Tag: Commentary

7 Reasons To Watch The Rugby World Cup

Here we go then. After four years of waiting England are finally about to bring the Webb Ellis Trophy home again. Don’t worry though, if you are of another nationality, there are still reasons to watch.

1. The Perennials. Yes, I’m talking about New Zealand. Favourites for the fifth tournament in a row and justifiably so. The Kiwis are very good and every other team out there is quite frankly abysmal. Add into the mix that they are also hosts then the odds of 8/13 still seem quite generous. To an uneducated supporter that is. Everyone else knows that New Zealand will not win. They are chokers. Defeated in the 1995 final, the 1999 and 2003 semi-finals and the 2007 quarter-finals. They are the Netherlands of the rugby world. So much natural talent and yet so little mental toughness. The draw has been kind to them this year, they play their nemeses France in the group stage meaning they’ll win that one. A quarter-final against Argentina won’t provide too many difficulties, but then they come up against the Aussies – who, after losing to Ireland in the group stages, knock South Africa out in the quarters. And the Aussies win that one. Because they know how.

2. The Group Of Death. If there is such a thing as the group of death in this World Cup, it’s group D. Neither Wales nor South Africa will find it easy against Samoa or Fiji and while South Africa’s experience should help them through, Wales may be heading home early. Which is obviously a shame because New Zealand is full of sheep.

3. The Minnows. That’s right, I’m talking about Scotland. They should be entertaining to watch. For a neutral anyway. For a Scot there’ll be a dispiriting draw against Romania, two horrendous defeats to Argentina and Georgia and then a two-point win against England. Just because that’s all the Scots care about. And because Hape will be playing for England instead of the suspended Tulagi – who head-butted one touch-judge, two cheerleaders and a supporters coach during the game against Argentina.

4. Sleep Deprivation. The time difference means all of us who fine-tuned the art of staying awake all night followed by a half-arsed day at work during The Ashes, get to do it all over again. The first game between the hosts and Tonga is really just a warm-up. The fun starts on Saturday morning. The first of four games kicks off at 2am. There are no forty-minute lunch breaks to sleep through. No rain-delays to give you an excuse to go to bed. Just rugby, rugby, rugby. But that’s great because being deprived of sleep is wonderful. It puts you in a trance-like state through which you do all the jobs you hate without even realising. It really should be available on the National Health.

5. Commentary. With no Ortis Deley presenting, we have to look to the commentators for tongue-twisters. And, in particular, the unlucky sole who pulled the short straw and will find themselves in Auckland on 25th September commentating on Fiji v Samoa. If you know your Waqaniburotu, Murimurivalu and Koyamaiboles from your Treviranus, Poluleuligaga and Tagicakibaus then I suggest you give ITV a call. You’ll almost certainly be put on stand-by. For the rest of us, this has drinking game written all over it. For every mispronunciation, it’s two fingers. You’ll be wrecked by 6am.

6. The Unexpected. Last year ITV performed quite a coup. They got Francois Pienaar to join their line-up for the Football World Cup. Yes, the rugby legend Francois Pienaar. One assumes this was because the World Cup was being hosted in South Africa. So this begs the question, which Kiwi football star have they lined up to offer expert analysis on the scrum? That’s right, it’s Blackburn defender and current Kiwi captain, Ryan Nelson. I expect.

Blackburn’s Ryan Nelson Will Be In ITV’s Analysis Truck For The Rugby World Cup

7. The Alternative. Well that would be to listen to it. On, wait for it, TalkSport. Yes, that’s right, TalkSport! They have exclusive rights which means no Ian Robertson this year. They do have a decent commentary team with John Taylor and Brian Moore in the ranks, but my problem is that they’ll keep interrupting the matches to tell us that Nick Barmby has rejoined Spurs on a free and some twat from a van-hire company will repeatedly tell they’re the best in Canvey Island. I don’t want to know! Then we’ll probably have Jon Gaunt doing a rugby phone-in with Nick Griffin. It’s not going to be pretty. Watch it on TV instead. Watch it on a real channel. Watch it on… oh… erm… it’s on ITV again.

September 8, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: You’ve Decided On Blowers’ T-Shirt

On Friday we had a dilemma. We just didn’t know which Blowers’ t-shirt design to go for. So we asked you. And you voted in your droves. Having spent all night counting the votes we are pleased to annouce the winner. Well, show it to you anyway. It’s this one:

Well done. Good decision. The t-shirt will be nestled in our Emporium from tomorrow – ready to be worn by all cricket going Blowers fanatics. But the thing is, there were votes, as you’d expect, for other t-shirts too. And quite a few votes. Which by our calculations means there’ll be a lot of unhappy Blowers fans out there. So what to do? Well, we thought we’d make the lot. Except ‘Red Trousers’. That got no votes at all. So, ‘My Dear Old Thing, ‘Bus Stop’, ‘On Mic’, ‘Silhouette’ & ‘The Collection’ will also in the Emporium tomorrow. But only for limited time. In fact, we are only making twenty of each – ten male, ten female. Once they are gone, they are gone. ‘Hat, Glasses & Bow Tie’ on the other hand, will be in there indefinitely. Which is the way it should be.

Oh, one final thing, if you voted you’ll be getting a message from us in the next week with your 20% discount code.

June 26, 2011
7 Reasons We Couldn’t Decide On Blowers’ T-Shirt

You’ll know by now, or at least you should, that we are both thoroughly decent English chaps who like cricket. You’ll also know that we like the commentator extraordinaire that is Henry Blofeld. We know that’s a contentious issue. There are some who would readily describe him as ‘bumbling’. We, on the other hand, find his excitement, his love for both cricket and life, his pigeon twitching and his inability to grasp Twitter completely infectious. So much so that we want to go to the cricket wearing a Blowers t-shirt. Sadly, that is currently not possible. There is no Blowers t-shirt in existence. So, we’ve designed one. Well, seven actually. We designed one and Marc wasn’t too keen. So Marc designed one and Jon wasn’t very happy. So in the end we have designed seven and it is up to you, the humble reader, to decide which design goes to mass manufacture. Here are the choices.

1. My Dear Old Thing.

2. Hat, Glasses & Bow Tie.

3. Bus Stop.

4. Silhouette.

5. On Mic.

6. Red Trousers.

7. The Collection.

To vote for your favourite just click on an image. This will take you to Twitter where all you have to do is click ‘Send’. Clever, huh? Or you can vote on our Facebook page. Or, if you are not a Twitter or Facebook person, you can leave a comment below with your choice. There, we think that’s all bases covered. Voting closes at 11:59pm on Saturday 25th June and we’ll announce the winner in Russian Roulette Sunday, on… erm… Sunday. And, if you vote, there’ll be 20% off the t-shirt that goes to print too.

NB: T-shirt colours are subject to change, so just go with which design makes your heart sing.

June 24, 2011
7 Reasons To Play The Brian Moore Drinking Game This Six Nations

Last week you may remember that Marc and I failed to deliver our regular Friday joint post. In an extraordinary turn of events we have repeated the trick this week as well. But that’s fine, because it gives me a chance to have a look at one of the greatest sporting events in the calender. Tonight sees the start of the 2011 Six Nations in Cardiff, with England taking on the Daffodil Nation. I could give you 7 Reasons to watch the Six Nations but I am pretty sure we covered that last year** and to be honest, not much has changed. You shouldn’t need to rethink it. Instead I am going to take a look at the commentators. And in particular the joy former England hooker Brian Moore will be bringing to the proceedings. With his passionate views, the words of Moore make this Six Nations the perfect opportunity to have a tipple. So here it is, the 7 Reasons Brian Moore Drinking Game.

1. Criticism. No matter which country a player is from, if he’s a silly boy, Moore will let everyone know about it. Similarly, if he feels a referee has made a bad decision, we will hear it. So, if Moore labels a player a ‘half-wit’ or brands the decision of the referee as ‘stupid’ you have to drink one finger.

2. Scrum. Given that Moore spent most of his career in the middle of one, I think he has the right to harp on about the issues of scrummaging for 80 minutes. And every time he bemoans a collapse, a reset or a wonky feed, you must drink two fingers.

3. Football. That’s right, every time Moore mentions those nancy boys in that round ball game and their rolling around on the floor antics, it’s time to drink three fingers.

4. Passion. Let’s put it like this, Moore is not entirely unbiased. You get the feeling that he’d quite like England to win. And he’s not exactly scared of sharing his passion for the cause. So every time he shows his blatant England bias, drink four fingers.

5. Anti-French Sentiments. Being a proper Englishman, Moore quite rightly lacks appreciation for all things French. So when he comes out which such gems as, “Looks like he’s injured…I don’t care though, he’s French,” it’s time to drink five fingers. And cheer.

6. Admission. On the very odd occasion that Moore views a replay and admits his initial judgement on proceedings was in fact wrong, you must down the rest of your drink.

7. Cut-off. Sometimes Moore can get so worked up about something that his emotions begin to pour out of the speakers. In the past it has led the producer to pulling the plug on Moore’s microphone. Below is the perfect example of what we are looking for. If this happens it is time to refill your glass and down it in one.

Most of all though, enjoy the tournament! (If you are English).

*7 Reasons does not condone drinking to extremes, so if you feel yourself getting dizzy before half-time you may stop.

**I lied. We did not give you 7 Reasons To Watch The Six Nations last year, our guest writer Rachel did. You can read it here.

February 4, 2011
7 Reasons To Watch The Winter Olympics

1. Primetime. This time around, the Winter Olympics are in Vancouver. That means it will be shown on the TV in the evenings. Assuming you are reading this in the UK that is. Watching sport on a weeknight evening is brilliant. It is what makes life so enjoyable.

2. We Might Win A Medal. And if we do, it will almost certainly be won by someone we haven’t heard of. In a sport we know nothing about. But come Sports Personality of the Year in December we will all be voting for her. Or him. Or them. Those of us who aren’t voting for Rory Delap that is.

3. Last Chance To See. The British Ski and Snowsport Federation has gone into administration. This could be the last time you get to see Great Britain represented at the Winter Olympics. History in the making.

4. Anthems. It gives us a chance to hear National anthems that we don’t normally in the Summer Olympics. The Austrian and the Swiss for example. I can’t tell you whether they are any good or not because it has been four years since I last heard them. But we’ll find out next week.

5. Curling. Despite being one of the earliest nations to have adopted widespread use of the vacuum cleaner, Britain is actually quite good at a sport that involves sweeping. Even more astonishingly, the captain of our women’s curling team is a teenager. Predictably, she isn’t involved in the sweeping, preferring to leave a big mess containing worn clothes, dirty plates, miscellaneous make up and cds without cases in the path of the stone.*

6. Commentary. The Winter Olympics provides commentators with the opportunity to commentate (naturally) on sports that they are none-too-familiar with. It gives you the chance to shout at the TV whenever they make a mistake. But there are also commentators who see it as an opportunity to make a name for themselves. They’ll try and make the sport far more exciting that is actually is. Don’t take my word for it. Watch this. And make sure you stay with it until 2:20.

7. Baring (sic) Up Under The Strain. I know everyone has seen this, but I can’t think of another reason. And I chose this particular version of the video because it is called, ‘bob sled chick rips pants and shows her ass in a thong…sexy’. Thanks jimni999
.

*This is not true, Eve Muirhead is bloody brilliant – and probably very tidy too.

February 12, 2010
7 Reasons To Watch The 2010 Australian Open

1. The Men. All the big guns are there. Nadal isn’t moaning about his back. Federer isn’t crying. Del Potro has stopped growing. Murray has smiled a couple of times. It should be a classic. It probably won’t be, but it should be.

2. The Women. The most popular Belgian exports since Tintin and Snowy will be taking part. That’s right, it’s Miss Henin and Miss Clijsters. You can decide who is who. What a relief it is to have someone other than a Williams or a player whose surname ends with the letter ‘A’ to watch.

3. Goodbye Aussie, Goodbye. That’s to the tune of ‘Let’s go Aussie, let’s go’. I suppose you could do the latter, you just need to shout ‘Home’ afterwards. The state of tennis is Australia is horrendous. I mean it’s almost as bad as it is in the UK. And that’s bad. But at least in Andy Murray, the UK has a chance. Even if that chance would rather win for Scotland or Murrayville. Australia’s hopes remain with Lleyton Hewitt – a man who would probably struggle to beat me while I prance around pretending to be Greg Rusedski – and Samantha Stousr – a lovely girl, but not one who will make it past the 4th Round. It’s great!

4. Two Weeks. Two weeks is a nice time for a tournament. Not too long, but long enough to get us out of January. It hasn’t been a great month for anyone really. It just got worse for me. My toast landed butter side down.

5. Sex Appeal. I don’t care what you say. I am shallow. Female tennis players are hot. The good news is that Australia is also hot and so they may entertain the idea of wearing fewer clothes. I suppose the men might do it too. Not that I understand why anyone would care.

6. Commentary. I am not sure how I’m going to do it, but I must find myself a feed to watch a couple of the 1st Round match-ups. Not because they’ll be classics, but because the commentators are going to be stuttering and spitting all over the place. And as long as they are not spitting over me that sounds like fun. Phillip Krohlschreiber v Horacio Zeballos. A complete mouthful. Then we have Kimikio Date Krumm v Yaroslava Shvedova. Seriously, who names their daughter ‘Date’?

7. Women’s Final. This year it will last more than twenty minutes. I promise. Last year’s final was so quick that by the time one of the ball boys had retrieved a stray ball, Safina was already taking her make-up off. This won’t happen again. If it looks like an even remote possibility, the organisers will deploy their streakers. A reason to watch in itself.

January 18, 2010