7 Reasons

Tag: PHOTO

  • 7 Reasons to use Photoshop

    7 Reasons to use Photoshop

    1.  Spots.  As surely as crumpets will land butter side down or jam will spill on your new tie, it is inevitable that on the morning you’re attending a wedding, you’ll wake up with a spot on your face.  This always happens.  The size and prominence of the spot is governed by the importance of your role at the wedding, ranging from a minor blemish (your second cousin’s wedding) through a noticeable carbuncle (your brother’s wedding), all the way up to a puss-filled second head (your own wedding).  While there’s nothing you can do about the spot on the day, you can erase all record of it using Photoshop (fortunately).

    2.  Vanity.  A recent survey discovered that 100% of internet humourists use Photoshop to adjust their eye colour.

    3.  Laughter. This picture is very funny, but Photoshop makes it hilarious.

    Before

    After

    These people made it

    4.  Revenge. Ever wanted to exact revenge upon someone for making fun of your spot at a wedding?  With Photoshop you can.  We have already seen that you can remove a spot from your face with Photoshop, you can also use it to move that spot to someone else’s face, and make it bigger and redder.  You can put it on your tormentor’s face as many times as you like.  She will then call you a “poo-head” and not speak to you for three days, in my experience.

    5.  Protest. Protestors often hold up really dull placards.  You can use Photoshop to make them more interesting.  I tried to do something about the stripy top too, but my computer melted.

    protest2

    6.  Deception.The University of Wisconsin couldn’t find any group shots containing any black students so they just photoshopped one in (badly).  If they hadn’t been sued by Diallo Shabazz (the photoshopped student), who knows what they might have done next.  Removing stairs from pictures to demonstrate their wheelchair access perhaps, or removing images of staff pointing at tall buildings and aeroplanes, to make themselves appear a little more sophisticated.

    Wisconsin Prospectus

    7.  Celebrities.  Don’t you hate it when friends bump into Dan Akroyd at the train station and keep showing you the photo?  With the aid of Photoshop, you can stop them, by manufacturing a picture of you having tea with the Dalai Lama or going for a jog with Ted Danson.  Also, if you should ever bump into Michael Winner, you can remove him from any photographs.

  • 7 Reasons Not to Upload a Facebook Profile Picture.

    7 Reasons Not to Upload a Facebook Profile Picture.

    1.  You look like this.

    fb blank avatar

    2.  There are two photos of you in existence; one is of you paddling nude, aged two; the second is a blurred and poorly composed picture from your wedding in 1983, you are wearing maroon.

    3.  You are a troll who only uses Facebook to anger people in the group I Love Knitting. Your post stating that “Knitting is an inferior pastime for cack-handed simpletons who lack the dexterity and finesse required for the infinitely superior art of Crochet” has generated such fury amongst online knitters that you fear for your safety.

    4.  You look like this.

    hitler

    5.  You are a besotted cat owner.  No one wants to see posts on their wall that are apparently from a cat.  Nobody wants to interact with a cat in a discussion forum, it makes them look a bit mad.  Your friends don’t want to receive a message of condolence in response to their status update that apparently comes from Tiddles the cat.  Don’t do it, madam.

    6.  You are a bald man with a beard.  No one needs the fleeting moment of doubt that comes on first viewing a picture of a bald man with a beard.  The thought “Is that picture upside-down?” followed by the closer scrutiny required to ascertain that it is not, is a waste of everyone’s time and energy.

    7.  You are Simon Cowell.

    Go on…comment.  You know you want to.