Tag: World

Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Pack It All In And Travel The World

It’s a lovely idea, isn’t it? Far-off places, beautiful beaches, different cultures. Freedom from the daily grind. Until, that is, all the reasons why you shouldn’t pack it all in and travel the world race into your mind to stamp on your embryonic daydream. If you’re not so terrified that you’ve stopped reading altogether, here’s 7 reasons to resuscitate your dream.

1. Britain’s too expensive… I live in Germany and every time I meet someone who has visited Britain, I hear the same complaint: it’s soooo expensive! Imagine living there, I tell them. The cost of living is going up, while pay is being cut or frozen. It’s a simple equation: Brits work more and pay more and in the end we receive less. Think about that.

2. Britain’s too, well, outraged… The endless stream of talent contests we’ve been subjected to over the last few years might have been a warm-up for the big bonanza, The London Olympics, but all this has been a brief interval in the favoured pastime of the British: moral outrage! If there were Olympic medals available for complaining, who would win all three? Yep, Team GB. Speaking as someone who has left the Iles of Wonder, I’ve found that other cultures deal with problems in different ways, but they all have one thing in common: a lot less complaining. It’s a relief to not feel so obliged to complain.

3. Who are The Jones’ anyway? We’re in a desperate race that begins the day we are born. First it was the right nappies, then it was the right lunchbox, then it was the right clothes. Before you know it, it’s the right phone, then the right car, the right mortgage for the right house in the right area, the right holiday destinations, the right schools for the kids, the right universities that we can’t really afford, the right pension policy (or to call it what it really is: the right amount to fund the endless gambling of those schmucks in The City), and before you know it, your final concern; the right sending off, which you won’t enjoy because you’re well on your way to becoming carbon, or catching the train to the afterlife – whatever you believe.

4. You might not be able to stay… More and more of us are facing the stark reality that jobs are scarce. It’s tough times in Britain and while you have worked hard for the moderate, yet comfortable life you lead, if you lose your job, getting another one in Blighty will be difficult. It’s in moments like these that the totally insane question of “What would I do if..?” can bring you life changing answers.

5. You can afford it, even if you think you can’t… Most of us think a round-the-world trip as a £10,000, or £20,000 adventure. It doesn’t have to be. Some people choose to save up enough to get them through the first couple of destinations. Once they arrive somewhere they like, they find work and build-up a pot of money to get them to the next couple of destinations and so on. Some choose freelance work, or teaching, while others choose to participate as healthy volunteers in paid clinical trials for organisations such as volunteers.gsk. The point is if the idea sounds better than the next series of Britain’s Got Talent, what are you waiting for?

6. A different perspective… Different cultures bring with them different perspectives, like how to cross the road in the opposite way (try it. It’s more thrilling than a shark dive!)

There are different etiquettes, like “We don’t pass the salt here; you’ll have to reach for it yourself.”

And finally, the stark and slightly terrifying realisation that the rest of the world is perfectly comfortable having sex without the aid of several glasses of wine/beer/vodka/gin/tequila/sambuca/a sickening mix of all six (delete as appropriate).

Immersion in other languages and perspectives will force you to grow in directions you never thought possible.

7. There’s more to life… There’s more to life than the daily commutes, sales targets, deadlines, council tax, plumbers who don’t turn up to fix your busted boiler, singing contests and your favourite latte from the cafe near the train station. There are even places on this planet where the sun actually shines, where people sit in the shade enjoying an unhurried cup of something pleasant, where the road is open and those who walk it will find out who they really are.

August 12, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Travel Once You’re Past It

World travel isn’t just for gap year kids, and it’s getting easier than ever to get around, so dig out your passport, face up to the fact that you now need senior travel insurance, and remind yourself why travel during retirement might be the best choice you ever made:

1. You have genuinely earned it. To those of us who had no choice but to step straight into a full-time job after school, kids whose families could afford to pack them off round the world before they’ve even done a full day’s work can be rather – well, annoying. If you’ve spent your life with your nose to the grindstone, you have now definitely earned the right to go a-wandering. Even if you spent your life bunking off, your lifetime of audacious cheekiness deserves some kind of recognition.

2. You finally have time to do it properly. Squeezing a country into a fortnight of annual leave will rarely do it justice. You might just have time to relax before heading back to work, and you may even venture beyond the tourist hotspots, but chances are you won’t have had time to get under that country’s skin. Once you’re retired, you can spend as much – or as little, if it’s horrible – time exploring a country as you can afford. And the longer you’re out there, the better value your flights become.

3. It shows you which of your kids are jonesing for their inheritance. Nothing brings inheritance-coveting out of the woodwork like your intention to blow on world travel what you might otherwise bequeath to your family. Sons who’ve been sweetly encouraging you to finally relax now you’ve stopped working start “jesting” about there being “no money left”… normally unworldly daughters make strained comments about the expense. Although you should only travel if you can afford it – which means leaving some cash in the bank for emergencies and pension top-ups – why should you save your life’s earnings for grasping offspring when the world is finally at your fingertips?

4. It’ll raise some eyebrows. Nothing like pootling off to Cambodia when you can no longer stand your stuffy neighbours and their constant, oddly patronising insistence that you join Tuesday afternoon film club/bake-off/canasta party/quilting sessions.

5. It’ll challenge your preconceptions. If most of your ideas about the world are based on what you read in the news or see on TV, it’s definitely time to take a look for yourself – and leave your preconceptions at home, or at least permit them give way once you’re on the road.

6. It’s fun. Boredom and that sort of background noise of stress and borderline depression are all too easy to brush under the carpet when you’ve spent a few decades dealing with Everyday Life. You might’ve carried it with you into retirement without really noticing. Travel should shake it off and reinvigorate your sense of wonder. Or at least give you a deeper appreciation of home.

7. It might be your last chance. Might as well face it. The older you get, the less time you have to squeeze in that stuff you’ll regret if you don’t. Travel is easier before you get bunions and a hip replacement.

This post was written by Tristan, who is the face of the World First travel blog. He writes about global goings-on and helps keep travel-lovers up to date with breaking news and travel tips. If you’d like to know more about World First, head to the website!

July 20, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Should Replace Your Windows Today

Windows. Not unlike the software of the same name, you can’t live with ’em, and you can’t live without ’em. You need them if you don’t want to be overcome with a panicked bout of claustrophobia, but you hate them because they let everybody see what you’re doing in your house. Oh well, since you’ll be living with windows for the rest of your life, you might as well replace them with something better. Here are, that’s right, seven reasons why.

1. They Probably Look Ugly. Lets face it, how much do most people think about the way their windows look when they buy a home? You were probably more concerned about finding a way to get a mortgage then the craftsmanship of a pane of glass. It’s time to get serious. Take a look at your window right now. It’s probably just glass, PVC, and some caulk. Didn’t realize that did you? You better get on that right now.

2. You’ll Get in a Fight With Your Spouse. Your old windows are sucking all the heat out of your home during the winter, and are horrible at protecting you from the deadly menace of heat during the summer. It’s almost like they’re walking up to your thermostat and pulling cash directly out of it.

But is that going to stop you from buying the latest Cosmo or PS3 game? No way. The end result of this is that you’re going to get overdrawn on your account. Your spouse will see that you carelessly disregarded the importance of balancing the budget, and they will reprimand you for it. Being incapable of admitting any wrongdoing, you’ll start yelling at them and things will go downhill from there.

3. You Might as Well Shoot Earth in the Head With a Shotgun. Would you prance around the arctic with a baseball bat, casually clubbing baby seals? I didn’t think so. But that’s basically what you’re doing by not replacing your old windows.

Fact: You’re personally generating a million metric tonnes of acid rain every millisecond by keeping your old windows.
Fact: Someday the world will end because you didn’t replace your windows.
Fact: Not replacing your windows is worse than murder.

4. You Can Brag About Them. When you buy new windows, you can brag about them to all of your friends. You can brag about how much money you are saving on your energy bill. You can also brag about how much money it cost you to buy them, offering the best of both worlds. You can brag about how awesome they look. You can brag about your savviness. Don’t hold back. Make the most of it.

5. Windows Are Like the Windows into Your Home’s Soul. They say that eyes are the windows into your soul. Well what does that say about your home’s windows? Do you want your house to have an ugly soul? If so then you’re a pretty horrible person. Why would you wish something like that on your home? Your home keeps you warm, dry, and comfortable. It’s like a home to you. Why would you treat it like that?

6. It Will Be Easier to Show Off From Home. Let’s face it, your old windows are probably dirty. When you get new windows, they will be clear. This means that it will be easier for people to peer through your window and check up on you to see how you’re doing. This not only has its safety advantages, but it gives you a chance to parade around in your underwear for all the world to see just how much you’ve been working out lately.

7. You Will Make the World a Better Place. You’re just one person. You can’t change the world. Or can you? Well, all change takes place one step at a time. Your beautiful new windows will make the world a better place because at least one home on this planet looks less ugly. It might not seem like much but you are helping to build a better future.

Just think what would happen if everybody bought new windows. You wouldn’t have to cower in fear as you walked through the suburbs, shielding your eyes from the ugly windows that surround you. Be a part of the future. Get new windows.

Author Bio: George Dennis is president of King Shade and Window, a home improvement company with a range of roller shades for windows.

February 16, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Be Your Own Sovereign Nation

Remember when you were a youngster and you drew a new country – Jonville – in your parent’s atlas? No? Well you missed out. I did and my imaginary country was amazing. But that’s all it was. Amazing and imaginary. It never actually became a reality. (As those of you who have looked in a 2011 atlas will know.) Today’s guest post from Mark Richardson goes that one step further. Mark’s not interested in whimsy. He’s interested in the real thing. He wants to start his own country. And here’s why you should do it too:

Many of the great, and imaginary, thinkers of our time have said; “There’s no freedom like political freedom”. And they are right. Don’t take my word for it, read a history book. Its pages will be drenched with the blood of warriors who fought for independent rule and freedom. That could be you. Although I would advise you don’t actually fight for freedom. Rather have some coffee and get others to fight for you. Like the French do.

“Why should I be my own sovereign nation?” I hear you ask. Well here are seven thought provoking reasons.

1. No More Speeding Tickets. I don’t remember being included in the meeting where speed limits were decided. Democracy failing at the first hurdle there really. Well, diplomatic immunity will solve that. Next time you’re handed a speeding ticket, hand it back claiming you are beyond the jurisdiction of traffic law enforcement, and demand an apology. You will need diplomatic number plates though. And your nation’s flag flying from your car. That’s a nice touch.

2. Military Allies. Label anyone who messes with you a rebel insurgent and request military assistance from the United States Army. Let’s see those neighbourhood punks give you crap when there’s an Apache Gunship hunting them down.

3. Money, Money, Money. Don’t stress about that new credit card application. Request one hundred million a year directly from the IMF. Billions exchange hands every year in loans to third world economies. Why shouldn’t you get a piece of that? Claim you need the money to implement a project to build decent housing and ease the overcrowding in your nation’s more populated cities. Roughly translated; get yourself a big house. Personally, my nation could do with a 150 acre secluded coastal estate with a private beach and helicopter pad.

4. Travel The World. Sick of economy class and cheap hotels? Me too. Plan a trip to Washington DC and request to stay in the White House and have a meeting in the Oval Office with the President. Demand that the press be present, and request a personal bodyguard for the duration of your US visit. Insist that this bodyguard be Chuck Norris.

5. Make Up Your Own Holidays. Why settle for the mere handful of holidays issued by your regular government when you could invent your own when it suits you? It doesn’t have to stop at holidays either. Parades are fun. An annual street parade based around a bikini theme is a killer foreign policy plan. The problem is that regular governments don’t put enough thought into this stuff.

6. Get Rid Of Door-To-Door Sales People. Sales people encroaching on your land to sell you crap you don’t need are to be immediately detained as spies and found guilty of espionage, and then imprisoned never to be seen again. Those that email you spam will be tracked down with the help of Western Intelligence Services, accused of cyber terrorism and sent to Guantanamo where violent things will be done to their sensitive parts. Seriously, I hate those guys.

7. Get Your Own National Anthem. Yes, one of the perks of being a visiting dignitary everywhere you go. Be creative here. Don’t go the normal boring route. Try Bulls On Parade by Rage Against The Machine and demand that it is played every time you walk into a room. Also, everyone should stand respectfully for the entire duration of the song.

Well, there you go. Be your own Nation. Craft your own destiny. I should point out at this stage that these suggestions probably actually won’t work in a real world situation. But if you don’t ever try you won’t ever experience the crushing failure that leaves you feeling like an underachieving loser.

December 14, 2011
7 Reasons It Was Inconvenient That The World Didn’t End On Saturday

Hello 7 Reasons readers! It’s Monday 23^rd of May, which can only mean one thing. That the world didn’t end at 6pm on Saturday. Obviously this has affected our plans somewhat as we didn’t prepare a piece for today just on the off-chance that we would be wasting our time. This, it turns out, was an error. Anyway, somewhat belatedly, it’s time to begin the 7 Reasons working week.

Now, it would be easy to mock the poor, deluded fools who told us that the world was going to end on Saturday, so let’s do that. Here are seven reasons that it was inconvenient that the world didn’t end at six pm on Saturday.

1. Marc Fearns. “It’s Monday morning and I’m in my dining room writing. I hadn’t planned to be doing this at all. I was expecting to be hanging out by Piers Morgan’s fiery lake watching Glee while French people force-fed me raw sprouts and read the Daily Mail to me. I was expecting to be wearing Crocs and an I’m With Stupid t-shirt. I was expecting to be spending time with my brother. The rest of time. This is a right inconvenience.”

2. Robert Fitzpatrick. Robert Fitzpatrick was also inconvenienced. He’s currently a little bewildered. Asked how he felt about events (or the lack thereof) he said, “Obviously, I haven’t understood it correctly because we’re still here”.

3. Keith Bauer. Mr Bauer travelled from Maryland to California for the rapture. As a demonstration of total conviction in Mr Camping’s prediction, he took a week off work for the end of the world. Not just a few days, but a whole week, mark you. After all, it was for the end of the world. You can’t pack that into a couple of days or a long weekend. That’s a week he’ll never get back.

4. Gary Vollmer. “Judgment day has come and passed, but it was a spiritual judgment on the world”. Ah, a spiritual judgement. So it did happen then, just not in the way that it was predicted to. Not in a way that was in any sense tangible or demonstrable. Not in a way that anyone could remotely tell whether it had happened or not, except for Gary. There has been a judgement but only Gary knows about it. This is not Gary refusing to admit that he was wrong at all. No one called Gary is ever wrong and especially not this Gary who is especially not wrong about the end of the world. NOT WRONG. No.

5. Harold Camping. Harold Camping, the man that made the prediction in the first place, has not been seen since the end of the world and has “no intention to speak or issue any statement” according to a spokesman. How he communicated this to the spokesman is unclear. I prefer to imagine that it was via the medium of mime or that it took the form of an interpretative dance. Perhaps he iced it on a cake or banged it in Morse code on the desk with his forehead. We may never know. According to his wife he is “mystified” and “somewhat bewildered” at the world’s failure to end.

6. Harold Camping. And this isn’t the first time that this has happened to poor Harold. The blasted world failed to end in 1994 for him too. That’s an easy mistake to make once, but when the world doesn’t end and 97% of its occupants aren’t eternally damned for a second time, you might start to feel a tiny bit foolish. Oh well, cheer up Harold, third time lucky.

7. Everyone Else. So the world hasn’t ended and another working week has begun. There’s no chance of getting out of painting that spare bedroom, your next dental appointment or paying the gas bill. We’re also going to have to carry on with all the joy, love, bliss, wonder, gratification and whatnot that characterises our human existence on this beautiful earth. What an infernal nuisance.

May 23, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons The Earth Could Really End Today

We were close to the end of the world yesterday and today we are mere hours away from a good rapturing. In light of this I really admire you for coming back to 7 Reasons when you should probably be saying goodbye to your loved ones. In keeping with the end of the world theme, today’s guest post is an extraordinary look into another seven ways the world might end today. It’s written by Greg Buckskin, a writer and blogger for Comcast.USDirect.com – home to Comcast Cable Deals. At least that’s what he does when he’s not skiing the Utah powder. After the nice picture below, it’ll be Greg.

For many fundamentalist Christians, May 21st will be their last day at work—or on the planet for that matter. Harold Camping, owner of the $100 million Family Radio Christian network, has predicted that May 21st is the day of the rapture—the end of the world when the righteous will be taken to heaven and the wicked will be left here on earth wallowing in misery until October 21st, when the earth will finally be destroyed for good.

Although Camping’s predictions have failed in the past (he also predicted that the world would end in 1994—oops), he has many followers who are backing him up, selling their homes, quitting their jobs, and budgeting their last cent to run out on May 21st.

Who knows, maybe the world will end on May 21st. I’ve been wrong before; I thought Arnold and Maria would be together forever. But most likely, May 21st will be just like any other day, except for the lamenting cries of those who went into huge debt so they could live it up until the 21st and thought they’d never have to pay it back. However, there are tons of other ‘real’ ways the world could end this weekend, or even in the next half hour. These events would be so random that I’ll bet none of us ever even pay it much mind.

1. Nuclear War. Stanford Professor Emeritus Martin Hellman figures that at any given moment there is about a 10% chance of the world ending in nuclear war. That’s a bigger percentage than most of us have of dying from common forms of cancer—more than 10 times bigger in most cases. There are still over 25,000 nuclear weapons in existence today. North Korea, Iran, some pissed off fundamentalist who finds one of Sadam’s WMDs buried in the desert somewhere—theses are all likely candidates and extremely unpredictable. How is your bomb shelter coming along?

2. Asteroid. We all know that Armageddon was a completely unrealistic movie, right? I mean who would hire an oil rig captain to blow up an asteroid? Well, it may not be so far from the truth. Right now scientists from NASA and other organizations around the globe are predicting that asteroid 1999 RQ36 could have as big as a 1/1000 chance of hitting earth in 2182. When you think about the vastness of the universe, that’s actually pretty good odds. If a big asteroid took out the dinosaurs, why couldn’t we be next.

3. Super Volcano. We all learned about volcanoes in 3rd grade science class, but most of that curriculum focused on places like Hawaii and Mt. Saint Helens. Chances are your teacher didn’t tell you about the super volcano that is Yellowstone National Park. Only fairly recently have scientists discovered that Yellowstone is a giant caldera, an underground volcano where magma has been building for hundreds of thousands of years. The last time a super volcano erupted (75,000 years ago in Sumatra), it exploded with the force of over 10,000 Mt. Saint Helens, covered the world with ash and brought about a global ice age. According to calculations, the Yellowstone caldera explodes about once every 600,000 years. The last explosion was over 640,000 years ago. Yikes!

4. Disease. Bird flu? Swine flu? Forget about it. What about airborne HIV? Or some new disease that has not even developed yet? If you’ve ever read The Andromeda Strain you know that all it takes is for one virus to mutate in exactly the right way to kill us all instantly. Then the zombie apocalypse hits, and it’s every man for himself.

5. Gamma Ray Burst. Gamma ray bursts have been observed in far distant galaxies for many years. A Gamma ray burst generally happens as a star goes supenova and can release more energy in ten milliseconds than our sun will release over its 10 billion year lifetime. Most of the observed bursts are in galaxies that are billions of light years from earth. But what if a closer star decided to explode (or our sun) and send a beam of high-energy gamma rays our way? We’d be space dust before any of us even knew what happened.

6. Global Warming. Global warming is a slow phenomenon compared to our short human lives, but it can be a rather quick event in the earth’s life. A warmer planet won’t simply mean that we can’t wear long pants anymore, it will change the entire way the planet functions. It will disrupt plant growth, extend the life cycle of many animals and insects, especially those that live in tropical regions and carry diseases like malaria. It also increases air pollution and causes flooding and wildfires and increases the size a magnitude of tropical storms—think Katrina, but on a scale that would cover all of North America. Currently, about 150,000 deaths can be attributed to global warming. If we don’t watch out, we could face a slow death by a warming planet.

7. Big Robots From Outer Space. So this one is a little more far-fetched. But astronomers are discovering new planets all the time, some that could even support life like earth’s. In fact, recently, Gliese 581g—a planet similar to earth—was discovered only 20 light-years from our solar system. Who is to say that life does not exist elsewhere in the cosmos, that they may be more technologically advanced than ourselves, and can travel the stars? And if there is one thing I’ve learned from watching movies, it’s that aliens rarely come to earth just to see what’s here. They usually (much like we are doing right now) have destroyed their own planet and are looking for a new home. And they don’t take too kindly to the natives. Will they send giant robots to annihilate us or will it be pod people to snatch our bodies? I don’t know. All I can say is, “watch the skies.”

May 21, 2011
7 Reasons It Is Inappropriate For The World To End At 6pm Tomorrow

Disaster. The world ends tomorrow. So, in our penultimate 7 Reasons post – we’ll still publish a guest piece tomorrow morning – we take a look at the reasons why 6pm is a ridiculous time for it all to come to an end.

1. Waste Of A Day. At the moment, as you may have noticed, I am not taking the demise of the World very seriously. That’s because I’m writing this the day before and the idea that I shan’t be writing 7 Reasons on Monday hasn’t really hit home yet. Tomorrow morning, when I rise to the Sounds of the Sixties, no doubt I will start worrying. I dare say I will be petrified. This is it. It’s all over. I had so much to do. There’ll be tears. There’ll be praying. And then there’ll be tea. And a whole lot of waiting. There is no point in doing anything tomorrow. What’s the point in shopping? Or DIY? Or writing my birthday list? There isn’t any. So I’ll just sit there and wait and be bored. What a waste. At least if the world had ended at 6am I wouldn’t have had to endure the slowest day ever.

2. Awkward. The problem with 6pm is that it’s that awkward time between coming home after being out for the day and going out for the evening. Those who don’t know anything about the world ending or those who have decided to stupidly ignore it, will be getting ready. And that means a whole lot of nakedness on display. When we end up in heaven or ‘the other place’ surrounded by naked flesh, where are we supposed to look? I tell you something, there will be many an argument in full flow come 6.15pm. “You were looking at that girl’s bottom!” “No I wasn’t. She just raptured in front of me!” “I didn’t believe that excuse last time and I don’t believe it this time. And will you cover yourself up! You’re embarrassing me.” “Oh, I’m embarrassing you am I? Look at yourself, you are the only one who put weight on whilst rapturing.” Yes, many an argument and many a divorce.

3. Indigestion. Many people will be cooking or thinking about cooking dinner when it gets close to 6pm. But what should we do? Eat and be prepared to get indigestion during the rapturing phase or miss our evening meal and hope something is provided at arrival when we reach our new destination. It’s a tough call. One we wouldn’t have had to make had the world been due to end at, say, 3pm.

4. Heineken Cup Final. This kicks off at 5pm. That means I’m not going to know what happens. Do you know how many hours I have put into watching the Heineken Cup this year? Dozens. Bakers dozens probably. And for what? Just so I know who enjoys their half-time oranges more. It is said that 2% of the population will be ‘raptured’ to heaven at 6pm. No doubt those who end up there will get to see the second half, but for the rest of us – and I rather suspect that includes me – will no doubt be faced with burning hell that is ‘So You Think You Can Dance Live’. That’s a hugely inadequate outcome and should it happen I propose we make an appeal (or overpower The Devil/Piers Morgan and steal the remote control).

5. Children. For a lot of young families, 6pm signifies the time at which the youngest members of the family are put in their cots for the night. Or, if you are eighteen and have parents like I, just put to bed. There is nothing wrong with that, especially if you have spent all day chasing them around. The evening is the time when you get to relax. Only tomorrow you won’t. As soon as baby Byron is sung to sleep, death will come knocking at the door.

6. Work. Some people, believe it or not, actually have to work on Saturday. As such they’ll be working tomorrow. What a day they’ll have. Wake up early, go to work, work hard, come home, world explodes. The forces at large could at least let them sit down with a beer first.

7. Plus This Lot. Given that this is the last proper 7 Reasons post we thought we’d celebrate life by opening this up and asking the 7 Reasons faithful why 6pm would be a bad time for them. Here are some of the replies. (It suggests only a few of our followers are bothered about the world ending. Fair play to them).

Nick Barrow: “Because it’s my day off.”

@rachel_simmo: “Because we’d only be half way through the Heineken Cup final! Surely they can put it back a couple of hours to 8pm?”

@splex: “Dr Who wouldn’t have been on telly yet. Could you postpone the world ending until at least 9pm?”

Sarah Ay: “Because we’d miss the Champions League final.”

@rachel_simmo: “We wouldn’t find out what happens in Doctor Who! With Amy and the baby and the eye-patched nurse!”

@Kateypotatey: “Because I wouldn’t have had time to finish my first glass of fizz/cocktail. 6.30 would be better.”

@RugbyByDilbert: “I wouldn’t of sung happy birthday to my mate! #actofrevenge”

Rob Lee: “Because I might be either batting or bowling at that time, and I’ll never know how I got on.”

@kittyQ: “Because I am getting married next year to a 7 reasoner, that’s after Saturday, that means I won’t get to be the happiest kitty ever”

Jack Pitts: “Bad? At least we won’t have to sit through Britain’s Got Talent anymore.”

@RugbyByDilbert: “If the world was to end on Saturday, I wouldn’t have gone to the Waratahs game in Sydney (makes me sad)”

@NellPlant: “I’d die a work and this would mean I would not be able to iPlayer Doctor Who when I’ve finished work.”

@rachel_simmo: “We wouldn’t ever know if Birmingham City could manage to stay up on the last day of the season on the Sunday…”

Richard O’Hagan: “Because (a) Marc would never get the website to work for a whole 7 days in succession and (b) the world would be deprived of the weekly spectacle of one of you accidentally posts a piece they meant to schedule for later in the week.”

@kittyQ: “Kent play Sussex on Sunday.. I am hoping to go. I’ll get to see the signs I set up for print. If the world ends I won’t get to see Kent THRASH Sussex”

Richard O’Hagan: “Because we would never get to read the second half of the Russian Roulette interview?”

@rachel_simmo: “Plus my brother would only be a 21 year old for 3 and a bit days, not even a week being 21!”

@RevdKathy: “6pm Saturday? The world CANNOT end before Doctor Who has aired!”

*On behalf of Marc and myself, may I thank you all for reading 7 Reasons for the past 20 months. It’s been ace. See some of you soon. (I’ll bring the ball, you bring the bat).

May 20, 2011
7 Reasons to Shop With 7 Reasons

You’ve laughed with us, you’ve cried with us, you’ve watched us, you’ve read us, you’ve heard us, you’ve written for us, you’ve tweeted with us, you’ve got engaged with us, you’ve had a baby with us and probably other stuff too. And now, in a new and exciting development, you can shop with 7 Reasons. And here are seven reasons that you should.

1. Be Unique. Everyone wants to feel distinctive, unique and a bit special. And, if you purchase a 7 Reasons t-shirt, the chances are very high that it will actually be unique. After all, how many people are you likely to bump into in your local pub wearing the same Haystack Poking Patrol t-shirt as you? And even in the unlikely event that you did meet someone else in a pub wearing that same t-shirt, you could just say, “Hello Marc” and I’d probably buy you a beer. You’ll be unique or you’ll get beer. That sounds like a good deal.

2. To Marvel At The Emporium. The 7 Reasons team have (amongst other things) expertise in web design and the retail sector. You might think that this would make putting together an online shop easy. But you’d be wrong. Because in typical 7 Reasons style, the one with the retail background did the web design and the one with the web design background is in charge of the retail side of things (and did everything else). So if it does crash or start randomly giving away free merchandise you’ll be there to witness/benefit.

3. Because Our Wares Are Really Jolly Good. I didn’t have anything to do with the design of the lemon t-shirt (God or Darwin, depending on your viewpoint, designed the lemon and Jonathan Lee did the rest), so I can say this. It’s bloody brilliant. Look at it! Just look at it! It’s really a beautiful piece of design. It’s a pop-art pie-chart in lemon. Who wouldn’t want to wear that, other than the abjectly wrong and gits? No one.

4. Innovation. Because the product range will grow as we think of more things to add. We’re already looking into producing 7 Reasons Inspirational Beer-Mats, calendars and fridge-magnets, so you’ll never know what you might find there: A 7 Reasons horse; a 7 Reasons handbag; a 7 Reasons his and his voodoo doll set; a replica 7 Reasons sofa. Anything. Or if you don’t find what you want, you might eventually, because…

5. We’re interactive. We can’t think of everything. We’ve tried and have gotten distracted by girls and tiramisu and things. But we love great ideas and, if you’ve thought of something you’d like to see in the 7 Reasons shop that isn’t there, you can email us and, if we think it’s a good idea, we’ll look into making it. And we’ll probably put your name on it too, unless it’s something really small – or embarrassing – in which case we won’t. Or if you have a really long name like Bartholomew Constantine Washington Penderghast the third, we might not. But if you’re called Jennifer Aniston we definitely will, and that’s a promise.

6. Incentive. Has any other website ever encouraged you to invade a country? Yes, probably, but only evil ones. We’re nice chaps though, and we’d like to encourage a more benign, civilised, conquest: So the first five readers that are photographed standing atop the Eiffel Tower waving a Union Flag and wearing one of our France Invasion t-shirts will get the money they spent on the t-shirt refunded.*

7. Because We’re Very Excited. So excited, in fact, that we spent a couple of hours putting this post together about our shop and forgot to include a link to it. So here it is (this is the link). Now go and shop till you drop! Or at least until your arms are very full and you feel a little faint.**

*We can sometimes tell the difference between the Blackpool and Eiffel towers and we’re also quite good at spotting things that have been photoshopped so no tomfoolery, please.

**I – Marc – would like to thank my colleague Jonathan Lee for all of the effort that he put into the shop and the merchandise (and for fielding slightly ranty emails about World War Two font styles and spacing without ever losing his cool). Never let it be said that he doesn’t work very, very hard indeed.

April 8, 2011
7 Reasons Seven Different Teams Won The 2011 Cricket World Cup

Well, that’s it. The Cricket World Cup is over for another four years. And what a World Cup it was. Some incredible performances from some incredible teams producing some incredible results. Or, if you were watching from where I was, rather tiresome once it had entered week 23. The good news is, England won! (Along with India.) (And a few others.)

1. India. The history books will show that it was the once fully-haired Mahendra Singh Dhoni who lifted the cup for one of the host nations. Given that they won the final I suppose there is an argument that they should be declared victors in their own right. But if we do that, aren’t we forgetting the other winners?

2. South Africa. They beat India – the winners – in the group stage. Surely if you beat the winners that makes you the winners?

3. England. They beat the winners of the match against the winners. Surely if you beat the winners of the match against the winners that makes you the winners?

4. Ireland. Ironically, the only people who can’t remember Kevin O’Brien’s incredible innings are the Irish. That’s because they were drinking from 9am. So, in case you have forgotten, let me remind you. Ireland beat England. They beat the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners. That makes them the winners then?

5. West Indies. Well, not quite. Because the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners (otherwise known as Ireland) lost to the West Indies. Which makes them the winners.

6. Pakistan. Or at least they would have been if Pakistan had not beaten the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners, in the quarter finals. And that’s exactly what Pakistan did. Unfortunately for them, this doesn’t make Pakistan the winners.

7. New Zealand. That’s because in the group stage they succumbed to lose to the Kiwis. And if you beat the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners, that means you win. Or at least it does here because we only provide seven reasons. Which is rather unfortunate for Sri Lanka given that they beat the winner of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners of the match against the winners. Mind you, they did lose to the winners. So I guess it doesn’t matter very much.

April 4, 2011
7 Reasons The World Needs To Hear From Mrs Morris More

Last week I had the pleasure of catching the end of Rip Off Britain. It’s a show, as far as I could tell, in which Gloria Hunniford, Jennie Bond and Angela Rippon go around the country hearing stories of mass rip off. Despite thinking it should actually have been called Rippon’s Rip Off, the ten minutes I saw were some of the most enlightening minutes in my life. You see, Gloria had gone to visit a little old lady called Mrs. Morris. She was having problems with her phone package and needed help. (Mrs. Morris, not Gloria. Gloria’s got a great package. I expect). Anyway, having shared her woes with us, Mrs. Morris gave the humble viewer some advice. Well, I say ‘advice’, it was more a mantra to living. This is what she said. You can’t really argue with that can you. “If you are paying for broadband and you haven’t got it, don’t pay it.” Genius. Just genius. I’m not suggesting that we should try and make Mrs. Morris, Dame Morris, but I certainly think she should be given her own platform from which she can share her wise words with more of us. We need her in our lives. We need to hear from her more. Here’s why:

1. Love. Many people have been there. Not us, we’re clean. But other people. Other people have been there. They’ve been lonely. They’ve been horny. They’ve got on the phone and ordered a pizza and a prostitute. They’re vulnerable. These people need Mrs. Morris. They need Mrs. Morris telling them, “If you are paying for sex and they’ve finished before the hour’s up, don’t pay for it.”

2. Health. Getting fit always sounds like a good idea. You buy a new pair of trainers, you create a workout playlist, you sign-up to Nike+. Despite this though, nothing seems to be improving. And this is when you need Mrs. Morris telling you, “If you are paying for gym membership but you are getting fatter, actually go to the gym.”

3. Family. In this day and age you have to be very careful. There are some very weird people out there. If we had Mrs. Morris to listen to though – and we followed her advice – we’d be fine. “If someone knocks on the door and claims to be your Dad, make sure it is the same man you said ‘goodbye’ to earlier that day.”

4. Friends. Most of us had to suffer from ‘Mum jokes’ once or twice when we were at school. They weren’t big and they weren’t clever. Well, my friend’s mums weren’t. I don’t think anything annoyed me more than jokes about my mum. One friend in-particular used to make them on a constant basis. If Mrs. Morris had been there though, I could have thought about it rationally, “If your friend calls your mum a MILF, you’ll know your friend is a lesbian.” And she was. Probably still is.

5. Religion. One of the few things each and everyone of us have in common is that we have all been the recipients of an email from an African orphan. Some people ignore it, some people read it and ignore it, some people read it and reply for fun, some people read it and get their bank card out. It is really the latter that require the wisdom of Mrs. Morris, “If a Nigerian you have met on the internet says it is ‘God’s Will’ that you pay him an administrative fee so he can pay £10 Million into your account, make sure you keep copies of your emails.”

6. Politics. I’m not going to tell you which political party I used to canvas for – you can probably guess – but I copped a bit of abuse if I chose the wrong house door to knock on. It took me a year to realise that, while the abuse was tad harsh, what I was doing was bloody annoying. What the hell did it have to do with me who they wanted to vote for? So I stopped. I wish Mrs. Morris had been there though. Telling the unsuspecting bloke whose driveway I was marching up, “When this guy asks you who you are thinking about voting for, tell him you don’t watch Pop Idol and slam the door in his face.” It would have been much better for my morale.

7. Gardening. I can’t remember how many it is, but we lose many brain cells each day. Under such circumstances it is no wonder we forget things. We need Mrs. Morris to replace our brain cells. Reminding us to check things, “If you are paying for a gardener and you can’t remember if you have a garden, look out of your window.” That sort of thing. I once forgot I didn’t have a chair. I ended up lying across someone’s scampi and chips. Mrs. Morris could have prevented this. She really could.

January 24, 2011