Tag: 1970s

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Your Bathroom Needs Renovating

Like most men, we take the 7 Reasons bathroom for granted. We don’t spend very long in there (certainly not together) and very rarely do we have a conversation about it. Today, though, that might have to change. Because today Stephanie Staszko is on the 7 Reasons sofa and Stephanie has just had a look at our bathroom. To be entirely honest, she wasn’t that impressed. According to her, it’s time for a change. And if your bathroom looks anything like the below, it’s probably time you got the builders and plumbers in too. Right, after the photo, it’ll be Stephanie.

This may (or may not) be the 7 Reasons bathroom

Everyday your bathroom burdens your life that little bit more, maybe it’s the pink bathtub fresh out of the 1970s that makes your blood boil? Or perhaps it’s the sink that refuses to accept water to flow down the plughole and so regurgitates it with tufts of hair? If you really want a bathroom makeover – but can’t find a good enough reason to splash the cash – here are a few 7 reasons to justify the expense…

1. The Toilet Seat of Doom. Everyone’s had that moment, when you’re desperate for the toilet and when you finally get there, you place your behind on the seat in satisfaction and release an “aaahhh”. But in some unfortunate circumstances this is closely followed by a sideways jolt, a skip of the heartbeat and the realisation that you could slowly be disappearing down the pan. If this sounds like your daily bathroom experience it’s time for a new toilet seat!

2. Mirror, Mirror On The Wall… Mirrors gather dirt and grime over time, making their visibility slowly deteriorate. If you find that you’re starting to look somewhat more attractive on a Monday morning it’s time for either an eye test or to replace that deceiving bathroom mirror. After all, you’re only kidding yourself!

3. Tap Dancing. Over excitable bathroom taps revel in your embarrassment. No matter how carefully you approach turning that handle to release a steady flow, the tap unleashes an almighty gush of water, destined only for one area: your crotch. As you leave the house displaying what resembles a bladder problem, it’s time you realised new taps could actually improve your social life.

4. Shower Power. After a hard day’s work you feel grimy and groggy, so what could possibly be more refreshing than a shower? That would be a hard question to answer if your shower head didn’t have a personal vendetta against your eyeball. As you turn on the spray and expect a warming sensation, you’re greeted unexpectedly with a powerful gush that ruins your retina. The perfect reason for a new bathroom – you don’t want to wind up blind.

5. Posterior Pincher. It seems toilet seats have a lot in common with sea creatures – particularly crabs. These toilet seats are particularly nasty as they trap the skin on your buttocks as you sit, sending you shooting into the air with the sharp pain of the pinch. One of these times it WILL result in a nasty accident.

6. Banana Skin Bathtub. Much like the slapstick comedies, the bottom of your bathtub can mimic the effect of stepping on a banana skin. Even if you’ve yet to be seriously injured by a slip, the fact that your stomach pretty much ends up in your mouth from every near death experience says that your bathroom suite’s a health hazard.

7. The Toe-Breaker. If you’ve tried your hand at DIY by hanging your own towel rail you may realise your toes could be in jeopardy. As you lift your towel with the utmost care so as not to dislodge the rail a sense of fear creeps over you as the rail ever-so slightly drops. If you’re considering wearing steel toe-capped boots for each bathroom venture then your towel rail needs replacing.

After reading this you’re probably too scared to ever step foot in your bathroom again. But fear not, bathroom suites which are correctly installed can actually be rather enjoyable to use. Get that toilet repaired and take your newspaper for some quiet, thinking time.

November 11, 2011
7 Reasons Not To Make Your Own

Yesterday Marc hit the mother lode and in his excitement urged us all to make our own. Being the type of person that does exactly as Marc says, I set out, full of the joys of a rainy spring, and immersed myself in an afternoon of crafting. The results, unfortunately, were not quite what Marc had advertised. Let’s have a look at what went wrong.

1. The Winning Waistcoat And Sequin-Trimmed Belt. “Want to dress like Charlie Sheen?” Marc asked. “Of course I do!” I replied. It was quite an intricate design and not being a professional needle-worker I felt a prick for a good two hours. However, I got the job done, and proud of my new item I slipped it on and went for a walk around the roughest part of the South East. Kent. The locals were hardly going to mess with someone with Tigerblood were they? Well, yes. Yes, they were. It was said that this product was “so fabulous people would literally point at you.”. Erm, no. I got a lot of middle fingers pointing skywards and the one person who I thought was pointing at me was actually punching me in the face. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

2. The Tie Hanger. “A stylish and practical gift for Father’s Day?” Yes, please! The Austin Reed vouchers are wearing rather thin on originality these days so I am always happy to receive new ideas. The tie hanger seemed right up my street. My Dad likes ties. And it was this ‘like’ that caused disaster. Call me stupid but I thought this tie hanger was for all my father’s ties. As a result I attached the hanger to the wall and then added the 216 ties to it. Then the wall fell down. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

3. The Wig Stand. I don’t know any bald men. I know even fewer bald women. So when I was crafting this stand the one thought that kept crossing my mind was, “who on earth am I going to give this to?” And then, just as I was adding the pink eyebrows, it struck me. Yes! I met a bald bloke on Saturday night! At Andy’s 30th Chimenea Party! I couldn’t remember his name, but we had talked about rugby and I remembered he said he was a prop forward for Aylesford. So yesterday evening I got on my skateboard and headed down to the club. I suspect I’ll be walking with this limp for quite a while. I shall of course update you when I have managed to remove the other pink eyebrow. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

4. The Gift Ribbon Flowers. A genius idea. I am ashamed to admit that I haven’t bought Claire flowers for a good few months now.* However, I lacked one necessary ingredient to make the gift ribbon flowers. Ribbon. Long gone are the days when I had a ribbon printer. “What can I cut up into ribbon-like strips?” I wondered as I stood in front of Claire’s wardrobe. Two hours, one trip to Zara and the best part of £80 later, I replaced the garment I had hacked to pieces. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

5. The Trendy Ties. “Is your wardrobe a little drab?” Yes! One hour, one trip to Reiss and the best part of £150 later, I replaced the garment I had hacked to pieces in Claire’s wardrobe. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution.

6. Tat. Now, this confused me. Despite reading the instructions and staring at the accompanying visual for thirty minutes, I was still none the wiser. While I understood I was supposed to ‘learn to tat’, I had no idea what tatting was. Quite frankly it may as well have said ‘learn to wickytrickyjicky’. Eventually I just tied a bit of string around my finger and gave myself a pat on the back. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: caution (bloody pointless).

7. The Bearded Puppets. I don’t have any children, but given that I often have nightmares about shaved lambs and Judy Murray, anything was worth a try to change the routine. So I made them. Two bearded puppets. Last night’s dream? Judy Murray with a beard. Riding a disembodied lamb’s head. Thanks Marc. I give this product a 7 Reasons rating of: extreme caution.

*Reminder. Now you’ve finished writing this, go and buy Claire some flowers.**

**I can’t now, I’ve got work to do.***

***Okay, do it tomorrow.****

****Good plan.

June 17, 2011
7 Reasons To Make Your Own

Readers of 7 Reasons, something very, very, exciting has happened. I’m a big fan of the craft boom that’s going on at the moment and see the trend for knitting, sewing and making your own stuff as a very good thing indeed. As a father, I’m much happier knowing that my child is playing with toys that we made him at home, rather than playing with mass-manufactured plastic ones that are cheaply-priced as a result of the exploitation of cheap labour. It’s sometimes hard to find patterns and ideas for things to make though, but today I hit the mother lode (courtesy of a craft time-capsule from my mother-in-law’s loft). I’m sure you’ll agree that every single one of these items is a reason to make your own. Let’s go!

1. The Winning Waistcoat And Sequin-Trimmed Belt. Want to dress like Charlie Sheen? Of course you do. You can do so in this stylish Winning waistcoat and matching belt. He’s probably wearing one right now (in his head). Now you can too. You’ll look so fabulous that people will literally point at you with envy.

2. The Tie Hanger. Want to make a stylish and practical present for Father’s Day?* Why not make this attractive tie hanger (that in no way resembles a stick, some string and a few drawing pins)? Your father will love it, and on seeing it, his ties will probably be so delighted that they’ll try to hang themselves. Everyone’s a winner with this sumptuous and sophisticated storage solution.

3. The Wig Stand. Do you have a wig that needs somewhere to live? Perhaps your uncle wears a toupee during the day but likes to be bald when he’s asleep. Maybe your sister wears a wig. You could make this lovely wig stand either for yourself or as a gift for others. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to sit around the tree with the family on Christmas morning and unwrap this lovely new home for their pretend hair? It’s well-equipped too, as there’s even a space to store a pair of eyebrows.

4. The Gift Ribbon Flowers. Have you got too much ribbon lying around the house and want to woo a lady with flowers?** Why not make her a gorgeous bouquet from your surplus gift ribbon? She’ll be wowed by your creativity, dazzled by your originality and bowled-over by your frugality. This man’s a keeper, she’ll think as you sit down to dine at the chip shop. After all, real flowers don’t grow on trees, you know.

5. The Trendy Ties. Are you feeling a little unfashionable? Is your wardrobe a little drab? Do you want to catch the attention of the new girl in the typing pool? Does your boss consistently overlook you for promotion? Why not make yourself an attractive new tie? You’ll get everyone’s attention with one of these and you’ll also be trendy. Perhaps they’ll even give you a new nickname. Awesome-Tie-Man or some such, I shouldn’t wonder.

6. Tat. Feeling a little left out? Can’t sew, knit, or pin string to a stick? Well, don’t worry, there is a practical craft that you can do. You can…

…learn to tat. Even if you’re not very good at it, you can achieve the look of a professional by simply applying an entire lip-stick and gazing haughtily at some string in your hand. You may not be able to tat, but you’ll look like one.

7. The Bearded Puppets. Do your children sleep at night? Are you scared that they’re going to grow up to be well-adjusted? Is there not enough terror in their lives? You can fix that right now by making them a pair of these bearded disembodied-head puppets. You can be sure that this is one present that they’ll never forget, no matter how hard they try. Or how much they spend on psychiatry.

Okay, that’s it. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed writing a 7 Reasons post more. I’ll leave you now with one picture that I’m not going to mock, because this young chap’s probably a chief constable now. Or my bank manager.

*Note to self: Hide this post from own wife and child.

**Lazy cultural stereotyping suggests that this seems unlikely.

June 16, 2011
Russian Roulette Sunday: Promoting Brown

The 1960s: clothes, interiors, fabrics, art – just about everything – were a riot of colour. This wasn’t much help to the (predominantly British) manufacturers of brown dyes and paints though, which was problematic, as during that decade their production continued apace. The result was, that by the 1970s, Britain had a huge surplus of brown colourants and needed to find a market for them to help with the balance of payments. This led to the formation – in 1971 – of the Brown Marketing Board, a government funded organisation devoted to the task of promoting the use of the colour brown by manufacturers and consumers alike.

While researching 1970s advertising, we came across many fine pieces of work by the Brown Marketing Board and today, we thought we’d share a few of them with you.

1. Swatch. A very simple poster, placed on the London Underground, on bus shelters and other street-level sites where people congregated. It was purely placed there as a brown colour swatch, the idea being that anyone standing near it would appear uncoordinated if they weren’t dressed in brown. Sales of brown coats to London commuters soared, thus proving that the simplest ideas are often the best.

2. Germans Eat White Chocolate. By the 1970s, Britons had still not gotten over the war, as this poster designed to promote the consumption of brown chocolate demonstrates.

3. If Only The Carpets And Curtains Matched. A poster used to encourage the use of brown in all areas of interior design. Looking back at pictures from the 70s, it seems that this campaign must have been a success.

4. Brown Bears Don’t Kill Seals. We’re fairly certain that they weren’t encouraging people to divest themselves of their pet polar bears in favour of brown bears. We think that this was probably just an attempt to promote brown as having generally “good” qualities. Sales of Fox’s Glacier Mints plummeted as a result of this controversial image though, and it was soon withdrawn.

5. Arrive In Style. What can we say? It’s a brown Austin Allegro. Perhaps this image contains a powerful subliminal message, because British Leyland sold loads of them. No one knows how. Maybe it was this advert.

6. Also Available In Brown. A very clever poster designed to increase the consumption of domestic produce in two ways. Firstly, using brown sauce instead of ketchup would help the sales of brown food dye. Secondly, it reminds us that brown sauce is a British tradition – after all, the H.P. in H.P. Sauce stands for Houses of Parliament – so the increased use of brown sauce would directly benefit British manufacturing interests.

7. Score In Style. Well, you wouldn’t want to win ugly, would you?

April 11, 2010