7 Reasons

Tag: Men

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Women Are Better Than Men

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Women Are Better Than Men

    A few weeks ago we had Emily Clifford on our sofa showing us how it is done. Her post on reasons why men and women shouldn’t converse proved very popular – with women. Because we like women we thought we’d invite Emily back. Unfortunately she has gone AWOL in the Blue Mountains this weekend. Before she went though, she left a note for us under one of the sofa cushions. Jon’s side. It said if we wanted to continue the theme of making women feel superior to men we should speak to her sister. Well one thing led to another and before we knew where we were we found Natalie Clifford clawing at the sofa. We’ve allowed her to stay for the day in exchange for a hugely popular post about the brilliance of man. This is her effort. Oh dear.

    1.  Looks. It’s not my job to say who designed man and woman, but whoever it was clearly had a deadline and spent 97% of their time on the female body. And they have done a pretty good job with it. As for the man, well it looks as if they had a few left over bits and just cobbled it together. That penis thing. I don’t get how it could have gone so wrong.

    2.  Communication. Women are good at this as they can put words together to form sentences. Men are useless. Their favourite word is, “nothing”. As in, “What are you thinking about?”

    3.  Leaders. Men may like to think they are the head of the family but if they were why do they have to ask the woman to do something?

    4.  Multi-tasking. Men think multi-tasking is watching the football, drinking beer and looking after the remote control. In fact it is doing the ironing while cooking the dinner while helping son number one with his homework while telling son number two off for pulling daughter number one’s hair while she was asking mother if she could have a friend to play.

    5.  Better friends. When a man starts dating a woman, whose friends do they hang out with more? Yes, the woman’s. And when they get married, whose friends do they stay in contact with? Yes, the woman’s. Half the time a man’s friends don’t even know he has got married. They just think he went to the pub toilet five years ago and didn’t come back.

    6.  Memory. A woman can remember things like dates. And phone numbers. And names. And ages. And what school the children go to. And what the children’s names are. Men can’t even remember whether they wear glasses or not.

    7.  Vision. I am not sure what it is about men and their inability to see dust. I don’t adhere to the belief that they just can’t be bothered to clean, I honestly believe they are blind to dirt. Unless it’s on their shirt. In which case they give it to the woman to clean.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Men And Women Shouldn’t Converse (With Each Other)

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Men And Women Shouldn’t Converse (With Each Other)

    Sitting between us on the 7 Reasons sofa today (and complaining about the crumbs) is Fashion Journalist, Emily Clifford. Emily lives in Sydney and writes for a variety of publications ranging from Glamour and She to The Sydney Morning Herald and The Durban Mercury. Her hobbies include rock-climbing and reading this website. She says G’Day!

    1.  Humour. When women say they like a man who can make them laugh, this is true. When men say they like a woman who can make them laugh, this is false. They just want a woman who will laugh at their jokes.

    2.  Moods. When women say they are fine, this is false. They’re not. And would actually quite like to talk about it. Just not to you. When men say they are fine, this is also false. But it was true until you interrupted them while they were reading Jeremy Clarkson’s column.

    3.  No. When women say no, this is true. They have hundreds of better things to do. Like sleep. When men say no, this is false. Unless the football’s on.

    4.  Travel. When women say they know where they are going, this is true. They have been up all night planning the route. When men say they know where they are going, this is false. They are just going to wing it. Or switch on the sat-nav.

    5.  Decisions. When women say it’s your decision, this is false. The correct suggestion was suggested by her five minutes ago and it should be perfectly obvious. When men say it’s your decision, this is true. They know it can’t come back to haunt them that way.

    6.  Lateness. When women say they have been waiting twenty minutes, this is false. They spent so long doing their make-up and deciding what shoes to wear that they have only been waiting five minutes. When men say they have been waiting five minutes, this is false. They have actually been waiting twenty minutes, but see this as a great opportunity to do something they have read about and be the ‘better man’.

    7.  Dating. When women say they would love to see you again, this is true. When men say they would love to see you again, this is false. They just don’t know how to articulate the words, “This was great, but no thanks”. Bastards.

  • 7 Reasons You Upset A Woman

    7 Reasons You Upset A Woman

    fish-eyes

    Upsetting a woman is never very clever. Which is why man tries to avoid doing it. Unfortunately, trying is never really good enough. Sometimes we – and I speak on behalf of all man here – just end up in a situation where we can’t help but say something amusing. And make no mistake about it, what we say is amusing. It’s just that the fairer sex can’t see it. And so for some reason they get a bit annoyed. Here are seven examples of things we have have said to women that didn’t go down as well as they should have.

    1.  “Wow. You’ve got evil eyes!”
    Discovered: Friday 26th September 2009
    Discovered by: Jon
    Location: The Bedford, Balham
    Circumstances: Girl standing next to me was staring into my brain.
    Excuse(s): 1- Not sober. 2 – It was true. Consequence(s): 1 – Verbal abuse. 2 – Harmed Anglo-Cuban relations. 3 – Forced to down some alcoholic concoction that contained Sambuca and Absinthe.
    Positive(s): 1 – Free Drink.
    Action to take next time: Advise her to invest in a pair of large sunglasses.

    2.  “Is you sister really more dull than you or is that just not possible?”
    Discovered: 1997
    Discovered by: Simon
    Location: A pub in St Andrews, Fife
    Circumstances: I had endured a term of stories presented as being fascinating and exciting, in reality they were dull tales of life in Aberfeldy, mostly involving horse riding. She was preparing us for her sisters visit the next day by explaining that in comparison to her sibling she was the life and soul of the party.
    Excuse(s): 1 – Really not sober. 2 – Boredom following months of dull stories.
    Consequence(s): 1 –Having a most of a pint thrown over me. 2 – Loss of the pint for drinking purposes. 3 – Damage to a really rather nice shirt. 4 – Damage to Anglo-Scottish relations.
    Positive(s): 1- I didn’t have to meet the sister (which was very much on the cards) 2 – I never heard any more dull stories about horse-riding in Aberfeldy (or anything else for that matter).
    Action to take next time: Wait till you’ve met the sister and then compliment the first woman on how interesting and fun she is.

    3.  “I’m not really keen on it, do you still have the blue one?”
    Discovered: December 1997
    Discovered by: Marc
    Location: My then girlfriend’s bedroom.
    Circumstances: I was asked my opinion on the dress that she intended to wear to the Christmas Ball, ten minutes before we were due to leave.
    Excuse(s): 1 – I’m very honest.
    Consequence(s): 1 – I attended the 1997 Christmas Ball without a date.
    Positive(s): 1 – I was able to spend time with friends. 2 – I was able to break wind without apologising. 3 – I still don’t get asked my opinion on dresses.
    Action to take next time: Like the green one, no matter how inferior it is to the blue one.

    4.  “Well, not anymore he doesn’t, he’s dead.”
    Discovered: Late 2007
    Discovered by: Jon
    Location: My old flat in Crystal Palace
    Circumstances: Having a discussion with my flatmate about her dog. I found out he had been run over some years previously. Flatmate said something along the lines of, ‘He loves running around the garden’.
    Excuse(s): 1 – I was trying to be amusing.
    Consequence(s): 1 – She stared at me, looked a bit shocked, then left the room. 2 – I felt a bit uncomfortable. Positive(s): 1 – I could change the TV channel.
    Action to take next time: Don’t comment on photos of dogs that may be on the mantel piece.

    5.  “Piss off, Hitler!”
    Discovered: Autumn 2009
    Discovered by: Marc
    Location: The upstairs landing.
    Circumstances: My wife was attempting to comedy-slap me on the forehead with her right hand. I anticipated this and stepped backwards to avoid her hand. This left her standing with her right arm fully outstretched in what could have been interpreted as a Nazi salute.
    Excuse(s): 1 – It was funny.
    Consequence(s): 1 – She poked her tongue out. 2 – She ignored me for five minutes and spoke to the cat instead. Positive(s): 1 – I was able to ascertain what flavour squash she had been drinking from the colour of her tongue. 2 – She ignored me for five minutes and spoke to the cat instead.
    Action to take next time: I’m not sure yet. “Piss off, Goebbels?”

    6.  “It’s because they’re for girls.”
    Discovered: 13th December 2009
    Discovered by: Marc
    Location: A Department Store
    Circumstances: My wife and I were browsing in the kitchen section of a local department store.  She spotted a new range of mops, brooms, dustpans and brushes with a floral motif on their handles.  “Why are they covered in flowers?” she enquired.
    Excuse(s): 1 – It was funny.  2 – Shopping is dull and needs enlivening.
    Consequence(s): 1 – I received a look of utter contempt from my wife.  2 – The man next to us laughed loudly, but briefly, before he stifled it.  3 – The woman next to us scowled at the man next to us (presumably her husband) causing him to stifle his laughter.  4 – The woman next to us scowled at me.
    Positive(s): 1 – I am becoming familiar with the use of mops, brooms, dustpans and brushes.
    Action to take next time: Browse in the tools section.

    7.  “You are like an oven. When I turn you on, you get hot.”
    Discovered: Sunday 5th October 2009
    Discovered by: Bri McIntosh
    Location: Twitter
    Circumstances: Brian McIntosh sharing his best chat-up lines with the female world.
    Excuse(s): There aren’t any.
    Consequence(s): 1 – Mirth all round. 2 – Much ridicule. 3 – Re-Tweeted around the world. 4 – Posted on many blogs.
    Positive(s): None for Brian. Constant source of laughter for everyone else.
    Action to take next time: Don’t talk to girls. On or offline.

    Are you a man? If so, we want to know what you said. Just head over to our contact page and you may see yourself on this site very soon. Especially if your words of wisdom resulted in plates being thrown.