7 Reasons

Tag: hypnosis

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Try Hypnotherapy

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Try Hypnotherapy

    ‘Celebrity Hypnotists’ and their peddling of hypnosis as a form of entertainment have a lot to answer for. The lack of trust in hypnotherapy as a bona-fide method to treat conditions from depression to weight loss or mothers in child-birth to bed-wetting in those resulting children, is unnecessarily wide-spread and much of this could be put down to too many slap-stick programs and internet clips of people flapping like a birdy, declaring their love for a doggy or regressing to babyhood, sucking on a dummy, dribbling – and worse. Hypnotherapy, founded in the ‘mesmerism’ of the 1800’s and now used as a method for curing conditions that stem from emotional and psychological issues, has also influenced the development of the widely recognised cognitive behavioural therapy, and which employs clinical hypnosis.

    7 Reasons To Try Hypnotherapy

    Among the many reasons to think about hypnotherapy in a positive less ‘look into my eyes, not around the eyes’way;

    1.  Spiders Are Cool. They eat the flies which might land on your food after eating poo. You don’t have to be scared of spiders and chase them from your home – spiders are your friends. Hypnotherapy can help with irrational fears and phobias of all kinds in both adults and children.

    2.  Stuttering Wastes A Lot Of Time. It’s even difficult for a stutterer to say ‘stutter’, which just can’t be fair. Hypnotherapy can help the afflicted find a way around the stuttering and thereby improving confidence which perpetuates a further improvement of the condition.

    3.  The Extra Weight Is Hard To Lug About Isn’t It? Now be honest, there is a much healthier, thin person under all the blubber who craves far less and who could be uncovered with the help of weight loss hypnotherapy to change eating behaviours . Approaching food and it’s consumption in a different way is better than crash dieting, which doesn’t work anyway; better than gastric bands, which can be painful and lead to digestive problems.

    4.  Bed-Wetting Is, Like, Soooo First Decade. Actually, you should have stopped this before even reaching your first half-decade. If you have not by then, your parents should be sick of changing wet sheets, as you must have had enough of the crackle of the plastic sheet, so ask them to check out something like The Therapy Lounge hypnotherapy where therapists are used to dealing with wee ones (sorry).

    5.  Anger Management Is Only Funny In A Film With A Shouty, Sweary American Comedian. Otherwise get a lid on it, keep your cool. Learn techniques through hypnotherapy to control and reroute your anger into more positive feelings.

    6.  Compulsive Shopping Can Ruin Relationships. Particularly if you have a stingy other half who doesn’t like you spending your own money either. You can’t buy happiness so you can’t keep shopping to find it that way. Hypnotherapy can help you change your behaviour so that you can resist the shops and the internet which has made it all too easy to flex the plastic and spend online.

    7.  Gloria Gaynor Might Not Be Enough To Make You Believe You Will Survive. Divorce is a very tough process and has a prolonged recovery time. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or Neuro Linguistic Programming, as well as traditional hypnotherapy, could help you overcome the negative emotions that could be overwhelming you, and eventually have you humming along to Gloria with a spring in your step.

  • 7 Reasons To Pretend You’ve Been Hypnotised

    7 Reasons To Pretend You’ve Been Hypnotised

    Now, I’m no expert on hypnosis. I have never been hypnotised. Or at least I don’t think I have. Like I say, I’m no expert so how would I know?  But anyway, as I was saying, I have never knowingly been hypnotised. But I have always liked the idea of pretending to have been. Just to, you know, amuse myself. Oh, and because it’s a very useful skill to possess.

    7 Reasons To Pretend Your Partner Has Hipnotised You

    1.  Chores. It’s a quite brilliant way of getting out of doing them. Touch the vacuum cleaner and pretend to be riding a horse; start the washing up and pretend to be a dolphin who loves soap suds; begin dusting the shelves and pretend you’re a rock climber. You’ll probably wreck the house in the process, but at least you won’t be asked to clean ever again.

    2.  Paying. At the sound of the word ‘money’, you’re an alien. Obviously. This would work brilliantly in Tesco; on the bus; if your partner mentioned she was going shopping. Expand your eyes, make fish lips and move your head in circular motions. The results will be staggering. The cashier will pay out of their own pocket just to get rid of you, the bus driver will run away and leave you to drive to a destination of your choice and your wife will charge out of the house in a huff. Leaving you to watch Sky Sports all day. Aces!

    3.  Answers. I’m a man. As a result, I don’t like being asked questions. Not because I don’t like the questioner or indeed the question, but, more often than not, because I don’t like my answer. It’s generally something unimaginative. Or incriminating. Or both. Until now, I hadn’t found a solution. So do check back next week for, 7 Reasons I Shouldn’t Have Answered Every Question By Pretending I Was A Dog.

    4.  MI5/MI6. I suspect this reason will only apply to a select few of our readers, but I’m sure everyone else will forgive us while we do our duty for Britain. So members of our secret services, just imagine, heaven forbid, that some henchman of an evil empire (including France) has captured you. They’re going to want answers. And you are probably not going to want to give them. If you do the world might explode. Or, even worse, you might get a slap. So what to do? Well, pretending you like a bit of S&M everytime the word ‘torture’ is mentioned should do the trick. Though what trick it is remains to be seen.

    5.  Charity Workers. I am sure they mean well, or at least one of them does, but they’re just very, very annoying. When I lived in Fulham, walking to the tube station was like negotiating the guantlet on Gladiators. It’s not so much that I didn’t want to adopt a leopard or a granny, it’s more that…okay, I just didn’t want to adopt a leopard or a granny. As a result I used to shout out, ‘Sorry!’ and charge on past. But what if you’re not like me? What if you are an unsuspecting individual and have a habit of walking slowly? You’ll be pounced on. I’m sorry, but you will. Time to pretend to by hypnotised. You could either go one of two ways here. As soon as you see the clipboard you could pretend to be a granny who loves riding leopards – this would scare and confuse in equal measure – or you could pretend that you repeat every question you’re asked. They’ll soon get bored and move out of Fulham altogether.*

    6.  Drink. An inevitable part of indulging in alcoholic beverages, is that one day you will drink a bit too much. Unless you’re my mum. But you’re not, so listen up. I would never condone it, but being drunk is good fun. Unless you realise you are drunk. As soon as you realise you are drunk you realise you are going to be ill the next day. And as soon as you realise you are going to be ill the next day, you stop enjoying yourself. This is when you need to pretend that you are not drunk, but, in fact, in a wonderful state of hypnosis. You’ll probably believe yourself because you’re drunk. The great news is – apart from maybe finding lampposts strangely attractive – there are no side-effects from hypnosis. This means not being ill the next day. Obviously you will be ill the next day. Even more ill than if you’d stopped enjoying yourself when you realised you were drunk. But at least you won’t have stopped enjoying yourself. And that has to count for something doesn’t it?

    7.  Party Trick. Parties can be awkward. Especially the kind where one git decides that you should all demonstrate a party trick. 99% of the population don’t have party tricks. Unfortunately, the 1% that do, all seem to be at the party. This is when you need to blag it. And you blag it by hypnotising yourself. Or pretending to. Swing your finger back in front of your eyes and chant something along the lines of, “You are falling into a deep sleep. When I click my fingers you will stand on your head everytime you hear the word ‘superfluous’.” Then you click your fingers. If you are lucky you will be at a party where no one can pronounce ‘superfluous’ and even if they can, you know how to stand on your head. If you don’t, well you’ll probably concuss yourself anyway. And that means sitting in the corner being looked after.

    *When you’ve done this please let me know. I left a sock behind when I moved.