7 Reasons

Category: Other Posts

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: The A to Z of 7 Reasons (part I)

    Russian Roulette Sunday: The A to Z of 7 Reasons (part I)

    Crikey!  It’s the first part of an A to Z of 7 Reasons.  Whatever will they think of next?  Yup, the second part.  Almost certainly.

    A is for Advertising. It’s something we haven’t quite got right yet. Since we blew the whole of our budget on an ad from Pearl & Dean, we have been kicking around trying to make the most of our own talents. Which is why we’ve created masks and stolen 1970s posters and changed the words. We’ll get it right though. Someday.

     

    B is for Bath.  Much of the creative thought that goes into 7 Reasons occurs in the bath.  Many, many posts and website features have had their genesis there.  The bath is a place of much 7 Reasons creativity.  It is not, however, a place for 7 Reasons meetings.  We won’t make that mistake again.  Oh the horror.

     

    C is for Cat. Or, to give him his correct name, Horatio Pyewackett Caractacus Fearns. This is who actually comes up with all posts for the Yorkshire side of the sofa. And probably explains all the scratches.

     

    D is for Daily.  7 Reasons has a new post every day.  Not always with the correct amount of apostrophes, but it’s there (or rather here) every day.  We’re more reliable than the postman, more dedicated than god, and more committed than…in fact, we probably should be committed.

     

    E is for Eighth Reason Competition. One of the better ideas Jon has had, though that isn’t saying much. You may not have realised it, but it is still running. All you have to do is think of an eighth reason for one of that week’s posts and you may well win a badge. Well actually, you will win a badge. Because no one else will enter.

     

    F is for France.  We’re probably not welcome there.  Perhaps as a result of this image.

    Or as a result of this post.  Or this post.  Or this post.

     

    G is for Guests. Every Saturday someone joins us on the sofa. And they’ve come up with some intriguing observations. Things about gussets; and cricket kits looking like bananas; and freckles. And, rather frustratingly, they always prove the most popular posts of the week.

     

    H is for Hell’s teeth!  Which is what I exclaimed when 7 Reasons was first read in Ulaanbaatar.  Strange that someone in Mongolia would want to know why Marc’s afraid of Flamenco dancers but there you go.  The world:  It’s a bit odd.

     

    I is for Intelligence. This is something Marc and Jon are still striving for. Though until 7 Reasons is finally put to rest, they’ll go on looking at plant pots and Germans and tortoise shells and thinking there are 7 Reasons right there.

     

    J is for Jennifer.  Jennifer Aniston.  Ah Jennifer, Jennifer.  Jen Jen.  One day we feel sure that you’ll respond to our phone calls/emails/faxes/letters/texts/tweets/notes written on beermats and pushed under your door/petrarchan sonnets performed from the depths of your garden hedge.  One day.  One fine day.  One happy, happy day.  One glorious day.

     

    K is for Kent (via Sussex). This is where the first half of the 7 Reasons team is based. If we are doing it in alphabetical order. If we’re doing it in height order, it would be the second half. But we’re not. We’re doing it in alphabetical order. So it’s the first half.

     

    L is for Lucubration.  Like most good things, much of the work that goes into 7 Reasons happens at night, while mere mortals are sleeping or watching television or knitting or whatever people do at night when they’re not writing.  They edit probably.  We don’t know what they do, we are busy.  We write.  At night.  Oh, and during the day too.   We just wanted to show off our fancy word.

     

    M is for Muppet. If it wasn’t for muppetry, you wouldn’t be reading this A-Z now. All will become clear next week.  We’re very excited about next week.  Be sure to clear three minutes and seven seconds in your diary next Sunday.  We’ve cleared six minutes and fourteen seconds, but then there are two of us.  Did we mention that we’re excited?

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Race A Bed

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Race A Bed

    Approximately 50% of the 7 Reasons Team attended the Great Knaresborough Bed Race yesterday.  Held annually in the North Yorkshire town of Knaresborough, the bed race is a quirky traditional event much like cheese-rolling or bog-snorkelling (in fact, it contains elements found in both of those events).

    The bed race takes place every June and consists of teams comprising six runners and one rider pushing their bed on a short circuit around the (almost impossibly) hilly market town, including climbing a one in five gradient, before eventually arriving at the River Nid.  Teams then launch their bed and themselves into the water and cross the river, before dragging themselves and their bed out, up a steep muddy bank, at the other side.  It looks ridiculously hard.  Though fun.

    You might be wondering why we’re telling you about this.  The reason for this is, when watching the waterborne part of the bed race from a wooden rowing boat on the River Nid (the place to watch it) a friend turned to me and said, “This is amazing, there’s only one thing that would be better than watching this from the river.”

    I was fairly certain that I knew where this was going but I bit anyway, “What?”

    “Being in the bed race.”

    Now, I thought about this idea for quite some time and it actually is a good one.  It looks challenging, fun, and a bit eccentric – all of the things we love here.  This is why we’re looking for volunteers to join the 7 Reasons Great Knaresborough Bed Race 2011 Team.  At the moment we’re looking for runners, not riders, and applicants must be able to push heavy beds up and down steep hills and swim with a bed on their shoulders.  In short, you’ll need to be very fit, and very daft (and possibly a little soft in the head).

    They haven’t opened entries for 2011 yet, but usually they need to be in by January/February so there’s plenty of time to decide, but we would like to get a rough idea of who’s interested so please get in touch with [email protected] and let us know if you want to come and help us die with a bed next June.

    We haven’t chosen a charity yet, we’ll put that to the vote amongst team members.  So if you have a particular cause you feel should be benefiting from this madness, you’ll need to sign up.  Here’s a rough idea of what to expect:

     

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Make Do And Mend.

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Make Do And Mend.

    Russian Roulette Sunday

    Hello. It’s Sunday again. And Sundays come as Sundays do – after five days of hoping that the other 7 Reasons writer has come up with something for Sunday. They never have. Which is why Marc came to me yesterday, breathless and devoid of inspiration, and said, ‘We don’t have anything for Sunday do we?’

    ‘No,’ I replied, supping on a cup of tea and stroking my mirror.

    ‘Damn,’ was his silent reply.

    We sat in silence for a minute or twenty. Neither one of us prepared to say, ‘Let’s have a Sunday off’. Then, just as I was about to snap my gingerbread man at the neck, Marc leapt out of his chair and kicked the cat. ‘Let’s do some more advertising!’ he declared.

    ‘Marc,’ I began, my blood beginning to simmer at my colleagues scant disregard for our lack of money, ‘we don’t have any finances. You gave all our money away to Pearl & Dean and my masks have proved about as popular as Esther Rantzen in a…well about as popular as Esther Rantzen’.

    ‘You make a good point Jon,’ Marc said, taking off his pith helmet and vaulting over the desk, ‘but maybe we can just make do and mend.’

    I looked puzzled, Marc was using phrases from World War II again. ‘How do you mean, Marc?’

    ‘I mean, we just use a load of old adverts and pimp them to suit 7 Reasons. Then we can ask people to put them up in their windows and on the back of their cows.’

    ‘Genius!’ I shouted, sending tea all over my groinal department. And with that Marc left, leaving a waft of whisky and a cat stuck in my plant pot.

    Thirteen hours later we were finished. And so was the cat.

    So yes. Please choose your preferred poster and stick it up in your place of work, caravan, shed or personal telephone box. Then take a photo and send it to us. It’s not that we are an unbelieving duo, we just like to know our hard work has been worth it.


  • 7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

    7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

     

    Today I am offering a public service. To man. By addressing you. The woman. I know man is seen as the least romantic of the sexes, but man still likes to be loved. And, as The Osmonds so wisely stated, he likes to be loved because you actually love him. Not because he’s good with a screwdriver. Something like that anyway. Basically, what I am trying to get at is this. I’ve taken this classic Osmonds tune and edited it. So that you, the woman, will not make mistakes when you tell a man of your reasons for loving him. You’ll thank me one day.

     

    7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

    Don’t Love Me For Fun Girl, Let Me Be The One Girl, Love Me For A Reason, Let The Reason Be…

    1.  My DIY Skills. I assure you ladies, telling your man that you love him because he is great with a hammer is not the way to go. Would you like it if man told you that he loved you because you are good at ironing? No. Exactly.

    2.  My Memory. Don’t tell your man that you love him because he has a great memory. He’ll probably forget. Then you’ll get annoyed that he keeps forgetting. And he won’t know why you’re getting annoyed. And then you’ll split up. So don’t do it. Not if you really love him.

    3.  My Ability To Be Tall And Reach The Top Shelf In Sainsburys. Man doesn’t mind being tall and actually he is happy that he has some use in the supermarket bar getting in the way and trying to manoeuvre the trolley too fast. But telling him you love him because he’s tall is like him telling you he loves you because you are short enough to get in the attic without bashing your head.

    4.  My Hair. Facial Hair. Always a delicate one this. And actually you are probably doing yourself a favour by not using it. Man is programmed to reciprocate without thinking. “I love you” is reciprocated with “I love you too”. “I love your moustache” becomes “I love your moustache too”. Not good.

    5.  My Collection Of Sporting Memorabilia 1994 – Present Day. Man likes his collection of programmes and fixture lists and photos from years ago. It brings back good memories. And he also likes it because you don’t. Man doesn’t share your passion for American Idol or knitting, so don’t share his passion for signed pairs of Gary Lineker worn shorts.

    6.  My Dislike Of The Lesser Boyzone Version Of This Song. Man likes to think he knows about such topics as music. A woman’s job is to say, ‘Ooh I like this new one from Boyzone’. This gives the man a chance to show off and scoff and say, ‘This isn’t new. This is a cover of a far superior song’. What he does not expect is for woman to switch off the radio and say, ‘Why did Boyzone make such a rubbish cover?’

    7.  My Marc Fearns Mask. Seriously, man is just going to get very annoyed if you love it when he wears the mask. Unless you are Marc Fearns yourself of course. In which case you’ll probably think it’s a right result.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Ambient Advertising

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Ambient Advertising

    Russian Roulette SundayHello, it’s me. (Or Mr Lee to you). Happy Sunday to you. Now, in the last few weeks you will have noticed that Marc has blown all the 7 Reasons marketing budget on a couple of films. And as good as they were, I have been left with the challenge of promoting 7 Reasons on a budget of zero. You may think that sounds like tough work? Well it would be for mere mortals, but we are talking about me here. Which is why I have come up with the genius idea of 7 Reasons Masks. There are two versions – one of Marc and one of me – so it shouldn’t take too long for you to complete the set. All we want you to do is walk around with one of these masks on your face. My plan is for thousands of people to do it so eventually it becomes a sort of, ‘Who Are They?’ mystery. People will want to find out. I would say you would want to find out, but…erm… you already know. Anyway, newspapers will track us down and talk about us. For free. Genius. So please, go out and look like me. Or Marc. And, just in case you are wondering what to wear them with, here are some ideas. You can of course get a better look at my breasts if you click the image.

    7 Reasons Masks

    See, they really do go with anything. To get a mask all you have to do is email [email protected] with either Jon Mask or Marc Mask in the subject line. We will then send you a pdf version of the mask which you can download and print onto the back of a cereal packet. Before you know it you’ll be looking like one of us. Oh, and helping create history for the number of good looking people out and about at the same time. Right, that’s me finished for the day. Thanks for your assistance and, of course, do post your photos to the rapidly growing facebook group. Or don’t. Whichever you feel more comfortable with really. Peace out dudes.

  • 7 Reasons That We Shouldn’t Make A Podcast

    7 Reasons That We Shouldn’t Make A Podcast

    The logo for the 7Reasons.org podcast
    Well, here it is.  You didn’t know that you’d been waiting for it, but it’s here anyway:  It’s the 7 Reasons podcast.  To play it, simply press the play button on the player or, if you want to download it, follow this link, then right-click and select the “save as” option.  After all, who wouldn’t want a miniature 7 Reasons team to carry around with them and be in their ears?  No one, that’s who.  Probably.

    Powered by Podbean.com

    Our podcast’s also available from iTunes.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: 7 Reasons Top Trumps

    Russian Roulette Sunday: 7 Reasons Top Trumps

    Russian Roulette Sunday 7 Reasons Top TrumpsHello. It’s Jon here. I like your pyjamas. No, I know your not wearing them at the moment. But that’s not the point. Today I thought we’d play a game. And when I say ‘we’ I really mean ‘me’. The game I’m going to have with myself today is Top Trumps. But not just any version of Top Trumps. Oh no, sir. I shall be playing 7 Reasons Top Trumps. With myself. I have two cards. A Jonathan Lee card. Woohoo! And a Marc Fearns card. Boo! Let’s duel.

    Drink: Tea v Coffee. So we have Lee with his traditional English cuppa against Fearns with his rest of the world coffee. Verdict: Lee win. 7 Reasons is a British humour site after all. And tea is better.

    Sidekick: @SirStraussy v Horatio Pyewackett Caractacus Fearns. It’s the spoofed version of England Cricket Captain Andrew Strauss up against Marc’s cat. Verdict: Fearns Win. Horatio Pyewackett Caractacus Fearns has walked over foil for a BBC Radio 5 LIve experiment. @SirStraussy hasn’t.

    Best Rating: +41 v +7. So it’s 7 Reasons Sports Personality Of The Year Was A Joke up against a couple of Marc’s posts that have registered plus seven. Verdict: Lee win. Maths.

    Grammatical Errors: 298 v 1. A disgraceful number of misplaced apostrophes taking on the incorrect spelling of Jennifer Aniston. Verdict: Fearns win. 7 Reasons uses the English language. It helps if the writers know how to use it.

    Special Power: Self-love v Cow Magnet. A man who fancies himself a bit too much against a man who is fancied by cows. Verdict: Score draw. Narcissism is not pretty. Neither is being buggered by a cow.

    Overall Result: 2-2. Well it wasn’t a classic. In fact it was a bit like watching Carlisle play Scarborough. In the end though, it was a fair result. Player of the game was Lee, purely because he had better headwear. Next week we might actually play Russian Roulette.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Advertising Take II

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Advertising Take II

    The 7 (seven) Reasons Russian Roulette Sunday logo featuring Christopher Walken from the Deer Hunter

    Hi!  Marc here again.  Last week, as you may recall, we blew our entire advertising budget on a film by Pearl & Dean.  To be honest, we were a bit disappointed by it.  We were so disappointed, in fact, that we thought we could probably do better ourselves.  We reasoned that with my capacity for historical perspective and Jon’s talent for understatement and his innate modesty, it wouldn’t be too difficult to put together a simple and cheap – yet memorable – advert for our website.  Here it is:

    7 Reasons Advert II

    So, in conclusion, please send donations to:

    The 7 Reasons Advertising Fund

    7 Reasons Towers

    London

    W12 7RJ

     

     

  • Russian Roulette Sunday : Advertising

    Russian Roulette Sunday : Advertising

    Hi, Marc here.  Happy Sunday.  At 7 Reasons we’re very serious about bringing a new audience to our website and we work very hard to spread the word about it.  We don’t have much of an advertising budget though – which is why we’re always delighted when people retweet our work and use the Share buttons – but we thought that, as we’ve already got our own money invested in 7 Reasons, we really should splash out a bit on advertising.  Now we couldn’t afford much but we reasoned (that’s our speciality) that with the global economic downturn, and Jon’s contacts in the advertising business, we should be able to find someone that could professionally put together an advert to suit our budget.  The guys that made it haven’t worked for a while, so they were delighted to help.  Here’s what they came up with.

    7 Reasons Pearl & Dean Advert

    So, to summarise, please keep retweeting and using the Share buttons. Thanks.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: The 7 Reasons Q&A Session In Video Format

    Russian Roulette Sunday: The 7 Reasons Q&A Session In Video Format

    This doesn’t really need an introduction. Just press play. Or if that doesn’t work, email us and ask for a transcript. We won’t send you one, but we like to be asked.

    The 7 Reasons Q&A Session

    The winner of last week’s Eighth Reason Competition was Robert. A. Foot. Partly as he was the only one to give a reason and partly because he is already owed a badge for his Guest Post last Saturday. This just reminds me to send it to him.