Tag: Food

Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Need A Personal Budget

So, what is a budget anyway and why do I need one? A budget isn’t just a piece of paper carried in that big red sandwich box that worried looking bloke waves about every March outside 11 Downing Street. The Budget is the Government’s best estimate of what they will receive in income for the year ahead – taxation, revenue, sale of signed photos etc – and what they intend spending it on – NHS, wars, salaries, new dart board for Dave’s office etc. In the same way, a personal budget will have a forecast of your year’s income and how you intend to spend or save it; this can very easily be done with accounting software now readily available on-line. Like the Government, you can include borrowings in your budget, but unlike them you can’t decide to “print” money to ease your financial troubles – well not legally anyway! Here are 7 reasons for making a personal budget.

1. Paying The Rent. Unless you still live with Mum and Dad, housing costs – whether rented or purchased with a mortgage – will probably be your largest regular expense. Unless, that is, you are addicted to chocolate in which case see below. It is a good idea to start with listing your main living expenses including fuel and Council Tax, Sky TV and other essentials so that you can then assess what you have left at your disposal for your other needs or aspirations.

2. Chocolate. If you do have a passion for chocolate or indeed any other luxury for that matter, having a budget will show you the areas of expenditure that you can economise on so that you can indulge your passions ad nausea. This advice is given only on the understanding that you are responsible for your own health and that the author cannot be held liable for any complications arising from excessive consumption.

3. Holidays. Home or Hawaii? A few people enjoy holidays at home, but if your ambition is to spend six months in California then your budget can help you reserve the cash to achieve it. If you know in advance how much you can spend on tickets and trips you can often pick up a bargain by advanced booking; or you could be in a position to make a spontaneous purchase when you spot a good deal and be confident that you will have the funds to cover it already in your holiday savings pot.

4. Food. In the intervals between clubbing and sleeping, most people eat food. This may be dispensed with but that is not a recommended plan for enjoying a longer life. If you are already aware of what you spend on food regularly it is easy to budget. If you are not aware, then you can take a stab at it and adjust the budget after a while to reflect how much you wish to spend and then shop accordingly.

5. Work. Unless you are lucky enough to be able to work from home, then you need to budget for travel to and from work, whether for bus or train fares or the cost of running your own car or bike. You may need to reserve funds for buying tools or clothes. Unless you are expert at charity-shop scavenging you could need to spend a bit on looking smart in the office. Especially true for the office-party when you need to impress someone you want to share your pencil with; or even your boss for that matter.

6. Christmas Is Coming! For many people Christmas is the time for giving and having a good time; and the rest of the year the time for remorse – especially after the afore mentioned office-party – and for scratching around trying to pay for it! You can set yourself a budget for presents and entertaining and, as long as you stick to that, the only headache you will have in the New Year will be a hangover and not a financial one. No longer will you have to wrap up a box of tissues for Granny’s gift, trying to convince yourself in doing so that it is the thought that counts and that she will forgive you for your spendthrift ways once again.

7. Play. You will need to know in advance whether you can afford that season ticket for your favourite team or will instead have to resort to standing on the touchline at the Rec. to get your sports fix. Perhaps you might want to start a new hobby or activity and to plan ahead for equipment purchases or memberships. Your budget will help you make those decisions wisely

You don’t have to keep your budget in a big red sandwich box, but it will be useful to have it to hand to see how well you are managing your finances and how much you will have left at the end of the year for shoes or chocolate. Accounting software will provide you with an easily accessible reference and a method of budgeting to enable you, and not your bank, to have control of your finances!

April 16, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Run Out Of Money Every Month

It’s getting harder to save money for your future with the euro being inflated every year. However, there are some things that are completely within your control. Before you complain about how expensive everything seems to be getting these days, check your ego at the door and make sure you’re not committing these seven deadly spending sins.

1. You’re Shopping Way Too Much. Shopping is fun. Heck, what girl doesn’t like a new dress or pair of shoes? Shopping sprees aren’t just a female problem either. Men can get carried away on designer stuff too. If you have a shopping addiction, try putting away the credit card for a few days. If you still think you need a new pair of pants or a shirt, then consider visiting a charity shop – especially if you’re hooked on ModCloth.com offerings. You might be able to find some nice vintage stuff for much less than what you’ll pay retail.

2. You Drink So Much Coffee, Your Blood Is Now At Least 50 Percent Caffeine. Coffee can be addictive, and Starbucks is a pretty popular place, but there’s no need to go there three times a day. Even once a day gets expensive. If you need your coffee fix in the morning consider getting a pour over kit. The initial cost of manual pour over equipment pales in comparison to what it will save you over time. If you spend £2.60 every day on coffee, you will benefit from getting manual pour over equipment. In one month you’ll spend enough on Starbucks to buy yourself a decent filtercone holder, some nice filters, and some decent coffee. Two month’s worth of coffee will get you an excellent coffee grinder.

The benefit? The learning curve is not very steep, it takes just as long to stand in line as it does to make your own coffee at home, and a manual pour over results in a stronger and better cup of coffee than what most retail places will sell you.

3. Those Late Night ATM Runs – You Know The Ones. Are you a night owl? Do you spend a lot of time at clubs, pubs, and after-hours parties? Going to the ATM to reload your wallet with cash takes its toll. There’s no easy solution to this problem other than taking it easy on the partying. Staying home and reading a book might not sound like much fun, but your bank account will thank you.

4. You Are Paying For More Channels Than You Can Possibly Watch. There’s nothing wrong with having cable T.V. In fact, it might add to your life in some way. However, there comes a point when enough is enough. If you’re paying for so many channels that you can never possibly watch all of them, it may be time to rethink your service plan. If you ever find yourself turning on your T.V. and thinking “oh wow, I didn’t even know I had this channel,” then it might be time to consider going with a cheaper package or perhaps cutting your cable down to the bare minimum.

5. You Eat Out So Often, You Haven’t Seen The Inside Of Your Fridge In Three Weeks. Eating out once in a while is fun. You don’t have to do the dishes, and you can usually get something that you find difficult or impossible to prepare yourself at home. However, if you’ve forgotten what the inside of your refrigerator looks like, or if the food in there has started to look more like a science experiment than leftovers because of all of the mold, then consider making more meals at home. Staying in has a wonderful positive effect on your bank account.

6. You Spend More Time On Your Hobbies Than You Do Working At Your Paying Job. Having hobbies allows you to stay active when you’re not working. However, when you spend more time on your hobbies than you do working at your “day job,” there’s something wrong. Maybe you should make your hobby your new job (by starting a business oriented around it) or find a new job that allows you to earn money from doing whatever it is you really love doing.

7. The Only Time You Step Foot On A Sidewalk Is To Get To Your Car. Automobiles allow us to get where we want to go faster than we ever could by walking. However, there’s a benefit to walking: it’s cheaper and allows us to get exercise. Consider walking or biking to work, if you live close enough.

Guest post written by Elizabeth Goldman and brought to you by Wonga – the short term loan experts.

March 28, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Spain Is The Best Destination

Spain may have a reputation for foam parties, fry ups and British tourists who still think it’s fashionable to pop knotted hankies on their heads but that’s not the reality at all. There are a multitude of reasons why Spain is the best destination for you and I promise that there will be absolutely no mention of Magaluf, Benidorm or bull fighting.

1. It’s Close. Far away destinations are all very well but jetlag’s a bitch and ticket prices can be astronomical. Look at it this way, you can snap up cheap flights to Alicante, hop on a plane and be on the beach (or bar) in next to no time. Plus, there’s no need for injections.

2. Fantastic Food. Spaniards don’t mess around with vegetables – they like to stick to the most awesome of the food groups – meat, seafood and carbs. What more could you want from a holiday than mounds of tasty paella accompanied with a mountain of chorizo, bread and cheese? Tapas comes in tiny portions as well so it’s possible to kid yourself into believing that because you are eating from a little plate, you are actually being healthy. I’m just not sure that rule applies after 10 plates!

3. Boozing. Spaniards know how to drink. I read somewhere that Spain comes 9th worldwide on the wine consumption scale with the average Spaniard drinking 38 litres of wine a year. If that doesn’t deserve a high 5, I don’t know what does.

4. Siestas. Any nation which takes a break in the middle of the day for a nap has got their priorities right. No-one wants to be slaving away in the midday heat but the rest of us are too proud to admit it and soldier on regardless. Spain knows what’s up. Just because we’re adults, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t indulge in an afternoon nap – life’s too short.

5. Sun, sea and sand. You’re on holiday – you shouldn’t have to wear much else other than swimwear and flip-flops. The Spanish climate is delightful. Team that with the 3000km of beaches and bath-like water temperatures and you’re on to a winner.

6. Nightlife. In Spain, people don’t even venture out of the house until midnight. Napping during the day gives you more energy to party until the sun comes up…and they do.

7. Attractive People. Her music may be rubbish but when it comes to boyfriend choices, Kylie Minogue knows her stuff. Kylie’s Top Tip – go for the Spaniards. Her latest squeeze Andres Velencoso hails from Tossa de Mar in Catalonia. Other Spanish hotties include supermodel Jon Kortajarena and let’s not forget one of the world’s most beautiful couples – Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem. The Spanish have the dark and brooding look nailed – surely that’s reason alone why Spain is the best destination…

March 22, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

There’s no better feeling than the wind in your hair, the open road ahead of you and some pumping tunes on the radio. You have only two objectives – get from A to B and have fun. Here’s seven reasons why road trips rock.

1. You Get to Drive Something Different. Although you can opt to take your crappy Nissan Micra cross-country – where’s the fun in that? A road trip is the prime opportunity to hit that car hire firm and rent the vehicle of your dreams. Go wild. Cadillac, camper van, Monster Truck – the choice is yours. Just remember three things, it needs to be comfortable, you need to opt for a vehicle with cup holders – so as to ensure that passengers can be hydrated with no risk of spillage – and you need a sound system that goes up loud!

2. Power Rock. Road trips are 25% about the journey and 75% about the tunes that you choose to accompany your epic voyage. This is your prime opportunity to delve into the greats of 80’s/90’s power rock. I mean screeching guitars, high pitched man voices and lots of opportunities for throwing your rock fingers into the air and waggling your tongues ‘Gene Simmons-style’ at the children trying to peacefully watch ‘Lady and the Tramp’ in the next car.

3. Road Trip Games. When else in your adult life do you get to play games? Any sport with a referee doesn’t count. I’m talking good old-fashioned car journey games. There is something about the fact that you are cooped up in a car that makes even the simplest game amazing. In every day life you may see six, maybe seven yellow cars a day and allow them to pass by without comment. Suddenly, simply your location means that the appearance of a yellow vehicle will have you acknowledging its presence with a shrill cry of victory and a short, sharp jab to your partners arm. When else is violence condoned? Ordinarily you may be saddened to see a poor little badger deceased on the side of the road – not when your objective is to spot the road kill before you companions. Embrace the games.

4. Junk Food. No matter where you are travelling, chances are you won’t be able to be healthy. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Drink that Red Bull even when you heart tells you it can take no more. Scoff those Haribo and Pringles safe in the knowledge that they were the only option in the Texaco garage on the M42. And, if you have to, follow those golden arches. This may well be the only time that it is acceptable to step inside the home of that creepy clown and heck…supersize it if you want – you need the energy.

5. Interesting Characters. What’s the one thing that crops up without fail in road movies? Unusual characters. It’s inevitable. Whether it be a minibus full of boisterous football fans on their way home from a match – eager to show you what’s under their clothes – or a handsome cowboy who seduces you and then steals all of your bail money, it will happen so have a contingency plan.

6. Arguments. Whenever map reading is involved, there will be arguments. Use them as therapy, air your woes and criticise your companions’ foibles. Get it out, you’ll feel lighter. See it as ‘On-the-Road Healing’.

7. Saving Money. Your outgoings are petrol and snacks, none of this airport tax malarkey or being charged extra by the cretins at Ryanair for a blanket in their sub-zero plane cabin. These saved pennies can be used to stock up on fun road trip activities or as extra beer money when you finally reach your destination. Bonus.

March 1, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Have Paid Attention in Your GCSE Maths Class

Okay, I’ll admit it. It’s been a while since I had to break out the old sine, cosine and tangent, but it has to be said that paying attention in GCSE maths has paid off on many an occasion. I’m not talking Integrals of inverse functions or anything uber-smart like that – just good old fashioned maths. So kids, if you’re reading this thinking maths is just a waste of time, think again! Here are seven reasons why you should pay attention in your GCSE Maths class.

1. Going Dutch. Why does splitting the bill after dinner with friends always turn out to be such a trauma? Everyone will swear blind that they’ve chipped in more than enough to cover their share, but somehow you’re always a tenner short. Even ‘going Dutch’ means a round of long division. If you weren’t paying attention at school you’d best just hope that the public display of maths skill doesn’t land on your plate to divvy up. If it does you best get counting on those fingers and toes, either that or reach for your smartphone and breakout the calculator app!

2. TV Test. As if buying a TV wasn’t complicated enough with all that LCD, LED, plasma talk, you also need to break out your old GSCE maths notes to ensure you get the right size, ratio and resolution. First of all what’s with all that inches stuff – we were taught in cm. Let’s just hope you were paying attention when they taught you how to convert inches to centimetres, or you could end up trying to fit a JumboTron in your living room. Screen ratios have pretty much been standardised to 16:9 these days, but you do need to know what screen resolution you want and it’s not just a matter of standard definition or HD either – with HD coming in 3 flavours 720p, 1080i and 1080p. Bet you wish you’d paid attention to Sir now don’t you?

3. Perfect Pizza. It’s those pesky inches at play again here. Fail to get a grasp imperial conversion when you’re browsing your local takeaway menu and you’ll either end up with a child’s portion or a pizza the size of a dustbin lid. Okay, so ordering too much pizza isn’t the end of the world – unless of course you’re ordering from that well known pizza delivery place and your all out of vouchers. Oooh – that’s gonna cost you!

4. DIY Disaster. Not buying the right amount of emulsion paint can be a pain, but it’s not the end of the world. However, miscalculate the number of rolls of wallpaper you need and it could spell trouble. Yes, that’s right – buying wallpaper requires major maths skills. You’ll need to consider wall height and width, allow for doorways, windows and radiators and worst of all, the dreaded pattern repeat! Don’t think you can just pop down to your local DIY store and buy an extra roll if you run out either. Oh-no! Every roll has a specific batch number which means you’d best get it right first time, or you’ll be staring at an odd strip of wallpaper for the next several years before you strip it all off and start again.

5. Fuel Failure. Weren’t paying attention in GCSE maths when they taught you all about litres? Then owning a car is going to be fun – especially with the price of fuel these days. Unless you’ve got pots of expendable income, you’re going to want to just how much petrol or diesel your car is guzzling. Okay, so plenty of new cars do this for you, but let’s be honest, those trip computers are never very accurate and you’re far better off getting your mind around those MPG calculations yourself.

6. Utility Futility. Even the best mathematicians struggle when it comes to interpreting their utility bills, so if you weren’t paying attention at school it might just blow your mind. With energy companies hiking rates more often than they drop them and constantly ‘estimating’ how much you owe them, this is one area you really must master to avoid being ripped off. Be on the ball here and you could save yourself a small fortune in unnecessary payments. Leave it to the energy companies and they’ll just keep on ‘estimating’ – usually in their favour.

7. Pi Eyed. Let’s hope you were paying attention when your GCSE maths teacher told you all about Pi. Not only will knowing all about Pi ensure you are always able to calculate the circumference of any circle, it will also prevent you from looking like a fool by mistakenly shouting out “Yeah, my favourite type of Pi is rhubarb” when trying to join in an intelligent sounding conversation at the local boozer.

About The Author: Michael writes for iTutorMaths, if you want to get your maths up to scratch, then iTutor can provide you with an online maths tutor.

February 22, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Travel By Train

Some people have got a real grudge against train travel. We want to change opinions, so here are seven great reasons to travel by train:

1. Someone Else Is Driving. Which means you don’t have to concentrate on anything (except maybe which stop you need to be getting off). You’re free to let your mind wander, whether it be to what you want to eat for tea or how you can help solve world peace. You could never find the solution to world harmony while you’re watching your speed, checking your mirrors and beeping your horn at the idiot who just cut you up.

2. It’s Like Real Life Facebook. Yes, you can actually meet people. If you’re single, then trains are a fantastic dating opportunity. Meeting your future spouse on a train is admittedly not very glamorous, but there is something infinitely romantic about locking eyes with a perfect stranger across the buffet cart. And it’s not just the train itself – many people have found love on the station platform. As you wait patiently behind the yellow line, remember that a different kind of train could arrive at any moment…

3. Green And Pleasant Land. You get to see more of the country. Rolling hills, beautiful coastline, stunning valleys – railway lines can often take you were other modes of transport simply cannot go. If you’ve opted for cheap train tickets to Birmingham, then the view might not be so aesthetically pleasing. But it’s not all disused warehouses and graffiti-clad walls – there really are some amazing sights to be seen from a train window.

4. Meals On Wheels. Who doesn’t love the refreshment trolley? There is nothing nicer than sitting back and enjoying a delicious cheese ploughman’s sandwich whilst watching the countryside roll by.

5. Cash To Splash. It’s great value for money. You can get a great deal with train tickets, meaning you have more cash to spend on that new pair of jeans/handbag/Xbox game/car/house/pet budgie.

6. Sense Of Direction. You can’t get lost on the way. Forget sat navs telling you to ‘turn around when possible’, forget trying to navigate around unpronounceable places and forget arguing with other people over who was right about that last junction. Trains get you from A to B without ever getting lost.

7. Sans Frisk. You can board a train without having your bottle of water confiscated, being forced to remove your shoes and then being groped by a burly security guard. Should you be particularly attached to any of your possessions, such as a special screwdriver, personalised ice skates or a rare range of party poppers, you can also rest assured that these will not be taken away from you on a train.

February 1, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Meet At Crowne Plaza Hotels And Resorts

Whether you’re a busy business bod jet-setting your way around the most important cities in the world or a chilled explorer of the globe’s supreme sights and sounds, you’ll want somewhere to rest your worn-out brain cells or blistered feet at the end of the day. Crowne Plaza Meetings are the way to go, regardless of your destination and travel reason, ensuring you can work or play in suitable and comfortable surrounds.

1. Business Matters. You can be more in the zone than a neighbour at a neighbourhood watch meeting and more impressive than a chocolate teapot juggler, with Crowne Plaza meetings. Smart premises, professional service and modern equipment all ensure your meeting or conference is a success, allowing you to make an excellent impression on clients and colleagues – and not simply your chair. The room can be decked accordingly, guest speakers can be made to materialise, workshops can be run, and even an entire course can be conducted on the premises, with your own website at your disposal for many of the business matters.

2. Fun Times. Maybe you’re sick of meetings and the thought of arranging a business function at a Crowne Plaza Hotel makes you feel unsteady – instead, why not throw a party? As always, any excuse will do, be it your dog’s birthday, 17 days since your last party, or a friend’s twenty-third twenty-first.

3. Venues For Hire. If you want a venue for your wedding that will reduce the stress and strain of the big day thanks to the excellent facilities and friendly, capable staff, Crowne Plaza is a good choice. Able to cater for up to 1000 people for a banquet-style occasion, you’ll be able to find the venue you’re looking for.

4. Good Food. Whether you want a working lunch, food full of nutrients to fuel you throughout the long meeting and help to keep you conscious, or a delicious dinner consumed at a leisurely pace, Crowne Plaza meetings provide food for the occasion. Fresh, healthy and, most importantly, tasty, meals can be served during your business meeting, conference, birthday party or indeed visit to the restaurant.

5. No Hassle. You’re a busy individual – we all are these days. If you’re not dashing from one serious meeting to the next, you’re probably quickly checking Facebook on your smartphone or playing a rushed game of Angry Birds as you walk down the street. So the last thing you have time for is a long booking system when you want to arrange venues for hire or meeting space – instead, simply search on Crowne Plaza’s website to find exactly what you’re looking for in an instant. Plus, the moment you pick up the phone or drop an email to start your enquiry, you’ll be assigned your own Director. Oh yes, direct away my friend and your meeting, conference, wedding, guest speaker event, quad biking activity, workshop or otherwise will be arranged.

6. Fitness. Corporate wellbeing is all the rage nowadays, but your wellbeing has always been all the rage – which is why so many of the hotels feature a fitness centre. Run on the treadmill or, if you feel you do enough of that at work anyway you could spend some time in the sauna.

7. Choice. The reassuring thing is that you can travel to an array of cities around the world and chances are you’ll be able to find a Crowne Plaza Hotel just round the corner. With 92 hotels scattered across Europe, the Middle East and Africa, you’re bound to find the smart business premises you need as well as the snazzy resort you’re longing for.

December 30, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Visit France For Business Travellers

France is a sophisticated, cultured country that is a must-visit place for any business traveller, especially the sophisticated sorts. Whether you’re passing through for a quick meeting or conference, or plan to spend a few days in Paris getting to know colleagues or attending a trade show, there are numerous reasons to select France for your business matters.

1. Creativity. France is well known for its innovation and invests heavily in creativity, which in turn inspires individuals. Let your imagine run wild as you talk strategy or chair a few Holiday Inn meetings France, enjoying the benefits of good living standards, highly educated workforce and supportive business venues – and of course the odd drop of red or fizz certainly doesn’t dent one’s creative juices. It’s no wonder that more than 20,000 international firms choose to have a base in France to boost their business.

2. Location. Glance at a map and you’ll spot that France is rather centrally situated in Europe, a hop, skip and jump away from other European nations and boasting good links to getting around. Train and motorway links are excellent, as are airports, letting you travel when and where you need to. Plus, there are ample places to stay and things to do within the country, meaning business travellers don’t need to look too hard to find a way to recover from the tedium of the long, drawn out meetings.

3. Variety. Regardless of whether èvènements d’entreprise, aka corporate events to the uninitiated, or leisure time are top of your list, France is such as diverse country that you can choose to arrange Holiday Inn meetings France in a bustling city or somewhere far more picturesque in the countryside. Ready for business, finding a venue in this country won’t be a challenge.

4. Long Lunches. The perfect combination of work and food is a given when you’re in France on business, with most firms insistent on taking lunch. And we don’t mean munching on a dry sandwich from the inadequate canteen, hunched over your desk, trying to catch up on today’s events or read the notes for your next meeting which you should have read and prepared for weeks ago, while you spill mayonnaise and dribble coffee on your keyboard as you’re in such a hurry to consume the grub. No sir, we mean tottering to a lovely little cafe or restaurant and settling in for a couple of hours – starter, main, dessert, coffee, cheese and, of course, lots of chatter about work and other important matters including which wine to order. Let the creativity flow!

5. Relaxed Pace. While you’ll need to dress the part, with a suit and smart attire, punctuality tends to be fairly relaxed in France. So take your time in the morning, let your croissant and tea settle before dashing to your first meeting, knowing that a fairly flexible approach is taken to such matters.

6. Time Off. Once your meetings are over and done with, you can relax and decide how best to spend your afternoon, evening or weekend. Depending on whether you’re doing business in Paris or attending èvènements d’entreprise (we’re not telling you twice) in some idyllic location in the south of France, there will be plenty to do. From fine dining to pavement cafes, museums and diverse galleries, jazz clubs, chateaus and breathtaking scenery, France is perfect for the business traveller with a bit of spare time on his hands.

7. Language. Now you have an excuse to learn a bit of French, to acquire the language of love – knowing the language, even if it is rudimentary, will stand you in good stead when you meet colleagues at corporate events or attend a conference. Furthermore, it’ll make sightseeing that bit easier if you know how to order “a glass of champagne”, “your finest cake” or arrange your travel details for your next meeting location in France.

December 29, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Christmas Eve Is Better Than Christmas Day

If you were in the 7 Reasons club this time last year, no doubt you’ll be rushing down to the butchers today to celebrate The Day Of The Sausage. The rest of you, no doubt, will be eagerly awaiting tomorrow. Christmas Day. Arguably the best day of the year. Well, certainly in the top 365 anyway. Here at 7 Reasons we are not adverse to handing out gifts and this year you get yours a day early. It’s a special Christmas post from the undisputed King of Guest Posts, Richard O’Hagan. PS: When he’s not writing rude words in the snow he’s adding to his Memory Blog. Well worth a RSS Feed Subscription.

1. Anticipation. One of the best things about Christmas Eve is that it isn’t Christmas Day. Obviously. This means that it is the day when you reach the height of anticipation about the day to come. You can’t do anything more. The shops are shut and Amazon haven’t been able to piece together a next day delivery service for December 25th*, so you just have to kick back, relax and resign yourself to the fact that you can’t do anything to make Christmas any better, so you just have to look forward to the day to come. And you also get to build large toys whilst drunk. No-one who has ever tried to put together a tricycle at five to midnight ever forgets that experience, no matter how much Baileys they’ve downed beforehand (and no matter how hard they try to)

2. Food Choice. It’s only Christmas Eve, so you can eat what you damn well like. The mandatory turkey-fest is another day away and all dining options remain open to you. Which means that if you fancy getting a huge takeaway so that you can have the leftovers for breakfast on Christmas morning, you can do. Or you could have sausages.

3. TV. For all of the build up that the television companies give to the 25th, Christmas Eve television is infinitely better than Christmas Day’s offering. Aside from anything else, it tends not to be clogged up with octogenarians reading you their Christmas letter and Channel 4 trying far too hard to be trendy, not to mention the tired old sitcoms that weren’t that funny anyway being even less funny as they try to shoehorn a festive storyline into their archaic format.

4. Shopping. The shops being closed on Christmas Day isn’t a bad thing in general, but at least on Christmas Eve you can pop to Sainsbury’s if you run out of milk or, heaven forbid, booze.

5. Work. Admittedly this doesn’t apply to so many people this year, but over seventy percent of the time Christmas Eve is a work day. It is a great day to go to work for most, because almost nothing gets done, you get to go home early and someone pays you for working the full day. And if you do have to work properly, you get to feel all virtuous and Christmassy anyway because you are the only people working properly, so it is a win-win whichever way you look at it.

6. Lie-Ins. Whether you are working or not, you can be sure of one thing – you will get to sleep in longer on Christmas Eve than you will on Christmas Day. If you have small children, they will be up and wanting to open presents practically as soon as the clock passes midnight. If you have older children, you’re probably going to be woken up by your grandchildren instead. If you have no children, your partner will get over-excited and still wake you up early. And if you live alone, don’t worry, there will be a child wailing somewhere long before 7am to rouse you from your slumber. Get all the sleep you can on the 24th, because the 25th is going to hurt. Which is why you should make sure that you don’t run out of booze on the 24th.

7. Disappointment. Inevitably, Christmas Day cannot live up to all of the expectations. We build it up to be the perfect day of all days, so something has to go wrong – the turkey taking too long to cook, the neighbours calling in unexpectedly, Santa not bringing you the moon on a stick that you asked for. Christmas Day cannot help but be a disappointment. Christmas Eve never is, because at the end of it a fat bloke is going to give you a load of presents. And nothing is better than free presents, is it?

*In truth, they’ve not really worked out a delivery service for most of December, preferring the ‘give it to Yodel or City Link and hope the customer forgets ever ordering it’ option. One the things I ordered is presumably still in a locked empty flat where Yodel apparently delivered it a fortnight ago.

December 24, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons The Holiday Season Sucks

If you’re feeling really festive, we mean really festive, then today’s guest post from Louise Tillotson probably isn’t the kind of thing you wanted to read over your lunch break. On the other hand, though, if you bat for Team Scrooge this is the kind of thing you’ll want to read and share and read and share and read and share… (repeat to fade).

I like Christmas as much as the next person. Provided that person is, in fact, Scrooge. Bah humbug and all that…

But honestly, I do enjoy the festive period to an extent. The act of going out in the cold, wrapped up warmly, spending my hard-earned savings on things I don’t have to find space for in my already cluttered home is, to me, one of the joys of Christmas.

When you’re a grown-up, Christmas does kind of lose its appeal. But when you have kids of your own and see it through their eyes, it seems magical all over again.

Sadly, what those little eyes don’t see are the niggly little annoyances that now seem to ruin the season just that little bit more each year. I’m talking about…

1. Christmas Cards. Every year we send flimsy bits of cardboard with awful pictures on them to people we never see or speak to throughout the year. And every year we get flimsy bits of cardboard with awful pictures on them given to us which we then have to display in our homes in case the giver happens to drop by. Which is unlikely seeing as we haven’t seen or spoken to them all year…

2. The Weather. Do a Google image search for ‘Christmas’ and you immediately get thousands of pictures containing snow-covered cottages, trees festooned with lights, and jolly-looking snowmen made out of the purest white snow. Now look out of your window. See the grey slush laying forlornly in the gutter, the crumpled lump of grey and yellow matter with a single carrot poking out at an odd angle, the few dimly lit bulbs hanging on for dear life to a wilting bush…Doesn’t the sight just fill your heart with winter joy? No, I didn’t think so.

3. Strange Bearded Men. I am of course referring to Santa Claus, Father Christmas or whatever you call him in your family. There’s just something vaguely creepy about taking your beloved little one to sit on the knee of a strange man and confide in him all their secret wishes for the season. Or more realistically; start to cry hysterically, scream for mummy and wet themselves.

4. Cold Food. Maybe it was just the way my mother cooked it, but I always think of Christmas dinner as being a lot of cold stuff covered with thick gravy. There’s obviously an art to getting four types of vegetable, three types of potato, turkey and stuffing to the same hot temperature at the same time…and my mother never mastered it. Our turkey dinners always consisted of freezing cold meat, red hot gravy and tepid everything else. Which probably wouldn’t be so bad but the turkey is always far too large and you end up having it with every meal for a week afterwards.

5. Mandatory Alcohol. And when I say alcohol I don’t mean the tasty stuff that you’d choose to drink if you were at the pub. I’m talking about stuff like Babycham, the “wine” parents buy when they want to get their offspring amusingly drunk; and Advocaat, which looks like runny custard and smells like it’s been drunk already. And woe betide you if you don’t want to drink – you’ll have a glass of this cheap plonk out of a box and damn well enjoy it!

6. Decorations. I don’t mind what people have inside their homes, as I don’t have to look at it. I’m talking about the stuff people decorate the outside of their homes with. As far as I can tell, there are two rules every outside decorator thinks they must obey: the lights must be the brightest you can find, and if they don’t flash and/or cause a hazardous distraction to drivers, you’ve not used enough. For preference, you should also create your own Nativity/Farm/North Pole with brightly lit animal structures too, for that added tackiness.

7. Presents. Last but not least, we come to the gifts. Your granny is probably delegated to trot out the old adage “giving is better than receiving” but honestly, I think it’s true. Only by not receiving gifts can we avoid having to pretend to love the hideous pair of socks a lazy uncle has bought you, or the bath salts which you just know will make you smell like the inside of a pensioner’s handbag. There’s only so long you can wear a fake smile and feign delightedness so as not to offend your well-meaning but utterly clueless relatives.

December 13, 2011