Tag: disease

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Aliens Will Never Visit Earth

Movies have been made and actual human lives have all been devoted to the prospect of aliens one day popping in to say “sup?” But let’s try to put some things into perspective for a minute. This is Earth. This isn’t some kind of Martian Cancun or some interstellar Mecca where everyone is just dying to meet us. This is just plain old, regular Earth, Terra Firma, Planet of the Hairless Apes.

It isn’t going to happen, people, sad as it sounds, and here are seven reasons why aliens aren’t interested in coming.

1. It’s A Little Out Of The Way. Let me ask you something – if you had tons of money, resources and the hottest, fastest ride, would you spend your time driving down to Detroit? God, no! You would go someplace exciting and interesting and full of life. What exactly are we near? What do we have to offer any alien species advanced enough to visit our tiny, obscure patch of the known universe? Religion? College Football? Copious amounts of unsold Big Mouth Billy Bass? No, any self-respecting extraterrestrial knows that Earth is simply not worth the trip.

2. We Have Nothing They Want. One thing is for sure, they aren’t traveling hundreds of thousands of light years to learn the secrets of our clear wire internet. This falls in line with the first reason, but it deserves to be discussed in a little more detail. Movies have been made about how aliens want to establish communication or even invade for our rich and unspoiled wilderness full of untapped resources and crystal clear waters. I guess these aliens have never sampled the fine H2O from the Chicago River nor had a look at the detritus strewn about Lancaster and its many closed mills. Do these aliens even know that China PAINTED their mountains green?! Of course they know. They’re aliens.

3. We Are Not That Interesting. When you get right down to it, we really aren’t. Just admit it. Oh yeah, sure, some dude can eat an entire shopping cart and some woman can almost pop the eyeballs out of her head but that’s about it. We spend more time on our phones living vicariously through other people who have probably had their left hands surgically replaced with a smartphone so they can twitter compulsively. Our highest form of entertainment used to be music. Now, it’s reality television. We watch “reality” television, about “real” people saying wacky and funny things as they live a “real” life. That is how we spend our weekends. We don’t spend them seeking communion with other beings, colonizing the moon or making the Earth less of a sty. Also, while we’re here, if reality television is so “real” then how come they have writers?

4. We Are A Danger To Ourselves And The Environment. If ancient astronauts ever came to Earth centuries ago, I suspect they would have a hard time finding anything remotely familiar. We have tirelessly spent our days as a civilization developing new weapons of war, systematically destroying the environment, and endeavoring to create the perfect hamburger – all because we can. You seriously think any emissaries of peace are going to want a piece of us or what we got going on? We are a powder keg.

5. Why Engage In Fruitful Communion With A Race That Gave The Green Light On A Movie Based On The Battleship Board Game? We are making a movie, based on a board game Hasbro-owned Milton Bradley invented and that people only pretend to have fond memories of. With the economic quagmire that is our lives being what it is, we are making a movie based on this board game with a budget of no less than $200 million. Do you have any idea what better use that money could have been put towards? Do you have any comprehension, as a human being, how many starving people you could feed with that kind of money for a year? I didn’t think so.

6. Actually, They Have Been Meaning To For Some Time But Aren’t Sure If We Will Still Be Around By The Time They Swing By. Do you know what our government does when we aren’t fighting for our lives from imminent commie threats, terror attacks and world wars? They spend their days creating robots that can use guns and developing the next great SUPER AIDS virus, purely for research purposes, I’m told. Aliens keep thinking they want to come on over but why waste the trip if we’re all dead by the time they get here?

7. They Know Better. Remember that old sci-fi trope where we as humans are like children to the aliens? It’s totally true. We are immature, petulant youths and the aliens know better than to let us leech off of them.

Author Bio: Brian is a writer who spends most of his time…uh…writing. When he isn’t spending his time fruitlessly staring up at the starry skies, he is writing both professionally and for pleasure.

February 21, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Be A Vegetarian

With the 7 Reasons sofa still state side, it’s understandable that there is quite a queue next to it. First to jump into the guest post hot seat is Breanna Carter. Before we get to Breanna’s post, though, a warning. If you like your turkey it might be worth waiting until after Christmas before you read this.

Ever since we chased down prey with rudimentary tools on the African savannah, the human race has always been a carnivorous one. Our medieval kings ate pheasant, our oil barons steak, and beef and poultry have increasingly become staples of consumption in the Western world. But recent decades has also seen the rise of vegetarianism, and more people now eschew meat than ever before. Most of these people are driven by either health or humanitarian concerns. While these reasons are arguably the strongest argument for vegetarianism, there are other supporting points as well. Here, then, are the seven main reasons for being a vegetarian:

1. Healthier. To be sure, health is a key reason for dropping meat from your diet. Diets high in meat, after all, are almost invariably high in fat as well. There are many ways of getting the protein provided by meat without the unneeded fat, meaning that there’s really no health downside to being a vegetarian. Furthermore, most unhealthy fast food products include meat; being a vegetarian provides a good impetus to stop eating at such establishments.

2. Less Chance of Disease. Undercooked and diseased meat results in thousands of sicknesses and recalls each year. While unwashed vegetables may occasionally contain bacteria and cause food poisoning, your chance of getting serious ill from your food – although low – is much higher when it comes to meat.

3. More Humane. This one goes without saying, but a diet that doesn’t include meat also doesn’t include any animal that was killed for your consumption. This has become even more significant in recent years, as stories have repeatedly emerged detailing cruel practices at slaughterhouses. You don’t need to be a die-hard animal lover to sympathize with a cow who faces a painful death.

4. Cheaper. Meat products are almost always some of the most expensive items being sold at a given grocery store. One pound of rice or beans – compared with one pound of meat – is far less expensive and far more nutritious. Consequently, your grocery budget would stand to drop noticeably if you made the switch to vegetarianism.

5. More Eco-Friendly. As you’ve probably heard, it takes up much more land and many more resources to raise a group of cows than to grow a field of produce. With the world population skyrocketing, arable land becoming more scare, and food prices on the rise, a sustained move to vegetarianism would vastly reduce the resources we consume on a global level.

6. Confers Status. In some circles, vegetarians are not well-regarded and could probably use some reputation management assistance. In others, however, those who forgo meat are respected and admired. If you travel in the latter type of circle, your switch to vegetarianism could thus have an added social benefit.

7. Better for Your Bowels. Even though humans have been carnivores since our earliest days, our bodies are much better equipped to process plant and grain products than animal ones. If you suffer from bowel issues, then, becoming a vegetarian could vastly improve your day-to-day level of comfort.

So there you have it: seven reasons to be a vegetarian. Although meat can be tasty and high in protein, it ultimately just cannot compete.

December 1, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Holiday In South Africa

The nights are drawing in. The temperature is dropping. There is resentment in the air. Summer never arrived. As a result throngs of disgruntled Brits are marching on Heathrow. Destination holiday. But with so many countries to choose from, where do you buy a ticket to? Today Craig Patterson puts his humorous case forward for South Africa.

South Africa is a pretty amazing place; a country nicknamed the ‘Rainbow nation’ for its incredible cultural diversity and eclectic geography (as opposed to any parallels with the long running British children’s TV show featuring Geoffrey Hayes and a cast of rather off-beat puppet companions Zippy, Bungle and for some reason a camp hippo called George). South Africa is a vibrant and beautiful place that promises one of the most memorable and truly privileging experiences in the world. So let’s take a closer look at the seven reasons that make South Africa holidays so good.

1. ‘Damn Nature, You Scary!’ South Africa is home to some of the most iconic wildlife on the planet and nowhere else in Africa are you more likely to see the famous ‘Big Five’; like the fab four but considerably more toothy and considerably less Liverpudlian these were the animals once considered by colonial hunters as the most dangerous on the continent: lions, leopards, rhinos, elephants and Chuck Norris…I mean buffaloes. The Kruger National Park in the North East of the country is widely regarded as one of the richest and most diverse game reserves in all of Africa boasting an abundance of wildlife, and even the occasional hippo; although I can’t promise they will be either as camp or as pink as George. Safari holidays are becoming more and more popular and a break to South Africa promises a truly exhilarating experience.

2. Language And Time. Okay, so it might take an eleven and a half hour flight to get there but let’s face it, that’s just like watching all three extended editions of the Lord of the Rings films back to back; peace of cake. One great thing about travelling to South Africa for Western European tourists in particular is that it’s almost entirely down hill and by that I mean you fly on essentially the same longitude the whole way; so despite jumping on a rather lengthy flight you will still arrive in Cape Town or Johannesburg only 1 or 2 hours ahead of GMT. Cash back! Also thanks to a lengthy colonial occupation a vast majority of South Africans speak English, which perhaps unfortunately for some renders ineffectual that old British holiday-making ritual of trying to make other nationalities comprehend you by pointing at something and then saying it louder and slower again in English. This also presents a great opportunity to perfect your beloved South African accent; the one that everyone says sounds Russian but you know is spot on.

3. The Weather’s Great…Usually. The weather in South Africa is quite similar to the climate in Britain in the same way that Blue Nun is quite similar to Dom Perignon. The country actually promises pleasant conditions throughout the year although there is a discernible seasonal shift around September and April. Thanks to the wizardry of astrophysics and the orbital tilt of the planet’s axis as a country in the Southern Hemisphere South Africa experiences apposite seasonal changes to its hemispherical counterparts ‘up north’ meaning that when it is British winter it is in fact South African summer. Not only does this assert the country as a great winter warmer destination, but the cooler drier period from June to September is actually the best time for game viewing and perfectly timed for a jolly summer holiday. All of this said South Africa is prone to its occasional climatic clanger and only as recently as this year many residents in the Eastern Cape awoke to a blanket of thick snow, maybe not so different eh?

4. Malaria Free. Unlike most other destinations in Southern Africa, South Africa is almost entirely malaria free with only the very north-eastern reaches moderately at risk. A lot of people presume that when they travel to South Africa they will have to prescribe to a cocktail of pills and drugs that Keith Richards would be proud of, but thanks to the geographical location of the country travellers and perhaps young children in particular needn’t worry about the effects of those infamous and much belied bloodsuckers, no not the HMRC, mosquitoes.

5. Nelson Says So. The Granddad that everyone wishes they had, Nelson Mandela, is an icon, not only in South Africa but across the globe. The former president was notoriously imprisoned for over 27 years for his role in the anti apartheid movement much of which he spent on Robben Island. To trace the history and evolution of modern South Africa is a wonderful thing and there are many museums and exhibits dedicated to the country’s colourful and undeniably tumultuous past. Mandela still epitomises the hope and spirit shared by millions of South Africans for a bright and fruitful future. He also looks just like Morgan Freeman who incidentally played him in 2009 biopic, Invictus – a little pub ammo for you.

6. Cape Town. Cape Town is a pretty hip and happening place and is the most visited destination within the most visited country in Africa. Originally established by the Dutch who stopped by for a smoke and a pancake in the mid 17th century and decided to stay, today Cape Town is a busy metropolis, although interestingly not the outright capital as South Africa actually has three – make up your minds guys. With such famous sights as the V&A waterfront, Table Mountain and the nearby Cape of Good Hope as well as a plethora (great word, just rolls off the tongue) of boutique shops restaurants and bars there will be something to keep everyone entertained.

7. Affordable. You might think that a holiday to South Africa would cost you an arm and a leg (I suppose it might depending upon how close you get to the lions) but in fact you don’t have to be the CEO of De Beers to afford even a relatively luxurious trip. The incredible variety of experiences on offer in South Africa means that whatever budget you have to work with you can still see the best of this country. OK, so you’re understandably going to have to fork out more than you would for a long weekend in Whitby but in a time when the purse strings are even tighter than usual you can still enjoy an ‘exotic’ break at a competitive price.

September 24, 2011
7 Reasons I’m Not Going To Win A Nobel Prize Anytime Soon

On Tuesday evening this flyer popped through the letter box. It is fair to say I nearly fell off my half of the 7 Reasons sofa. ‘Entrepreneurs Needed’. Entrepreneurs! That’s me. ‘Groundbreaking Nobel Prize Winning Product’. Groundbreaking! Nobel Prize Winning! Product! They are all me too. Well, not the Nobel Prize bit. Not yet. But it could be me. ‘Call NOW’ Okay! Only I didn’t. I went back to making my spaghetti omelette. But yesterday… yesterday I gave them a call. And this is how it went.

*Now, before you press play I need to tell you something. In this phone call I’m a bit sarcastic. I was expecting this groundbreaking Nobel Prize winning product to be something like a new kind of penis pump or a tulip that sings forty-six national anthems. With a Jamaican dialect. (And, be honest, who wouldn’t like a penis pump with a Jamaican dialect?) Thing thing is though, this product is neither of those. In fact, it’s a very serious product relating to health issues and is inspired by the death of someone’s father. Something I only discovered a couple of minutes into the call. So, while I wouldn’t say what you are about to hear is in any way offensive, you may find my comments and subsequent reasons insensitive. If you think that could be you, my advice would be to just ignore today’s piece and come back tomorrow.*

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/20360733″]

Yes, I cut him off. I was bored. But more than that, I was frustrated. Five minutes I’d been on the phone and I still didn’t know what the product was or what I was needed for. And there was something else. A number of things this man said alarmed me. Let’s take it from the top.

1. As Heard From 0:46 – “If you’ve ever wanted to be involved in the early stages of a proven success story that is about to experience dramatic growth throughout the UK (and Europe) please continue to listen.” It’s not the proven success that bothers me here. Or, indeed, the promise of dramatic growth*. It’s the use of Europe. (The continent, not the band. Though the use of ‘Final Countdown’ as a backing track would have been apt). Europe, in this case, is very much an after thought. As if he doesn’t really believe it. And it’s silly. I wouldn’t go around saying I’ve got this great product that is going to be popular in Maidstone and the World would I? Maidstone (at least some parts of it) is already in the World. As the entrepreneur this man is seeking, I am left with severe doubts. I’m suspicious that he was going to try and charm me with the allure of freshly baked croissants. Well sorry pal, but you’ve picked the wrong man.

2. As Heard From 1:30 – “If you are keen to develop a significant residual income…” Hello! He’s played the money card straight away! I’ve watched Dragon’s Den too many times to know that this is too good to be true. Start off with the money card and three things happen. Firstly, the promise of profits are vastly exaggerated. Secondly, the product is abysmal. And thirdly, you start dreaming about Deborah Meaden with a giant gherkin on her head. Oh, my goodness. It’s happening already***.

3. As Heard From 1:47 – “It is estimated that someone has a heart attack every two minutes.” Well what the bloody hell are we doing on the phone then?! Let’s find this person and help them. They must be in all kinds of trouble. I’m sorry, but anyone who wants to chat about Nobel Prize winning products instead of helping those who are suffering is not the business partner for me. Shame.

4. As Heard From 1:50 – “More than 1.4 million people have a gina [pronounced gyna].” Well this is factually incorrect for a start. Without wishing to beat around the bush, I would suggest at least half the population have a gina. Even I used to have one. And understandably so. Gina G was tremendous. Anyway, the point is, I can’t work with someone who doesn’t know their facts.

5. As Heard From 2:21 – “Now, for most of us we need to look no further than in The Mirror…” And you’ve lost me. Right here. Any product that can in any way be traced back to Piers Morgan is a no-go area for me.

6. As Heard From 4:07 – “This discovery [the role of the nitric oxide molecule] was so significant that one of these Nobel Laureates in medicine subsequently wrote a book.” What?! This scientist discovered nitric oxide could prevent heart disease so he wrote a book! What? Why? Why didn’t he get on and get this stuff on the shelf in Boots and Superdrug? The Piers Morgan association lost me, this has just baffled me. Save lives or write a book? Tough decision that.**

7. As Heard From 4:31 – “The President of the American Heart Association, Dr. Fell On Him Pushed Her…” Oh, come on! Dr. Fell On Him Pushed Her?! What a total stitch up this was. And I bet the call wasn’t free either. Gits.

*You can see why I thought it might be a penis pump now.

**This takes nothing away from the fact that you won a Nobel Prize. Well done that man. (Though you are a bit dopey.)

***

August 4, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons The Earth Could Really End Today

We were close to the end of the world yesterday and today we are mere hours away from a good rapturing. In light of this I really admire you for coming back to 7 Reasons when you should probably be saying goodbye to your loved ones. In keeping with the end of the world theme, today’s guest post is an extraordinary look into another seven ways the world might end today. It’s written by Greg Buckskin, a writer and blogger for Comcast.USDirect.com – home to Comcast Cable Deals. At least that’s what he does when he’s not skiing the Utah powder. After the nice picture below, it’ll be Greg.

For many fundamentalist Christians, May 21st will be their last day at work—or on the planet for that matter. Harold Camping, owner of the $100 million Family Radio Christian network, has predicted that May 21st is the day of the rapture—the end of the world when the righteous will be taken to heaven and the wicked will be left here on earth wallowing in misery until October 21st, when the earth will finally be destroyed for good.

Although Camping’s predictions have failed in the past (he also predicted that the world would end in 1994—oops), he has many followers who are backing him up, selling their homes, quitting their jobs, and budgeting their last cent to run out on May 21st.

Who knows, maybe the world will end on May 21st. I’ve been wrong before; I thought Arnold and Maria would be together forever. But most likely, May 21st will be just like any other day, except for the lamenting cries of those who went into huge debt so they could live it up until the 21st and thought they’d never have to pay it back. However, there are tons of other ‘real’ ways the world could end this weekend, or even in the next half hour. These events would be so random that I’ll bet none of us ever even pay it much mind.

1. Nuclear War. Stanford Professor Emeritus Martin Hellman figures that at any given moment there is about a 10% chance of the world ending in nuclear war. That’s a bigger percentage than most of us have of dying from common forms of cancer—more than 10 times bigger in most cases. There are still over 25,000 nuclear weapons in existence today. North Korea, Iran, some pissed off fundamentalist who finds one of Sadam’s WMDs buried in the desert somewhere—theses are all likely candidates and extremely unpredictable. How is your bomb shelter coming along?

2. Asteroid. We all know that Armageddon was a completely unrealistic movie, right? I mean who would hire an oil rig captain to blow up an asteroid? Well, it may not be so far from the truth. Right now scientists from NASA and other organizations around the globe are predicting that asteroid 1999 RQ36 could have as big as a 1/1000 chance of hitting earth in 2182. When you think about the vastness of the universe, that’s actually pretty good odds. If a big asteroid took out the dinosaurs, why couldn’t we be next.

3. Super Volcano. We all learned about volcanoes in 3rd grade science class, but most of that curriculum focused on places like Hawaii and Mt. Saint Helens. Chances are your teacher didn’t tell you about the super volcano that is Yellowstone National Park. Only fairly recently have scientists discovered that Yellowstone is a giant caldera, an underground volcano where magma has been building for hundreds of thousands of years. The last time a super volcano erupted (75,000 years ago in Sumatra), it exploded with the force of over 10,000 Mt. Saint Helens, covered the world with ash and brought about a global ice age. According to calculations, the Yellowstone caldera explodes about once every 600,000 years. The last explosion was over 640,000 years ago. Yikes!

4. Disease. Bird flu? Swine flu? Forget about it. What about airborne HIV? Or some new disease that has not even developed yet? If you’ve ever read The Andromeda Strain you know that all it takes is for one virus to mutate in exactly the right way to kill us all instantly. Then the zombie apocalypse hits, and it’s every man for himself.

5. Gamma Ray Burst. Gamma ray bursts have been observed in far distant galaxies for many years. A Gamma ray burst generally happens as a star goes supenova and can release more energy in ten milliseconds than our sun will release over its 10 billion year lifetime. Most of the observed bursts are in galaxies that are billions of light years from earth. But what if a closer star decided to explode (or our sun) and send a beam of high-energy gamma rays our way? We’d be space dust before any of us even knew what happened.

6. Global Warming. Global warming is a slow phenomenon compared to our short human lives, but it can be a rather quick event in the earth’s life. A warmer planet won’t simply mean that we can’t wear long pants anymore, it will change the entire way the planet functions. It will disrupt plant growth, extend the life cycle of many animals and insects, especially those that live in tropical regions and carry diseases like malaria. It also increases air pollution and causes flooding and wildfires and increases the size a magnitude of tropical storms—think Katrina, but on a scale that would cover all of North America. Currently, about 150,000 deaths can be attributed to global warming. If we don’t watch out, we could face a slow death by a warming planet.

7. Big Robots From Outer Space. So this one is a little more far-fetched. But astronomers are discovering new planets all the time, some that could even support life like earth’s. In fact, recently, Gliese 581g—a planet similar to earth—was discovered only 20 light-years from our solar system. Who is to say that life does not exist elsewhere in the cosmos, that they may be more technologically advanced than ourselves, and can travel the stars? And if there is one thing I’ve learned from watching movies, it’s that aliens rarely come to earth just to see what’s here. They usually (much like we are doing right now) have destroyed their own planet and are looking for a new home. And they don’t take too kindly to the natives. Will they send giant robots to annihilate us or will it be pod people to snatch our bodies? I don’t know. All I can say is, “watch the skies.”

May 21, 2011
7 Reasons We Shouldn’t Try To Contact Aliens

This year is the fiftieth anniversary of SETI (the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence). For half a century mankind has been broadcasting into space, trying to contact extraterrestrial life forms. Is it really a good idea to get in touch with aliens though? Here are seven reasons that we shouldn’t.

1. Size. Jimi Hendrix once said that he believed that aliens could be enormous, and that we would be like ants to them. As he put it, “You wouldn’t go miles out of your way to step on an ant-hill”. What if our communications are annoying them though? You wouldn’t go miles to tread on ants, but you might cross the living room to swat a buzzing fly.

2. Evolution. What if the aliens have evolved differently to us? What if they’ve evolved from insects or snakes? What if they have feelers on top of their bulbous heads? What if they’re descended from ear-wax? We’d find them repellent, that’s what. What if they came to visit us and they turned out to be 15 feet high spiders? Half of the world’s population would scream “Kill it! Kill it!” and the other half would take one look at them and think “Not bloody likely”. Do we even have a giant shoe?

3. Disease. Aliens are…well, alien. Humans would have no immunity to any diseases or infections that they would bring, and they would have none to ours. We won’t be able to cope with Venusian Flu of the eye and they won’t be able to cope with Herpes of the tentacle. Meeting aliens would be a bad idea for all concerned.

4. Dullness. What if the aliens are uncharismatic? Really boring? Catatonically, mind-numbingly, vapidly, monotonously Daily Mail dull? Do we really want to have an unimaginative dialogue with dreary spacemen? What if they’re like Vogons?

5. Defeat. What if the aliens are more powerful and more advanced than us? We can’t know that they’re not war-like and intent on universal domination. By trying to contact the aliens we could be guaranteeing ourselves a new world order. We could only hope that our new alien masters would be benevolent. Perhaps they’d be a bit subtler than going for out-and-out enslavement, preferring to conquer and rule us – they might even settle for a puppet-government. To head this, they would need to find someone innocuous and popular, with a good grasp of modern communication, whose covetousness and vanity would leave him open to their manipulation. Our new alien-overlords would probably install Richard Bacon as Earth’s puppet-leader. No one wants that – even him.

6. Beggars. Why would aliens want anything to do with us anyway? If they’re in any way more advanced than us we’d drive them round the bend. Whether It’s pestering them for technology to save our ailing planet, pestering them for accommodation when we realise that we can’t or pestering them to take David Gest back, we’ll be, at best, a nuisance, and at worst, a burden. We’re like the annoying neighbour that you try to avoid by pretending to be out. The aliens – if they have any sense – are hiding from us.

7. Madness. What if there are no aliens? Then the whole SETI programme will have been in vain. If there are no aliens out there then essentially we’re talking to ourselves. I’ve seen people that do that out on the street. They look a bit foolish and they say the silliest things – often about spacemen, ironically.

********************UPDATE********************

Since we wrote this article, Stephen Hawking has come out and stated his opinion on this subject. He agrees with us. We don’t know if he read this piece first or eventually – after considering these issues for a good while longer than we did – came to a similar conclusion by himself. We like to think that it’s the former.

January 29, 2010