This doesn’t really need an introduction. Just press play. Or if that doesn’t work, email us and ask for a transcript. We won’t send you one, but we like to be asked.
The winner of last week’s Eighth Reason Competition was Robert. A. Foot. Partly as he was the only one to give a reason and partly because he is already owed a badge for his Guest Post last Saturday. This just reminds me to send it to him.
We didn’t make this – the internet sent it to us, and jolly good it is too. If we were in the habit of coming up with an eighth reason we could add that we’re not French. But we don’t come up with an eighth reason. That’s not our job. We only do seven. Or, sometimes, five with with a lot of extra-shiny-words to distract you. Not eight though. That would be unthinkable.
Hi there, I’m Marc (feet). We had a bit of a disagreement over what to bring you this Sunday. Jon felt that my Er, Y’Know video should be brought to a wider audience, and that we should feature that today, and I wanted to have a look at 7 weird and wonderful Facebook groups. We failed to come to an agreement so we’ve brought you both – one on each side of the screen. You can choose whichever one you fancy.
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This is Marc’s Er, Y’know video. He made it last weekend. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s well worth a watch. If you have, watch it again (I bet you can’t remember which side won).
I probably made a cup of tea while you were enjoying that. Mmmm. Tea. [/column]
[column width =”45%” padding =”5%”] There are many weird and wonderful groups and pages on Facebook. Here – as it’s a special number – are 7 of them.
A group devoted to wondering why earphones get tangled up on their own – they’re talking about earphones, rather than headphones – they’re right about the tangling though. How does that happen?
A group choc-full-of people that go weak at the knees when they hear someone speak English in a foreign accent. There are some extraordinary posts on their wall, including this one (if you click on it, it will grow)
Yup, me too. Not on a baby grand piano though. That would be wrong.
A group devoted to explaining all scientific and technological phenomena – in fact, pretty much everything – as the work of gnomes. Yes, gnomes. They also have a brilliant Wikipedia style website. There’s some beautifully inventive thinking going on there.
I’m a member of this group, but it’s like the mafia. You can never leave. Seriously, do you want your newsfeed to show you left the group “I’ve never had sex with a goat”?
Another group I’m a member of – though I’m no longer a student. I do, however, bound up and down staircases two steps at a time. The final step always requires a tricky adjustment – it’s a hazard to tall and energetic people. Architects take note.
The official Facebook page of 7 Reasons, which we’re launching today. Feel free to join. We hope to see you there.
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We don’t know which column you checked out, but we hope you enjoyed it. If you didn’t, try the other one – it might be more to your liking. Also, we’d like to wish mothers everywhere a happy Mothering Sunday. Well Done.
1. The Set-up. The start of the video could very well be the start of a James Bond film that stars Jennifer Aniston. Two jeeps pull up in the snow. A door opens. A man gets out. He turns around. And that’s where is ends. You could never have a Bond villain with a hairstyle like that. Well, not unless Bond himself was played by Mika.
2. The Waving. Let’s be honest about this, it’s horrendous. It is not proper waving. It is five people auditioning for a job as a window cleaner, 0:24 – 0:30. Personally I would give the job to the woman in the middle. She was getting right into the corners.
3. The Tinsel Drop. Nice moves George. Or not. The idea is that he drops the tinsel onto last year’s lover, so that he can crouch down, apologise and stare into her eyes. Watch it though. At 1:27 there is a cut in the video. Only for a split second, but it can be seen. This is because George Michael is useless when it comes to dropping tinsel. They did 132 takes and everytime George missed his lover. In the end they decided just to chuck a bit of tinsel over her and merge the two segments. It didn’t work. But it’s lovely that George has his faults.
4. The Ice Cool Dude. Look at this guy at 1:40. It’s freezing outside yet he has been in the woods chopping up a tree without gloves or a hat. It took me a while to work out why this might be the case but it came to me eventually. He wasn’t wearing a hat because if he was he wouldn’t have been able to hear the director shout instructions at him. He wasn’t wearing gloves because he’s an idiot.
5. The Chat Up Lines. You just have to look at the two girl’s faces at 2:19 to know that they have just been asked by the smarmy git on the left if they fancy a threesome. Unfortunately they cut away from them to show George preparing to inhale wine through his nose, so no one quite knows whether the threesome happened or not. Nothing wrong with imagining though.
6. The Irony. There is quite a lot of it in Last Christmas, but the main one is George Michael supposedly giving his heart away 365 days previously. To a girl. You seriously expect us to believe that George? With that running style between 3:00 and 3:05? But that’s what’s so great about it. For four minutes and sixteen seconds we convince ourselves to believe it. Then we pretend we can’t stand this song.
7. The Skis. Oh, they had skis with them – 3:50. I am sure I am not the only person to notice that they didn’t actually do any skiing. All we saw them do is drink wine, run around in the snow, look at each other seductively and eat a birthday cake (2:11 – don’t ask me why, it was probably someone’s birthday. Jesus’ probably). But that’s fine, it means Wham! were in touch with reality. Sure, people mean to attack the slalom when on a winter holiday, but as soon as they start on the Quality Street they decide it’s just not going to happen. Real people. Real attitudes to getting fat.
I think it’s fair to say that this is the only time I have had trouble cutting my reasons down to seven. Usually I have four reasons for something and spend all night trying to think of three more. I will have slept peacefully last night. That’s nice isn’t it?
1. Creedence Clearwater Revival – Have You Ever Seen The Rain? Yes, I have. Pretty much everyone has seen the rain. Write a song about something pretty much everyone has seen and pretty much everyone will be interested. Pretty much.
2. The Carpenters – Rainy Days & Mondays. This makes sense because only people who like rain would like Mondays. So basically The Carpenters were talking about people who should be locked up again very soon. Or idiots as they are more commonly known. You can only make such an opinion known via the medium of song.
3. BJ Thomas/Burt Bacharach – Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head. You can basically admit to being a muppet in a song about rain yet no one will ever pick up on it. Apart from me. If raindrops keep falling on your head then buy a bloody umbrella. Or walk on your head.
4. Neil Sedaka – Laughter In The Rain. As this song aptly demonstrates, if you are a man it is perfectly acceptable to sing about the rain while sounding like an slightly butch sixteen year-old girl. Something that in every other walk of life would be deemed suspicious. And probably illegal in at least eighteen US states.
5. Gene Kelly – Singing In The Rain. Standing in the rain and having a sing-song is quite frankly a stupid thing to do. You’ll get wet and cold and the sound of the rain hitting the ground will drown out your harmonies. But if you are a songwriter then you have free license to try and brainwash people.
6. Supertramp – It’s Raining Again. Rain doesn’t actually have to mean rain. Fascinatingly in this song the rain actually refers to bad times and the fact that they happen all too regularly. Cleverly though, by using the word rain and adding an uplifting tune, you don’t realise you are listening to something that should really want to make you commit suicide until it’s too late.
7. Carole King – Might As Well Rain Until September. It’s a throwaway comment. If you said, ‘It might as well rain until September’, in the pub you’d be scoffed at. Put it in a song though and it’s fine. Helen Shapiro will even cover it for you. As will a Canadian pop duo called Gary and Dave. Seriously.