Tag: Insurance

Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Wouldn’t Want To Be James Bond

James Bond is a hero; an archetypal action icon. He’s got the licence to kill. He’s got the cool gadgets. He gets the girl. He saves the day. Every man would want to be Bond, right? Well, no actually. There are plenty of reasons why being 007 wouldn’t rock. Here are seven reasons why it would suck to be MI6’s infamous secret agent…

1. Your Personality. Despite 23 cinematic outings, you’re still a curiously undeveloped character. You possess the superficial charm of a cunning cad, but deep down there’s little rattling around except arrogance and bitter grudges. You have serious communication issues, and are only able to express yourself through cynicism, brute force and a penchant for one-liners. While that’s undeniably entertaining for two hours, you’d actually enjoy life more as a Bond villain. In fact, there are seven reasons why that would be better.

2. No Friends. You don’t have friends; you have assets – sprawling networks of intelligence gatherers, double agents and fellow spies. But you can’t even hang out with them like a normal person because, most of the time, you end up killing them. Could you make some genuine BBFs? Not likely. Friends don’t tolerate it when you visit Fort Knox without bringing back a souvenir, or cancel dinner plans at the last minute to go on a murderous rampage at an embassy in Madagascar. Or star in a film as bad as Quantum of Solace.

3. Social Media. You already tell everyone your real name. This makes you vulnerable. But now you have to worry about your latest conquest Instagramming your awesome new toy, or tweeting about your top secret location. And what about when you want to check in to your luxury hotel on Facebook, or oust Le Chiffre as the Mayor of Casino Royale on foursquare? All your enemies will know where you are. Which is a problem. Your only hope of anonymity is to use a network no one else does. You’ll need to join Google+.

4. Insurance Costs. It might look fun to smash up millions of pounds worth of high-tech kit, but when you write off a souped-up supercar constantly it gets expensive. Constructing vehicles with built-in rockets and ejector seats means you need very special modified car insurance. And as a reckless playboy your quotes will be eye-watering. Your excess will be excessive. Rumours are already circulating that the follow-up to Skyfall will be Skyhigh – a sequel in which Bond battles rising insurance premiums, with a sub-plot about protecting his No Claims Bonus. It’ll be box office gold.

5. Bond Girls. You’ve spent decades as both a literal and figurative lady killer. But after 50 years of shallow and meaningless romantic liaisons, you’ve got a problem: you’re running out of women. It might seem like a supermodel falls into your bed every time you stop by Monte Carlo, but those days are numbered; your prolific promiscuity is leaving the world bereft of fresh conquests. And not only are they growing scarce, but attractive female characters are also getting harder to seduce now that scriptwriters have decided to give them personalities and feelings and stuff.

6. Transferable Skills. You haven’t aged since 1962, but one day you’ll have to quit 007-ing and hang up your Walthar PPK. Being a jet-setting spy gets old after a while, and eventually the familiarity of normal life will seem more appealing than driving invisible cars. But finding a job will be tough. You’re essentially only good at three things: espionage, seduction and violence. And you don’t officially exist, so you have no CV. Oh, and you’re a sociopath. These factors make it difficult to find a job outside being James Bond. A career as a male escort looks promising, but who wants a psychopathic gigolo? Your future employment prospects look bleak.

7. Death Proof. Sorry to spoiler, but you don’t die in Skyfall. And you won’t die in your next outing as 007 either. Or the next one, probably. Daniel Craig has signed on for two more Bond adventures, meaning you are effectively immortal. Knowing you aren’t going to die is boring. It takes edge off the action. Shooting bad guys is less exciting when you know they can’t kill you back. Not convinced? Immunity to peril might sound cool, but if they let Madonna do another theme song then being impervious to death won’t seem so amazing.

Author Bio: Andrew Tipp is a film geek and pop culture noodler. He is a man of science, and of reason. He is also a man of action. And he likes coffee. And bacon. He has previously written for backpacking website gapyear.com and youth media magazine IP1.

October 20, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why A Mobility Scooter Will Score You Chicks

Mobility scooters used to be a vehicle of ridicule. That was until they became the latest must-have accessory for trendy London types looking to make a statement. Let’s face it, chicks dig a guy with wheels. This is an undisputed fact. The capital city trail blazers are just the first to realise the humble mobility scooter’s true potential.

Here are seven reasons why London trendsters are pulling out the mop and cleaning up with the ladies.

Frank Jefferson, 84, thought his secret pick-up technique was safe

1. It Makes You Different. Forget about fixies. Forget about those super-stylish, thick-rimmed glasses with no lenses. Forget everything you once knew. The mobility scooter is here and it’s what’s going to make you stand out in 2012. Analysts are recommending that all those considering a mobility scooter should purchase one as soon as possible before the river of wonder-struck babes dries up.

2. Age Becomes No Object. Ever had your eye on that gorgeous cougar in the office but been shunned because of your seemingly tender years? Worry no longer. Rock up to work on one of these bad boys and she’ll forget that you’re 20 years her junior. Shock and mesmerise as you take the lift up to the 6th floor, await the doors to open before ramming the throttle and blasting past her desk in an 8mph whirlwind of lust. She’s yours now compadre, and we’re proud of you.

3. Park Where The Balls You Want. Say no to restrictions. The mobility scooter allows you to park wherever you want. Hell, park up in front of a cop car if you want. What are they going to say? Nothing, because you’re the coolest bro in town.

4. Late Night Safety. It’s a dangerous world out there. Things can turn ugly real quick. So, as your silhouette glides effortlessly past a group of oncoming hoodies, there’s little doubt that you’re going to scoot past without hassle. What’s the alternative? You bike head long into the group of youths riding your fixie and wearing a pair of Joe 90s? You’ll get decked. Avoid the pain and embarrassment by gently revving the engine to a steady 5mph and cruise straight past the suckers. You can even smile and wave if you like. They won’t do anything. They’ll be too busy thinking about how many chicks your wheels have scored you.

5. Skip The Queue. You’re a busy man about town. The last thing you need is to be waiting in line with all the other nobodies. You’re a somebody now. Don’t forget that. Casually drift past the queue of civilians as you, mobility royalty, focus on securing first place in line. And you will. In situations where comments are passed, simply point to your rims, shake your head and flip the bird as you nonchalantly scoot headlong to the front. Remember to maintain eye contact. They won’t question you again.

6. Make A Name For Yourself. You’re bound to get into trouble with the police. Women flock to you, bouncers send you through as VIP, you’ve been awarded a knighthood – all of which is bound to draw unwanted attention from unscrupulous bacon.
Fear not. Let them come at you. Let them see the man that you’ve become. The only crime you’ve committed is becoming England’s most eligible bachelor.

They may try to pin a falsified charge on you. Driving without mobility insurance perhaps. After all, they want you off the streets. They want a level playing field for the rest of society and with you out there, that’s simply not possible. When your brush with the law inevitably transpires, preparation is key. Know the drill inside out. Reach into your mobility scooter’s storage compartment, don your sheriff’s hat and repeat:

“These streets would be anarchy if I wasn’t around. So who’s the real peace keeper here?”

Dumbstruck and in a state of resignation, the police you once feared will buckle under the weight of your supremacy. At this point, simply flip the bird and continue on your merry way. Flipping the bird is now your right.

7. Win. Win at everything. If the previous six reasons have taught you anything it’s this: with these new powers, you’re immune to failure. The win is yours if you want it. Scrap that, everything is yours if you want it. Make it happen. Be one of the first to embrace the mobility scooter’s awesome power and, in return, prepare yourself for the embrace of a thousand eager bed-time-babes.

June 12, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Have A Professional Install Your Windows For You

What would we do without windows? They allow us to enjoy the beauty of a sunset without the annoying outdoor pests in the summer or watch a gentle snowfall without slipping and sliding on the sidewalk your husband forgot to shovel. Without windows a house would be a prison or a secret den of iniquity – which could be fun, but that’s another topic for another time. The point is, that when you need windows for either a new house or to replace your existing, worn out windows, you really should have a professional do the work. Here are seven reasons why a pro is a better choice for window installation.

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1. Sure, Your Friend Can Save You Money, But… We all have ’em – the friend who says he can do the job for a lot less money, as long as you throw in some beer and wings. Unfortunately, the job isn’t likely to get done anywhere near on time or to your satisfaction. Just wait until the first heavy storm with lots of wind and you will be full of regrets, especially if your windows aren’t where they’re supposed to be anymore. The only exception here is if you happen to have a friend who professionally installs windows. Otherwise, no mater how well-intentioned, it is best to politely turn down an offer from a friend to install your windows.

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2. Your Home Will Be More Attractive If You Sell It. There’s a reason why a professional is a professional. You are more likely to have a job done right the first time with a reputable pro. Now, let’s say you plan to sell your home soon. The only thing holding you back is that old couch on the back porch and those old windows. An expert is more likely to have the latest, most environmentally-friendly windows on the market. This makes your home more attractive for potential buyers. Anything a potential homeowner doesn’t have to add to their “to do” list is a selling point these days.

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3. Save A Little Green On Your Energy Bill. Getting back to the environmentally-friendly thing for a minute. If you are not looking to sell your home anytime soon, a professional window installation still has advantages. A window installing pro is more likely to be aware of local rules and regulations. This means your new windows will be properly installed and your old windows will be properly disposed of – another plus if you’re looking to avoid a fine from your local municipality. Then there is the reason you can really appreciate. Properly installed windows can save you some money on your monthly electric or gas bill. Let’s face it, we can all use a little more green these days.

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4. You Don’t Have All the Free Time In The World. You probably have a busy life, unless you are a Kardashian – in which case, you really wouldn’t be doing anything yourself. It’s ambitious to try to do the job yourself or get by with a little from your friends, but realistically this isn’t going to work. Let’s look at this more closely. You, your family and friends all have different schedules and it’s not very practical to spread a window replacement or installation project out over several weekends. A pro is paid to be there and get the job done, especially if they want paid.

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5. Resist The ‘Do-it-yourself’ Urge. The do-it-yourself approach is not a good really a good idea either, no matter how much HGTV you watch. Even if you just happen to be a professional window installer, paying jobs come first. Now back to the other 99 percent of us who aren’t professional window installers. You are not likely to have the time to get the job done all that quickly, unless you work through the night – bet your neighbors will just love that. If you tackle the job yourself, you are likely to run into extra expenses and unexpected delays. Give in and let a pro do the job. If you really must do something yourself, put up the curtains when the windows are done.

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6. Avoid The ‘Oh, Did I Need That Too?’ Syndrome. When doing something yourself, you are likely to forget something. It’s just one of those mysterious facts of life – like getting a phone call just when you step in the shower. The pros are likely to have everything needed to complete the job. For windows, this includes some form of weather stripping, paint, covering to protect your floor and furniture and possibly material for a new frame. The experts are likely to have the extras you tend to forget, not to mention the right tools for the job. Do you really want to be on a first-name basis with the guy at the hardware store?

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7. Your Insurance Company Likes Pros Better. Having a pro take care of your windows just might save you some dough when it comes time to renew your homeowners policy. Insurance companies, as a general rule, tend to frown on do-it-yourself jobs. A pro is more likely to use the correct materials and properly install your windows. This is likely to make your home more energy-efficient. In today’s green is good world, your insurance company is likely to be pleased. When it comes time to crunch the numbers for the value of your home, you just might be surprised to find that your home is worth a little bit more with windows that have been repaired or replaced by a pro. In a home market that’s worse than the last Adam Sandler movie, every little advantage helps.

Author Bio: George Dennis is president of King Shade and Window, a home improvement company that carries a range of custom, window roller shades.

March 12, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons For Buying Term Life Insurance

The world economy is in the toilet. It doesn’t take a financial planner to figure that out. One of the best ways to protect your family if you die is to buy life insurance. Now more than ever, people are purchasing life insurance to protect those they love in case they kick the bucket before their golden years. Yes, it’s true. Life insurance. It’s not just for busty blondes wedded to billionaires anymore. If you’re considering taking the plunge, you need to decide whether you’ll go for a term life policy or a different kind of plan. Here are seven reasons you should go for term life all the way.

1. Your Agent Can Shove The Commissions. If you find yourself in the ridiculously uncomfortable position of having life insurance quotes hurled at you by a sales agent while sipping tea in your living room, my condolences. If that insurance agent manages to convince you to opt for whole life instead of term, I urge you to bash your head against a wall repeatedly. Take your time, I’ll wait. Done? Great. On average, insurance agents get a few thousand in commission from selling you a whole life plan – compared to only a few hundred scored by signing you up for a term policy.

2. Universal Life Is Scary. The really scary thing about universal life is that no one really understands how it works. So let me try to break it down for you. Your premium goes into what’s known as the “bucket,” then the insurance company adds interest, the company takes out the insurance cost, which includes a mortality charge which increases the monthly expense and the administrative costs are taken out and divide by the profit and speculative… umm… did I lose you? Good, because I’m kind of confused myself. Let’s move on.

3. Whole Life Insurance Sucks. When you buy a whole life policy, you are responsible for paying a set premium – for the rest of your life. In return, you are handsomely rewarded with a paltry cash value. Guess what the company gets to do? Invest your money however they’d like and furnish you with almost no interest in return. Let’s hear it for getting your money’s worth!*

4. Term Life Insurance With No Exam Rocks. Let’s break it down to the morbid fundamentals. Life insurance companies like to place bets on when you’re gonna croak. They gather information about your health, well-being, your likelihood of jumping off a tall building, things like that. They take this information and plug it into a formula with average life expectancy information and the magic machine spits out the amount you’re going to have to cough up for coverage. If you buy term life coverage with no exam, then you cut out one more way they can up the price.

5. You Won’t Be Tempted To Pay Your Mortgage With Your Cash Value. With the crappy economy, many people are turning to the money accumulated in their whole life plan to pay the bills. While this may seem like an excellent solution in the short term, in the long run, it can equal financial meltdown. Term life plans don’t have a cash value you can borrow against, which effectively removes the temptation for the weaker among you. You know who you are.

6. You Never Have To Worry About Getting Hit By A Bus Again. Term life is great because you don’t have to stay up at night wondering what will happen if you die before you get old. Are you scared of getting into a plane wreck? Worry no more, you’re covered. Are you scared you might get hit by a taxicab while crossing the street on the way to work? How about being involved in a hot air balloon accident wearing nothing but your socks? I know, me too. Think about it all the time. If you have a term life plan, you can put those fears to bed once and for all.

7. Your Spouse Will Be Set If She Can Get Away With Poisoning You. Trouble in paradise? Well, with term life, you needn’t sweat it. Your wife will be well taken care of after she spikes your pancakes with antifreeze. That receptionist isn’t looking so hot now, is she?

* If your irony detector isn’t that sharp, let me translate: you’re getting screwed.

February 18, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why The Internet Can Save You Money

1. At Your Fingertips. If you need car or house insurance, or even a credit card or a loan, there are now lots of comparison sites out there that can help you find the cheapest option for you. So instead of having to call or even visit these places, you can now find the best options at the click of a button. You’ll save immediately. And not just money. Think of the time you’ve just saved. That can be put to good use straight away. There’s bound to be something good on ITV 3.

2. Free Delivery. Before the internet age, if you wanted something to eat, you’d usually have to cook it yourself. And although that probably is the cheapest option, it’s incredibly tiresome. It also makes a mess out of those pans. Which is why ordering your chicken jalfrezzi online seems like the perfect solution. No petrol costs to get you to the takeaway and no eating it on the bus on the way home before it gets cold.

3. Smaller Is Better. Internet and mobile technology has advanced. And so have coupons. You no longer need to stuff your bag full of paper when you’re shopping for a bargain. You can just use an internet code. If you’re a big coupon hunter, just think of all the space you’ll save. Fewer coupons, smaller handbag*. Smaller handbag**, cheaper price.

4. Get Social. More and more businesses are starting to take notice of social media. And with so many of us using the likes of Twitter and Facebook, so they should. A simple click of the ‘follow’ or ‘like’ button will open your feed up to discount codes, exclusive sales and ‘behind-the-scenes’ videos that no one wants to see. Well worth it then for a freebie. And if you don’t want your friends to know you ‘Like’ Lidl, BHS and Kerry Katona, well, just open up a new account.

5. Keeping The Love Alive. If you’re someone who likes a date or two, or if you’re newly single and ready to mingle, you can have dinner (or even drink) dates over the internet. Get a webcam, get some food, and enjoy each other’s company over Skype. You don’t have to worry about getting a taxi home and the food will cost a lot less than in Pizza Hut. The kissing might be a bit disappointing, but shut the curtains anyway. Don’t want the milkman thinking you’re weird.

6. Thinking Ahead. If you do want to venture out for dinner or drinks, whip out your smartphone and check out the reviews for all the local bars and restaurants. Look for the cheapest place, and you’ve saved a bit of money already. Yes, everywhere will have the odd bad review, but generally the person who said, ‘Don’t visit! The soup was cold!!! :-(‘ actually ordered a bowl of gazpacho.

7. Bargain Hunt. You can find pretty much everything you can think of online. Except hoverboards. Well, hoverboards that work anyway. Old DVDs, electrical items and clothes are in abundance on eBay, but it’s also worth checking local recycling groups on Facebook and Google. In some cases, like Freecycle in London, you can pick up someone’s unwanted tat for nothing. And as they say, one man’s tat is another man’s hat. Something like that.

* Or manbag.

** Or manbag.

February 7, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Need To Own A Breitling Watch

I think it’s fair to say that when it comes to timekeeping, 7 Reasons wouldn’t be your go-to guys. The promise we gave you was that we would always post at 9 a.m.. Not a minute before and certainly not twelve hours after. The latter, frustratingly for all of us, is what happens/happened more than we’d like/have liked. If only we had a decent watch. A Breitling for instance. Judging by today’s 7 Reasons guest writers – Time2 Luxury Watches – they sound like the perfect solution to our timekeeping failings.

***

Luxury watches are cool. That’s not reason number one, incidentally, that’s just a little fact for you. And Breitling watches are cooler than most. To be perfectly honest, when it comes to why you should have a Breitling strapped to your wrist, it’s pretty tricky to narrow the reasons down to seven. You may want to get some J-Lo style body insurance going on, though, as most of these luxury Swiss watches tip the scales between £5,000-10,000…
….got that hand insurance sorted? Then let’s look at the seven reasons why you need a Breitling watch in your life.

1. They’re Swiss. To be fair, most luxury watches ARE Swiss, but not many hold a candle to Breitling when it comes to being effortlessly cool. That’s why you’re very unlikely to find A-List celebrities rocking lesser known luxury Swiss watches like a Golana (not a subsidiary of Gola) or a Skagen. In the same way you wouldn’t find an A-lister driving a Skoda. Breitling watches are synonymous with cool, the question is, ‘Are you cool enough to wear one?’

2. They’re Lifesavers. In the interests of full disclosure, not all Breitling watches are lifesavers. But they do have a collection called Emergency – typically sported by pilots and Indiana Jones types. They come fitted with an emergency distress beacon which can be activated in the most distressing of circumstances – such as crashing your luxury private jet in the desert or on a tropical island inhabited by black smoke and bad actors – á la Lost.

3. You’ll Get Yourself A Celebrity Wife. Brad Pitt wears a Breitling and he’s married to Angelina Jolie. Need I say more? Yes? Well, OK, Tom Cruise wears a Breitling and he’s married to, err, Katie Holmes…..don’t hold that against them.

4. It’ll Get You a Good Job. If you turn up to a job interview rocking one of these luxury watches, it won’t matter that you were booted out of your last job as an investment banker for losing your company billions of pounds. One look at the Breitling on your wrist and they’ll see that you’re a good egg and worthy of their employment.

5. Just Look At Them. Seriously, just take a look at some of the Breitling watches on the market. Difficult to deny they are pretty impressive timepieces – see a couple of the more striking (and expensive) ones below:

6. It Could Be Your Nest-Egg. Luxury watches, and Breitlings in particular, hold their value particularly well. So, if you suffer the misfortune of falling on hard times and you want some caviar money, you could always hock your Breitling to keep you in the fish eggs that you have become accustomed to.

7. You’ll Know What Time It Is. An obvious point, perhaps, and a perk which is by no means limited to Breitling watches, but one that shouldn’t be overlooked. You will know what the time is. So, if a pretty lady asks you the time (which she will…..you’re wearing a Breitling), you’ll be able to tell her that it’s time to get her coat.

November 25, 2011
7 Reasons Not To Ignore The Elephant In The Room

Come on, hands up. How many of you have noticed an elephant in the room and then just turned the other cheek? Be honest. Well that was very risky of you. Don’t you know the dangers? In keeping with tradition, here are seven, yes seven, reasons why ignoring it was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Just wrong.

1. Love. If an elephant has entered your room there are a number of possibilities as to why. Maybe they’re lost? Maybe you’re lost (and elephant’s trunk)? Maybe they’re bored of the savanna and now want to live in Bolton? Whichever it is, ignoring them is not the way to go. The chances are they will be nervous, afraid and sceptical of their new surroundings, so the least you can do is make them feel loved and welcome.

2. Damage. Elephants are big lumps of meat and probably not too dexterous when it comes to tight spaces. As a result you need to watch it like a hawk. If you so much as glance back at facebook you could find yourself losing that impending insurance claim. If the elephant treads on the coffee table and the TV and the wife, but you’ve been too busy poking some fifteen year-old on the internet to notice, well, it’s just going to be your word against the elephants. And people just don’t beat elephants. At anything.

3. Water. This will affect those of you who have a water meter more than those who just pay for the buffet ‘all you can use’ service. Elephants like water. Sometimes they like spraying it at clowns, but for the most part they like drinking it and washing themselves with it. Unlike the bush, your home probably has water on tap. If that elephant gets anywhere near your kitchen you are going to be consolidating your debts quicker than you can say ‘Accident Help Line’.

4. Sticky Buns. I have no idea whether elephants and their carnal desires towards sticky buns is in fact a truth or merely a myth. The last place I want to discover if it is the former however, is in my lounge. As a result the elephant shall not move from my line of vision. And if you don’t want an elephant sucking on your weekly pleasure, I suggest you do the same.

5. Mates. Don’t be so naive as to think the elephant is alone. Chances are, half his/her pride are waiting outside while he/she checks out places to stay for the night. Perhaps they are headed to Scotland for the Elephant Polo World Championships? But don’t think about heading off to the study to research this on Wikipedia, because if you disappear for evne just a split-second Babar and his mates will be flying through that hole in the wall and making them selves comfy on the sawdust. Or the sofa as it was known earlier that day.

6. Hunters. Sadly, you are not the only endangered species here. It is quite possible that the elephant is hiding at yours because some git is after his/her tusks. I can’t believe for a minute that you are pro-elephant hunting, so you won’t let it back on the street, will you? Instead you must protect it. And protecting it means keeping an eye on it at all times. If you let it wander off to the kitchen alone the hunter will see his opportunity. He won’t waste a moment. Before you know it he will have popped his weapon through the cat flap and fired off rapidly. You’d need more than a Kleenex to clear up that mess.

7. Comfort. Or lack of it. The elephant in the room is glaring. The elephant in the room makes everyone uncomfortable. The elephant in the room is a hindrance to achievement. The elephant in the room scares the cat. The elephant in the room keeps squashing unused lemons into the carpet. It’s getting ridiculous. It’s time to stop ignoring it. You must deal with the elephant now. Right now. It’ll be for the best. We promise.

January 19, 2011