After the success of last weeks poll in which a massive 79% of you said you would prefer to borrow Marc over me, I have decided to accept my place as the lesser member of the 7 Reasons team. I have also decided not to dwell on my humiliating defeat. Though it did hurt. A lot. But like I say, I am not going to dwell. Instead I am going to hand you ungrateful lot over to the 7 Reasons origami team.
Tag: pig
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Russian Roulette Sunday: The Return Of The 7 Reasons Origami Team
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7 Reasons That This Picture Is Amazing
A friend of mine sent me this picture. And it’s amazing. Here are seven reasons why.
1. It’s Cute. Just look at the sweet little pig feeding between the bigger pigs. Look how sweet and little and cute he is. Awwww. What a lovely, heart-warming, rustic scene.
2. It’s Compelling. The cute pig picture was on my monitor when my wife was walking past the room and, having glimpsed it, she was beside me within a nanosecond, looking rather flustered and seemingly unable to take her eyes off it. “Isn’t the little piggy cute?” I enquired. “Errr…er…yes”, she replied, before wandering off, looking back at it over her shoulder a couple of times as she left the room.
3. It’s Unexpected. The friend that sent me the picture of the cute pig did so in an email entitled Not What You Think. And he was right. Because usually when I get an email from him it contains some sort of smut or a horrific example of Darwinism. The last thing I expected was a nice animal picture. It seems that seeing the cute pig has brought out my friend’s better side.
4. It Brings Out Deep-Rooted Primitive Beliefs. Using my phone I showed another friend the picture of the cute piggy while we were in a bar and his reaction was extraordinary. After a couple of seconds looking at the picture, he grabbed my phone and tried to hide it under the table. I can only imagine he thought that by looking at the picture we were stealing the pig’s soul, but I never got the chance to ask because…
5. It’s Awesome. So awesome that the sight of it caused a woman seated a couple of tables behind us to gasp audibly and point, slack-jawed in our direction. This was unnerving and we left quite soon after. But not before I observed that…
6. It’s Inspirational. Because the gasping woman was obviously very taken with the cute piggy; I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but when her friend came back from the toilet she seemed very excited and spent several minutes telling her about the picture in a breathless and animated manner. She pointed many more times, and touched her ruddy cheeks a lot. The cuteness of the piggy seemed to have affected her greatly. Hormones, I expect.
7. It’s Baffling. Because I like the cute pig; I like the little fella a lot, don’t get me wrong. But other people seem extraordinarily taken with him, and there are other, cuter animal pictures out there that don’t provoke such a reaction. This one, for example:
Awww. Much cuter.
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7 Reasons Australians Shouldn’t Make Television
1. The Weather. It must be quite easy to present the weather in Australia, it’s always “nice” there, so you probably don’t have to be too bright to do it. That would explain this weatherman being outwitted by a pelican then.
2. Wipeout Australia. In Britain, we have Total Wipeout, a programme in which pudgy, potato-faced middle-managers from Droitwich lumber around a ridiculous assault course. Wipeout Australia uses the same course, except everything is harder and the machines go at about five times the speed. The people they send around don’t seem any leaner or sportier though, that wouldn’t be any fun.
3. Skippy. In Britain in the ’60s, men whistled at attractive young women in mini-skirts. In Australia in the ’60s, they whistled at kangaroos. Still, they seem quite happy.
4. Advert. Halfway through, so it’s time for a break. Would you like one of these? It’s undetectable, you know.
5. Soaps. The bush, mushrooms, a mysterious pig, a flaming hand – it has to be a soap opera. Obvious, really.
6. Marriage. This sort of thing never happened on Richard and Judy.
7. The dream. Okay, you knew it had to turn up somewhere didn’t you? That classic Neighbours dream sequence which came out of left-field and astonished the audience. No, not that one, this one. The accents are spot on, by the way.
Okay, it’s time for an admission. I was wrong. All of this stuff is awful, yet somehow brilliant. I’ve had so much fun putting this post together that I’ve become convinced that Australians should make more television – perhaps even all of it. As long as I don’t have to watch Paul Hogan again I’d be quite happy. I might even buy a hairpiece.
