Tag: outfit

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why a Luxury Watch is the Perfect Wooing Tool

Been striking out with the ladies? Take a look down at your wrist – Casio, right? That’s where you’re going wrong, my friend. A £10 watch just doesn’t cut the mustard with the ladies anymore – you need something with a bit more gravitas. Let’s take a look at why luxury watches are the perfect tool for wooing the ladies. Fortunately, given the name of this site, there are exactly seven reasons why luxury mens watches are the perfect lady temptress. And we being with number one.

1. The Illusion of Wealth. Even if you live in a cardboard box and exist on a strict diet of pot noodles, you will be able to convince the fairer sex that you are a well-to-do country gent if you are spotted sporting a luxury timepiece on your wrist – Panerai, IWC and Baume & Mercier watches are the ideal choice here, such as the tasty little number below. (Where you acquire the £3,000 from to make the purchase is your own concern.)

2. Look Like A WWI Pilot. No, not in the sense that you’re a distinguished looking 105 year with multiple medals draped proudly across your chest – more in the sense that there are some fantastic mens watches on the market today that look like they’re straight out of WWI – such as the Vintage WWI collection from Bell and Ross (see below). These spiffing timepieces wouldn’t look out of place on the wrist of a brave Sopwith Camel pilot – and what woman wouldn’t swoon in the mere presence of a Sopwith Camel pilot (even if you’re not actually a pilot and work in, say, search engine optimisation)?

3. Women Like Shiny Things. I may be confusing women with magpies here, but I’m fairly certain that most ladyfolk like shiny objects – enter luxury watches from the likes of Jaeger LeCoultre, Ellicott and ChronoSwiss.

4. Good Conversation Starter. We’ve all been on dates which are awkward and the conversation doesn’t exactly flow forth, but this won’t be an issue if you’re sporting a striking luxury watch – I imagine that the conversation would go thusly if you’ve got a Panerai or Zenith watch on your wrist:

Lady: So…..what do you do?
You: That doesn’t matter – check out my Zenith watch.
Lady: Errm – OK.
You: (Revealing timepiece slowly and impressively) Cost £10,000 that.
Lady: Errrrrrm….
You: KAPOW!!

I’ll leave the rest to your imagination…

5. Luxury Watches Elevate Any Outfit. Even if you’re not a stylish fellow, you will find that a well-chosen luxury watch will superbly compliment any outfit and drag you (kicking and screaming in some cases) into the upper echelons of high fashion – where ladies are much more receptive to your charms.

6. Luxury Watches Open Doors. Figuratively. Unless you’re rocking some sort of James Bond-esque number. You’re likely to find that if you wearing the latest Baume & Mercier, Quinting or U-Boat watch, nightclub bouncers will let you into the VIP area, restaurant maître d’s are less dismissive of you and you can queue jump at Alton Towers – all of which are likely to impress the fairer sex.

7. You Will Seem Cultured. Women love culture. Men love to appear cultured and luxury men’s watches are a great means of achieving this objective. Any lady’s knees will turn to jelly when you announce that you bought your Jaeger LeCoultre watch on a business trip to Geneva – when you and I both know that a) you’re scared of flying and b) you bought it online from The Watch Gallery.

January 30, 2012
7 Reasons To Love The Statesman!

Apart from waking up to the news that it is both International Women’s Day and Pancake Day, you may have also heard that 28,000 Police jobs are – in all likelihood – going to be cut. If your reaction to this news is one of fear, you need not worry. A new crime fighting force is out there. The UK’s answer to Kick-Ass is a real-life superhero. Let me introduce you to… The Statesman!

This powerhouse of a man is out there, right now – in Birmingham – protecting us. Protecting us all. Do we need 7 Reasons to love him? Of course we don’t. Are we going to give you 7 Reasons anyway? Well, obviously. Here they are:

1. Costume. The last person to try and spread a little love by wearing a Union Jack outfit was Geri Halliwell. The Statesman, though, has the eye mask to go with it. Which in my opinion makes all the difference. Everyone likes a superhero who can effectively combine fierce loyalty to his country with a bit of camp mystery.

2. Utility Belt. Savlon? Check. Plasters? Check. Maglite? Check. Swiss Army Knife from that Christmas cracker? Check. Let’s be honest, Superman was great, but he never took a strip of Elastoplast with him. The Statesman does. And a tube of Berocca to help the inebriated among us.

3. Moustache. The last time I saw something like this it was Movember 2009 and I was looking in the mirror. I scared people that month. Which only leads me to believe that The Statesman must scare baddies 24/7/365. Awesome man, just awesome!

4. Persuasive. Until the identity of The Statesman was splashed all over The Sun, his girlfriend thought he was off playing poker every night. Whether she ever questioned his choice of attire is, at present, unknown, but I suspect she did. I can only conclude therefore that The Statesman is a very persuasive chap. And let’s be clear about this, when you are faced with two bad men, each with a crowbar, the best way of unarming them is the mighty skill of persuasion.

5. Allies. That’s right, he has friends. Possibly in high places. Possibly in phone boxes. Possibly in the back of the Satesmobile. It doesn’t really matter where they are, the fact is they are out there. Fighting. Fighting for us. So go out, wear your bling, leave your car doors open, nothing bad will ever happen.

6. Weapons. There’s no gun, taser or baton sticking out of The Statesman’s trousers. He is unarmed. Well, except for his quick wit and boxing mitts. Given that gangs have ready access to a variety of kitchen utensil you have to applaud The Statesman’s ‘no violence’ approach. If only wars were fought in such a way.

7. Heart. Many superheroes are pre-occupied with fighting, not The Statesman though. If there is no crime to be fought, he’ll happily help the drunk across the road or give a blanket to a homeless person. A clever villain would probably try and use such a scenario as a diversion tactic, but I just have a sneaking suspicion that The Statesman will be ready for such an eventuality. He’s a superhero after all.

March 8, 2011
7 Reasons That You Shouldn’t do Bicycle Maintenance at 3am

3am: A time when almost everyone is in bed, sleeping. But you may not be. You may be lying in bed, unable to sleep. You may be pontificating on weighty and important matters such as: What is the best wine to serve with SPAM? Why does my local supermarket always run out of crumpets on Monday? What would win in a fight; a pangolin or a labrador? Usually these thoughts are inconclusive but, as you lay thinking important things, you may have a eureka moment and suddenly – and rather excitingly – the cause of the strange noise that your bicycle has been making all week will become apparent to you. But under no circumstance, no matter how enthused you are, should you take any action at this time. Here are seven reasons you shouldn’t do bicycle maintenance at 3am.

1. It’s Cold. Not in bed, it’s nice and warm there. But it will be cold in the kitchen. Very cold. But that’s where the bicycle and tools are. So, as you’ve arrived downstairs wearing a t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, you’ll grab whatever clothes you can find from the cupboard under the stairs. And fairly soon, outfitted in green flip-flops, a pink and brown striped scarf, a beige trenchcoat, a blue bobble hat and a pair of grey fingerless gloves, you’ll think to yourself, never mind, it’s not like anyone will see me. Then you’ll head into the kitchen where it will be…

2. Dark. So you’ll put the kitchen lights on, and the kitchen will become very bright indeed. So bright, in fact, that you’ll hurt your eyes and be caused to squint. But you’ll set to work anyway; squinting, with spanner in hand and then, out of the corner of your squinty eye, you’ll notice a light, shining through your window (because no one covers their kitchen windows). Yes, it’s…

3. The Neighbours. Or more specifically, the neighbours whose bedroom overlooks your kitchen. And you’ll do what anyone would do in this circumstance. You’ll stand up, squinting, smile and wave at them. Mostly to reassure them that it’s you and not a brainsick, colour-blind tramp who has broken in to steal the pasta from your kitchen. Or the lemons. And eventually, after the initial shock at seeing your outfit has worn off, they’ll realise that you’re not a burglar. And the spanner that you’re waving in your right-hand will probably mirror their opinion of you. Anyway, the neighbours will soon go back to sleep and you’ll return to the bike and work slowly and deliberately, in order to be…

4. Quiet. Shh. Very Quiet. As quiet as a timid dormouse breaking wind next to a hungry lion. Because your bedroom’s above the kitchen. And making a noise would be inconsiderate/very very dangerous. So you’ll work quietly, and that will go well. Until you drop the spanner onto the quarry tiles. And you will drop the spanner onto the quarry tiles. Then – suddenly – and without warning, you will be face to face with…

5. Angry Woman. And Angry Woman is…angry. Furious, in fact. Angry Woman is…shouting. She’s shouting things like:

“What the hell are you doing?” In this circumstance – even though you have a spanner in your hand and a partly disassembled bicycle in front of you, you shouldn’t resort to sarcasm. That will make Angry Woman turn red and growl. You don’t want that. And then she may shout…

“You love that bicycle more than you love me.” Now, the last time she said something, you spoke, and that didn’t go at all well. But that doesn’t mean that pausing and considering your words carefully is a good idea this time; it certainly isn’t. Because then it will appear that you’re actually considering whether you love the bicycle more. And even though your bicycle isn’t the one yelling and shouting at you, and it does have red handlebars and a nice…no, no you don’t love the bicycle more. Really. Anyway, the pause is a bad thing. Because then she’ll shout…

“You’re supposed to be in bed. WITH ME!” Okay, so sarcasm and thinking haven’t gone well for you. What’s left? Humour? No. “I didn’t think you’d want your bottom bracket lubricating at 3am, darling” is the wrong reply. And after she’s shouted,

“And what the hell are you wearing?!” (it’s rhetorical this time) before storming upstairs, you’ll probably come to the conclusion that it’s time to go…

6. Back To Bed. Stepping out of your Beach-Boy-hobo-Humprey-Bogart-on-acid-costume, you’ll return to the nice warm bed where you’ll discover by touching legs with your wife that your body temperature is at least ten centigrade lower than hers. And then she will kick you. Very hard. This will hurt, and in two days time you’ll have a large blue and purple bruise on your left shin. At this point though, when the pain subsides, you’ll fall into a deep, satisfying, refreshing sleep and the next morning you’ll wake up and feel amazing. And you’ll feel that way right up until the moment you open your eyes and see the…

7. Oily Fingerprints All Over The Sheets And Pillows. Ooops. And later, on your cycle ride, you may feel inclined to visit both the florist and the chocolatier.

September 28, 2010