Time: A wholly abstract concept that's often difficult to grasp. Zones: Places that are separated by imaginary lines that you can't see. Combining time and zones: Utter bewilderment and blank incomprehension. Here are seven reasons why.

  Since the inception of 7 Reasons, we have – as often as possible – given our Saturdays over to one of you. It helps mix it up and I am sure it’s always good to have a different tone of voice to enjoy your breakfast with. However, the feedback we always get from our guest writers is, ‘it was really hard to think of 7 reasons’. The answer we usually get from people we approach to write for us is, ‘no, I...

1. Your crocodile costume has made several people laugh and has got you a lot of attention, but it turns out that you’re not at a fancy dress party. 2. It turns out that the man you took an instant dislike to earlier because he was “an unctuous pillock…wandering about like he owns the place” is your host and does, in fact, own the place. 3. The attractive young lady that you’ve been eyeing up all night and are using your wittiest...