7 Reasons

Tag: rats

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Visit India

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Visit India

    Today we welcome to the 7 Reasons sofa James Cave. A man who needs little introduction… if you know him. The chances are though that you probably don’t. So let me tell you about him. He’s a man. And he’s called James. Right, over to him.

    7 Reasons To Visit India
    A local gets in the way of the archery tournament at Thaipusam Festival

    Book cheap flights to India, a land where anything goes. Here are seven weird reasons to inspire your visit:

    1.  Fortune Favours The Brave. The Thaipusam Festival takes place in temples across Tamil Nadu during the Tamil month of Thai (January/February) on the full moon. It involves devoted Hindus taking extraordinary measures – piercing body parts with alarmingly sharp objects and walking across burning coals in order to be cleansed of past misdeeds. Beating drums, bugles and chanting help to help create a frenzied atmosphere. It’s a hair raising spectacle but not for the faint hearted.

    2.  A Deadly Dining Experience. The New Lucky Restaurant, Ahmadabad, India. Death might be a part of life but now it’s a part of lunch. This eatery has gained notoriety not only for its cuisine but the 22 cement coffins dotted between the tables and chairs. The milky tea and butter buns are to die for!

    3.  Toilet Humour Required. We spend a lot of time on the toilet so why not take home some ideas for a new throne by paying a visit to The Sulabh International Toilet Museum in New Delhi. It’s a museum dedicated to the toilet where you can view a rare collection of toilets and other toilet paraphernalia dating from 2,500BC to present day.

    4.  Ghost Busting – India Style. The Indians are a superstitious lot. But who doesn’t love a good ghost story? To see thousands of real life ghouls cleansed and exorcised by witchdoctors, the ‘bhooton ka mela’ or ‘fair of the ghosts’ is held in the village of Malajpur in Madhya Pradesh in February. It’s an frantic, otherworldly event – the only one of its kind in India. Spooky.

    5.  Spice Up Your Travels. To prove that the Kama Sutra originated in India, the Khajuraho Monuments in Madya Pradesh makes for an eye opening experience. Explicit erotic art and sexual carvings abound here. What exactly were the creators thinking?

    6.  Rats Rule. Animal fanatic or a bit strange? Prove your love by paying a visit to this strange place of worship in Deshnoke, Rajastan. The Karni Mata Temple is where rats, yes rats, are worshipped as a tribute to the rat goddess, Karni Mata. Home to some 20,000 rats, they scuttle and scurry across marble floors while people eat, pray and pay their respects.

    7.  Loose Yourself In The Moment. Infamous trance parties take place on Anjuna beach, Goa between Christmas and New Year when the full moon shines. People watching is a must as such an event attracts the freakish, weird and the wonderful from all corners of the earth. Revellers loose themselves in big beats and psychedelia on this hypnotic night.

    Convinced? Flights to India go from most of the world’s major airports. Just a few hours packed into a sardine can and you could be looking at historic porn, losing yourself in a trance party or letting loose at the International Toilet Museum in New Delhi.

  • 7 Reasons to Hate Pigeons

    7 Reasons to Hate Pigeons

    A black and white lomograph of pigeons eating in Venice

    1.  Impudence. Pigeons poo on statues.  This is disrespectful.  They poo on Churchill, they poo on Nelson, they poo on Eros.  Pigeons poo on all of the nice statues of people and gods that we like.  Pigeons don’t poo on statues of Michael Winner or Margaret Thatcher.  This may be because we don’t have any, but if we did, pigeons probably wouldn’t poo on them, because pigeons are horrid and annoying.

    2.  Freeloading. We regularly hear stories (some of us have even witnessed this) of pigeons using London Underground trains to get across London.  Do they pay for this?  No.  These sponging vermin are using our transport system at our expense.  They didn’t help build it and they don’t contribute anything to its maintenance or running costs.  I have to carry an Oyster Card, so should they.  Let’s staple Oyster Cards to them.

    3.  Imagery. Pigeons are oft described as “winged rats.”  That’s “rats,” terrifying pointy-faced, sharp-toothed creatures.  That’s “winged,” which is one of the scariest words in the English language when pronounced as a word of two syllables, “wing-ed.”  “Wing-ed rats.”  It makes me shudder.

    A black and white lomograph of a flock of pigeons in the Piazza San Marco, Venice

    4.  Idiots. Pigeons attract idiots.  Look at this American woman in the Piazza San Marco, Venice.  She’s in one of the most beautiful parts of one of the world’s loveliest cities and she’s fascinated by the pigeons.  She’s clearly an idiot.  She could be looking at the Basilica, she could be looking at the Doge’s Palace, she could be looking at the Procuratie Vecchie but no, she’s looking at pigeons.  Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid bloody pigeon-woman.

    5.  War. Pigeon excrement was the only known source of saltpetre (potassium nitrate) in 16th century England.  Saltpetre is an essential ingredient in gunpowder, so if your Tudor house was damaged by canon-balls or if your copotain hat was knocked from your head by musket-shot five-hundred years ago, you can blame pigeons.

    6.  Emasculation. Wood pigeons are the larger, nobler cousins of the urban pigeon.  Historically these creatures, with their quite pleasant and distinctive call, have been content to live in trees far away from people (who do not live in trees).  Recently though, a pair of these creatures have moved in near to a house belonging to a friend of mine.  Their favourite game is to poo on the love of his life (his shiny, expensive German car) and then to sit on his garden fence cooing at him.  They do this every day.  Not unnaturally, this makes him very cross.  If he could get hold of them, he would probably tear their heads off in a murderous rage, but every time he approaches, they casually retreat to a safe distance and continue taunting him.  It is because of this that he is now known as The Pigeons’ Bitch.  And because of me, obviously.  He should never have told me.

    7.  Profiteering. The use of a fleet of trained carrier pigeons was instrumental in the allowing the Rothschild banking family to make vast fortunes during the Napoleonic wars.   They were able to manipulate financial markets for their own gain, based on having exclusive access to early information about the results of battles.  Pigeons filled the bankers’ wallet (the Reverend Spooner himself would have been proud of that one, and astonished by the mental image).