Tag: Play

Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Join A University Sports Team
Joining a university sports team isn’t all about how good you are at, for example, football. It is also about frequently partying, team banter, being the donkey of the day, drinking, drinking, laughing when some steals your pants and more drinking.

If you want to attain a respectable degree, you may think it’s a good idea to avoid such shenanigans. You may be right, but here are 7 reasons why joining a University sports team is the best idea since sliced bread and of course the see-through toaster.

1. Making friends for life. Leaving home for University is a daunting prospect. For probably the first time in your life you’ll be away from your parents and friends for a prolonged period of time. The thought of that kinda sucks. So one of the best ways to get involved straight away is to visit the fresher’s fair and sign up to a sports society. The induction will normally involve downing dirty pints whilst standing on a chair singing the national anthem (speaking from experience), however it’s a small price to pay as making yourself look like an idiot is a great way to break the ice and form bonds that never crack.

2. Legendary status. Going on a team night out and abiding by all the tasks the seniors set you, will provide you with a Van Wilder-like status. Also, if you are actually good at the sport of choice and put in a few “god-like” performances on the field and in the sports hall, that’ll do nothing but enhance your burgeoning reputation.

3. Partying. After a hard day of study and lectures at University the best way to unwind is to socialise. Being part of a University sport’s team provides you with the opportunity (sometimes more than you would like) to let your hair down and have a laugh. University is all about getting the work/life balance correct. Too much work and you can quickly turn into a nocturnal creature dependent on Lucozade and coffee. Alternatively too much partying can lead you to become less focused on your study and result in a zombie like existence. So do your work, then enjoy life.

4. Going on tour. Being part of a sport’s team or society will more than likely present the opportunity to go on tour and visit foreign countries. Festivals such as Saloufest, Festival Italia and Damfest all provide opportunities to play sport against other students from different Universities. One great way to personalise the trip and add to the banter is to design and order team t-shirts, polo shirts and hoodies bearing the University logo and nicknames/slogans, click here for more information. Here are a few good slogan ideas…
- I’m not shy – I’m just examining my prey
- I can fix anything – Where’s the duct tape.
- I’m in shape – Round is a Shape
5. Forfeits. Being the victim of forfeits isn’t great, especially if it’s your fourth time that night. However, designing them and watching them in action rectifies that pain/pleasure balance. Watching someone remove their attire and ride a traffic cone as if it was a pony, may not sound like everyone’s idea of a great night out, but when you’re at University you’ll be amazed at how good such things are for morale. The memories will last a lifetime.*

6. Stops you getting fat. After a week of being a student, your diet will most likely sound something like this… Pot Noodle, Chocolate, Crisps, Alcohol, Kebab, Pizza, Alcohol… you get the drift. Therefore it is important to burn some of the excess calories off with exercise. Exercise at University will help keep the pounds at bay and prevent you from becoming a Jabba the Hutt impersonator. Though obviously if you’ve also joined the Star Wars Appreciation Society, something will have to give.

7. Reduces Stress. Although, to many, University students give the impression that they are laid back, party-crazy, tax-dodgers, the truth be told, attaining a degree can be very stressful. Stress can be caused by money (the lack of it), assignment deadlines (the one tomorrow morning) and exams (the one tomorrow afternoon). Taking time out to forget about all of this is imperative for your sanity and overall happiness. Exercise stimulates the brain to release feel good endorphins, leaving you happy all day long. You also won’t fee as bad about eating Onion Rings every night.

*We do not condone borrowing traffic cones. It’s one of the main reasons roadworks are never completed on time.

Author Bio: Chris is a recent University Marketing graduate and keen sportsman (armchair sports fan). He is currently writing on behalf of expressgarmentprinting.co.uk.
October 27, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Need A Personal Budget

So, what is a budget anyway and why do I need one? A budget isn’t just a piece of paper carried in that big red sandwich box that worried looking bloke waves about every March outside 11 Downing Street. The Budget is the Government’s best estimate of what they will receive in income for the year ahead – taxation, revenue, sale of signed photos etc – and what they intend spending it on – NHS, wars, salaries, new dart board for Dave’s office etc. In the same way, a personal budget will have a forecast of your year’s income and how you intend to spend or save it; this can very easily be done with accounting software now readily available on-line. Like the Government, you can include borrowings in your budget, but unlike them you can’t decide to “print” money to ease your financial troubles – well not legally anyway! Here are 7 reasons for making a personal budget.

1. Paying The Rent. Unless you still live with Mum and Dad, housing costs – whether rented or purchased with a mortgage – will probably be your largest regular expense. Unless, that is, you are addicted to chocolate in which case see below. It is a good idea to start with listing your main living expenses including fuel and Council Tax, Sky TV and other essentials so that you can then assess what you have left at your disposal for your other needs or aspirations.

2. Chocolate. If you do have a passion for chocolate or indeed any other luxury for that matter, having a budget will show you the areas of expenditure that you can economise on so that you can indulge your passions ad nausea. This advice is given only on the understanding that you are responsible for your own health and that the author cannot be held liable for any complications arising from excessive consumption.

3. Holidays. Home or Hawaii? A few people enjoy holidays at home, but if your ambition is to spend six months in California then your budget can help you reserve the cash to achieve it. If you know in advance how much you can spend on tickets and trips you can often pick up a bargain by advanced booking; or you could be in a position to make a spontaneous purchase when you spot a good deal and be confident that you will have the funds to cover it already in your holiday savings pot.

4. Food. In the intervals between clubbing and sleeping, most people eat food. This may be dispensed with but that is not a recommended plan for enjoying a longer life. If you are already aware of what you spend on food regularly it is easy to budget. If you are not aware, then you can take a stab at it and adjust the budget after a while to reflect how much you wish to spend and then shop accordingly.

5. Work. Unless you are lucky enough to be able to work from home, then you need to budget for travel to and from work, whether for bus or train fares or the cost of running your own car or bike. You may need to reserve funds for buying tools or clothes. Unless you are expert at charity-shop scavenging you could need to spend a bit on looking smart in the office. Especially true for the office-party when you need to impress someone you want to share your pencil with; or even your boss for that matter.

6. Christmas Is Coming! For many people Christmas is the time for giving and having a good time; and the rest of the year the time for remorse – especially after the afore mentioned office-party – and for scratching around trying to pay for it! You can set yourself a budget for presents and entertaining and, as long as you stick to that, the only headache you will have in the New Year will be a hangover and not a financial one. No longer will you have to wrap up a box of tissues for Granny’s gift, trying to convince yourself in doing so that it is the thought that counts and that she will forgive you for your spendthrift ways once again.

7. Play. You will need to know in advance whether you can afford that season ticket for your favourite team or will instead have to resort to standing on the touchline at the Rec. to get your sports fix. Perhaps you might want to start a new hobby or activity and to plan ahead for equipment purchases or memberships. Your budget will help you make those decisions wisely

You don’t have to keep your budget in a big red sandwich box, but it will be useful to have it to hand to see how well you are managing your finances and how much you will have left at the end of the year for shoes or chocolate. Accounting software will provide you with an easily accessible reference and a method of budgeting to enable you, and not your bank, to have control of your finances!

April 16, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Women Are Better Poker Players Than Men

I know what you’re thinking: you haven’t seen too many members of the fairer sex sitting at the winner’s table on the World Series of Poker Championship. In fact, a woman has never won (or even been the runner up). So how can women be better poker players and not get in on the biggest event of the year? In truth, there simply aren’t that many women out there playing poker in general, much less competing at the elite level. As James Brown aptly stated, this is a man’s world, and even if women were inclined to break in (which few are) they might find themselves the subject of scoffing, ridicule, and derision, making it more than a bit uncomfortable to continue. This statement also seems to hold true even with real time gaming casinos that you can see and play on the internet. However, if a women understood the many ways in which they hold all the cards when it comes to hijacking a game, they might be more interested in hitting the tables. Here are a few reasons to drop the dishrag and get to the casino.

1. Anatomy. The feminine wiles are built to beguile, and when it comes to playing poker you need to use every asset to your advantage. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go beyond the boundaries of decency, but there’s no law against flaunting what you’ve got in order to distract and befuddle your male opponents.

2. Emotions. Men generally expect women to be emotional basket-cases and you can definitely create a strategy based on this misconception. While most men try to put up a stone-cold façade when they play poker, you can easily mess with their game by running the gamut of emotions. Not only will they have trouble reading you, but you can use this trick to conceal tells, upset the balance of the game, and keep your opponents guessing at what your wild mood swings might signal.

3. Sexism. Men don’t expect women to be able to compete at poker simply because it is a male-dominated field. They will try to bully you out of the game by acting superior and using aggressive betting tactics. But don’t let them get you riled. Instead, be patient and let them overextend – then go in for the kill!

4. Multitasking. Believe it or not, juggling the demands of a job and a household has made you eminently qualified to play poker. If you can load children and groceries into the car while brokering a business deal over the phone, you can certainly weigh the odds on your hand while searching for opponent tells and bluffing until you can get the cards you need. Can a man do that? Send your husband to the grocery store for eggs and milk and watch him come home with £70 worth of junk that the children talked him into (but no eggs or milk). Yeah, you get the idea.

5. Reading People. Any mum can tell when her children are lying, and since most men are like overgrown boys, you can definitely use this skill to unseat opponents at the poker table. If you’re not a mum, never fear; you’ve probably spent enough time fending off male attention to know when a man is trying to sell you a line of bull.

6. Snap Decisions. Indecision is a luxury most women cannot afford. With a multitude of tasks to accomplish each and every day, it’s important to prioritise and trust one’s intuition. This skill is invaluable to a poker player.

7. Research. This isn’t like dice or roulette games, in which everything is more or less left up to chance; poker is a thinking game, so the more you know, the better your odds of winning. Women have a tendency to approach situations from a place of knowledge, meaning they will research a new topic to death. This only means that you will have an edge over even more advanced male players, many of whom mistakenly believe they have reached a point where they know it all. With ongoing research and practice you can prove them all wrong!

October 8, 2011
7 Reasons That I Was Wrong About Children

Hello! Marc here. I have a confession to make. I’ve been really wrong for a long time about something really fundamental. When I was growing up, my stepfather would tell me that it “takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong”. Usually before admitting he was wrong. Well I’ve been very, very wrong. Wrong enough to make me a giant. Because I used to think that having a child would be among the worst things that could happen to anyone. But now that I’ve been the owner of a child for the past six months (he turned half last Saturday) I realise that it isn’t. In fact, having a child is bloody amazing. Here are seven reasons that I was wrong about children.

1. It’s Not Difficult. I used to imagine that being a parent was hard, but it isn’t. When you have a child, you’ll soon discover that you’re playing all the time. It’s amazing fun and it’s not at all difficult to do (in fact, it’s child’s play). Everything you do in your life with your child is a fun game. Teaching them to eat; teaching them to walk; introducing them to new colours and textures; changing a nappy, everything – however mundane – is a wondrous and fascinating experience for them, which makes it an intensely rewarding experience for you. Earlier today, my son and I spent half an hour banging on a window from opposite sides at each other. Half an hour! It was great.

2. It Doesn’t Age You. I previously thought that having a child was an experience that must surely prematurely age people as a result of the lack of sleep and the heavy burden of responsibility. But it turns out that the opposite is true. Spending most of your life with a creature to whom everything is new and exciting is a liberation. It’s an opportunity to view anything and everything without the burden of your own experiences and prejudices. It’s like seeing everything through a new pair of eyes. If anything, I would have to say that fatherhood has made me feel and act younger. Impossible as it may seem to anyone that knows me, I believe that having a child has made me more childlike than I was before.

3. Having Children Isn’t A Serious Business. I used to think that having a baby around wouldn’t be much fun, but it is. And even when babies aren’t being very entertaining, you can still have fun with them. Earlier today, my wife left our (not yet mobile) son unattended in the living room for thirty seconds, so I snuck in and moved him to the other side of his play-mat. “He’s moved!” She shrieked as she returned to the room while I dissolved into a fit of the giggles. Once she realised that this was not the case, she laughed too. Having a child around just makes our lives more fun. It’s made us more fun people.

4. Having Children Is A Very Social Business. I used to believe that having a child would hamper my social life: That a child would have a similar effect on my social life to the one that the iceberg had on the progress of the Titanic. But I was wrong. Because we didn’t know many of our neighbours before, but now we know almost all of them. And their many children. We share toys, baby accessories and childhood diseases with them and our children go to play-group together. If anything, our social life has been improved by having a child. It turns out that he’s not an iceberg, he’s an ice-breaker.

5. Having Children Makes You Less Selfish. I used to believe that having children would make me more selfish. That I would resent the intrusion that a child would make on my time and would guard it jealously. But it turns out that the opposite is true. When I went to bed at 2am last Saturday morning and my son saw me and decided that he wanted to play, I didn’t mind a bit. We played for two hours and it was great fun. Then I put him into his cot and he rolled around and barked like a dog for a bit. My wife and I just lay there listening to him and laughing. I had to be up at 7am to climb a mountain. Did I mind the unexpected impingement on my time and the weariness the next day? Not a bit.

6. Having A Child Does Not Make You Housebound. I used to think that having a child would mean that I’d get to go out less. But the opposite has happened. I’m out all the time! Weather permitting, we take our son to the park every day. I’ve spent more time in parks in the last six months than I had in my entire life before we had a child. I pretty much live in the park; I’m almost a part-time tramp. As my son and I were playing on our mat the other day, a woman came up to us and said “It’s so nice to see a father spending time playing with his son.” I smiled and told her that it was no chore. And it wasn’t. I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather have been or anything I’d rather have been doing than playing with my son in the park at that moment. I’m always out these days.

7. Children Do Not Make Everything Messy. I used to dread the effect that a child would have on the interior of my house. I thought that all of the gaudily-coloured accessories and accoutrements that are needed for children would clutter up my house and make it a (more) horrid place to be. But they’ve improved it. We’ve got owls on the walls and windmills in the garden. In fact, we’ve got owls everywhere. But I like owls. Now I get to buy really fun and interesting things to decorate the house with instead of sobre and tasteful grown-up stuff. Our house is much nicer now and we’ve got a crocodile on the upstairs landing! Who wouldn’t want one of those?!

September 30, 2011
7 Reasons That A Red Bucket Is The Most Amazing Thing In The World

Hello 7 Reasons readers. Due to unforeseen circumstances we’re going to publish a guest post on a Thursday, which is something that we’ve never done before. So here, taking up not very much space on the 7 Reasons sofa at all, but making quite a lot of noise and a bit of a smell that we’re pretending not to notice, is today’s guest poster. Possibly our youngest ever.

Hello! My name’s Byron Sebastian Fearns and I’m a baby. Now I may not have seen much in my five and three quarter months, but today the most wonderful thing happened and I was compelled to share with you what I discovered; it is the most exciting thing in the whole history of the world ever. It’s something called a red bucket. Here are seven reasons that it’s more amazing than anything else, even elephants and balls.

1. It’s Red! The first thing I noticed when my mother and father wheeled me through the big building full of shiny stuff and dishcloths and picked up my toy that I now know is called a “bucket” (which rhymes with “fuck it”, a phrase I heard my father say once shortly before mother became very cross) was that it is red. This means that it’s amazing and not blue or yellow like everything else that people buy for me on the basis that “it’s for a boy” or that “yellow is a neutral colour”. I don’t like blue (it is a colour that makes my father cry at football matches) and I’m not neutral. If I liked neutral colours I’d hurl magnolia coloured food at the walls rather than orange coloured food. I like bright colours! I like red!

2. It Makes A Noise! It does! As we perambulated through the big building full of shiny stuff and dishcloths Father turned the bucket upside-down and began banging on the bottom of it. It made a noise like the noise that the man next door makes all day long in his kitchen or the sound that Father sometimes makes with his head on the desk after he has stared at a white screen for a considerable period of time. I’m relatively new to the concept of onomatopoeia, but it made a noise that sounded like thump-thump-diddle-diddle-ump and was very loud. The ladies that live in the big building full of shiny things seemed most impressed.

3. It’s Hilarious! Then we took my bucket to the park where the trees and squirrels live. We lay down on the grass and, after I had completed a short bout of screaming for absolutely no reason, Father said “Look Byron” and put the bucket over his head. This was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Ever! Father then took it off his head and put it back on his head and I laughed again. We did this for hours! Father enjoyed this so much that he started rolling his eyes and staring at his watch with delight.

4. It Makes Another Noise! Just when I felt that I might eventually tire of Father putting the bucket on his head, taking it off again and then putting it back on his head, something amazing happened. Father coughed and it sounded like the deepest loudest sound ever heard by anyone at all. This was hilarious. I laughed for ages. Then Father made other noises in the bucket too and they were even funnier. They were so funny that I laughed more than I ever have before; they were so funny that Mother had to edge slowly away from us in case she injured herself with all of the fun; they were so funny that Father suddenly became religious and started asking god when he could go home. He spoke to god in the bucket! Oh, how I laughed.

5. It Moves! Then Father stood up and started running round the park with the bucket on his head and pretended to be a monster (which is a creature similar to a dog). “Rooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!” he said as he ran round a tree; “Roooooooooaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!” he said as he ran past a bench; “Rooooooaaaaarrrrrrr!!!!!!!” he said as he ran behind a bush”; “Aaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!” screamed a tour group from behind the bush; “Roooooaaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!!!” he said as he ran back from the bush; “OOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!” he said as he fell over a bin. Then he said a word that I’ve never heard before and Mother shouted a lot and we had to go home.

6. It’s Red Inside Too! On the way home Father put the bucket on my head and I thought it was the most awesome and amazing thing that it’s possible for any human to experience, ever. It turned everything in the world red and when I made a noise it was the biggest noise that anyone has ever made. It was bigger even than the noise that Father made when I weed on his coat as he was changing my nappy at the National Railway Museum. It was amazing! Then Father took the bucket off my head and the next-door-neighbours were there and they seemed concerned.

7. I Can Get In It! After a long – and really boring – conversation with the neighbours about babies and the bucket and stuff we got home and then something happened that was the most incredible, fantastical and phantasmagorical thing of all. I got into the bucket!

Look at me! I’m in the bucket.

Then Father took the bucket away and told me if I ever wanted to see it again I had to write today’s 7 Reasons post as he has something called a “headache”, which he says is a contagious disease that is contracted by proximity to children. So now I’ve written it I’m going to get the bucket back and play with it all day every day for a week. Or perhaps a month! I’m off to play with my bucket now. Bye-bye.

September 15, 2011
7 Reasons To Play Croquet With A Flamingo

The other day a local magazine popped through the door. We get it every month. Usually it takes the small trip from the door mat to the recycling bin. This time though, for a reason I can’t describe, I felt compelled to flick through. It’s just adverts for businesses really. Hardly the stuff of legend. That is until I got to page twelve. When I was confronted by this:

Croquet without flamingos?! What?! How on earth can you play croquet without a flamingo? A flamingo makes croquet what it is. Need proof?

1. Alice. The first and obvious reason is that the flamingo itself makes a wonderful mallet – as so beautifully demonstrated by the the girl in Wonderland and the Queen of Hearts.

Of course, it could be argued that the hedgehogs and the cards help make a game of it, but the real challenge when using a flamingo as a mallet is making it have an erection. Of the neck obviously. What happens after this is really neither here nor there.

2. Smug. You may decide however that instead of playing with a flamingo, you want to play with a flamingo. Which, luckily, is something the RSPCA continually turn a blind eye at. The thing about playing against a flamingo is that they are just so damn smug. They’re so casual. They hit their shot then just stand on one leg watching as you line up your stroke. It’s enough to drive you mad. But, conversely, it makes you more determined. More focused. You will play like a legend. Has anyone ever told you they lost at croquet to a flamingo? Exactly.

3. Location. The chances of you borrowing a flamingo in the UK are fairly slim. They are nearly all in zoos or security patrolled wetlands. To check this I did call London Zoo and enquired as to whether it would be possible to borrow a flamingo, but upon telling them I intended to play croquet with it they lost any sort of interest I had earlier piqued. All this leads us to assume that we need to find a freelance flamingo. And our best chance of finding one of those is in South America, the Caribbean or the Galapagos Islands. Hardly bad places to go for a game are they?

4. Contacts. Flamingoes are one of the more social birds out there. Think Tara Palmer-Tomknison. They seem to know everyone. Usually when you play croquet you’ll end up being partnered with Dennis. He’s a nice guy, don’t misunderstand us. The thing is, he spent most of his life working in a signal box. It means he’s used to his own company. He has a few friends. You know, enough to keep him happy. But if you mentioned that you needed a plasterer he’d just raise his eyebrows and play his next shot. Tell a flamingo though and he’ll know bloody hundreds of them back at the colony. Your ceiling will be done in no time.

5. God. Be honest, who would like to play a round of croquet with God? Well, if you play with a flamingo that’s exactly what you’ll be doing. Sort of. Obviously it’s not actually God. It’s a living representation of Him. Sort of. It’s not actually that God. It’s the God, Ra. And Ancient Egyptians believed a flamingo to be the living representation of Him. But that’s still kind of cool isn’t it?

6. Pure Class. According to the Official Flamingo Database*, pink plastic flamingoes are popular lawn ornaments in the USA. And, if my trips through the town are anything to go by, Swindon. How utterly tacky. These people need to be shown up for the cheap, nasty, dirty beings that they are. Play croquet with a real life flamingo. Show these fools that there is more to a flamingo than decoration. I feel sick.

7. Entertainment. You just know that if you send out a few hundred Flamingo Croquet day invites, at least one person – probably not even the dyslexic one – will turn up dressed as a Flamenco dancer. Oh how you’ll laugh.

*Yes, it was wikipedia.

August 26, 2011