7 Reasons

Tag: Humour

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Landlords Should Select The Right Tenants

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Landlords Should Select The Right Tenants

    There are a vast number of strange people in this world. Despite our best efforts to understand the litany of weirdness that surrounds them, we are often left baffled by their mysterious ways. If you’re a Landlord looking to let a property, then the last thing you want is The Crazy Guy living under your roof.

    Unfortunately, the ‘good tenant’ is a rare and elusive creature, who is greatly outnumbered by the ‘odd-squad’. Thankfully for you, we have listed the seven reasons for landlords to select the right tenant, and more importantly, just how to spot them.

    7 Reasons
    "Hello, I'm your new tenant. Don't worry, I only turn dead animals into bagpipes."

    1.  Hello, Is It Me You’re Looking For? As Lionel Ritchie once famously sang “hello, is it me you’re looking for?” The short answer is no! One of the best things you can do is meet with the potential tenant in advance. Nine times out of ten you will know if something is amiss. Tell-tale signs are any of the following:

    • The everlasting handshake: If your arm is still being violently thrusted up and down after 10 minutes, then loosen your grip and head cautiously to the nearest exit.
    • Soap dodgers: Tenants should treat this as they would a job interview. If they turn up in filthy clothes and covered in muck, then this is a clear insight in to their own living habits.
    • Everyone needs good neighbours: One of the quickest ways to get evicted is getting complaints from your neighbours. Ask your tenant what their likes and hobbies are. Playing an acoustic guitar at 5pm may be soothing. Belting out heavy metal from your electric guitar at 3am is something quite different.

    2.  Show Me The Money. You want a tenant that will be financially responsible. This means someone that will pay their rent on time. Ask to see copies of their recent pay slips and even speak with their employer. Avoid anyone that asks to pay in small change or colourful buttons!

    3.  Run A Credit Check. Even if their wallet is bursting at the seams, they could still be in more debt than Greece. Find a professional company to run a credit check, they will be able to tell you if they have a history of paying bills on time. It will also check their monthly income and if they have any outstanding debt.

    4.  Welcome To The Zoo. Whether you hug puppies, or feed mice to hungry anacondas, liking ‘pets’ and having them reside in your home are two different things. Be clear what your rules are if allowing pets. One hyperactive dog can leave you with thousands of pounds worth of damage to your property.

    5.  Brush Up On Your History. The best person to ask about their living habits will be their previous landlord. Ask to speak with them to find out if you are inheriting a problem tenant. Be careful though as they may be some what forthcoming with the truth in an attempt to off load them on you. Remember, if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is.

    6.  Lifestyles. Do they move or switch jobs often? If the answer is yes then they are unlikely to be a long term tenant. If their last long-term employment was their school paper round, then they may struggle to regularly pay the rent.

    7.  Two To A Room. Be extremely clear as to how many occupants you allow per room. Even Noah made the animals enter ‘two by two’. You don’t want to find your cosy one bedroom flat has twenty people living inside. Clearly state in your contract how many people are legally allowed to live in your property.

    By following these simple rules you can rest easy that your tenants are living in tranquillity, while the nutty and quirky are left safely locked outside.

    Author Bio: Andrew Potter writes for My Online Estate Agent where you find useful guides such as how to advertise on Rightmove and other useful property tips.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Laos Is The Place For Lovers

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Laos Is The Place For Lovers

    7 Reasons Laos Is The Place For Lovers
    If your lover gets a bit annoying, at least you can gaze into the eyes of another

    1.  It’s Out Of The Ordinary. For couples looking for a destination slightly out of the ordinary, a place to get their married life off to the right start and keep it on track, a Laos honeymoon can hardly be bettered. The whole country is intriguing, mystical and different, offering something for lovers that will create everlasting memories.

    2.  You Can Feel The Timeless Essence Of South East Asia. Laos is surrounded by neighbouring countries that have embraced consumerism and seen their cityscapes and cultural heritage completely transformed, but in Laos you get to experience the timelessness of South East Asia in a pristine condition. This is a landlocked country, a sort of real-life Shangri-La. Without beaches, it’s true, but with many other compensatory attributes. After all, beaches are not difficult to find, but the riches of Laos are rare indeed.

    3.  Peaceful City Life… In Asia, Really? Vientiane is the capital, although you wouldn’t think so when you experience its sleepy peacefulness – a world away in all senses from the great capitals of Western Europe with their rush and bustle. In many respects, Vientiane encapsulates the Laos ethos of laid-back agrarianism which many find so refreshing. The people here aren’t too concerned about finding their place in the economic sun and are content to continue as their forebears did without what they consider to be unnecessary distractions.

    4.  You Get To See Real Monks – And I Don’t Mean The Kung-Fu Kind. For real charm and a slightly more interesting urban environment just head for Luang Prabang, the premier city of Laos and the most popular one with visitors here. The tone of Luang Prabang is set if you rise at dawn and look down into the main street, where monks slowly and silently file down to the old part of town, begging for alms with small silver bowls. But it’s not really seen as begging, more a case of keeping the religious machinery nicely oiled so that the monks’ meditations and prayers will help keep the world spinning and keep the romantic love flowing.

    5.  You Can See A UNESCO World Heritage Site. The whole of Luang Prabang is a UNESCO World Heritage site, so the many picturesque Buddhist temples and beautifully embellished palaces are safely protected from the curse of the developers who have blighted most other major towns and cities in the region. The acres of mosaic walls and filigree gold stenciling are in no danger of becoming packing aggregate in high rise office blocks, and will hopefully continue to delight us for many centuries to come.

    6.  There Is Peace And Harmony (I Forgot That Even Existed). It’s actually the spiritual ambiance, tangible throughout the whole of Laos and manifested in its many religious buildings and ancient ceremonial customs that makes the country so unique. The sense of harmony and reconciliation – despite its troubled recent history – work perfectly in keeping with the ideals and hopes of a honeymooning couple.

    7.  Everyone Is Chilled And Smiles, It’s Just A Perfect Place For Romance. The Laos people are unhurried and friendly, always smiling and even in relative poverty unflappably cheerful, an example to us all. One of the delights of a honeymoon here must surely be to sit at a table overlooking the lazy Mekong River with the locals, a glass of chilled white wine in one hand and your partner’s in the other. The river winds through Vientiane before wandering off untroubled and without any hurry through scattered fields and rural communities as it has since time immemorial, and indeed time itself seems to stop in its tracks here and allow a few precious moments of tranquility.

    Author Bio: David Elliott is a freelance writer who loves to travel, especially in Europe and Turkey. He’s spent most of his adult life in a state of restless excitement but recently decided to settle in North London. He gets away whenever he can to immerse himself in foreign cultures and lap up the history of great cities.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Rent A Self Storage Unit

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Rent A Self Storage Unit

    If you thought self storage units were just for storing stuff in, you’d be wrong. Yes, you can use storage to stow your furniture when moving house, hoard your bric-a-brac from yesteryear or safely store those family heirlooms, but a growing number of people are finding all sorts of other clever uses for self storage units. Check out these inspirational reasons why you should bag yourself a self storage unit.

    7 Reasons To Rent A Self Storage Unit
    It’s a little known fact that The Beatles used to practice in a self storage unit. Somewhere near Liverpool.

    1.  Really Good For Rockers. Accessible 24 hours a day, and with no neighbours to upset, more and more bands are turning to self-storage facilities as a place to practice. As well as offering a consistent venue – removing the worry of where you’re going to get together every wee – a storage unit means you can lock up your kit in a secure location as well as providing some awesome acoustics! So good are the sound qualities in fact that in 2006, up-and-coming rock band Mohair actually recorded a track at south Safestore London and, although the song never charted, critics loved its “squally” tone.

    2.  Brilliant For Business. With no business rates and no utility bills, self storage units are ideal for businesses. Literally thousands of small business owners already make use of self storage, with business customers believed to account for up to a third of the UK’s rented space. So, if you’re selling online and you’ve no need for a physical store front, or your home business has outgrown the garage, self storage provides an excellent solution and, with everything included in one monthly bill, it makes budgeting simple.

    3.  Ideal For Pumping Iron. Take a storage unit, add some weights, a running machine and even a punch bag and you have yourself a fully functioning gym. Small units can be utilised for private gyms when space at home simply doesn’t permit. Larger facilities can be made into fully functioning gymnasiums and martial arts gyms, meaning that, as a business grows and cash flow increases, more space can be added without the concern of spiraling rates and utility bills.

    4.  Wonderful Workshops. If you’re into repair and restoration, a self storage unit can make an excellent workshop. From antique furniture to engine rebuilds, storage units provide the perfect venue for any restoration projects without the need to clutter up your own home with random spare parts.

    5.  Awesome For Art. Many folk look at a storage unit and see space, but show it to an artist and they will see something altogether different. Some see the ideal studio space where they can create their next masterpiece, whereas others see the ideal venue for their next exhibition. With floor space for stunning sculptures and wall space for passionate paintwork what better location for an edgy art installation?

    6.  Delightful For Dancers. From ballet to street, storage facilities up and down the country are being utilised by all kinds of dancers and crews. Affordable and dry, storage units make the ideal rehearsal studios for those on a tight budget. All that’s required are the addition of a few mirrors and an audio system and your unit is good to go. No more fighting to book slots at the local studio or practicing routines in the park.

    7.  Superb Studies. When home life is a little hectic and there’s just no where to get away from the hustle and bustle of modern family life, why not retreat to your own personal den. From novelists and poets to copywriters and freelance journalists, many professionals have chosen to rent a self storage unit simply for a spot of peace and quiet. Kitted out with desks, lamps, filing cabinets and a laptop, these unique dens provide a veritable haven of tranquility from the outside world – ideal for those who simply must concentrate without interruption.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

    7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

    There’s no better feeling than the wind in your hair, the open road ahead of you and some pumping tunes on the radio. You have only two objectives – get from A to B and have fun. Here’s seven reasons why road trips rock.

    1.  You Get to Drive Something Different. Although you can opt to take your crappy Nissan Micra cross-country – where’s the fun in that? A road trip is the prime opportunity to hit that car hire firm and rent the vehicle of your dreams. Go wild. Cadillac, camper van, Monster Truck – the choice is yours. Just remember three things, it needs to be comfortable, you need to opt for a vehicle with cup holders – so as to ensure that passengers can be hydrated with no risk of spillage – and you need a sound system that goes up loud!

    2.  Power Rock. Road trips are 25% about the journey and 75% about the tunes that you choose to accompany your epic voyage. This is your prime opportunity to delve into the greats of 80’s/90’s power rock. I mean screeching guitars, high pitched man voices and lots of opportunities for throwing your rock fingers into the air and waggling your tongues ‘Gene Simmons-style’ at the children trying to peacefully watch ‘Lady and the Tramp’ in the next car.

    3.  Road Trip Games. When else in your adult life do you get to play games? Any sport with a referee doesn’t count. I’m talking good old-fashioned car journey games. There is something about the fact that you are cooped up in a car that makes even the simplest game amazing. In every day life you may see six, maybe seven yellow cars a day and allow them to pass by without comment. Suddenly, simply your location means that the appearance of a yellow vehicle will have you acknowledging its presence with a shrill cry of victory and a short, sharp jab to your partners arm. When else is violence condoned? Ordinarily you may be saddened to see a poor little badger deceased on the side of the road – not when your objective is to spot the road kill before you companions. Embrace the games.

    4.  Junk Food. No matter where you are travelling, chances are you won’t be able to be healthy. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Drink that Red Bull even when you heart tells you it can take no more. Scoff those Haribo and Pringles safe in the knowledge that they were the only option in the Texaco garage on the M42. And, if you have to, follow those golden arches. This may well be the only time that it is acceptable to step inside the home of that creepy clown and heck…supersize it if you want – you need the energy.

    5.  Interesting Characters. What’s the one thing that crops up without fail in road movies? Unusual characters. It’s inevitable. Whether it be a minibus full of boisterous football fans on their way home from a match – eager to show you what’s under their clothes – or a handsome cowboy who seduces you and then steals all of your bail money, it will happen so have a contingency plan.

    6.  Arguments. Whenever map reading is involved, there will be arguments. Use them as therapy, air your woes and criticise your companions’ foibles. Get it out, you’ll feel lighter. See it as ‘On-the-Road Healing’.

    7.  Saving Money. Your outgoings are petrol and snacks, none of this airport tax malarkey or being charged extra by the cretins at Ryanair for a blanket in their sub-zero plane cabin. These saved pennies can be used to stock up on fun road trip activities or as extra beer money when you finally reach your destination. Bonus.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Should Never Lick A Door Handle

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Should Never Lick A Door Handle

    Remember Ewan MacDougal of Furniture Fortress and Window Blinds as Christmas Presents fame? Well he’s back. And this time he’s not alone. Joining him on the 7 Reasons sofa is article co-author Nicola Winters. Oh, and a lot of Japanese girls with their tongues attached to door handles. We’ll leave Ewan and Nicola to explain why.

    ***

    There are many trends, fashions and fads that come and go (most are completely alien to me) but yet they get the whole world talking. Some trends catch on, some don’t and some simply shouldn’t! You can often predict the next big trend by looking at Japanese culture. For a long time the Japanese have been number one for innovation, number one for technology and most defiantly number one for alternative fashion. However, there is a new phenomenon sweeping Japan that I certainly hope is not a sign of things to come at home. The bizzare new fetish where girls are licking door handles! Usually I’m all for diversifying culture, but this is one innovation that I really hope does not catch on at home. Call me a hygiene freak if you must, but I certainly don’t want to find myself trapped in a room, too scared to open the door for fear that it’s been coated with some one else’s saliva. So, in an attempt to prevent this trend spreading, here are seven reasons why you should just say no to licking door knobs.

    7 Reasons Why You Should Never Lick A Door Handle

    1.  Door Handles Aren’t Always That Clean. A handle is not just an interior design accessory; their primary purpose is to be functional tools, used to open and close doors for anyone (and everyone) who wish to enter or exit. The average handle must have been touched by countless people, all with different standards of personal hygiene. In almost no time at all germs will have gathered. Do you really want to be licking these germs? What if someone else has licked this handle before you? How many germs will it be home to then? I have a really ugly friend who has glandular fever and loves Japanese trends, what if he’s licked the handle first?

    2.  It’s Just Plain Weird! How many times have you previously found yourself licking door handles? How many times have you been out and about, shopping, picking the kids up from school or walking the dog and got the urge to lick a door handle? What was that? Never? No of course you haven’t. Do you want to know why? Because it’s weird! If you had previously witnessed this type of behaviour on a street near you then you’d be the first person to call the psychiatric specialist and get them off the streets immediately! So don’t think that just because the “cool” Japanese people have started doing it, it’s suddenly stopped being weird. Because it hasn’t!

    3.  There’s Better Things To Lick. Seriously, door handles? For hundreds of years confectionery professionals have strived long and hard to manufacturer tasty, sweet, juicy and mouth-watering treats to suck on. Surely these hours have not been wasted? Surely in all this time they must have developed at least one thing you would prefer to lick than a door handle.

    4.  You Could Strain Your Back. Maybe this is a sign that I’m getting old, but surely you’d agree the act of actually bending down to participate in door knob licking is a strenuous process in itself. The risk of pulling, straining or (in more serious cases) breaking the back has to be pretty high. Even if you are just a casual licker it only takes one bad kneeling position and you could ruin your licking-things career for ever. Do you really want a door handle to be the last thing you lick? If you’re going to take the risk, there must be other things out there better licked.

    5.  You’ll Restrict Others Access. Don’t be selfish. Whilst you are indulging in a little handle love from one side of the door, there could be an extremely important person on the other side. An extremely important person trying to get to an extremely important meeting. If they have to wait until you’re done satisfying yourself, think of all the important things they could miss. Think what this could mean for the world! What if they were a diplomat that had finally come up with a plan that could lead to world peace and they missed the world peace summit because of you? Do you want that on your conscience?

    6.  You Could Get A Bump On The Head. What if said important person didn’t wait? What if their important thing was so important they just had to push through? Getting hit in the head with a door, whilst its handle is in your mouth, with your tongue wrapped around it, does not sound like a pleasant experience.

    7.  You Could Be A Fire Hazard. When I was a child, my Japanese mother was tragically killed in a fire when she could not leave a burning building because someone was taking too long to finish licking the door handle of the fire exit. It was extremely sad and left me and my six siblings homeless and living on the streets only able to survive by selling our organs on the black market. It was an horrific existence and it was all because of door handle licking.*

    So, take a moment before jumping on this bandwagon. Stop before resorting to this crazy behaviour simply to ‘fit in’. Think about this logically and ask yourself, “Do I really need to lick this door handle?” The answer, surprisingly, will almost always be ‘NO’.

    *Reason 7 is entirely a lie, but I was hoping for the sympathy vote.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Need An LED TV

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Need An LED TV

    Long gone are the days when you could simply ‘rumble on down to Rumbelows’, choose your desired screen size and have your new TV delivered to your home. These days buying a new TV is like sitting a small exam on the latest technology. Aside from how big you want your screen to be, you also need to choose between LCD and plasma – which do you plump for? Well worry no more, as there’s a new boy in town that wipes the floor with the pair of them – the LED TV. Why should you choose LED over LCD and plasma? Here’s why:

    7 Reasons Why You Need An LED TV
    All LED TVs Include Snowboarders Jumping Out Of The Screen As Standard

    1.  You Don’t Need To Re-Mortgage To Buy One Anymore. Okay, so let’s be honest, LED TVs have been around for a while, but the first wave of these new sets where pretty pricey and maxed out most of the credit cards in your wallet. However, the latest variants of LED TV are now much more affordable meaning they can be compared like for like alongside comparative formats without price being an issue.

    2.  Unlike Plasma, You Won’t Need Your Own Power Plant To Run One. LED TVs are currently much more energy efficient than their rivals with a typical 40 inch set using just 83 watts – as opposed to the 96 watts used by an LCD and the whopping 221 watts drained by similar sized plasma.

    3.  You’ll Remember What A Colour TV Is Supposed To Look Like. Remember the good old days of CRT televisions when colour TV was actually colourful? Well, thanks to LED TV those days are back! LED TVs are awash with colour and unlike their LCD cousins they can actually ‘do’ the colour black too!

    4.  Size Matters. Indeed size does matter, but in the case of the modern TV, the thinner the better. LED TVs are now available at just over an inch think, unlike LCD TVs and plasmas which are significantly bigger. As well as taking up less space and being easier to handle, this also makes LED TVs much more suitable to wall mounting than their chubby counterparts.

    5.  You’ll Be Helping To Save the Planet. As well as using much less power than their rivals, LED TVs are environmental friendly in another way too. Unlike LCDs and Plasma televisions, they don’t use mercury in their manufacture and therefore can be disposed of safely without any risk to the environment.

    6.  They Look Awesome. As well as having a great picture LCD TVs look pretty cool too. Their ultra slim appearance and skinny frames make them more about the picture than the set itself. Even when they’re turned off their sleek design means an end to that butt ugly lump of plastic sitting in the corner of the room we’ve all become accustomed too.

    7.  Your Mates Will All Be Jealous. A combination of slick design and awesome performance will have all your friends green with envy when they return home to their archaic plasma. And, when someone mistakenly refers to your awesome gadgetry as an LCD TV, make sure you’re on hand to say, “Erm, no, it’s an LED TV actually!”

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Spent Last Valentine’s Day Alone

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Spent Last Valentine’s Day Alone

    It’s nearly that time of year when happy couple swarm the streets and single people start to cry. Well, it’s not that bad but why not turn you’re luck around this year by realising why you spent last Valentine’s Day alone. Here are seven reasons why:

    1.  You Spent The Day In Tears. Okay, so you find the whole thing hard to take. It’s a day to celebrate love and you were alone. But looking glum about it isn’t going to make you attractive to others. There are plenty of single people out there and they all feel the same way as you. So smile and share the love!

    2.  You Hid Away At Home. Sitting indoors watching telly is not the way to meet someone. You might think restaurants and bars will be packed out with couples but you would be wrong! Do you know how many gangs of singles head out to celebrate St. Valentine’s? Put your glad rags on and head out in to the night.

    7 Reasons Why You Spent Last Valentine's Day Alone

    3.  Desperado. On the other hand, acting desperate is not the best way to go. You’re single now, but it probably won’t be forever. So don’t panic and start hitting on every person in the bar. Take your time and wait to meet someone really special. As soon as you do it will only be a short time to wait for St. Valentine’s Day bliss!

    4.  You’re Too Picky. It’s good to have standards, but some people are just too picky. Yes, you have a type, but ignoring potential singles that don’t fit an exact mould can be detrimental to dating happiness. Take a chance and get to know someone before you write him or her off.

    5.  You’re A Hermit. Do you spend all your time playing computer games or alone in a field taking photographs or birds? Having a hobby is part of what makes you you, but why not share it with others? Join a club and start meeting other people that share your interests. If you are dating Brisbane is a big city with lots to do. Who knows? You might just meet your soul mate.

    7 Reasons Why You Spent Last Valentine's Day Alone

    6.  You’re Never Without Your Mates. Having good friends is important and that should never change, but what if your bosom buddiness leaves no room for anyone else? Approaching someone you fancy in the middle of a group of his or her mates can be fairly daunting. Perhaps you are just so busy with your friends that you miss out on love. So make sure that you do things on your own sometimes. Take the dog for a walk, go swimming and notice other people around you. Being open to meeting people outside of your circle of friends could be the key to dating success.

    7.  You Have Your Eyes Shut. To meet someone new you have to have your eyes peeled. That doesn’t mean staring at everyone but just opening your eyes and looking around you is a good way to start. Single people just like you have to go shopping, commute to work, exercise and do all the daily things that you do. So take a look around you next time you’re down the laundrette and notice all the other single people waiting for you to meet them!

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Have Paid Attention in Your GCSE Maths Class

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Have Paid Attention in Your GCSE Maths Class

    Okay, I’ll admit it. It’s been a while since I had to break out the old sine, cosine and tangent, but it has to be said that paying attention in GCSE maths has paid off on many an occasion. I’m not talking Integrals of inverse functions or anything uber-smart like that – just good old fashioned maths. So kids, if you’re reading this thinking maths is just a waste of time, think again! Here are seven reasons why you should pay attention in your GCSE Maths class.

    7 Reasons You Should Have Paid Attention In Your GCSE Maths Class

    1.  Going Dutch. Why does splitting the bill after dinner with friends always turn out to be such a trauma? Everyone will swear blind that they’ve chipped in more than enough to cover their share, but somehow you’re always a tenner short. Even ‘going Dutch’ means a round of long division. If you weren’t paying attention at school you’d best just hope that the public display of maths skill doesn’t land on your plate to divvy up. If it does you best get counting on those fingers and toes, either that or reach for your smartphone and breakout the calculator app!

    2.  TV Test. As if buying a TV wasn’t complicated enough with all that LCD, LED, plasma talk, you also need to break out your old GSCE maths notes to ensure you get the right size, ratio and resolution. First of all what’s with all that inches stuff – we were taught in cm. Let’s just hope you were paying attention when they taught you how to convert inches to centimetres, or you could end up trying to fit a JumboTron in your living room. Screen ratios have pretty much been standardised to 16:9 these days, but you do need to know what screen resolution you want and it’s not just a matter of standard definition or HD either – with HD coming in 3 flavours 720p, 1080i and 1080p. Bet you wish you’d paid attention to Sir now don’t you?

    3.  Perfect Pizza. It’s those pesky inches at play again here. Fail to get a grasp imperial conversion when you’re browsing your local takeaway menu and you’ll either end up with a child’s portion or a pizza the size of a dustbin lid. Okay, so ordering too much pizza isn’t the end of the world – unless of course you’re ordering from that well known pizza delivery place and your all out of vouchers. Oooh – that’s gonna cost you!

    4.  DIY Disaster. Not buying the right amount of emulsion paint can be a pain, but it’s not the end of the world. However, miscalculate the number of rolls of wallpaper you need and it could spell trouble. Yes, that’s right – buying wallpaper requires major maths skills. You’ll need to consider wall height and width, allow for doorways, windows and radiators and worst of all, the dreaded pattern repeat! Don’t think you can just pop down to your local DIY store and buy an extra roll if you run out either. Oh-no! Every roll has a specific batch number which means you’d best get it right first time, or you’ll be staring at an odd strip of wallpaper for the next several years before you strip it all off and start again.

    5.  Fuel Failure. Weren’t paying attention in GCSE maths when they taught you all about litres? Then owning a car is going to be fun – especially with the price of fuel these days. Unless you’ve got pots of expendable income, you’re going to want to just how much petrol or diesel your car is guzzling. Okay, so plenty of new cars do this for you, but let’s be honest, those trip computers are never very accurate and you’re far better off getting your mind around those MPG calculations yourself.

    6.  Utility Futility. Even the best mathematicians struggle when it comes to interpreting their utility bills, so if you weren’t paying attention at school it might just blow your mind. With energy companies hiking rates more often than they drop them and constantly ‘estimating’ how much you owe them, this is one area you really must master to avoid being ripped off. Be on the ball here and you could save yourself a small fortune in unnecessary payments. Leave it to the energy companies and they’ll just keep on ‘estimating’ – usually in their favour.

    7.  Pi Eyed. Let’s hope you were paying attention when your GCSE maths teacher told you all about Pi. Not only will knowing all about Pi ensure you are always able to calculate the circumference of any circle, it will also prevent you from looking like a fool by mistakenly shouting out “Yeah, my favourite type of Pi is rhubarb” when trying to join in an intelligent sounding conversation at the local boozer.

    About The Author: Michael writes for iTutorMaths, if you want to get your maths up to scratch, then iTutor can provide you with an online maths tutor.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Aliens Will Never Visit Earth

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Aliens Will Never Visit Earth

    Movies have been made and actual human lives have all been devoted to the prospect of aliens one day popping in to say “sup?” But let’s try to put some things into perspective for a minute. This is Earth. This isn’t some kind of Martian Cancun or some interstellar Mecca where everyone is just dying to meet us. This is just plain old, regular Earth, Terra Firma, Planet of the Hairless Apes.

    It isn’t going to happen, people, sad as it sounds, and here are seven reasons why aliens aren’t interested in coming.

    7 Reasons Aliens Won't Visit Earth

    1.  It’s A Little Out Of The Way.     Let me ask you something – if you had tons of money, resources and the hottest, fastest ride, would you spend your time driving down to Detroit? God, no! You would go someplace exciting and interesting and full of life. What exactly are we near? What do we have to offer any alien species advanced enough to visit our tiny, obscure patch of the known universe? Religion? College Football? Copious amounts of unsold Big Mouth Billy Bass? No, any self-respecting extraterrestrial knows that Earth is simply not worth the trip.

    2.  We Have Nothing They Want. One thing is for sure, they aren’t traveling hundreds of thousands of light years to learn the secrets of our clear wire internet. This falls in line with the first reason, but it deserves to be discussed in a little more detail. Movies have been made about how aliens want to establish communication or even invade for our rich and unspoiled wilderness full of untapped resources and crystal clear waters. I guess these aliens have never sampled the fine H2O from the Chicago River nor had a look at the detritus strewn about Lancaster and its many closed mills. Do these aliens even know that China PAINTED their mountains green?! Of course they know. They’re aliens.

    3.  We Are Not That Interesting. When you get right down to it, we really aren’t. Just admit it. Oh yeah, sure, some dude can eat an entire shopping cart and some woman can almost pop the eyeballs out of her head but that’s about it. We spend more time on our phones living vicariously through other people who have probably had their left hands surgically replaced with a smartphone so they can twitter compulsively. Our highest form of entertainment used to be music. Now, it’s reality television. We watch “reality” television, about “real” people saying wacky and funny things as they live a “real” life. That is how we spend our weekends. We don’t spend them seeking communion with other beings, colonizing the moon or making the Earth less of a sty. Also, while we’re here, if reality television is so “real” then how come they have writers?

    4.  We Are A Danger To Ourselves And The Environment. If ancient astronauts ever came to Earth centuries ago, I suspect they would have a hard time finding anything remotely familiar. We have tirelessly spent our days as a civilization developing new weapons of war, systematically destroying the environment, and endeavoring to create the perfect hamburger – all because we can. You seriously think any emissaries of peace are going to want a piece of us or what we got going on? We are a powder keg.

    5.  Why Engage In Fruitful Communion With A Race That Gave The Green Light On A Movie Based On The Battleship Board Game? We are making a movie, based on a board game Hasbro-owned Milton Bradley invented and that people only pretend to have fond memories of. With the economic quagmire that is our lives being what it is, we are making a movie based on this board game with a budget of no less than $200 million. Do you have any idea what better use that money could have been put towards? Do you have any comprehension, as a human being, how many starving people you could feed with that kind of money for a year? I didn’t think so.

    6.  Actually, They Have Been Meaning To For Some Time But Aren’t Sure If We Will Still Be Around By The Time They Swing By. Do you know what our government does when we aren’t fighting for our lives from imminent commie threats, terror attacks and world wars? They spend their days creating robots that can use guns and developing the next great SUPER AIDS virus, purely for research purposes, I’m told. Aliens keep thinking they want to come on over but why waste the trip if we’re all dead by the time they get here?

    7.  They Know Better. Remember that old sci-fi trope where we as humans are like children to the aliens? It’s totally true. We are immature, petulant youths and the aliens know better than to let us leech off of them.

    Author Bio: Brian is a writer who spends most of his time…uh…writing. When he isn’t spending his time fruitlessly staring up at the starry skies, he is writing both professionally and for pleasure.