1.  It Has Sunday Written All Over It. Last Of The Summer Wine is Sunday. On it comes at around 6pm and immediately the nation realises it will soon be Monday. That is Last Of The Summer Wine’s job. Getting people depressed so they start the week off in the right way. Now what are we going to do? We can’t be happy on Monday morning. That would be wrong. 2.  The Joke. It’s the same one. It always has been. I haven’t...

1.  Pregnancy.  In the U.K., a pregnant woman can legally urinate wherever she likes.  She can even, if she requests to, urinate in a policeman’s helmet.  I’m not sure that it’s a practical receptacle for urine – the ventilation holes in the side would prove a particular problem – but it’s surely a desirable thing to pee in.  Who among us wouldn’t want to have a go at that? 2.  Theft.  Stealing a traditional policeman’s...

1. Brown.  The thaw is brown.  Everything is muddy, slushy and brown.  The grit that was scattered onto the snowy roads and pavements and is now visible, is brown.  The river is brown.  The bare trees are brown, the uncovered grass is brown, Gordon is Brown.  Nothing good is brown (except beverages and beverage based desserts, obviously). 2.  Slush.  When the snow is on the ground it’s a pure, blank canvas which will be affected...