Would Paris Hilton do this? If the answer is yes, don’t do it.

What an anchor.

June 7, 2010
Russian Roulette Sunday: Make Do And Mend.

Hello. It’s Sunday again. And Sundays come as Sundays do – after five days of hoping that the other 7 Reasons writer has come up with something for Sunday. They never have. Which is why Marc came to me yesterday, breathless and devoid of inspiration, and said, ‘We don’t have anything for Sunday do we?’

‘No,’ I replied, supping on a cup of tea and stroking my mirror.

‘Damn,’ was his silent reply.

We sat in silence for a minute or twenty. Neither one of us prepared to say, ‘Let’s have a Sunday off’. Then, just as I was about to snap my gingerbread man at the neck, Marc leapt out of his chair and kicked the cat. ‘Let’s do some more advertising!’ he declared.

‘Marc,’ I began, my blood beginning to simmer at my colleagues scant disregard for our lack of money, ‘we don’t have any finances. You gave all our money away to Pearl & Dean and my masks have proved about as popular as Esther Rantzen in a…well about as popular as Esther Rantzen’.

‘You make a good point Jon,’ Marc said, taking off his pith helmet and vaulting over the desk, ‘but maybe we can just make do and mend.’

I looked puzzled, Marc was using phrases from World War II again. ‘How do you mean, Marc?’

‘I mean, we just use a load of old adverts and pimp them to suit 7 Reasons. Then we can ask people to put them up in their windows and on the back of their cows.’

‘Genius!’ I shouted, sending tea all over my groinal department. And with that Marc left, leaving a waft of whisky and a cat stuck in my plant pot.

Thirteen hours later we were finished. And so was the cat.

So yes. Please choose your preferred poster and stick it up in your place of work, caravan, shed or personal telephone box. Then take a photo and send it to us. It’s not that we are an unbelieving duo, we just like to know our hard work has been worth it.

June 6, 2010
Guest(ish) Post: 7 Reasons We Should Be Kept Well Away From Photoshop

Today’s guest(ish) post comes to you courtesy of Marc Fearns, who can usually be found doing stuff here, and the amazing Ceci Masters of Swanning About fame; a blog so good that it’s in The Times’ list of the top 50 cricket blogs, along with the blog of another friend of 7 Reasons, Sarah Ansell, and forty-eight other blogs that we’re less interested in.

This guest(ish) post is a little unusual. It tells the tale of last Friday evening when, shamefully, Ceci and I were both at our homes, with our Photoshop software open.

1. Crouching Crouch Hidden Dragon. It started innocently enough. Ceci – inspired by the film Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon – produced this picture for the Facebook group, Hollywoodgate: Onde futebol e película cruzam. She also put it on Twitter.

2. Hiding Crouch Tiger-Dragon. And Twitter is where I saw it, while I was in the middle of photoshopping something else (a cat in a submarine, I think). Anyway, I was struck by the wordplay potential so within five minutes, this was winging its way to Ceci.

3. Crouch’s Tiger Hiddink’s Dragon. Then, about five minutes after the previous picture, Ceci put this one up. There was only one way that this was going to go.

4. Grouchy Tiger Smitten Crouch. We had become embroiled in a duel. A frenzied maelstrom of a contest in which PCs were pistols and Crouch crouching crouchy tigery tiger tiger-dragons were our ammunition. In short, we had lost the plot. I made this one. But girls are sensible, and you can always rely on them to stop the madness, can’t you?

5. Hiding Tiger Crouch With Drag On. No, it turns out that you can’t. You can rely on them to take the madness and add big hair and sequins to it.

6. Crouch In Drag On Ridden Tiger. Now, Ceci’s previous picture was not only brilliant, it was also a bit frustrating, as I’d already got started on this one before I discovered that she’d used drag too. But now that we’d started coming up with the same ideas we agreed that it was time to call a halt to things, and we established a truce.

7. Crouch In Tiger With A Bag On. The truce lasted a full three minutes or so, until I thought of this.

That’s why Ceci and I should be kept well away from Photoshop but, like predatory beasts, we’ll be watching, waiting, ever-ready to pounce during the World Cup. The moment that Crouch does anything that even remotely resembles the words tiger, dragon or hiding, one of us will strike. Well, unless his solicitors get in touch which, on balance, seems entirely possible.

June 5, 2010
7 Reasons It’s Outrageous The BBC Have Cancelled Last Of The Summer Wine

1. It Has Sunday Written All Over It. Last Of The Summer Wine is Sunday. On it comes at around 6pm and immediately the nation realises it will soon be Monday. That is Last Of The Summer Wine’s job. Getting people depressed so they start the week off in the right way. Now what are we going to do? We can’t be happy on Monday morning. That would be wrong.

2. The Joke. It’s the same one. It always has been. I haven’t watched every episode of every series. In fact I don’t think I’ve watched even thirty seconds of every series, but that doesn’t matter. Because I know what the joke is. Three blokes flying down a hill in a bath tub. Or on a sofa. Cue two policeman looking alarmed as it buzzes by them. (One of them drops a sandwich too). They don’t write jokes like that anymore. Where am I going to go for my sofa fix?

3. Sex In The Countryside. There is something beautifully innocent about old women sitting in a lounge, eating sticky buns, talking about their husband’s inability to remember to take off their muddy shoes when they come home of an evening. That’s what women should be talking about. We won’t have that again. Instead we’ll have repeats of four forty-somethings, sitting in a New York restaurant, discussing the size of Samantha’s latest pepper grinder conquest. Disgusting. You hear me? Disgusting.

4. Holmfirth. For the uninitiated, this is where Last Of The Summer Wine is filmed. I have never been. Because I don’t need to. Every year, if I want to, I can see how much the place has changed on the TV. Along with all other eight regular viewers. But what are we going to do next year? When it’s no longer on. I’m going to have to go on a coach trip to Holmfirth with eight randomers. I don’t want to go to Holmfirth with eight randomers. It’s bloody miles away.

5. Something Else Not To Watch. I don’t watch Last Of The Summer Wine. No matter what you may think. When the final series finishes though, I won’t be able to not watch it. So that means I’ll have to find something else not to watch to restore the happy balance in my TV viewing. This is pressure. I can’t choose Loose Women because I already choose not to watch it. I’l have to find something I don’t know about on some channel I don’t know about and not watch that instead. What a waste of time.

6. Potential. It promised so much didn’t it? And it was so close to achieving it. What with Russ Abbot playing a milkman who thinks he was once in MI5. What a shame to cancel the show just as it was reaching its climax.

7. 2010: The End. What with Lost ending this year. And 24. And Heroes. And Flashforward. It feels a bit like a salt in the wound to also have Last Of The Summer Wine ending on us. And this comes from someone who didn’t even watch 24. Or Heroes. Or Flashforward. Or Last Of The Summer Wine. Which only goes to show how ridiculous and painful the BBC’s decision is.

June 4, 2010
7 Reasons to Have a Lie-In

1. Avoid The Sun. Spending an extra hour in bed in the summer means that you avoid an extra hour of exposure to the sun, This is a good thing. The sun gives cancer; the sun gives burn; the sun can cause blindness. It’s a hazard. When people are exposed to the sun, their skin warms and darkens like that of a chicken in an oven. This is because the sun is slowly cooking us, though for what nefarious purpose, I cannot begin to speculate. The sun is evil: Stay in bed and avoid it.

2. Regress. Being a grown-up is not always fun – I am told – and sometimes a return to more infant-like-state is just the tonic that an adult needs. Being in bed is oft compared to being in the womb; naked, yet protected, insulated from the outside world by the smothering, security of the duvet. It’s better than that though. Being under the duvet is also like being in a den. And what better place is there for your inner-child than a den?

3. Mornings. The morning is the wrong time to be up and about. It’s the time of day when you stumble around bleary-eyed trying to pour coffee and multivitamins into yourself in an attempt to feel vaguely human, and usually fail. The morning is full of dull events like selecting a shirt; commuting; the consumption of muesli; junk-mail; conversations about last night’s television. If you lie-in though, you suffer less morning and you’re more alive and alert when the best part of the day comes; the evening. All of the best, most glamorous and wondrous things happen in the evening; award ceremonies; parties; dining out; gigs; owls; theatre performances, they’re all things that happen at the better end of the day that you shouldn’t be too tired to enjoy.

4. Plans. People plan things, it’s what we do. You probably had today already mapped out before you went to bed last night. But plans aren’t a good thing: The CIA planned to assassinate Fidel Castro; Hitler planned World War II; the VCCP agency planned the Compare The Meerkat advertising campaign; an idiot planned Milton Keynes. If you spontaneously decide to lie-in, you say “no” to plans and liberate yourself from their fiendish tyranny.

5. Toast Avoidance. One of the hazards of mornings is toast which, for some reason, doesn’t exist after 11am. Stay in bed: Avoid toast.

6. Romance. You don’t have to lie-in alone, you can share your den…er…bed with someone else. You can even have breakfast-in-bed together. Not toast, obviously, as the crumbs will get everywhere and could be physically painful: Imagine trying to sleep on a toast-crumb covered pillow. But, even if there is toast, it’s still quality time with a loved one, and that must be a good thing.

7. Health. Sleep debt is the name for a cumulative lack of sleep. It is said to shorten life. So, logically, for a longer life you should be in sleep credit. A lie in will help with this. You can also become immortal by sleeping for 24 hours per day – though modern science is yet to cotton on to this – which, ironically, would make immortality almost exactly like death, but without the flowers. Or I may have dreamt that last bit during a lie-in, I’m not certain.

June 3, 2010
7 Reasons To Experience A Simple Pleasure

7 Reasons is, by and large, a humour site. At least that’s what we like to think. You may have noticed that occasionally we divert from this, although it must be said that half the time it is probably not that intentional. Today, you’ll be pleased to hear though, it is. So there’s no need to laugh. I was walking back from Tesco the other day when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It got me thinking about simple pleasures. I know what you are thinking, but no, it wasn’t that kind of pleasure. Well it was, but that’s not what I am talking about. It was a text from someone and it made me smile. And I thought to myself, while stubbing my toe, that sometimes it’s the simplest things in life that are the best. So, if you want a simple pleasure today, try these.

1. Tea. There is nothing quite like a cup of tea. Nothing. Despite what 50% of the 7 Reasons creative force say. A good cup makes you go ‘Ahhh’. Ahhh-ing is the ultimate simple pleasure. Unless it’s…

2. Confectionary. There is nothing quite like the satisfaction you get from biting all the chocolate off a Kit-Kat finger without breaking the biscuit. Or letting a Rolo melt in your mouth without giving into the temptation to bite in to it. Or getting a Malteser stuck up your nose. Unless it’s…

3. Displaying Knowledge. There is nothing quite like answering a question no one else knows the answer to. Especially when you declare your answer with, ‘I know this! I’ve done it! It’s sodomy!’. Unless it’s…

4. Finding Treasure. There’s nothing quite like putting your hand in your pocket to find a forgotten pound coin. Or a five pound note. Or that you’ve got someone else’s trousers on. Unless it’s…

5. Child’s Play. There is nothing quite like walking past an empty playground, looking around to see if anyone is about and then quickly nipping over to the swing for one last ride. And then trying to jump off and forgetting to let go. Unless it’s…

6. Winning/Insulting The French. There is nothing quite like finding you can use the last couple of letters on your scrabble rack to spell the word ‘Francophobia’. Unless it’s…

7. Unexpected Research Results. There is nothing quite like researching for the most popular simple pleasures and being presented with the website SimplePleasure.org.uk. And then clicking on the link and discovering it’s a site for sex toys. Just as your housemate enters your room to ask you a question.

June 2, 2010
7 Reasons to Support The Referee

Well, that’s it, another domestic football season is over and now we’ve got the World Cup to look forward to. Next season, however, we should do things a little differently than we usually do. We should stop supporting our football teams and support the ref. Now that might seem like a strange and unusual thing to do, but if you consider it carefully, it’s quite logical really. Here are seven reasons why.

1. Colours. When you support your team you only get the choice of home and away kits to wear. When you support the ref, you get a veritable rainbow of shirts and scarves to choose from. Do you know what colour the ref’s going to be wearing this week, or next? You could justify donning a technicolour dreamcoat to support the referee and who wouldn’t want to wear one of those?

2. See More Teams. I need a football team to use as an example so if you could imagine that you support Bury FC, that would be a great help. Don’t worry, this will just be for a moment and you should be able to forget about it later, perhaps with therapy. As a Bury supporter next season, you would have to go to Gigg Lane every other week and watch Bury play League Two football. And then, should you wish to attend away matches too, you’d have to travel all over the country, at great expense, to watch Bury play League Two football. Your life would be dominated by League Two, and by Bury, and you wouldn’t really want that. If you supported a referee though, you wouldn’t have to see Bury-plus-other every week, you’d see two different teams. And if you chose a Premier League referee, you wouldn’t have to watch League Two football at all. You’d get to visit a lovely, well-appointed stadium for most matches, and you’d get to watch football played to a terrific standard every time. Brilliant. You may stop supporting Bury now.

3. Chants And Songs. When you’re a supporter of a popular club, you view matches amongst thousands upon thousands of other people, and it’s hard to express yourself. Most of the songs and chants have already been written. When you support the referee though, you can compose your own: “A rope! A tree! Enshrine the referee!”, “Who needs Mourinho? We’ve got D’Urso”. “He’s tough, but fair, he hasn’t any hair…Steve Bennett. Steve Bennett.” You can sing anything you like, you’re autonomous and creatively free.

4. Save Money. Now, you might be thinking that supporting the referee will cost you more than supporting a team, and you’d be correct. But you could offset some of the extra cost by supporting a local ref – one that lives near you. Then you’d be able to car-share with him because, after all, most refs drive to matches, and it’s not like they’ve got any friends to take up space in their car. They’ll probably be glad of the company.

5. Fair Play. Fed up of watching overpaid prima donnas fall over when an opponent is within three feet of them? Tired of watching aggressive gangs of players surrounding the man in the middle attempting to bully him? I know I am. You can register your protest against it by supporting the ref. Cheer as he pulls out his cards; spell the player’s name out for him as he writes it in his notebook, it’s usually “D-A-V-I-E-S”; shout “exemplary decision, Lino!” as the linesman makes a good call; praise the fourth official for his fabulous grasp of timekeeping. You’ll be sending out a message to sulky, petulant players and managers and you’ll feel good about it. The whole atmosphere that the game is played in will be improved and I’m certain that everyone will thank you.*

6. Heckling. Football, by its very nature, is an immensely partisan affair. Often when following your team, you find yourself allied with – and even supporting – people that you usually wouldn’t have anything to do with. If you’re at the Chelsea vs Newcastle fixture next season, you’re liable to be a supporter of one of those teams. Which means that you’re going to be cheering-on the Chelsea players, or the Newcastle players. If you support the ref though, you’re aloof from all of the partisanship and you can do what any reasonable, right-thinking individual would do. You can shout abuse at both Joey Barton and Ashley Cole.

7. Be An Individual. Everyone with a passing interest in football supports a team, usually it’s Manchester United. If you support the ref though, you’re not one of the herd, you’re an individual. You’re your own boss, blazing a new trail, setting your own rules of behaviour and taking a novel approach to your sporting involvement. You don’t even have to wait until next season. You can adopt a ref during the World Cup. I’m supporting Howard Webb: He may well be England’s best chance of reaching the final. Who’s with me?

*7 Reasons bears no legal responsibility for fans of the referee.

June 1, 2010
7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

Today I am offering a public service. To man. By addressing you. The woman. I know man is seen as the least romantic of the sexes, but man still likes to be loved. And, as The Osmonds so wisely stated, he likes to be loved because you actually love him. Not because he’s good with a screwdriver. Something like that anyway. Basically, what I am trying to get at is this. I’ve taken this classic Osmonds tune and edited it. So that you, the woman, will not make mistakes when you tell a man of your reasons for loving him. You’ll thank me one day.

7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

Don’t Love Me For Fun Girl, Let Me Be The One Girl, Love Me For A Reason, Let The Reason Be…

1. My DIY Skills. I assure you ladies, telling your man that you love him because he is great with a hammer is not the way to go. Would you like it if man told you that he loved you because you are good at ironing? No. Exactly.

2. My Memory. Don’t tell your man that you love him because he has a great memory. He’ll probably forget. Then you’ll get annoyed that he keeps forgetting. And he won’t know why you’re getting annoyed. And then you’ll split up. So don’t do it. Not if you really love him.

3. My Ability To Be Tall And Reach The Top Shelf In Sainsburys. Man doesn’t mind being tall and actually he is happy that he has some use in the supermarket bar getting in the way and trying to manoeuvre the trolley too fast. But telling him you love him because he’s tall is like him telling you he loves you because you are short enough to get in the attic without bashing your head.

4. My Hair. Facial Hair. Always a delicate one this. And actually you are probably doing yourself a favour by not using it. Man is programmed to reciprocate without thinking. “I love you” is reciprocated with “I love you too”. “I love your moustache” becomes “I love your moustache too”. Not good.

5. My Collection Of Sporting Memorabilia 1994 – Present Day. Man likes his collection of programmes and fixture lists and photos from years ago. It brings back good memories. And he also likes it because you don’t. Man doesn’t share your passion for American Idol or knitting, so don’t share his passion for signed pairs of Gary Lineker worn shorts.

6. My Dislike Of The Lesser Boyzone Version Of This Song. Man likes to think he knows about such topics as music. A woman’s job is to say, ‘Ooh I like this new one from Boyzone’. This gives the man a chance to show off and scoff and say, ‘This isn’t new. This is a cover of a far superior song’. What he does not expect is for woman to switch off the radio and say, ‘Why did Boyzone make such a rubbish cover?’

7. My Marc Fearns Mask. Seriously, man is just going to get very annoyed if you love it when he wears the mask. Unless you are Marc Fearns yourself of course. In which case you’ll probably think it’s a right result.

May 31, 2010
Russian Roulette Sunday: Ambient Advertising

Hello, it’s me. (Or Mr Lee to you). Happy Sunday to you. Now, in the last few weeks you will have noticed that Marc has blown all the 7 Reasons marketing budget on a couple of films. And as good as they were, I have been left with the challenge of promoting 7 Reasons on a budget of zero. You may think that sounds like tough work? Well it would be for mere mortals, but we are talking about me here. Which is why I have come up with the genius idea of 7 Reasons Masks. There are two versions – one of Marc and one of me – so it shouldn’t take too long for you to complete the set. All we want you to do is walk around with one of these masks on your face. My plan is for thousands of people to do it so eventually it becomes a sort of, ‘Who Are They?’ mystery. People will want to find out. I would say you would want to find out, but…erm… you already know. Anyway, newspapers will track us down and talk about us. For free. Genius. So please, go out and look like me. Or Marc. And, just in case you are wondering what to wear them with, here are some ideas. You can of course get a better look at my breasts if you click the image.

See, they really do go with anything. To get a mask all you have to do is email [email protected] with either Jon Mask or Marc Mask in the subject line. We will then send you a pdf version of the mask which you can download and print onto the back of a cereal packet. Before you know it you’ll be looking like one of us. Oh, and helping create history for the number of good looking people out and about at the same time. Right, that’s me finished for the day. Thanks for your assistance and, of course, do post your photos to the rapidly growing facebook group. Or don’t. Whichever you feel more comfortable with really. Peace out dudes.

May 30, 2010
Guest Post: 7 Reasons I Prefer Blackpool To Cardiff

It’s Saturday, so the 7 Reasons team are off doing Saturday things somewhere – probably in the shops or the pub – but don’t panic: Taking the helm of the 7 Reasons sofa today is Derek J. Gafney, the Middlesbrough-based-writer, of Gaffer’s Sports Blog fame. When he’s not watching sport, thinking about sport, or writing about sport he can be found here, tweeting about sport or here…er…tweeting about sport. Thanks Gaffers!

As the Championship play-off concluded on Saturday gone and the seaside town of Blackpool began to celebrate promotion to the Premier League, I realised I have several reasons to agree with them achieving this success.

In fact I have SEVEN reasons, which back up my originally just wanting ‘The Tangerines’ to win the play-off final against Cardiff City, the original reason being simply the romance of such an achievement.

Now I could back it up with my seven reasons, so here goes…

1. Orange. Unlike a certain Graham Taylor, I do like orange, it is a colour which is synonymous with the game of football and a welcome addition to the top flight of English football.

The great Dutch team of the 1970′s, the amazing skills of the Blackpool side containing Sir Stanley Matthews in the 1950′s, the infamous and well missed orange footballs when the snow had laid on a winters game.

This is a true football colour and the Seasiders’ faithful will brighten up many a dull away ground in the coming season.

2. Memories. Oh the memories, I have only been to Blackpool once, it’s a fair trek from Middlesbrough you know!! But I had a cracking weekend, admittedly this was more so due to the fact I was 17 and every pub served us without hesitation.

But fond memories all the same. The town appears to have deteriorated over the past decade and the input of the Premier League wealth will hopefully aid in returning the place to its former glories.

If you’ve never been and you go based on this guest post, I am in no-way responsible for what happens to you in Blackpool, hope that covers me, should do, shouldn’t it?

3. Ian Holloway (pictured below). A genuine football man, a genuinely likeable man and a genuine family man. If you don’t like Olly (Ian Holloway’s nickname) then personally there has to be something wrong with you, or he owes you money, or something along those lines.

The type of person, genuine (used it four times now) football fans want to see do well in the professional game. A combative midfielder in his day playing almost 600 career club games and a hard-working manager to boot.

He will light up the dull, monotonous Premier League, adding character, honesty and the occasional quote of pure comedic genius!!

4. Day at the seaside. We all love a day out at the seaside, its part of the culture of these fair isles. The temperatures hit the high teens and we pack up the family and the car and head to the coast. Now you can take in a top flight football game as part of the experience. Nana will love it!!

Seriously, it will mean so much to the local economy, with away fans using it as an excuse to head to the seaside for a weekend and spend much-needed money in reviving the local economy and the pubs and clubs too.

I recommend you visit, though yet again I am not liable for this recommendation. Phew!!!

5. EN-GER-LUND. It is as simple as that, if we aren’t going to allow the Scottish into our leagues then surely it’s best to keep the Welsh out too. All jokes aside, I’m serious about this as we have the Welsh in already, then surely we can’t be arguing against St. Mirren or Cork City wanting in too.

Can we? Keep out all of you, create your own leagues, oh no you’ve already done that, well Cardiff, go play in that league or else!! (I rescind this comment as I think those Cardiff boys like a fight, see reason seven for more)

6. Chopra, Ridsdale, Hamann (pictured below) et al. I have no reason whatsoever to have any form of hatred towards anyone person associated with Blackpool and their football club, yet Cardiff City seem to want to offer me plenty of reasons to want to see them fail at the final hurdle and laugh out loud.

Michael Chopra, Peter Ridsdale, Sam Hamann, Steven Gerrard’s cousin and well as you can see the list goes on and on and on!!

You know I’m right on these points and the list could go on, nothing personal, no actually it is personal!!

7. Zero Tolerance. As we enter a crucial period in our bid to host the 2018 World Cup we need to have a zero tolerance approach prior to the bid result in December of this year.

I don’t want to seem stereotypical, but Cardiff fans along with several others have a reputation for enjoying a fight or two with opposing fans, whether it’s based on the Welsh versus the English or it’s just a general theme, I must admit I am not sure.

But, having heard, read and witnessed their fans at first hand, I am pleased they will not be able to take the spotlight and potentially spoil our hosting bid, though let’s be fair, we are more than capable of spoiling our bid ourselves and don’t need any help thank you very muchly!!

Blackpool deserve their moment in the big time and my reasons are purely comedic and light-hearted in their approach. Good luck to the Tangerines when they begin their life in the Premier League.

I truly hope they survive more than one season and, who knows, it maybe Cardiff joining them in 2011/2012. Personally, as long as Middlesbrough are promoted I don’t honestly care.

Cheers.

Gaffers

May 29, 2010