7 Reasons

Tag: Francois Pienaar

  • 7 Reasons To Watch The Rugby World Cup

    7 Reasons To Watch The Rugby World Cup

    Here we go then. After four years of waiting England are finally about to bring the Webb Ellis Trophy home again. Don’t worry though, if you are of another nationality, there are still reasons to watch.

    7 Reasons To Watch The Rugby World Cup

    1.  The Perennials. Yes, I’m talking about New Zealand. Favourites for the fifth tournament in a row and justifiably so. The Kiwis are very good and every other team out there is quite frankly abysmal. Add into the mix that they are also hosts then the odds of 8/13 still seem quite generous. To an uneducated supporter that is. Everyone else knows that New Zealand will not win. They are chokers. Defeated in the 1995 final, the 1999 and 2003 semi-finals and the 2007 quarter-finals. They are the Netherlands of the rugby world. So much natural talent and yet so little mental toughness. The draw has been kind to them this year, they play their nemeses France in the group stage meaning they’ll win that one. A quarter-final against Argentina won’t provide too many difficulties, but then they come up against the Aussies – who, after losing to Ireland in the group stages, knock South Africa out in the quarters. And the Aussies win that one. Because they know how.

    2.  The Group Of Death. If there is such a thing as the group of death in this World Cup, it’s group D. Neither Wales nor South Africa will find it easy against Samoa or Fiji and while South Africa’s experience should help them through, Wales may be heading home early. Which is obviously a shame because New Zealand is full of sheep.

    3.  The Minnows. That’s right, I’m talking about Scotland. They should be entertaining to watch. For a neutral anyway. For a Scot there’ll be a dispiriting draw against Romania, two horrendous defeats to Argentina and Georgia and then a two-point win against England. Just because that’s all the Scots care about. And because Hape will be playing for England instead of the suspended Tulagi – who head-butted one touch-judge, two cheerleaders and a supporters coach during the game against Argentina.

    4.  Sleep Deprivation. The time difference means all of us who fine-tuned the art of staying awake all night followed by a half-arsed day at work during The Ashes, get to do it all over again. The first game between the hosts and Tonga is really just a warm-up. The fun starts on Saturday morning. The first of four games kicks off at 2am. There are no forty-minute lunch breaks to sleep through. No rain-delays to give you an excuse to go to bed. Just rugby, rugby, rugby. But that’s great because being deprived of sleep is wonderful. It puts you in a trance-like state through which you do all the jobs you hate without even realising. It really should be available on the National Health.

    5.  Commentary. With no Ortis Deley presenting, we have to look to the commentators for tongue-twisters. And, in particular, the unlucky sole who pulled the short straw and will find themselves in Auckland on 25th September commentating on Fiji v Samoa. If you know your Waqaniburotu, Murimurivalu and Koyamaiboles from your Treviranus, Poluleuligaga and Tagicakibaus then I suggest you give ITV a call. You’ll almost certainly be put on stand-by. For the rest of us, this has drinking game written all over it. For every mispronunciation, it’s two fingers. You’ll be wrecked by 6am.

    6.  The Unexpected. Last year ITV performed quite a coup. They got Francois Pienaar to join their line-up for the Football World Cup. Yes, the rugby legend Francois Pienaar. One assumes this was because the World Cup was being hosted in South Africa. So this begs the question, which Kiwi football star have they lined up to offer expert analysis on the scrum? That’s right, it’s Blackburn defender and current Kiwi captain, Ryan Nelson. I expect.

    7 Reasons To Watch The Rugby World Cup
    Blackburn’s Ryan Nelson Will Be In ITV’s Analysis Truck For The Rugby World Cup

    7.  The Alternative. Well that would be to listen to it. On, wait for it, TalkSport. Yes, that’s right, TalkSport! They have exclusive rights which means no Ian Robertson this year. They do have a decent commentary team with John Taylor and Brian Moore in the ranks, but my problem is that they’ll keep interrupting the matches to tell us that Nick Barmby has rejoined Spurs on a free and some twat from a van-hire company will repeatedly tell they’re the best in Canvey Island. I don’t want to know! Then we’ll probably have Jon Gaunt doing a rugby phone-in with Nick Griffin. It’s not going to be pretty. Watch it on TV instead. Watch it on a real channel. Watch it on… oh… erm… it’s on ITV again.

  • 7 Reasons to go and Watch Invictus

    7 Reasons to go and Watch Invictus

     

     

    1.  Morgan Freeman.  Usually the veteran actor gets typecast as God, but in Invictus he gets promoted and puts in a superb performance as Nelson Mandela.  His accent is a bit dodgy, but the same could be said of all South Africans.  Either that or they genuinely believe it’s called “Sowt Efrica”.

    2.  Rugby.  There aren’t many decent films about rugby and the depiction of the game is pretty good in Invictus.  It’s not up to the standard of This Sporting Life, but that’s almost 50 years old and is about the wrong rugby – the one they play in the North-West that makes you shout “For fucks sake, run around him” when you accidentally see television coverage of it.  Perhaps I’m missing some subtle nuance of that game, but why do they always run straight into an opposing player?

    3.  Crying.  Everyone loves a good cry – something I often tell myself when I’ve put my foot in it again, and if you’re prone to crying at sport or movies, you’ll definitely cry at the conclusion of Invictus.  Eastwood manages to wring just about every ounce of emotion out of the film’s climax.  If you’re at all sensitive, you’ll cry like a girl – even if you aren’t one.

    4.  Crying.  I didn’t cry like a girl while everyone else in the cinema was blubbing though.  Oh no.  I cried when Jonah Lomu ran amok with the ball and rampaged through the defenceless England backs.  It brought it all back to me; the big bully, those poor little mites, the carnage.  Oh, the horror.

    5.  Sound.  Want to hear rugby with improbable sounds dubbed on?  Of course you do.  Go and see Invictus.  Every tackle sounds like a gunshot within a biscuit-tin within a kettle-drum within an empty water-tank within an Airbus A340 flying through a thunderstorm.  The woman sitting next to me gasped during every tackle.  She may have been mental though, there’s usually one in every cinema.

    6.  England. As the film is based on real sporting events I’m not giving anything away when I tell you that Rory Underwood scores a try for England during the film.  This is great, though the rest of the audience will not thank you for celebrating it.  Trust me.

    7.  Matt Damon.  MAAAATTTT DAAAAAMMMON!!!!!  He is brilliant in Invictus.  His South African accent is convincing and he plays Francois Pienaar with a lovely, understated dignity.  He has also transformed his entire body to play the role.  The shot in which they show his upper torso is entirely gratuitous, but his musculature is astonishing – it is physical evidence of the dedication that he brought to his preparation for the film.  Being much shorter than the real Francois Pienaar, he had to stand on a box for several of his scenes.  I explained this to my friend before we went in to see the film. “Matt Damon’s pretty short”, I said, demonstrating his height with my hand at about chest level.  I then raised my hand above me, stood on tiptoes, and extended my right arm fully, “but Francois Pienaar’s enormous, he’s 6ft 3!!!  That’s…er…an inch taller than we are”.  I have already been made to feel quite silly for that, thank you for asking.

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