Tag: Romance

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Men Really Send Flowers

The time old tradition of sending flowers may be associated with well wishing, congratulations or the proclamation of love, however when men choose to furnish their loved one/ones with a fragrant bouquet of botanicals is rarely as plain as it seems. Forever masquerading as the simple, straight forward, uncomplicated strain of the human species, there lies a risk assessment, point scoring undercurrent to every decision a man makes, which would shock women. Well, maybe only some women. Actually, hardly any women, as most women are usually a few steps ahead in the second guessing game. For all those ladies who are still living in blissful ignorance of manipulating males, here are some illusion shattering things to look out for:

1. Persuasion. There is no such thing as a free bunch. One of the more obvious reasons, I grant you, but worth a mention anyway. Love hungry men trying to lure a mate or those who are trying to reignite passion need to flag their intentions. To send flowers may look like an innocent declaration of gentle feelings, but beware, strings will be attached.

2. Showing off. Although men have evolved from knuckle dragging primitives of yester year into modern day knuckle dragging primitives, they have failed to develop any colourful plumage. In lieu of shakeable eye-catching tail feathers or a flamboyant extendable quiff these simple-minded beasts resort to flowers, attempting to bedazzle their prey.

3. Distraction. How could a man considerate enough to send you flowers consider sending anyone but you flowers to? However, could those beautiful, fragrant roses have been sent to throw you off the scent? Always read the label. If they are simply addressed to ‘My Darling’, ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Love Puff’, further questioning may be required.

4. Get Out Clause. So, you receive an arm full of Gladioli from your beloved, so glorious that it would make Morrissey weep with jealousy were he to unexpectedly clap eyes on it. Nevertheless, before you start swinging them round your head whilst singing ‘This Charming Man’, think. Has he, or is he planning on letting you down any time soon? Only time will tell.

5. Lazy. There’s not much to it really. Sending flowers cancels out having to waste any time or thought about what to get someone. Flowers can be ordered to and from anywhere in the world in less time that it takes to eat a doughnut. The old adage ‘It’s the thought that counts’ is true, but it is also the ‘effort’ and ‘imagination’ that counts, and will be counted.

6. Guilt. ‘Sorry’ does seem to be the hardest word and one that men feel they don’t have to bother actually saying if they have sent flowers. Avoiding the real issues and trying to curry favour with someone whom they may have wronged occasionally works. However, unless men man up and say exactly what they are sorry about, the flowers in question may count against them.

7. Love. Ok, ok. I’ll admit it. The majority of men who send flowers to their loved ones do so purely to make them happy. Crazy, I know, but in this cynical world we live in it is easy to forget that doing something to make someone feel all warm and fuzzy can in turn make the doer feel all warm and fuzzy too. So, why not start to make everything much warmer, fuzzier and if you suffer from hay fever, sneezier by buying someone they love some flowers.

December 1, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Laos Is The Place For Lovers

If your lover gets a bit annoying, at least you can gaze into the eyes of another

1. It’s Out Of The Ordinary. For couples looking for a destination slightly out of the ordinary, a place to get their married life off to the right start and keep it on track, a Laos honeymoon can hardly be bettered. The whole country is intriguing, mystical and different, offering something for lovers that will create everlasting memories.

2. You Can Feel The Timeless Essence Of South East Asia. Laos is surrounded by neighbouring countries that have embraced consumerism and seen their cityscapes and cultural heritage completely transformed, but in Laos you get to experience the timelessness of South East Asia in a pristine condition. This is a landlocked country, a sort of real-life Shangri-La. Without beaches, it’s true, but with many other compensatory attributes. After all, beaches are not difficult to find, but the riches of Laos are rare indeed.

3. Peaceful City Life… In Asia, Really? Vientiane is the capital, although you wouldn’t think so when you experience its sleepy peacefulness – a world away in all senses from the great capitals of Western Europe with their rush and bustle. In many respects, Vientiane encapsulates the Laos ethos of laid-back agrarianism which many find so refreshing. The people here aren’t too concerned about finding their place in the economic sun and are content to continue as their forebears did without what they consider to be unnecessary distractions.

4. You Get To See Real Monks – And I Don’t Mean The Kung-Fu Kind. For real charm and a slightly more interesting urban environment just head for Luang Prabang, the premier city of Laos and the most popular one with visitors here. The tone of Luang Prabang is set if you rise at dawn and look down into the main street, where monks slowly and silently file down to the old part of town, begging for alms with small silver bowls. But it’s not really seen as begging, more a case of keeping the religious machinery nicely oiled so that the monks’ meditations and prayers will help keep the world spinning and keep the romantic love flowing.

5. You Can See A UNESCO World Heritage Site. The whole of Luang Prabang is a UNESCO World Heritage site, so the many picturesque Buddhist temples and beautifully embellished palaces are safely protected from the curse of the developers who have blighted most other major towns and cities in the region. The acres of mosaic walls and filigree gold stenciling are in no danger of becoming packing aggregate in high rise office blocks, and will hopefully continue to delight us for many centuries to come.

6. There Is Peace And Harmony (I Forgot That Even Existed). It’s actually the spiritual ambiance, tangible throughout the whole of Laos and manifested in its many religious buildings and ancient ceremonial customs that makes the country so unique. The sense of harmony and reconciliation – despite its troubled recent history – work perfectly in keeping with the ideals and hopes of a honeymooning couple.

7. Everyone Is Chilled And Smiles, It’s Just A Perfect Place For Romance. The Laos people are unhurried and friendly, always smiling and even in relative poverty unflappably cheerful, an example to us all. One of the delights of a honeymoon here must surely be to sit at a table overlooking the lazy Mekong River with the locals, a glass of chilled white wine in one hand and your partner’s in the other. The river winds through Vientiane before wandering off untroubled and without any hurry through scattered fields and rural communities as it has since time immemorial, and indeed time itself seems to stop in its tracks here and allow a few precious moments of tranquility.

Author Bio: David Elliott is a freelance writer who loves to travel, especially in Europe and Turkey. He’s spent most of his adult life in a state of restless excitement but recently decided to settle in North London. He gets away whenever he can to immerse himself in foreign cultures and lap up the history of great cities.

March 2, 2012
7 Reasons You Should Never Buy a Half Bottle of Champagne (on Valentine’s Day)

It’s Valentine’s Day here at 7 Reasons and, as you might reasonably expect, everywhere else too (we don’t have a special one just for ourselves, you know). Anyway, we’ve decided to do something different today. Usually we’d bring you seven reasons for something: Reasons full of speculation and conjecture; hypothesis; whimsy and made-up statistics. Today, however, is different: We’re not going to do any of those things. Because in another lifetime, one of the 7 Reasons team spent several years running wine shops (yes, you didn’t think either of us had any sort of practical use, but you were wrong). As a result of this, today’s 7 Reasons post comes from experience. Make the most of it, it won’t happen often. This piece is mostly aimed at men who, while in the minority of wine-buyers for the majority of the year are – by far – the majority of champagne-buyers in the run-up to (and at the last minute) on Valentine’s Day. Anyway, from experience, here are seven reasons that you should never buy a half bottle of champagne for Valentine’s Day.

1. You’re Missing The Point. Allow me to explain the point of buying champagne. It is a luxury item; an extravagance; a frippery; an opulent treat to be blissfully enjoyed in intemperate immoderation. You cannot have half an extravagance. You can’t have partial gratification. It is not possible to temper excess. If you buy half a bottle of champagne to share with your beloved on the universal day of romance and indulgence you will – should it turn out that you’ve parked it in front of someone’s driveway – be able to move your car; you’ll be able to put up shelving safely; you’ll be able to do the crossword with a clear head. Trust me, those things are not the point of Valentine’s Day.

2. Consider The Message You’re Sending. What kind of message are you giving to your loved one with a half bottle? That your gesture is half-hearted and half-arsed, that’s what message you’re sending. This is a token gesture. The spark’s gone out of our relationship. I don’t really want to spend a romantic evening with you. Here’s a bit of lip-service (which will, ironically, ensure that no lip-service will occur). I have no feeling for you whatsoever. I have no romance in my soul. I’m an insensitive bell-end and you’re wasting your time with me. You’re not saying just one of those things with half a bottle of champagne, you’re saying all of them. It’s sending a worse Valentine’s message than turning up with flowers that you’ve pilfered from a graveyard. In fact, it’s worse than turning up with a wreath that you’ve pilfered from a graveyard.

3. The Customer Is Always Right. This is not true. As we know, there are many people who can’t walk in a straight line, drive a car without endangering others or operate a telephone without calling the wrong person. This wrongness also manifests itself when purchasing things. Stupid people, when placed in a retail environment, do not suddenly experience some sort of revelatory experience in which the fog of stupidity is lifted from their feeble brains, leaving them with a hitherto unfamiliar sensation of lucidity and exactitude: They remain stupid. So, should you ask, in a wine shop, in the run up to Valentine’s Day, for half a bottle of champagne, you will be treated with utter contempt. Should you choose – once the aghast member of staff has explained reasons one and two to you, possibly in a voice an octave or two higher than their normal register – to persist with your foolish purchase of a half bottle of champagne, you will be forever thought of as the idiot. They will remember you; they will point at you whenever you come into the store; they will whisper about you to their colleagues before they both erupt into laughter. This reaction is not a temporary thing, it will last for eternity, and possibly beyond. Helpfully, they will also put your tiny bottle of champagne into the largest gift bag they can find and that won’t help you at all because…

4. Symbolism. There’s a lot of symbolism around champagne. Let us consider the use of champagne in film and television for a moment. The most obvious example is the popping of a cork and the subsequent cascade of abruptly released champagne as a metaphor for the male orgasm. In this metaphor, the bottle of champagne represents the male appendage. So – even though it might not be a conscious reaction – if you turn up with half a bottle of champagne on Valentine’s Day, your lady will be doubly disappointed. Not only will you have arrived with barely enough champagne to get the cat in the mood, you’ll have arrived with a small todger too.

5. Variety. Although all champagne is grown in a small geographical location, and is composed of any, or all, of a mere three grape varieties, there is a panoply of scents and flavours across vintages and producers. The variety is absolutely fascinating. So buying champagne is your chance to turn up with something interesting, to wow your beloved. And it doesn’t have to be expensive. This is your moment to turn up with a bottle of Taittinger Brut Reserve NV and tell your other half that, like her, it has a beautiful nose, is perfectly balanced, refreshingly complex and has a glorious aftertaste. Or you can turn up with any other nice bottle of fizz that takes your fancy; there are loads of them. If you buy a half bottle though, your choice will usually be limited to the house champagne or the ubiquitous Moet & Chandon. So, you’re either saying “Darling, I brought you half a bottle of Moet because I don’t care, I have a tiny cock, and you’re just the same as all the other girls” or “Darling, I brought you half a bottle of the house champagne because I don’t care, I have a tiny cock and you have lower standards than all the other girls”. That won’t go well.

6. Cost. Buying half a bottle of champagne is cheaper than buying a full bottle of champagne and, in the current economic climate, it might seem like a reasonable economy. It is not. Not only is the cost of a half bottle far greater than half the cost of a bottle, there are other costs that accompany the purchase of one. These costs are the usual ones associated with apology for acts of crass stupidity and thoughtlessness; flowers, chocolates and the like. And while we’re on the subject of peace offerings for women, lingerie is never a suitable apology gift. Never.

7. Volume. There is one thing to be said about the half bottle of champagne. It’s an ideal size for one person. This is useful as, if you take your significant other half a bottle of champagne, there is a high chance you’ll end up drinking it alone. Perhaps for many years to come.

The 7 Reasons team would like to wish all their readers lots of love and happiness this Valentine’s Day.

February 14, 2011
7 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Polar Bear

1. Inuits, Yupiks, Chukchis, Nenets and Russian Pomors. You are really going to piss them off. To them, a polar bear is the ultimate utility. They use the fur for trousers, fat for fuel, the gallbladder for medicinal purposes and the teeth as amulets. You start dating a polar bear and the Inuits are going to have to start walking around with bare legs.

2. Bathroom Usage. If you do insist on dating a polar bear, then you have to understand one thing. You will never be able to use your bath again. The polar bear will see this as their natural environment. They will sleep in it, splash around in it, hunt in it and get bath salts in uncomfortable places in it. You’ll also get the water board investigating a major leak.

3. Eating. A polar bear’s diet isn’t a very mixed one. They like seals. Particularly bearded ones. It’s not the most comfortable thing to have to order in the local Harry Ramsdens. Especially when you have to add that the polar bear is going to batter it themselves.

4. Meeting The Parents. Never the easiest thing to do. Especially when you’re dating a polar bear. Thankfully, your parents were very understanding/scared and so those introductions went swimmingly. Literally. You all met in your bath. Now though, it’s your turn to meet the polar bear’s parents. In the Arctic. You think you’ve prepared well. You have all the thermals on and a distress flare stuffed down your trousers. Nothing can go wrong. Until you meet them. And you realise they all look the bloody same.

5. Games. We may be getting older, but there is a still a bit of the child in all of us. Some more than others it must be said. Occasionally we do like to be a bit silly and play a game. Catch, Frisbee, Twister etc. These are all fine and I can assure you that the polar bear will love them. What you don’t want to play, though, is Hide & Seek. Particularly if your walls are painted white. You’re going to be playing for bloody ages.

6. Habits. It would be nice to think that on your return home after a long day at work, the polar bear has made a nice meal for you. Unfortunately this is little more than wishful thinking. All too regularly you’ll come home to find them perched atop a pile of ice cubes watching Seal or No Seal on the Nature Channel.

7. Romance. Against all the odds, it is going well. You’ve got over the fact that seal whiskers are being left all over the bathroom floor and the polar bear no longer smacks you around the side of the head whenever you pop a Fox’s Glacier Mint into your mouth. It might be time to move it to the next level. You’ve taken the polar bear out for the evening, wine and dined and danced the night away, now you are in the taxi. A paw gently brushes your thigh before the polar bear moves towards your ear and whispers, ‘I’m going to eat you alive later’.

July 16, 2010
7 Reasons 7 Reasons Are Making A Film About The Ash Breathing Volcano

1. The Plot Bit. Think Love Actually meets Planes, Trains & Automobiles (without the planes) meets The Day After Tomorrow. Various people stranded in various places have to find various methods of getting back to the UK for various of reasons. It’ll be a romcom/thriller.

2. The Product Placement Bit. The 7 Reasons team isn’t stupid. We know that slipping in a few products will boost our coffers. That is why Ash’s entire back catalogue will be on display in the majority of scenes. Ashes To Ashes will be shown on all TV screens. Unless it’s in a hotel room where the occupant may choose between Ashes To Ashes, The History Of The Ashes or The Arthur Ash Story.

3. The Cast Bit. All the usual suspects will be there. Hugh Grant. Colin Firth. Emma Thompson. Rowan Atkinson. We’ll find them something to do. We’ll also bring in Colin Farrell to liven up proceedings. He’ll be monk. Though a monk who has escaped from his monastery after being accused of sneaking into the local nunnery of an evening and having his evil way with a couple of habits. The head monk is after him. So is the head nun. The nun isn’t wearing anything. This is not a 3D film.

4. The Political Bit. Hugh Grant will be the leader of the opposition. He has just been in Washington DC (with Gary Barlow) meeting the President – who will be played by either Morgan Freeman or Denzel Washington. It really depends who is cheaper. They won’t have a speaking part. Hugh Grant then needs to get home to vote in the election and then pick up the keys to Downing Street from it’s former occupant. Who will be played by Eddie Izzard. His wife will be Carole Smilie.

5. The Romance Bit. Colin Firth is a writer – probably working on something Shakespearean – he has been on a writer’s holiday in Spain and now needs to get back to London because he also has a part time job in Waterstones. He misses out on hiring the last available car in Barcelona so jumps up and down a bit on the pavement and looks angry. A Spanish girl pulls up in her hire car and – in broken English – asks Mr Firth if he would like a lift to London. Col says yes and before you know it they are on a road trip together. We’re not quite sure how the drive will go but they’ll be having a good old snog come Dover. Of that you can be sure.

6. The Sad Bit. Bill Nighy is the owner of a Formula 1 team. He’s stuck in Shanghai after the Chinese Grand Prix. While he’s waiting for a plane in the Chinese version of Starbucks, he gets a phone call from his daughter. Bill’s wife has been in an accident and is in a critical condition in hospital. Bill starts walking home. At the end of the film he is still walking. This is our ticket to a sequel.

7. The ‘He Should Be Dead. This Is So Unrealistic’ Bit. Dennis Quaid is a volcanic expert. He was inside the volcano when it started to erupt. The Icelandic name for the volcano is Eyjafjallajökul, but for arguments sake we’ll call it Volcano Mrs Robinson. So Dennis was inside Volcano Mrs Robinson when she started blowing off. Dennis’ English wife thinks he’s dead. But as this is a film, she is the only one. He’s blatantly alive. Everyone knows it. We wouldn’t have cast Dennis Quaid just to kill him off in the first five minutes. If we wanted to do that we’d have cast Ben Affleck. Anyway, Dennis makes it back to his wife in one piece. Bar a touch of sunburn/frost-bite.

April 21, 2010