The World Cup final. Perhaps the ultimate sporting event. It was such a let down though. Can we have Sunday night back?
Tag: World Cup 2010
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7 Reasons That The Netherlands Will Win The World Cup.
1. Un-likeability. Almost every successful World Cup team contains at least one thoroughly un-likeable character: Maradona, Rudi Voller, Gerd Muller and Marco Materazzi are all World Cup winners and in their squad the Netherlands have diving, whinging, sour-faced git Arjen Robben (the only thoroughly un-likeable Dutch person), so they’re bound to succeed. How we’ll all loathe him when he lifts the World Cup aloft on Saturday. But, there’s always one.
2. The War. The two nations that will be involved in the World Cup final have history and, when the Netherlands walk out to play, they’ll do so thinking about the war and bearing a grudge. They’ll take to the field having been fired-up in the build-up to the final by reminders of their historical enmity with their opponents. The Dutch revolt and the Eighty Years War will be on their minds and they’ll want to beat the Spaniards. That’s right, Spain. We know they’ll be playing Spain, because Paul the octopus said so.
3. Harmony. The Dutch always fall out with each other during the World Cup; internecine squabbling has undermined their performances at football tournaments time after time. At this World Cup though, they haven’t fallen out. Their whole squad seems united and with common purpose (perhaps disliking Arjen Robben is a common bond for them). Whatever it is, they seem to be getting on like a house on fire. And fire, remember, is orange.
4. Colour. The Dutch team play in orange, and if there’s one thing I know about Orange, it’s that their customer service is excellent. The customers of the Dutch team (their supporters) can enjoy the match safe in the knowledge that their team will go the extra mile to satisfy them. Also like Orange, their coverage is very good too, with Dirk Kuyt working hard and popping up in all areas of the pitch to tackle people and to shoot at the corner flag. I know that’s two things I know about Orange but I got carried away. And while I’m on the subject, as a special bonus fact for you, my wife has just told me that nothing rhymes with orange.*
5. Germany. The best team by a long way in the tournament has been Germany but, as the octopus has predicted that they won’t be in the final, this means that Spain will have knocked them out. This will probably take a lot of effort (perhaps even extra time) and, with a day less rest than the Netherlands, an already out of sorts looking Fernando Torres, and an injured Cesc Fabregas, Spain will not be effective opponents in the final against the Dutch. They’ll have worn themselves out chasing Özil. Or trying to find him on the pitch even. He seems able to disappear and reappear somewhere entirely different unnoticed by opponents.
6. Their name. Part of the motivation for the players will undoubtedly be national pride. After all, the Netherlands is a country which has produced countless gifted teams but has never won anything at the World Cup. Ah, just like Spain, I hear you say. The difference with the Netherlands though, is that at least everyone knows that Spain is called España. Most people seem to think that the Netherlands is called Holland, which is actually the name of a couple of provinces. It’s like calling the United Kingdom Wales. They’ll want to go out there and ensure that we get their name right in future.
7. Spain. It’s summer in Spain, and this means that a substantial part of their population currently consists of Britons. And look how well our teams fared at the World Cup. They don’t have a hope.**
*This doesn’t seem quite right to me, nothing rhymes better with puffin.
**Though at 7 Reasons, we haven’t been right about anything at all during this World Cup, so perhaps they do.
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Russian Roulette Sunday: World Cup Separated at Birth
It’s Sunday again and, now that the World Cup has reached the semi-final stage, there’s no football today. So, what better way to spend our time than thinking about football? Not making predictions, obviously, our track record there is worse than…well…anything. We predicted that England would beat Germany handsomely and yesterday, half of the 7 Reasons team confidently stated that the German defence would be no match for this man.
So, today we won’t be speculating on anything that might happen in the semis or the final. We’re shying away from conjecture and sticking to observation. Here are some World Cup doppelgangers that we’ve spotted during the tournament so far.
Do you look like anyone that’s played a part in World Cup 2010? If so, get in touch and send us pictures, we might add you to this page. Unless, of course, you look like Carlos Tevez. We don’t want nightmares.
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7 Reasons I Shouldn’t Do A Mexican Wave In My Living Room
Ever wondered what would happen if you started a Mexican wave in your own living room? I did. I thought it through during the Brazil vs. Chile match last night. I won’t be starting one.
I love this picture! 1. I’ll look foolish. My wife won’t join in. As I enthusiastically stand up and raise my arms aloft, she’ll gaze disdainfully over her knitting at me while rooted to the spot. I’ll look like a fool.
2. She’ll look foolish. My wife joins in. As – in response to me – she enthusiastically stands, raises her arms aloft, and jubilantly hurls her knitting ceiling-ward, I’ll gaze at her contemptuously at her thinking why is she joining in? She looks like a fool.
3. We’ll both look foolish. Our cat won’t join in. He will gaze, apparently aghast, at the cretinous behaviour of the simpletons on the other sofa. Why are they not paying me any attention? What the hell are they doing? They look like fools.
4. The cat will look foolish. The cat joins in. My wife and I will gaze, slack-jawed, at the astonishing behaviour of the creature on the other sofa. The useless animal can’t even catch birds. Why is his only talent the Mexican wave? Wow! Okay, it’s quite cool though.
5. Our neighbour will look foolish. He won’t join in. He will, however, stare incredulously as he glimpses our Mexican wave through his living room window. When he says, as an aside, to his wife, “Have you seen what the weird couple from across the street are up to now…Good lord! Is that a cat performing a Mexican wave?” He’ll look like a fool. His wife will wonder whether to ration his port.
6. Our neighbour’s wife will feel foolish. She won’t join in. She will, however, glance furtively for the remainder of the World Cup – at her vociferously adamant husband’s insistence – to glimpse the Mexican waving cat through our living room window *. Having invested a substantial amount of time dubiously looking for something so incredible and unlikely, she’ll feel like a fool. What am I doing? I’m trying to see a cat do a Mexican wave. Is this how it started with Aunt Hilda?
7. South America will feel foolish. After all, if Brazil had played with a bit more flair, and Chile had more of a cutting edge in attack I wouldn’t even have been considering doing a Mexican wave in my own living room. I’d have been fixated on the football. Like I was during Mexico vs. Argentina. Or most of the other matches. Is this the most convoluted way of saying “dull match” ever?
*Our cat absolutely, categorically does not join in with Mexican waves. Please stay away from our windows during the World Cup. There is nothing to see here. Except for a man eating crisps, a woman knitting and a dozing cat.
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7 Reasons That The Panini World Cup 2010 Sticker Album Is Frustrating
The World Cup starts today, and so does my 2010 World Cup Panini sticker album, and it’s fair to say that I’m rather excited by both events. Somehow though, the Panini album isn’t quite as much fun as I remember them being in my childhood.
1. Cost. Traditionally, Panini sticker albums are very expensive to complete, but I’ve found ten packets of stickers on Amazon for £4.52, and I only need 638 stickers to complete the pack. So potentially, I could complete my collection for as little as £60 (approximately). But that won’t happen, obviously. I’ll probably end up spending a fortune trying to find An Chol-Hyok or Haminu Dramani. As John Cleese said, “I can take the despair, it’s the hope I can’t stand.”
2. Duplicates. Nine Peter Crouches. I know I’m going to end up with nine Peter Crouches. Obviously, when buying packs of stickers I’ll check that there are no feet protruding from the bottom of them, but I just know that – despite my precautions – I’ll end up with nine of him. And what the hell can I swap eight Peter Crouches for?
3. Social Media. Swapping stickers isn’t the challenge that it used to be. It would be a matter of ease to use the Twitter hashtag #panini to find other people to swap with; there’s also a Facebook group to swap World Cup stickers in. Where’s the difficulty there? Obviously it’s preferable to having grown-men turn up at their local school playgrounds looking for swapsies but still, it does take some of the challenge out of it.
4. It’s Out Of Date. Panini obviously had to put the albums together before the final World Cup squads were announced. My first six stickers (free with the album) were; Steven Pienaar, Javier Mascherano, Rio Ferdinand, Michael Essien, Didier Drogba and Fernando Torres, yet only 67% of those players are going to be at the World Cup. And Drogba’s fitness is still a bit of a question-mark. In the Panini England squad, there’s no Jamie Carragher or Joe Cole, but Theo Walcott and David Beckham are there. Sadly, Bobby Moore isn’t.
5. Cheating. You can now order the missing stickers that you need to complete your album from Panini online. That’s outrageous. It would feel like cheating. When did they start doing that? The potential of failing to complete the album is one of the most important parts of the sticker-album experience: It makes the investment in stickers a gamble. And it’s important to teach children to gamble because…um…okay, perhaps it isn’t. But it is important to teach them that sometimes life is hard, and that desire and effort alone often aren’t enough to succeed. We need to beat the hope out of them while they’re still young. Never mind mollycoddling them with the certainty of a complete album. Bastards!
6. Referees. There aren’t any referees in the album. But I’m supporting Howard Webb this World Cup; I think he can go all the way to the final. I’ve never complained about the lack of a picture of a former policeman from Rotherham before – possibly no one has – but why aren’t there any refs? Surely if there’s room for players that aren’t playing, there should be room for officials?
7. The Customary Descent Into Panini Madness. My birthday occurs during the World Cup. What do you think I’ve asked for? Clothes? Furniture? A bicycle? Beer? No, eschewing all sorts of cool and interesting presents, I’ve asked for stickers. Lots of stickers. Because I want to complete my Panini album (without resorting to cheating) more than I want anything in the world. In fact, I’d probably get more satisfaction from completing it than I would from an England World Cup victory. It’s only day one, and already my Panini album has caused me to lose all sense of proportion. Where will it end?