7 Reasons

Tag: Sex and the City

  • 7 Reasons It’s Outrageous The BBC Have Cancelled Last Of The Summer Wine

    7 Reasons It’s Outrageous The BBC Have Cancelled Last Of The Summer Wine

    BBC Cancel Last Of The Summer Wine

    1.  It Has Sunday Written All Over It. Last Of The Summer Wine is Sunday. On it comes at around 6pm and immediately the nation realises it will soon be Monday. That is Last Of The Summer Wine’s job. Getting people depressed so they start the week off in the right way. Now what are we going to do? We can’t be happy on Monday morning. That would be wrong.

    2.  The Joke. It’s the same one. It always has been. I haven’t watched every episode of every series. In fact I don’t think I’ve watched even thirty seconds of every series, but that doesn’t matter. Because I know what the joke is. Three blokes flying down a hill in a bath tub. Or on a sofa. Cue two policeman looking alarmed as it buzzes by them. (One of them drops a sandwich too). They don’t write jokes like that anymore. Where am I going to go for my sofa fix?

    3.  Sex In The Countryside. There is something beautifully innocent about old women sitting in a lounge, eating sticky buns, talking about their husband’s inability to remember to take off their muddy shoes when they come home of an evening. That’s what women should be talking about. We won’t have that again. Instead we’ll have repeats of four forty-somethings, sitting in a New York restaurant, discussing the size of Samantha’s latest pepper grinder conquest. Disgusting. You hear me? Disgusting.

    4.  Holmfirth. For the uninitiated, this is where Last Of The Summer Wine is filmed. I have never been. Because I don’t need to. Every year, if I want to, I can see how much the place has changed on the TV. Along with all other eight regular viewers. But what are we going to do next year? When it’s no longer on. I’m going to have to go on a coach trip to Holmfirth with eight randomers. I don’t want to go to Holmfirth with eight randomers. It’s bloody miles away.

    5.  Something Else Not To Watch. I don’t watch Last Of The Summer Wine. No matter what you may think. When the final series finishes though, I won’t be able to not watch it. So that means I’ll have to find something else not to watch to restore the happy balance in my TV viewing. This is pressure. I can’t choose Loose Women because I already choose not to watch it. I’l have to find something I don’t know about on some channel I don’t know about and not watch that instead. What a waste of time.

    6.  Potential. It promised so much didn’t it? And it was so close to achieving it. What with Russ Abbot playing a milkman who thinks he was once in MI5. What a shame to cancel the show just as it was reaching its climax.

    7.  2010: The End. What with Lost ending this year. And 24. And Heroes. And Flashforward. It feels a bit like a salt in the wound to also have Last Of The Summer Wine ending on us. And this comes from someone who didn’t even watch 24. Or Heroes. Or Flashforward. Or Last Of The Summer Wine. Which only goes to show how ridiculous and painful the BBC’s decision is.

  • 7 Reasons That Looking Like A Horse Shouldn’t Be A Barrier To Success

    7 Reasons That Looking Like A Horse Shouldn’t Be A Barrier To Success

    Do you look like a horse?  Some people do (most horses do too, but we’re not anticipating that many of them will be reading this).  There’s no reason that it should be a barrier to a successful or fulfilled life though, as these horse-faced people demonstrate.

    Comedian Jerry Seinfeld looks like a horse. Horse face. Horse-face. Horse expression.

    1.  Jerry Seinfeld looks like a horse.  This hasn’t held his career back though.  His eponymous sit-com is the most successful comedy show of all time.  Jerry Seinfeld made a fortune from it, and he was the least funny thing in it, being upstaged by all of the other cast members.  Perhaps his success – relative to that of the other cast members – is because people’s expectations are lower when it comes to performing horses.  After all, if a horse multiplies 6 x 7 using its foot, we marvel at it.  If a person does it, we cross the road and hope they haven’t spotted us.  Forty-two, by the way, in case you were wondering.

    A montage of Sarah Jessica Parker looking like horses. Horse face. Horse-face.

    2.  Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse.  All horses, in fact.  Yet she’s been phenomenally successful as Carrie from Sex and the City.  This is despite: 1) Looking like a horse: 2) Being completely divisive in her appeal.  The Sarah Jessica Parker Paradox is this:  Most women find Sarah Jessica Parker attractive, yet no man finds Sarah Jessica Parker attractive.  She’s not desirable to men in the least.   Women, however, can’t understand her lack of appeal to men and never believe that men don’t find her attractive.  If you’re a woman, you probably don’t believe it right now, so we should test this notion.  Women, you have my permission to leave your computer for a moment and go and ask the nearest man if he finds SJP attractive (don’t get distracted by something and forget to come back).  Back now?  Good.  See, I told you.  There may be an explanation for this phenomenon.

    When they’re growing up, what do most girls want?  A pony.  What do most boys want?  Not a pony.  This is why women find SJP so attractive.  Somewhere, in a subconscious throwback to their girlhood, women still want a pony, and find themselves inexorably drawn to Sarah Jessica Parker.  Men, who spent their boyhood not wanting a pony, do not.  What men want is one of the other lead characters from Sex and the City, or a combination of all three of them.  Perhaps in a haystack, or a corner-bath.

    John Kerry pictured wearing a red tie in front of the Stars and Stripes (US / USA flag) with pink lips / pink lipstick ?

    3.  John Kerry looks like a horse.  Despite this, he was a highly-decorated military officer and a high-profile member of the anti-Vietnam-war movement.  Okay, so George W. Bush retained the presidency when Kerry fought him in the 2004 election, but being defeated by Bush is no measure of failure.  After all, George W. Bush attained the presidency in the 2000 election – an election which Al Gore won.

    The Princess Royal (Princess Anne) on the front cover of Horse and (&) Hound magazine with a horse
    The Princess Royal & Hound

    4.  The Princess Royal looks like a horse.  Despite this, she’s been the greatest Princess Royal of all time.  We’re not entirely sure what Princess Royals do, other than looking equine and telling the hoi-polloi to “naff off”, but she’s very successful at it.

    Nicolas Cage (Nicholas Cage) looks like a horse

    5.  Nicholas Cage looks like a horse.  He looks more like a horse with every passing year.  From his early days, acting terrifically in a series of brilliant and often quirky films, to his later career, acting badly in a series of vacuous and often inane films, he has grown steadily more equine.  To be fair to him, in his latest film, Kick-Ass, he was brilliant; he plays a horse with a false moustache.  He was also in the film Honeymoon In Vegas with Sarah Jessica Parker.  They may have been in Sea Biscuit together too.

    Alan Shearer, pictured holding a white horse at St. James' Park, the home of Newcastle United Football Club (FC)

    6.  Ruud Van Nistelrooy looks like a horse.  Like all Dutch people, he’s quite tall (he’s 18.3 hands high) and he’s used that height to great effect, his aerial prowess has helped him earn a fortune from football and become the second highest scorer in Champions League history.  Here he is pictured with his great rival Alan Shearer.

    Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, formerly Camilla Parker Bowles and a smiling white horse with prominent teeth
    Camilla Parker Bowles (right) and horse.

    7. Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, looks like a horse.  This didn’t stop her displacing one of the world’s most celebrated beauties in the affections of the heir to the throne though.  Perhaps Prince Charles is the exception that proves the Sarah Jessica Parker Paradox?

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    *Thanks to sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com for the SJP pictures.