Tag: Winning

7 Reasons Not To Make Your Own

Yesterday Marc hit the mother lode and in his excitement urged us all to make our own. Being the type of person that does exactly as Marc says, I set out, full of the joys of a rainy spring, and immersed myself in an afternoon of crafting. The results, unfortunately, were not quite what Marc had advertised. Let’s have a look at what went wrong.

1. The Winning Waistcoat And Sequin-Trimmed Belt. “Want to dress like Charlie Sheen?” Marc asked. “Of course I do!” I replied. It was quite an intricate design and not being a professional needle-worker I felt a prick for a good two hours. However, I got the job done, and proud of my new item I slipped it on and went for a walk around the roughest part of the South East. Kent. The locals were hardly going to mess with someone with Tigerblood were they? Well, yes. Yes, they were. It was said that this product was “so fabulous people would literally point at you.”. Erm, no. I got a lot of middle fingers pointing skywards and the one person who I thought was pointing at me was actually punching me in the face. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

2. The Tie Hanger. “A stylish and practical gift for Father’s Day?” Yes, please! The Austin Reed vouchers are wearing rather thin on originality these days so I am always happy to receive new ideas. The tie hanger seemed right up my street. My Dad likes ties. And it was this ‘like’ that caused disaster. Call me stupid but I thought this tie hanger was for all my father’s ties. As a result I attached the hanger to the wall and then added the 216 ties to it. Then the wall fell down. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

3. The Wig Stand. I don’t know any bald men. I know even fewer bald women. So when I was crafting this stand the one thought that kept crossing my mind was, “who on earth am I going to give this to?” And then, just as I was adding the pink eyebrows, it struck me. Yes! I met a bald bloke on Saturday night! At Andy’s 30th Chimenea Party! I couldn’t remember his name, but we had talked about rugby and I remembered he said he was a prop forward for Aylesford. So yesterday evening I got on my skateboard and headed down to the club. I suspect I’ll be walking with this limp for quite a while. I shall of course update you when I have managed to remove the other pink eyebrow. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

4. The Gift Ribbon Flowers. A genius idea. I am ashamed to admit that I haven’t bought Claire flowers for a good few months now.* However, I lacked one necessary ingredient to make the gift ribbon flowers. Ribbon. Long gone are the days when I had a ribbon printer. “What can I cut up into ribbon-like strips?” I wondered as I stood in front of Claire’s wardrobe. Two hours, one trip to Zara and the best part of £80 later, I replaced the garment I had hacked to pieces. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

5. The Trendy Ties. “Is your wardrobe a little drab?” Yes! One hour, one trip to Reiss and the best part of £150 later, I replaced the garment I had hacked to pieces in Claire’s wardrobe. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

6. Tat. Now, this confused me. Despite reading the instructions and staring at the accompanying visual for thirty minutes, I was still none the wiser. While I understood I was supposed to ‘learn to tat’, I had no idea what tatting was. Quite frankly it may as well have said ‘learn to wickytrickyjicky’. Eventually I just tied a bit of string around my finger and gave myself a pat on the back. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution (bloody pointless).

7. The Bearded Puppets. I don’t have any children, but given that I often have nightmares about shaved lambs and Judy Murray, anything was worth a try to change the routine. So I made them. Two bearded puppets. Last night’s dream? Judy Murray with a beard. Riding a disembodied lamb’s head. Thanks Marc. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: extreme caution.

*Reminder. Now you’ve finished writing this, go and buy Claire some flowers.**

**I can’t now, I’ve got work to do.***

***Okay, do it tomorrow.****

****Good plan.

June 17, 2011
7 Reasons To Make Your Own

Readers of 7 Reasons, something very, very, exciting has happened. I’m a big fan of the craft boom that’s going on at the moment and see the trend for knitting, sewing and making your own stuff as a very good thing indeed. As a father, I’m much happier knowing that my child is playing with toys that we made him at home, rather than playing with mass-manufactured plastic ones that are cheaply-priced as a result of the exploitation of cheap labour. It’s sometimes hard to find patterns and ideas for things to make though, but today I hit the mother lode (courtesy of a craft time-capsule from my mother-in-law’s loft). I’m sure you’ll agree that every single one of these items is a reason to make your own. Let’s go!

1. The Winning Waistcoat And Sequin-Trimmed Belt. Want to dress like Charlie Sheen? Of course you do. You can do so in this stylish Winning waistcoat and matching belt. He’s probably wearing one right now (in his head). Now you can too. You’ll look so fabulous that people will literally point at you with envy.

2. The Tie Hanger. Want to make a stylish and practical present for Father’s Day?* Why not make this attractive tie hanger (that in no way resembles a stick, some string and a few drawing pins)? Your father will love it, and on seeing it, his ties will probably be so delighted that they’ll try to hang themselves. Everyone’s a winner with this sumptuous and sophisticated storage solution.

3. The Wig Stand. Do you have a wig that needs somewhere to live? Perhaps your uncle wears a toupee during the day but likes to be bald when he’s asleep. Maybe your sister wears a wig. You could make this lovely wig stand either for yourself or as a gift for others. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to sit around the tree with the family on Christmas morning and unwrap this lovely new home for their pretend hair? It’s well-equipped too, as there’s even a space to store a pair of eyebrows.

4. The Gift Ribbon Flowers. Have you got too much ribbon lying around the house and want to woo a lady with flowers?** Why not make her a gorgeous bouquet from your surplus gift ribbon? She’ll be wowed by your creativity, dazzled by your originality and bowled-over by your frugality. This man’s a keeper, she’ll think as you sit down to dine at the chip shop. After all, real flowers don’t grow on trees, you know.

5. The Trendy Ties. Are you feeling a little unfashionable? Is your wardrobe a little drab? Do you want to catch the attention of the new girl in the typing pool? Does your boss consistently overlook you for promotion? Why not make yourself an attractive new tie? You’ll get everyone’s attention with one of these and you’ll also be trendy. Perhaps they’ll even give you a new nickname. Awesome-Tie-Man or some such, I shouldn’t wonder.

6. Tat. Feeling a little left out? Can’t sew, knit, or pin string to a stick? Well, don’t worry, there is a practical craft that you can do. You can…

…learn to tat. Even if you’re not very good at it, you can achieve the look of a professional by simply applying an entire lip-stick and gazing haughtily at some string in your hand. You may not be able to tat, but you’ll look like one.

7. The Bearded Puppets. Do your children sleep at night? Are you scared that they’re going to grow up to be well-adjusted? Is there not enough terror in their lives? You can fix that right now by making them a pair of these bearded disembodied-head puppets. You can be sure that this is one present that they’ll never forget, no matter how hard they try. Or how much they spend on psychiatry.

Okay, that’s it. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed writing a 7 Reasons post more. I’ll leave you now with one picture that I’m not going to mock, because this young chap’s probably a chief constable now. Or my bank manager.

*Note to self: Hide this post from own wife and child.

**Lazy cultural stereotyping suggests that this seems unlikely.

June 16, 2011
7 Reasons Not To Have A Staring Contest With The BBC One Ident Hippo

For one reason – which is why it doesn’t qualify for this site – I had to live pause the TV last night so that Claire and I could watch The Apprentice together. I paused the TV when the Hippo ident was showing. The exact point at which I paused is shown below. Knowing that I had at least fifteen minutes before I could press play, I had a choice. Start the ironing or have a staring contest with the hippo. I chose the latter. This is my story (of why it was a stupid idea).

1. Winning. From the moment I even contemplated staring at the hippo I knew I was going to lose. The only way I could have won is if we had had a power cut. (An unlikely scenario unless I was to attack the fuse box with a cucumber). And yet, despite being fully aware of the highly probable outcome, I still entered the battle. It was pointless, it was a waste of time and I was always going to finish second. Or last. Whichever didn’t come first really. For someone who enjoys winning it was a bizarre and futile decision that did me no favours. When the inevitable did happen a little bit of my aura had been destroyed. I’m was no longer the man I once was. So if you are ever tempted, don’t do it. You’ll never be the same again.

2. Distractions. A couple of minutes into the contest my phone rang. Now, even if I don’t answer my phone, I nearly always look at the display to see who I am going to ignore. It’s a habit. While on this occasion I was strong enough to ignore it, my mind was no longer on the job in hand. It was on who might be calling me. Was it Claire saying she’d be longer than she initially thought? Was it my Mum wondering where the rest of her Mother’s Day present was? Was it Marc wanting to sell me a baby? To this very minute I am not sure if my line of vision flinched towards my phone or not. It’s impossible to say. What I do know is, it did me no favours. When you are staring at a Hippo – especially a picture of one on the TV – you have to be in the zone and you have to stay in the zone. Distractions are zone killers.

3. Fish. I gave myself the benefit of the doubt. I told myself that my line of vision had not altered and so, if I was able, I may re-enter the zone. And, after a few minutes, that is what happened. I know this is what happened because my focus began to drift. The hippo was now a blurred hippo. And then the blurred hippo wasn’t a hippo at all. It was a fish. A fish in side-profile. A scary fish in side-profile. I mean this thing was ugly. It had a pair of lips Leslie Ash would have been proud of and a scaly body that reminded me of this. I am not sure this will work for you – in fact I am not sure I want it to work for you – but if you have a spare ten minutes just stare at the hippo above. If you’re unlucky the fish should appear across the lop of the hippo’s head. The lips appear in the hippo’s right eye if that helps.

4. Guilt. Having rid myself of visions of Piers Morgan and Leslie Ash’s illegitimate child, I then experienced severe pangs of guilt. The hippo was drowning. I had done that. I had paused the hippo and made him tread water. Twelve hours on I am pretty sure he wasn’t drowning at all. I am pretty sure this was pre-recorded footage and all I had done was paused its progress. But at the time, when you’ve been staring at a hippo for approximately thirteen minutes, that type of rational thought doesn’t enter your mind. You really do feel like a hippo murderer.

5. Terror. This is when you realise that the hippo is staring back at you. And he looks angry. Probably because you have made him tread-water for fifteen minutes. He also looks a bit like a crocodile with his nostrils protruding from the water. And that’s when you start panicking. Are you actually on BBC One? Are you sure you’re not watching – and recording – Animal Planet? Do you even have the Animal Planet channel? Is there even a channel called Animal Planet? So, yes. Staring at a hippo for too long makes you go mad. Really quite mad.

6. Visions. When Claire eventually arrived beside me on the sofa and gave me an opportunity to end my ordeal, I realised it wouldn’t be over for a little while longer. All the staring at a bright screen in an otherwise dark environment left me looking through those annoying colour blotches that you are only supposed to get when your eyes are closed. As one does in such circumstances I shut my eyes to try and get rid of them. This didn’t work. Instead I was faced with a vision of the hippo. In sort of a yellow and red mosaic. A mosaic that slowly began to disperse. Which is when I decided I was through and settled back to watch The Apprentice. With the occasional appearance from a fish.

7. Tea. I can barely bring myself to write the words. It went cold.

May 12, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Androids Are Better Than iPhones

We’ve had doors and hairy chests and alien invasions, so what next from 7 Reasons groupie Sam Murray? Well, quite obviously, it’s post about smartphones. So, if you’re thinking of upgrading your handset soon, here’s Sam with some invaluable information. (Just remember to ignore all he says and buy an iPhone).

Long gone are the days where playground bullies proclaim, “my dad is harder than your dad”, the latest insult is more likely to be, “my phone is better than yours”. And if that phone happens to be an android, then I am in their gang and will wedgie anyone that says otherwise.

I could give more than seven reasons why androids are better than iPhones but after discovering the site ’33 Reasons’ doesn’t exist I have come back to share my top seven.

1. Battery Life. iDrain is a more apt description of most iPhones, especially the 3GS or earlier models (as the iPhone 4 has improved) For a phone whose star attraction is the ability to download applications it is a shame that you play and surf at your peril. It is the equivalent of being given the keys to a new Ferrari only to find out the faster you go the less time you will have.

2. Browsing. Although I do like a Safari, the grass might be greener on the other side of the electric fence. Yes the Safari browser on the iPhone is fast and reliable, but flexible? No. It still doesn’t have the ability to operate with Flash which automatically restricts users viewing certain websites. No not those kinds of websites. On the other hand, the Android has a range of browsers which you can choose from ranging from; Dolphin, Opera Mini, Skyfire, Fennec and the default Browser. Everyone loves options and that is the beauty of Android: You have options which all have fast page-load speeds, extensive features, and video support.

3. Open 24-7 – Wider Choice Of Apps. Yes that’s right. 24-7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and without the baggage of paying overtime. The Android is open source so developers all over the world have the ability to tap into the API and create new applications or improve current apps. This freedom sparks ideas and innovations which can help push the Android community forward. It reminds me of the Kurt Russell film ‘Escape from L.A’ where people are left to fend for themselves but hey, Kurt came out of it ok so its fine by me.

4. Wide Range of Choices. I may come across as an anti-iPhone protester so it may surprise you to know that I have one, and I really like it. However, I like “it”, not “them”, or “they”, or any other plural reference as another sad face on the iPhone chalk board is the fact that there is only one phone. This is the 21^st Century; choices are imperative. What happens if you want your handset to come with a QWERTY keyboard? Or if you want a slightly larger screen on your phone? I have to decide what type of sauce I want on my sandwich, I expect the same type of problem when deciding on my handset.

5. Notification – “Excuse Me Sir, You Have A Visitor”. You don’t want to keep opening the front door of your home to check if you have a visitor. That is why we have invented door bells and knockers so why should that be the case on your phone? On the iPhone there is a very limited notification system which means if you want to check if you have a Twitter message or a Facebook comment you have to open the app to find out. However, the Android has a notification bar which alerts users to new voice messages, email messages, Twitter and Facebook notifications, new Gmail messages and plenty more. If an app has a notification, it can let you know quickly, and in the background.

6. Synching with iTunes. The amount of tears that has been the result of wiping music and contacts from your phone after an unsuccessful and stressful synch could fill the Thames. This issue stems from needing to use iTunes to synch your phone whereas with an Android this is not the case. In addition, at times with the iPhone you can sync it with only a limited number of computers. Android phones do not need any such application and you can simply connect the phone into any computer and gain access to pictures, contacts, videos and music.

7. If you can’t beat them, join them… If these six reasons weren’t enough to persuade you then maybe this seventh will: Charlie Sheen has an android. #WINNING

This article was written in association with My Phone Deals who provide a wide range of iPhone, Blackberries and Android phones for 2011. They have everything from the latest phone releases to classic and reliable Nokia’s.

April 16, 2011
7 Reasons I Feel Sorry For Dundee

I wouldn’t blame you if the subject for today’s post has passed you by. The only reason it didn’t pass me by is because I spend a great deal of my life browsing the world wide web for inspiration. Unfortunately I stumbled across this. Dundee is getting it’s very own V&A Museum. Yesterday, the winning design was chosen. Given the design of the Scottish Parliament Building, I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was ugly. Curious as to what this abomination had been chosen over, I took a look at the shortlist. And then I realised I felt very sorry for Dundee indeed. Well, the whole of Scotland actually. Here is that shortlist:

1. The Stephen Holl Design. One of the first things you should notice about this is that you access the museum via one of those bridges you usually find spanning motorways should you wish to get from one service station to another. While this is a nice touch, I can’t be so complimentary about the rest of the design. It’s very tall, very thin and appears to be doing a bad impression of ‘the robot’. In other words, it’s a bit like Peter Crouch.

2. The Sutherland Hussey Design. What we have here is a box. With a few bits cut out. I used to have a Micro Machines military base that looked very similar. Only that was cool. To give the Architects some credit though, they have realised the error of their ways. That’s why they added a picture of a small boy trying to jump over the wall. I’d probably join him if I was confronted by this.

3. The REX Design. The last time I saw something like this, I was watching Superman. Only Superman wasn’t in Dundee, he was on Krypton. The effect, I suspect, would have been very similar though. What I particularly love about this design though, is that it clearly doesn’t have a roof. That’s why it’s filled with water. Genius.

4. The Snohetta with Gareth Hoskins Architects Design. I can’t comment on other angles, but from the one we are given above, all I can see is a submarine with a large whale not doing a very good job of hiding behind it. The submarine is also a bit too bling for me. I suspect it will blind more visitors than satisfy them. On the plus side, nice use of the skateboard ramp on the walkway.

5. The Delugan Meissl Design. If you are not thinking, ‘Sydney Opera House meets Pyramids meets Lord’s Cricket Ground Media Centre meets Alien Aircraft’ then there is something a bit wrong with one of us. And I am pretty sure it’s not me. Ignoring the design for a second, there is also something unreal about the architects impression. Bright blue sky. It just doesn’t happen in Dundee. As the other images on this page will confirm.

6. The Kengo Kuma Design. Before we go any further, let me tell you right now that this design won. That’s right, the Dundee V&A Museum is going to look like an image that hasn’t quite quite loaded properly. That, though, is just about the only criticism I have. Everything else (i.e.: the water, the sky and lack of people with dogs) I love. Good job.

7. The 7 Reasons Design. This didn’t make the shortlist, but I still see it as an improvement on all of the above. We’ve gone for ‘minimillistic with a casual twist’. The casual twist is the upside down brick. I can’t see any problems with this design, except maybe the fact that the building sits on the water and we haven’t provided a walkway for visitors. This might just encourage people to visit the proper V&A Museum in London though. So it’s win-win.

November 4, 2010
7 Reasons Fernando Is Faster Than You

7 Reasons Fernando Is Faster Than You

July 26, 2010