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7 Reasons to use Photoshop

Posted on December 3, 2009 in Posts | 4 comments

1.  Spots.  As surely as crumpets will land butter side down or jam will spill on your new tie, it is inevitable that on the morning you’re attending a wedding, you’ll wake up with a spot on your face.  This always happens.  The size and prominence of the spot is governed by the importance of your role at the wedding, ranging from a minor blemish (your second cousin’s wedding) through a noticeable carbuncle (your brother’s wedding), all the way up to a puss-filled second head (your own wedding).  While there’s nothing you can do about the spot on the day, you can erase all record of it using Photoshop (fortunately).

2.  Vanity.  A recent survey discovered that 100% of internet humourists use Photoshop to adjust their eye colour.

3.  Laughter. This picture is very funny, but Photoshop makes it hilarious.



These people made it

4.  Revenge. Ever wanted to exact revenge upon someone for making fun of your spot at a wedding?  With Photoshop you can.  We have already seen that you can remove a spot from your face with Photoshop, you can also use it to move that spot to someone else’s face, and make it bigger and redder.  You can put it on your tormentor’s face as many times as you like.  She will then call you a “poo-head” and not speak to you for three days, in my experience.

5.  Protest. Protestors often hold up really dull placards.  You can use Photoshop to make them more interesting.  I tried to do something about the stripy top too, but my computer melted.


6.  Deception.The University of Wisconsin couldn’t find any group shots containing any black students so they just photoshopped one in (badly).  If they hadn’t been sued by Diallo Shabazz (the photoshopped student), who knows what they might have done next.  Removing stairs from pictures to demonstrate their wheelchair access perhaps, or removing images of staff pointing at tall buildings and aeroplanes, to make themselves appear a little more sophisticated.

Wisconsin Prospectus

7.  Celebrities.  Don’t you hate it when friends bump into Dan Akroyd at the train station and keep showing you the photo?  With the aid of Photoshop, you can stop them, by manufacturing a picture of you having tea with the Dalai Lama or going for a jog with Ted Danson.  Also, if you should ever bump into Michael Winner, you can remove him from any photographs.

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  1. Reasons Marc Fearns shouldn’t be allowed to use photoshop (only 5 but I am sure there are more).

    He will take a picture of you holding a piece of paper and change the message on it to something wildly inappropriate, possibly involving a BBC newsreader.
    He is likely to give you a lovely ginger beard or alternatively a hair-do that makes you look like the love child of Amy Winehouse and Chris Evans.
    He will increase the size of your hands to make you look deformed or a giant, or both.
    He will imply that you are a train spotter, a shoe obsessive or dream of being married to Richard Bacon.
    You will be struck cold by any Facebook notification that says ‘Marc Fearns tagged you in a photo.’
    .-= Simon´s last blog ..simonpjbest: It is rather cold in London today. Tea needed. =-.

  2. But that is where 4:Revenge comes in – learn the dark arts, it can be truly liberating 🙂

  3. Simon, those are all reasons I should be allowed to use photoshop.
    SixSixEight, Well said.
    .-= Marc´s last blog ..I’m in Australia =-.

  4. I must now join the dark side of the photoshop.

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