Tag: delivery

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Should Shop Online

There was tension in the office when Clive accused Deborah of stealing his voucher code

1. Shopping naked. Let’s face it, we all love a bit of nudity, but unfortunately public displays of it tend to be frowned upon. As such, going down to the local shopping centre in the buff may result in you going home in a police car. However, in the comfort of your own home, you can shop naked, cross dress or even wear your underpants on your head.

2. Cashback. A shopper’s dream is to be paid to shop so who would have thought you would be given a discount simply for shopping; well this is the case with the internet. There are various sites that track purchases and return a percentage of the sale to your wallet. If you’re feeling generous you can even use this to donate through sites like easyfundraising.org.uk.

3. Shopping for a partner. The internet really has opened our eyes to what people will pay for. Nowadays, you can pay for almost anything online from the meaning of life to a 10-year old Virgin Mary grilled cheese (real ebay sales). In terms of more normal behaviour, people have also turned to the internet to solve their relationship problems and now through sites like Lovestruck.com you can even pay for the chance to find love.

4. Keeping your sanity. Once you do find that soul mate through an online dating service, it’s important to do as much as you can to avoid going shopping with them. Connected by an invisible wire, many men have lost their marbles whilst accompanying their partners on shopping trips, which is another reason for why you should shop online.

5. No walking. Movement is overrated. Going shopping in actual shops requires so much walking that there have been reported cases of legs literally turning to jelly. To avoid this unlikely scenario it’s best to play it safe and shop online.

6. No carrying. Keeping on the same topic of protecting your body, physical shopping often requires a lot of bag-carrying. For those looking to enter bodybuilding contests, this form of shopping is ideal but for the rest of us, the online method is more suitable. Shopping is supposed to be therapeutic and relaxing, if we all wanted to work out, we’d be better off going to the gym.

7. The internet is our master. You might not actually know this but the internet has slowly become our master and as such, we must obey it. If it asks us to browse on a daily basis, we must! If it asks us to post status updates every 5 seconds, we must! And if it asks us to shop online, who are we to disagree with the all-seeing, all-knowing, all-loving internet.

October 17, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why The Internet Can Save You Money

1. At Your Fingertips. If you need car or house insurance, or even a credit card or a loan, there are now lots of comparison sites out there that can help you find the cheapest option for you. So instead of having to call or even visit these places, you can now find the best options at the click of a button. You’ll save immediately. And not just money. Think of the time you’ve just saved. That can be put to good use straight away. There’s bound to be something good on ITV 3.

2. Free Delivery. Before the internet age, if you wanted something to eat, you’d usually have to cook it yourself. And although that probably is the cheapest option, it’s incredibly tiresome. It also makes a mess out of those pans. Which is why ordering your chicken jalfrezzi online seems like the perfect solution. No petrol costs to get you to the takeaway and no eating it on the bus on the way home before it gets cold.

3. Smaller Is Better. Internet and mobile technology has advanced. And so have coupons. You no longer need to stuff your bag full of paper when you’re shopping for a bargain. You can just use an internet code. If you’re a big coupon hunter, just think of all the space you’ll save. Fewer coupons, smaller handbag*. Smaller handbag**, cheaper price.

4. Get Social. More and more businesses are starting to take notice of social media. And with so many of us using the likes of Twitter and Facebook, so they should. A simple click of the ‘follow’ or ‘like’ button will open your feed up to discount codes, exclusive sales and ‘behind-the-scenes’ videos that no one wants to see. Well worth it then for a freebie. And if you don’t want your friends to know you ‘Like’ Lidl, BHS and Kerry Katona, well, just open up a new account.

5. Keeping The Love Alive. If you’re someone who likes a date or two, or if you’re newly single and ready to mingle, you can have dinner (or even drink) dates over the internet. Get a webcam, get some food, and enjoy each other’s company over Skype. You don’t have to worry about getting a taxi home and the food will cost a lot less than in Pizza Hut. The kissing might be a bit disappointing, but shut the curtains anyway. Don’t want the milkman thinking you’re weird.

6. Thinking Ahead. If you do want to venture out for dinner or drinks, whip out your smartphone and check out the reviews for all the local bars and restaurants. Look for the cheapest place, and you’ve saved a bit of money already. Yes, everywhere will have the odd bad review, but generally the person who said, ‘Don’t visit! The soup was cold!!! :-(‘ actually ordered a bowl of gazpacho.

7. Bargain Hunt. You can find pretty much everything you can think of online. Except hoverboards. Well, hoverboards that work anyway. Old DVDs, electrical items and clothes are in abundance on eBay, but it’s also worth checking local recycling groups on Facebook and Google. In some cases, like Freecycle in London, you can pick up someone’s unwanted tat for nothing. And as they say, one man’s tat is another man’s hat. Something like that.

* Or manbag.

** Or manbag.

February 7, 2012
7 Reasons That I Won’t Be Sending My Christmas Cards Until Christmas Eve

It’s almost Christmas and one of the aspects of the festival that I hate the most is writing Christmas cards. But I’ve come up with a cunning plan for dealing with them. This year, I won’t be sending any Christmas cards out until Christmas Eve. Here are seven reasons why.

1. Space. When you’re buying your stamps or posting your cards, the post office on Christmas Eve is a far more convivial atmosphere than the post office on December 18^th. When I’m posting my cards tomorrow, I’m going to be alone, with just the post office staff wearing their Santa hats and antlers, and eating their mince pies, (which they’ll probably share with me). And, instead of being stuck in a long mazy queue of grey people coughing, I’m going to have space to stretch my arms out and spin around. And that’s what I’m going to do; just because I can. And because it’s less cruel than swinging a cat.

2. Time. Leaving the cards until the last minute will have other benefits too. Had I written my cards early I’d have spent lots of time writing them out neatly, but I didn’t do that this year, and now that Christmas Eve is almost upon us, I’m doing the Christmas cards as a rush job. So that’s a lot less time that I’ve spent writing cards: Time that I was able to use more productively. I didn’t obviously, I spent it mulling things and playing Angry Birds. I also photoshopped a hat onto the statue of liberty. But it’s still time saved.

3. Inclusivity. It’s more inclusive if I send my cards on Christmas Eve. After all, I’m notoriously forgetful, but I know who I’ve received a card from because there’s a bushel of them in the living room. Or a gross. Or a flock (I have no idea how quantities of cards are measured), so it’s easy enough for me to work out who’s sent them and reply. So if you’ve sent me a card, you’ll get one in return: And if you haven’t, then you won’t. Obviously if anyone else is using the same system as me then that’s unfortunate, but if they are, that would benefit the…

4. Environment. That the Christmas cards I’ve sent won’t be received until after Christmas is good for the planet. Because no one sends out a Christmas card after Christmas, so people won’t send out any cards in reply to mine. So there’ll be less wasted paper, and I’ll have less recycling to do in January. Which is great, as the first recycling day of the New Year is usually like some sort of glass-themed labour of Hercules, but without Hercules and starring me instead.

5. Blame. And no one even need know that their cards weren’t sent until Christmas Eve (unless they’re reading this. Damn) because what’s the default opinion on the Royal Mail in this country? It’s that they’re hapless and inefficient. That’s not strictly true. Most of the time, they’re dedicated people doing a fine, and quite thankless, job, but they’ll automatically get the blame for the tardy arrival of my cards anyway. But that’s their problem and I don’t mind using it to my advantage. After all, I’ve never been stupid enough to change my name to Consignia and they have.

6. How To Win Friends And Influence People. When no card arrives before Christmas, friends, family and acquaintances will probably think “The bastard! He hasn’t sent us a folded over piece of paper with a picture of a fat, bearded man on the front and some illegible scrawl within! How could he do this to me?” But then, when the card turns up a few days after Christmas (“bloody post office”) they’ll feel loved and wanted again. And they’ll feel bad for thinking ill of me, which they’ll probably compensate for by being even more well-disposed toward me than usual. So if I keep doing this every Christmas, people will eventually feel so much affection for me that they will probably erect statues of me when I’m in my old age. I could get canonized! I could become the next Princess Diana!*

7. Finances. I won’t need to buy cards until the last minute, by which time I’ll know exactly how many I need. So none will be wasted. So I’ll be saving money. That’s money that I can spend on other Christmas things like candles that get brought out once a year that nobody ever lights, or those owl baubles that my wife saw (because nothing says Christmas more than a rodent-terrorising bird of prey hanging from a tree). By leaving the cards until the last moment, I’m going to be better off financially, and I’m going to benefit in many, many other ways too. I’m a genius! A mean genius. I’m a meanius!

*But my mother-in-law won’t be on the stamps.

December 23, 2010