Tag: Men

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Men Are Scared Of Washing Machines

Historically much maligned for their domestic idleness, men have come a long way in recent years. Comfortable in the kitchen, happy to do the vacuuming and occasionally enthusiastic about childcare, the age of equality is very much here. Just don’t mention the laundry. It remains a baffling world where fancy, shiny, modern washing machines are viewed as Cyclopean nemeses, brooding away in the corner, ready to punish the simplest label-reading error or colour mix-up.

Here are seven very good reasons why doing the washing is anathema to the male of the species:

1. Men are confused that it has to happen at all, and with such astonishing regularity. Some would quite happily revert back to Victorian times when poor children were sewn into their clothes at the start of winter and then unstitched come the warmer months. Men will happily recycle a garment from the “floordrobe” – pick it up, dust it down, give it a cursory sniff and put it right back on. Who cares if it’s Thursday and they’ve been wearing it since Monday?

2. Powder, tablets, balls, gels – the list of things you can put in a washing machine has seemingly grown exponentially in recent years. It used to be simple – you put the powder in the drawer and that was it. Now some things go in the drawer, some go in the drum and some go in a bag in the drum – it’s become a very, very confusing world. Men would rather not risk putting the wrong thing in the wrong place.

3. Can he put his bath towel in with his pants? Can he wash that white merino wool sweater with his new red socks? Can he chuck his jeans in with his chinos? Constructing the ideal load is a minefield and best left to the experts. Especially after what happened to her favourite white top the last time he tried to be helpful. . .

4. Why are clothing labels full of symbols akin to those found on the walls of Egyptian tombs? A man shouldn’t need a copy of the Rosetta stone to decipher the care label on his favourite T-shirt. All those triangles, squares and circles resemble some kind of devilish cypher that war-time codebreakers would struggle to crack.

5. And if the clothes labels are bad, what about the dials on the machine? All those symbols, programmes AND temperatures – they are just a recipe for disaster. What’s wrong with a big button that just says “wash clothes”?

6. Men famously struggle with having a thorough look for something. A so-called “man look” involves confidently claiming to have looked everywhere for the house keys with no success.

Her: “Have you checked the top drawer in the hall?”
Him: “Yes, I had a look and they weren’t there.”
[Two minutes later]
Her: “Here they are.”
Him: “Where were they?”
Her: “In the top drawer in the hall. You must have had a man look.”

What does this have to do with washing? Well, there are all those pockets to go through and a man knows that he will inevitably fail to remove a golf ball that will proceed to rattle around the washing machine drum for half an hour or a tissue that will deconstruct itself all over a favourite jumper. Oh, and has anyone seen the cat?

7. Finally, doing the washing invariably leads to another baffling exercise: ironing. And that is not a path down which any man wishes to voluntarily tread . . .

July 25, 2013
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why It’s Good To Shop With Your Other Half!

She sees it as the ultimate cardio work out. He sees it as the ultimate test of endurance. It could mean only one thing… couples shopping!

Take a look around any town centre in the UK and you’ll see a familiar sight – women, the hunters of fabulous clothes; men, the carriers of bags and the heroes that help their ladies shoulder barge through the hoards of bargain hunters.

But while women are the Queens of the high street, it’s men who reign supreme on the internet. In this Infographic ‘Men Vs Woman – Battle of Spending Habits’, from financial solutions company Baines & Ernst, men actually come out on top as the biggest spenders, with alcohol, vehicles and gambling appearing in their top 5 purchases.

Men spend on average a total of £3,495 online every year and 15% more than women on their credit cards, making them the surprise cash flashers.

Although guys prefer the comfort of shopping from their armchair, there are certain benefits to being a co-pilot on a shopping trip…

Here are 7 reasons why it’s good to go shopping with your other half…

1. You earn excellent boyfriend brownie points! This is the only reason you really need to go shopping. Want a night out with your mates? Don’t want to be relegated to the other room to watch Match of the Day? Want an all night Xbox marathon with the boys? Well, you earned it buddy!

2. It’ll make your lady happy. A shopping wing-man is always good. And if you’re there to hang out with, tell her she looks good and treat her to lunch, your lady will be happy. And by doing all of this you’ll get… excellent boyfriend brownie points! *see point above for boyfriend rewards.

3. Pretty good way to while away the hours. If you’ve got nothing planned, then a trip to the shops can be a good excuse to check out the things you want to see and treat yourself to a few well deserved treats. Many big shopping centres also double up as entertainment complexes now, so if you get bored of wandering around the shops, you could go and have a really nice meal in one of the restaurants or catch a film.

4. Coming up to a special occasion? Use the time to plant seeds! Whether you’ve got an anniversary, birthday or Christmas coming up, you can use this time to look for what you want and plant some seeds. And it’ll give you the chance to check out what she’d like too.

5. You get regular sitting intervals. They’re in the changing room – you get to sit. Shops seem to have all designed dressing rooms with the gent in mind – creating little social areas for abandoned boyfriends so that you don’t get funny looks for loitering around outside changing rooms.

6. You get the gift of time. When you’ve been relegated to the boyfriend bench in the changing rooms, you can use this time to catch up on your phone admin. So you can message your mates, answer emails, check out Facebook, read the news and anything else you like without being asked “Who are you messaging?”

7. Its mutual ground. Okay, it might not be your most favourite activity, but it’s a good mutual ground for you to spend some time together and have a bit of fun. Grab a coffee, people watch and do some browsing. It could be worse!

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January 28, 2013
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Men Really Send Flowers

The time old tradition of sending flowers may be associated with well wishing, congratulations or the proclamation of love, however when men choose to furnish their loved one/ones with a fragrant bouquet of botanicals is rarely as plain as it seems. Forever masquerading as the simple, straight forward, uncomplicated strain of the human species, there lies a risk assessment, point scoring undercurrent to every decision a man makes, which would shock women. Well, maybe only some women. Actually, hardly any women, as most women are usually a few steps ahead in the second guessing game. For all those ladies who are still living in blissful ignorance of manipulating males, here are some illusion shattering things to look out for:

1. Persuasion. There is no such thing as a free bunch. One of the more obvious reasons, I grant you, but worth a mention anyway. Love hungry men trying to lure a mate or those who are trying to reignite passion need to flag their intentions. To send flowers may look like an innocent declaration of gentle feelings, but beware, strings will be attached.

2. Showing off. Although men have evolved from knuckle dragging primitives of yester year into modern day knuckle dragging primitives, they have failed to develop any colourful plumage. In lieu of shakeable eye-catching tail feathers or a flamboyant extendable quiff these simple-minded beasts resort to flowers, attempting to bedazzle their prey.

3. Distraction. How could a man considerate enough to send you flowers consider sending anyone but you flowers to? However, could those beautiful, fragrant roses have been sent to throw you off the scent? Always read the label. If they are simply addressed to ‘My Darling’, ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Love Puff’, further questioning may be required.

4. Get Out Clause. So, you receive an arm full of Gladioli from your beloved, so glorious that it would make Morrissey weep with jealousy were he to unexpectedly clap eyes on it. Nevertheless, before you start swinging them round your head whilst singing ‘This Charming Man’, think. Has he, or is he planning on letting you down any time soon? Only time will tell.

5. Lazy. There’s not much to it really. Sending flowers cancels out having to waste any time or thought about what to get someone. Flowers can be ordered to and from anywhere in the world in less time that it takes to eat a doughnut. The old adage ‘It’s the thought that counts’ is true, but it is also the ‘effort’ and ‘imagination’ that counts, and will be counted.

6. Guilt. ‘Sorry’ does seem to be the hardest word and one that men feel they don’t have to bother actually saying if they have sent flowers. Avoiding the real issues and trying to curry favour with someone whom they may have wronged occasionally works. However, unless men man up and say exactly what they are sorry about, the flowers in question may count against them.

7. Love. Ok, ok. I’ll admit it. The majority of men who send flowers to their loved ones do so purely to make them happy. Crazy, I know, but in this cynical world we live in it is easy to forget that doing something to make someone feel all warm and fuzzy can in turn make the doer feel all warm and fuzzy too. So, why not start to make everything much warmer, fuzzier and if you suffer from hay fever, sneezier by buying someone they love some flowers.

December 1, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why A Mobility Scooter Will Score You Chicks

Mobility scooters used to be a vehicle of ridicule. That was until they became the latest must-have accessory for trendy London types looking to make a statement. Let’s face it, chicks dig a guy with wheels. This is an undisputed fact. The capital city trail blazers are just the first to realise the humble mobility scooter’s true potential.

Here are seven reasons why London trendsters are pulling out the mop and cleaning up with the ladies.

Frank Jefferson, 84, thought his secret pick-up technique was safe

1. It Makes You Different. Forget about fixies. Forget about those super-stylish, thick-rimmed glasses with no lenses. Forget everything you once knew. The mobility scooter is here and it’s what’s going to make you stand out in 2012. Analysts are recommending that all those considering a mobility scooter should purchase one as soon as possible before the river of wonder-struck babes dries up.

2. Age Becomes No Object. Ever had your eye on that gorgeous cougar in the office but been shunned because of your seemingly tender years? Worry no longer. Rock up to work on one of these bad boys and she’ll forget that you’re 20 years her junior. Shock and mesmerise as you take the lift up to the 6th floor, await the doors to open before ramming the throttle and blasting past her desk in an 8mph whirlwind of lust. She’s yours now compadre, and we’re proud of you.

3. Park Where The Balls You Want. Say no to restrictions. The mobility scooter allows you to park wherever you want. Hell, park up in front of a cop car if you want. What are they going to say? Nothing, because you’re the coolest bro in town.

4. Late Night Safety. It’s a dangerous world out there. Things can turn ugly real quick. So, as your silhouette glides effortlessly past a group of oncoming hoodies, there’s little doubt that you’re going to scoot past without hassle. What’s the alternative? You bike head long into the group of youths riding your fixie and wearing a pair of Joe 90s? You’ll get decked. Avoid the pain and embarrassment by gently revving the engine to a steady 5mph and cruise straight past the suckers. You can even smile and wave if you like. They won’t do anything. They’ll be too busy thinking about how many chicks your wheels have scored you.

5. Skip The Queue. You’re a busy man about town. The last thing you need is to be waiting in line with all the other nobodies. You’re a somebody now. Don’t forget that. Casually drift past the queue of civilians as you, mobility royalty, focus on securing first place in line. And you will. In situations where comments are passed, simply point to your rims, shake your head and flip the bird as you nonchalantly scoot headlong to the front. Remember to maintain eye contact. They won’t question you again.

6. Make A Name For Yourself. You’re bound to get into trouble with the police. Women flock to you, bouncers send you through as VIP, you’ve been awarded a knighthood – all of which is bound to draw unwanted attention from unscrupulous bacon.
Fear not. Let them come at you. Let them see the man that you’ve become. The only crime you’ve committed is becoming England’s most eligible bachelor.

They may try to pin a falsified charge on you. Driving without mobility insurance perhaps. After all, they want you off the streets. They want a level playing field for the rest of society and with you out there, that’s simply not possible. When your brush with the law inevitably transpires, preparation is key. Know the drill inside out. Reach into your mobility scooter’s storage compartment, don your sheriff’s hat and repeat:

“These streets would be anarchy if I wasn’t around. So who’s the real peace keeper here?”

Dumbstruck and in a state of resignation, the police you once feared will buckle under the weight of your supremacy. At this point, simply flip the bird and continue on your merry way. Flipping the bird is now your right.

7. Win. Win at everything. If the previous six reasons have taught you anything it’s this: with these new powers, you’re immune to failure. The win is yours if you want it. Scrap that, everything is yours if you want it. Make it happen. Be one of the first to embrace the mobility scooter’s awesome power and, in return, prepare yourself for the embrace of a thousand eager bed-time-babes.

June 12, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Get Married

If you’re a single, broke bachelor who spends his time hopping from bar to bar trying to get some action on a Saturday night, marriage might be the best thing that could happen to you. So what if the divorce rate is over 50 percent in the United States? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

1. You Get To Have A Stag Weekend. When women get married, most of them want the wedding of their dreams, but what’s in it for you? If you have the right groomsmen, they will make sure you have the best stag weekend that you could ever imagine. Your stag weekend can last for as long as you want. You can have it all: scantily-dressed women, booze and music. Sky’s the limit. It’s like Mardi Gras meets your birthday. What’s there not to like?

2. Say Goodbye To Condoms. When you tie the knot, you are no longer under obligation to use condoms because you are both officially off the market. Even if you’re not trying to knock up your wife, she will be more willing to look into other birth control alternatives that don’t involve a slipping on a piece of rubber during moments of passion.

3. She’ll Do Your Laundry For Free. It’s probably been a while since a woman was more than happy to wash your dirty clothes. The last time that happened to you was probably when you used to drop off your laundry at your mother’s house during your weekends home from college. Take advantage of the opportunity.

4. Your Debt Becomes Her Debt Too. If you’re like most Americans, you’ve accumulated some debt. You probably have credit card and student loan debt, and you can have someone to share it with until death do you part. Marriage is about commitment, and your wife will be also held legally accountable for your debt.

5. She’s Under Contract To Love You. Even if you’re not a romantic, it’s nice to know that your wife has promised to love you no matter what you do. You don’t have to spend so much time impressing her because she must have been impressed with you to marry you in the first place. You can be yourself. Leave the dishes in the sink. Watch sports all night. Burp in bed. She loves you.

6. Marriage Makes You More Attractive. You may be a one woman man, but once you get married, single women will love you more than ever. Your attractiveness will quadruple as soon as you get back from your honeymoon. Even if you’re not one to cheat, it sure feels good to be wanted.

7. You’re Guaranteed More Sex. Once you put a ring on it, you’ve locked down your sex life too. The idea that married men get laid less than single men do is only based on 1 percent of the population, according to Kinsey Institute. While 23 percent of non-married men often go up to 12 months without sex, only 1 percent of married men experience dry spells that last an entire year.   Everyone around you may be running away from marriage, but these guys don’t know the real benefits of marrying a beautiful woman who can make your life ten times better. After you say “I do,” you will not only have a built in sex buddy, cleaning lady and financial advisor, but a lifelong friend who has your back.

Post contributed by Andrew Jones on behalf of Chillisauce.

March 17, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Men Should Never Wear A Pink Personalised T-Shirt

“Pink T-Shirt?! PINK T-SHIRT?!?!?! Are you…? Are you…serious? Why is that guy wearing that? Pink?! REALLY?!”

The above is, believe it or not, an abbreviated (and cleaner) version of the thought process racing through a man or woman’s head when they spot that rare and ridiculous beast: the pink T-shirt-wearing male.

Here is a fun list of reasons you should NOT be that beast:

1. All Aboard The Camp-er Van. OK. Let’s start with the reason that most red-blooded males will put at the top: it’s camp. A pink t-shirt is camp. And wearing a pink t-shirt is even camper. If you deem yourself to be camp, well that’s fine. You are what you wear. But if you’re not camp, well then a pink t-shirt is just not for you. Many things in life are said to be impossible. But they’re not really. Wearing a pink t-shirt and not looking camp, however, is. You just can’t do it. Wearing a pink t-shirt gives off certain signals you see. Like using straighteners on your hair or painting your nails. People might just think you care a little TOO much about your appearance. And that makes you a tart.

2. I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty. Unconvinced by the last point? This is the 21st century, right? We can straighten our hair and wear nail varnish and put on our mummy’s dresses and sing West Side Story. Errr…no…no you can’t. Metro sexuality was a passing fad to shift product. It’s gone now. Wave goodbye. Basic traditions stand the test of time for a reason.

3. Why? Just Why? Think of all the other personalised t shirts colours you could wear…
BLACK: Mysterious.
WHITE: Clean and cool.
RED: ROAR!
YELLOW: Summer time.
GREEN: …Dude…
BLUE: Cool.
PINK….now tell me, after that list, pink doesn’t NATURALLY strike you as a little odd.

4. Pink Is Not For Girls. Even WOMEN don’t really wear pink. Think about Angie at the Oscars. Elizabeth Hurley in THAT dress. Black is sexy. Red is feisty. Pink doesn’t often make the list for chicks, so…cased close?

5. You’re Fired. OK so you want three more reasons. You greedy piglets. Ladies and gentleman of the jury I refer you to the excellent, internationally-loved cartoon series The Simpsons. In the episode ‘Stark Raving Dad’ Homer is fired from work by Mr. Burns for being a “free-thinking anarchist” BECAUSE he wore a PINK SHIRT to work! So in Simpson-world it’s OFFICIALLY CRAZY. And let us NOT forget, ladies and gentleman of the jury, that Homer wore that pink shirt by MISTAKE! He washed his reds with his whites. He did NOT BUY a pink shirt.

6. It’s Not Rocket Science. If you want us to go all technical on you, we will. PINK is scientifically proven to only go with a very select amount of skin tones. We are pink and peachy and pasty and black and white and brown and NONE OF THOSE, not ONE is supposed to be a great fit with pink. Don’t blame us. BLAME SCIENCE.

7. Horticultural Impact. The word Pink comes from flowers…

BONUS REASON: Try Google image searching ‘Brad Pitt wearing pink personalised T-shirt’ or George Clooney or Johnny Depp. NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING can be found.

March 16, 2012
7 Reasons Weddings Aren’t Just For Girls

It is a common belief that weddings are for girls. From a young age they are brainwashed into believing it’s the one day when they are a Princess and waiting for them at the altar is their very own Prince Charming. I know, it makes your skin crawl. The thing is though, in the nine months that I have been engaged, I have come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, weddings are for boys too. (This post is written with apologies to men everywhere.)

Cricket Wedding Cake Topper by Louise Hunter

1. Food. You can have pretty much anything you like – within your budget of course. And because we all have more than one favourite meal, the real bonus is that you can offer two or three options on the menu. When you then bring in to the equation that there are going to be about one hundred other people eating the food that you love the opportunity of being able to get your hands on seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths and sixths isn’t so much a possibility as a certainty.

2. Speeches. Three of them. All by men. It’s the only time in life when women have no choice but to be quiet for an hour. There is a newfangled phase coming in that is seeing brides saying a few words too, but if you are lucky you’ll be at a more traditional wedding where the women stop rabbiting for a while.

3. Free Dating Service. Assuming you’re not the groom, weddings are fantastic for men. I mean, obviously they are good for the groom because you get a wife, but for other men, single men, they are also really good. Not only do you get free, limitless amounts of food and alcohol, the bride and groom will have probably made it their unofficial mission of the day to fix you up with someone. That’s why you’ll almost certainly find yourself sitting next to a single lady. Never fear if you don’t like her though, the bridesmaids are always up for it. It’s tradition. Usually under the cake table.

4. Planning. My future wife and I don’t argue, but we do have differing opinions. She’s of the opinion that there is a lot to get done for the wedding while I am of the opinion that it (whatever it is) will get done and I will get around to doing it just as soon as the cricket and rugby seasons have finished. It’s a test of resolve really. Which is pretty much what life is like really. So saying weddings are just for girls, is like saying life is just for girls. It’s not. It’s for boys too. Until they get married anyway.

5. Secrecy. With most weddings occurring on Saturdays, men are going to miss sport.* This means they have to check the scores on their mobile phones. It’s quite a thrill I assure you. Trying to do such a thing without your girlfriend, mother, new wife noticing. My cousin got married during the Beijing Olympics and while I was thankful for the eight-hour time difference, the ceremony still clashed with the 200m final. I was thankful for the whispering commentary behind me. Though the mother of the bride looked less than impressed with the news that Usain Bolt had done the business. Which is shame really. He ran jolly fast.

6. Hats. It’s odd, women spend months agonising over what to wear and which hat to don, then, come the wedding they hardly keep it on. The hat that is. Most of them usually manage to keep their clothes on. The hats form a source of hilarity though. Especially for the men. If you didn’t laugh at the woman who looked like she was wearing a satellite dish and got it lodged in the church door, you will do by the time you get to wear it. Hats are always passed around by men. They are always tried on. Photos are always taken. It’s strange, go to House of Fraser and try on a lot of hats and people think you’re weird. Try a load on at a wedding though and people think you’re cool and funny. They’re a fickle bunch.

7. Wife. You get one! A real-life, flesh and bones wife! Wives are cool so I’m told. They cook nice food, they iron your shirts, they let you watch sport. And they do it for the rest of your lives together. Which, assuming she doesn’t catch you watching Baywatch, could be for a very long time indeed. Funky.

*Except at mine which has been deliberately organised for a date before the start of the Olympics, before the start of Wimbledon, after the England rugby team have been on their summer tour and in-between Test Matches. It does though clash with Euro 2012. But you can’t have everything.**

**I will keep you updated throughout my speech though. Don’t worry.

NB: This post is dedicated to my future wife (and not just because she helped me think of some of the reasons). It’s because, you know, I love her and stuff.

October 19, 2011
7 Reasons To Smile At A Stranger

The other week I came across a nice little campaign from a New York City-based good karma deliverer. Going by the name of Urban Muser, he/she is leaving notes in subway stations and on trains encouraging people to smile at strangers. And then other people, from all over the world, are doing it too. It’s a lovely idea, simply but effectively executed. We should smile at strangers more. Here’s why:

Smile At A Stranger by Kim Tackett

1. Love. It’s easily done. You’re sitting on the bus and bham! your future wife/husband sits in the seat opposite you. You don’t know them. You’ve never seen them before in your life, but something deep down in your loins says this is the one for you. So, what do you do? Do you carry on reading the paper and hope they come over and ravish you right then and there or do you take matters into your own hands? All you have to do is catch their eye and smile at them. The chances are they’ll immediately turn away, but don’t fret this is natural instinct. They’ll turn back. And when they do, smile again. If they smile back, you’re in. If they don’t, never mind. Just make sure you get off at the next stop. You don’t want to be accused of stalking.

2. Opinions. Maybe you’ve just had a session in the dentist’s chair and now want an opinion on your freshly cleaned pearly whites. Smile at someone. If they whip out their sunglasses you’ll know your dentist has done a good job. If they ask you if you’d like to borrow a bit of dental floss, you know you’ve just been ripped off.

3. Cracked It. Have you noticed that people find chimpanzees and monkeys cute? This can’t be because they pick both their noses and bottoms. That’s disgusting. It must be because they have a cheeky smile. So the next time someone catches you with your hand down your pants just smile at them. They’ll immediately fall for you.

4. Annoy. If someone is annoying you, don’t fire the staple-gun at their head again, smile at them. And don’t stop. Get in their face and smile at them. Even when they ask you what you’re smiling at, don’t stop. Don’t even speak. Just keep smiling. I guarantee that within two minutes they will be far more hacked off with you than you were with them. Especially if you follow them into the toilets and peer over the cubicle door.

5. Intrigue. Just go and sit in a cafe and smile at your fellow coffee drinkers. They’ll wonder what on earth you are smiling at. They’ll be intrigued by you. Are you coming on to them? Are you a spy? Do they have froth on their top lip? Just don’t smile at the girl with the big boyfriend. Especially if you are with your own girlfriend.

6. Reactions. When I was a schoolboy, I was cool. Whenever I went off to another school in the minibus to play rugby or cricket or hockey or other posh-boy sports (like chess), I used to smile and wave at random people as we passed by. In wasn’t a casual smile and wave though, this was a smile and wave that screamed, ‘Hello! I know you!’. The double-takes were priceless. In the minibus I was heralded a genius. Though when in France I accompanied it with a “Salut!” and a boy on a bike very nearly killed himself under a lorry. So you’ve go to choose your moments wisely. An you can do too much. So my advice is don’t do the French shouting to start with. Or the waving. Build it up over a period of time. To begin with, just smile as you walk past someone. A smile that says, ‘I know you!’. You’ll enjoy it, I promise. One day, if you’re lucky, you might become cool too.

7. Contagious. Smiling, like laughing, is contagious. According to the Guinness World Record website, there is no world-record for the number of people smiling at once. (Though, incidentally, I have just set it with the grand total of one). Therefore, why not try and set one. Smile at as many strangers as you can and hope that they smile enough to catch someone else’s eye. Then they’ll smile and the cycle will begin. Eventually everyone in the world will be smiling. And that’s a world record that can’t be broken. Here’s a picture of Jon and Marc smiling to get you started.

October 11, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Women Are Better Poker Players Than Men

I know what you’re thinking: you haven’t seen too many members of the fairer sex sitting at the winner’s table on the World Series of Poker Championship. In fact, a woman has never won (or even been the runner up). So how can women be better poker players and not get in on the biggest event of the year? In truth, there simply aren’t that many women out there playing poker in general, much less competing at the elite level. As James Brown aptly stated, this is a man’s world, and even if women were inclined to break in (which few are) they might find themselves the subject of scoffing, ridicule, and derision, making it more than a bit uncomfortable to continue. This statement also seems to hold true even with real time gaming casinos that you can see and play on the internet. However, if a women understood the many ways in which they hold all the cards when it comes to hijacking a game, they might be more interested in hitting the tables. Here are a few reasons to drop the dishrag and get to the casino.

1. Anatomy. The feminine wiles are built to beguile, and when it comes to playing poker you need to use every asset to your advantage. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go beyond the boundaries of decency, but there’s no law against flaunting what you’ve got in order to distract and befuddle your male opponents.

2. Emotions. Men generally expect women to be emotional basket-cases and you can definitely create a strategy based on this misconception. While most men try to put up a stone-cold façade when they play poker, you can easily mess with their game by running the gamut of emotions. Not only will they have trouble reading you, but you can use this trick to conceal tells, upset the balance of the game, and keep your opponents guessing at what your wild mood swings might signal.

3. Sexism. Men don’t expect women to be able to compete at poker simply because it is a male-dominated field. They will try to bully you out of the game by acting superior and using aggressive betting tactics. But don’t let them get you riled. Instead, be patient and let them overextend – then go in for the kill!

4. Multitasking. Believe it or not, juggling the demands of a job and a household has made you eminently qualified to play poker. If you can load children and groceries into the car while brokering a business deal over the phone, you can certainly weigh the odds on your hand while searching for opponent tells and bluffing until you can get the cards you need. Can a man do that? Send your husband to the grocery store for eggs and milk and watch him come home with £70 worth of junk that the children talked him into (but no eggs or milk). Yeah, you get the idea.

5. Reading People. Any mum can tell when her children are lying, and since most men are like overgrown boys, you can definitely use this skill to unseat opponents at the poker table. If you’re not a mum, never fear; you’ve probably spent enough time fending off male attention to know when a man is trying to sell you a line of bull.

6. Snap Decisions. Indecision is a luxury most women cannot afford. With a multitude of tasks to accomplish each and every day, it’s important to prioritise and trust one’s intuition. This skill is invaluable to a poker player.

7. Research. This isn’t like dice or roulette games, in which everything is more or less left up to chance; poker is a thinking game, so the more you know, the better your odds of winning. Women have a tendency to approach situations from a place of knowledge, meaning they will research a new topic to death. This only means that you will have an edge over even more advanced male players, many of whom mistakenly believe they have reached a point where they know it all. With ongoing research and practice you can prove them all wrong!

October 8, 2011
7 Reasons Not To Have A Conversation With Someone You Think You Know, But Don’t

I have half-an-hour to go before my meeting so I take cover just outside Liverpool Street Station. I’m not alone. Despite the rain we’re a hearty brollyless bunch. A man quips about it being a good job the Evening Standard is now free. We laugh. Probably for a bit too long. A woman decides she’d prefer to get wet. The space she leaves is immediately filled by a man. A man about my age. A man who I end up performing a double-take toward. “I know him!” I think to myself, “That’s.. erm.. that’s Tom!”

1. Introduction. I move towards Tom. He hasn’t seen me yet. I wonder if I should jab him in the ribs or tickle him, then I decide probably not. We hadn’t seen each other for years and even when we did frequent The Mitre in Fulham our relationship never reached rib-jabbing levels. Instead I manoeuvre into his vision and say, “Hello!”

“Hi,” he says back, a little less excitedly than I had hoped.

“Been a while, huh?” I say, lifting my eyebrows in the process as if to add weight to my observational skills.

“Urm, yeah,” he replies, adding lack of interest to his already unexcitable bearing.

2. Awkward Situation One. I get the feeling that Tom doesn’t really want to talk to me. Maybe he has an interview. Maybe he still reckons I owe him for a pint. I rack my brains. I was always good at paying for my round. In fact, I think Tom owes me. I can’t be sure so I decide to let it go. And anyway, I have more pressing matters. Like working out what to do now. It would look weird if I just walked away wouldn’t it? I decide to try and bring him out of his shell.

3. Small Talk. “You still living in the place?” I ask.

“Er.. yeah.”

“Still with Harriet?”

“Who?”

“Harriet? You still with her?”

“I don’t know anyone called Harriet,” he replies. And for the first time he looks directly at me. I freeze.

4. Awkward Situation Two. This isn’t Tom! I don’t know this bloke at all! He doesn’t even look anything like Tom now. What the hell must he be thinking? What the hell am I going to do now? Do I just apologise and move back to my spot? Do I leg it?

5. Weirdness. Then something really odd happens. He doesn’t make his excuses and walk away. He doesn’t just completely ignore me. He doesn’t ask me who I am. Instead he asks me a question. A question I have to ask him to repeat. Twice.

“Do you mean Hannah?”

Do I mean Hannah? Do I? I don’t know. I mean, I do know. I know I don’t mean Hannah. I know I mean Harriet. But this looks like an escape route. A small ray of light down a dark tunnel. I decide to take it.

“Hannah! Yes, not Harriet, I mean Hannah! How is she?”

6. Awkward Situation Three. “Ah, didn’t you hear?”

“Hear what?”

“She died.”

Oh. Bloody hell.

7. Goodbye. If you’ve never been in the situation where you’ve introduced yourself to a stranger only to be told that the stranger’s girlfriend is now dead, I urge you to avoid it. It is quite frankly the worst situation I have ever found myself in. And that includes my next-door neighbour’s garden when I was nine. It took me well over a decade before I was able to look at naked women again. (Mind you that wasn’t down to a lack of effort on my part). I didn’t quite know what to say. I think I just stared at Tom opened mouthed. I couldn’t quite believe it. I suspect we were only stood there for a few seconds not saying anything, but it could have been ten minutes. It’s all something of a blur. I could not quite believe how I had managed to find myself in this situation.

“Anyway,” began ‘Tom’, “I’m going to be late. Sorry just to burden you with that news. Give me a call. We’ll go for a beer.”

He held out his hand. I shook it.

“Yeah, that would be good,” I said, as he began to walk away. “Take care.”

And with that he was gone. I couldn’t call him. I couldn’t go for a beer with him. I didn’t have his number. I had no idea who he was. All I knew is he was a bloke who had once lost someone called Hannah. I headed off towards my meeting feeling a profound sense of sadness. It started raining harder. I held my Evening Standard above my head.

September 9, 2011