7 Reasons

Tag: emails

  • 7 Reasons You Need To Improve Your Scamming Technique

    7 Reasons You Need To Improve Your Scamming Technique

    Scam Alert!

    I never once felt sorry for Bernadette. I probably should have done. After all, her Dad had just died in a plane crash leaving Bernadette to live with her evil mother. A mother she then ran away from and found safety in a run down orphanage. An orphanage without running water, electricity and warm bedding. In fact the only thing that kept the likes of Bernadette going was the super-fast BT Broadband connection. The truth is though, I didn’t care about any of this. I was much more interested in the money. Bernadette was offering me a lot of it. Millions of pounds worth. That was a lot of tea bags. Which is why I gave her my bank details. That was two years ago. He’s still borrowing my money now. That’s right, ‘he’. Bernadette turned out to be a bloke called Alfonso. I am now partly responsible for Nigeria’s heroin addiction and at least thirty-five murders. The only way I can get out of this mess is by winning the lottery. That way I can pay Alfonso the £1 Million he is now demanding and I get to keep my fingers. No wonder I got very excited the other day when this email arrived in the 7Reasons inbox:

    Your Email ID won!
    EuroMillion Lottery Intl. Program
    FOREIGN SERVICE SECTION BARCELONA.
    REFERENCE NUMBER: SOXW/HAWIR
    BATCH NUMBER: 2011/149 /BMQ

    OFFICIAL WINNING NOTIFICATION.

    We are pleased to inform you of the released results of the EuroMillions Corporations Sweepstakes Promotion in conjunction with foundations for the promotion of software products organized for Software users.

    This Program was held on 16th February , 2011, in Barcelona- Spain. Wherein your email address emerged as one of the online Winning emails in the 1st category and therefore attracted a cash award of EUR1,500,000.00 (One Million Five Hundred Thousand  Euros) and an Apple  laptop. Your laptop, certificate of winnings and your cheque of (EUR1 500,000.00 Euros) will be sent to your contact address in your location.

    Please take note, lucky winners will pay for their courier services delivery. EuroMillions corporations only provides lucky winners with a laptop and the sum of (EUR1 500,000.00 Euros) only. To file for claims of the release of your winnings, Contact the Customer Service Officer with the information below:

    1.FULL NAMES:
    2.ADDRESS:
    3.SEX:
    4.AGE:
    5.MARITAL STATUS:
    6.OCCUPATION:
    7.TELEPHONE NUMBER:
    8.COUNTRY
    9)BATCH NUMBER
    10) REFERENCE NUMBER

    Email: [email protected]
    Tel: +34 634 105 921
    Contact Person: Manuel Borreria [CSO]

    This Email Lottery is sponsored by Software development firms a Software Engineering Resource Consortium Companies. This internet E-mail draw is held periodically and is organized to encourage the use of the Internet products and promote computer literacy worldwide.

    Congratulations!!

    Sincerely,
    Mrs. Eva Lopez
    Online Coordinator

    For thirty seconds I got very excited and flexed my fingers in delight. But then I read it again and I realised a few things. This email was a scam! A scam! And it was so easy to spot. Here’s why the scammers drastically  need to improve their technique:

    1.  The Prize. I have won €1,500,000 and an Apple laptop. Obviously Mrs Eva Lopez is trying to stand out from the crowd here. She is trying to differentiate herself from her rivals by offering an incentive to claim the €1,500,000. In an already saturated market place it is a nice idea, but she lets herself down on the terminology. There is no such thing as an Apple laptop. It’s called a MacBook or a MacBook Pro. An understandable, but ultimately telling mistake.

    2.  The Address. Barcelona. That is far too nice a place to have your winnings sent from. Look at the base of any cereal packet and I guarantee you that the address you have to write to claim your prize is an industrial estate in Uckfield, East Sussex. That’s the way these things work. The scammers have failed by trying to be too exotic.

    3.  The Reference Number. SOXW/HAWIR. I’m not falling for that. This has quite clearly been copied from Mrs Eva Lopez’s to-do list, ‘Sort Out Xanthium Watering/Help A Witch In Rio’. It’s nothing short of laziness.

    4.  Courier Services. That’s right, I – the winner may I remind you – has to pay to get the money from somewhere in Barcelona to my lounge. This would never happen in the Lotto. If you win the Lotto Myleene Klass knocks on your door with a massive novelty sized cheque, a bottle of cheap fizz and a camera crew. It might be tacky, but it’s genuine.

    5.  Personal. The details they request are really rather prying. Take the third request for example, ‘sex’. What do I put here? ‘If I’ve been a good boy I earn the right to have a discussion about the possibility at a later date’? This is private information that should not be shared with anyone else. And quite frankly I don’t think my sexual prowess should stand in the way of €1,500,000. It never has before so why should Lopez think differently?

    6.  The Aim. As you will note from the bottom of this email, the mission behind the E-Mail Lottery is to promote computer literacy. While this is to be applauded surely Lopez would be better off sending the email to someone who doesn’t really know about computers and thus more susceptible to falling victim to scam emails. That way they may actually try and claim their winnings. Obvious really.

    7.  Repetition. I had the same email last November. Only a scammer would think that because they caught me out once they can do it again. Idiots.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: The Words Behind The Words Behind The Reasons.

    Russian Roulette Sunday: The Words Behind The Words Behind The Reasons.

     

    It’s Russian Roulette Sunday and this week we thought we’d give you a flavour of the creative process that goes into 7 Reasons.   A lot of correspondence is generated through the running of this website – much of it more bizarre than the stuff we usually post.  It entertains us, so we thought we’d post an out of context glimpse at it.  We’ve been inspired to do this by the brilliant internet phenomenon, sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com.  It seems that the entire world has being reading that.  We’re pretty sure that there are octogenarian Japanese soldiers on desert islands still fighting World War II, unaware that it has ended, that have been reading that blog this week.  We’d like to pay homage to them by bringing you…(Deep movie-trailer voice)

    The Words Behind The Words Behind The Reasons

    “Interestingly, if you swap the H and M around from Helen Mead you get Melen Head.”

    “A siren is audible in the background when my name is mentioned. This is unsettling.”

    “I have no other feedback, but I am conditioned to working in sevens.”

    “Sorry for the length of this email, it was meant to be short. I suppose anything is better than putting tinsel up”

    “I don’t care if I am deemed to be a bad sport.”

    “The current situation is that I am a genius and everything is working again.”

    “I loathe revisionism, but I think it’s justified…I’m pretty sure that no one will notice if it disappears.”

    “If I haven’t tweeted by about midday tomorrow, it is not because I’m not near a computer, it is because I’m spinning the tag cloud around. I find the way that it moves absolutely mesmerising. In fact, I’m off to play with it now.”

    “You’ve probably grasped the concept just by looking at the picture. It’s a tombola”

    “While writing this I came up with a fifth possible (and became Donald Rumsfeld).”

    “You basically want to steal my Jolly Interesting ideas and pass them off as 7 Reasons’ own? I like your style.”

    “Then I went to the bathroom and had an idea. I wasn’t even in the bath, just near it.”

    “Anything with a half naked woman goes down well with me. Even a photoshopped half-naked woman. She’s like our mascot.”

    “There is always a rogue apostrophe. Just like a Bond Villain would leave a bullet, I leave an apostrophe. It’s my calling card.”

    “Surprisingly enough I do have a postal address. Are you sending me a mug?”

    “I don’t know what the opposite of “hurrah” is, but imagine that it says that here.”

    “You’ve been on fire this week. Thirteen hours early sometimes, but on fire.”

    “Realising a tie points to your penis and using it as a comedic observation is quirky; Realising a tie points to your penis and looking it up on the internet is weird. A fine line, admittedly.”

    “I have just broken the internet. Nice touch!”

    “I retire.”

    “I believe that I have addressed all of the things that I needed to and more (except for thumbs)”

    “I’m fairly certain that we can say the wrong thing seven more times.”

    “Feel free to do a celebratory dance.”

    “Being back at my parents who live without wi-fi means I may be slow when it comes to replying to emails. Or I may just be ignoring you.”

    “…we can announce that the 2010 logo will be auricularly-challenged Post-Impressionist painter, Vincent Van Gogh.”

    “Sarah, via the medium of the comments section, is criticising your “leavc” typo in the post…you might also want to swap the “Ike” for “Icke”, “Barak” for “Barack” and “Lettermen” for “Letterman” which she has failed to notice, before she does.”

    “Congratulations on being a genius. It feels good doesn’t it?”

    “Didn’t I suggest a film the other week? Stop stealing the best ideas.”

    “I have some issues with you ending up with Sandra Bullock and me getting the eye from what could be an amorous polar bear confused by my strange hat/scarf thing (a harf? A scat?), it doesn’t look like that will end well.”

    “They are on my browser. Maybe your computer was just cold last night.”

    “Aryan Fraulein dating sounds like a niche market to me, but maybe one we could exploit.”

    “My body may sleep, the 7 Reasons portion of my brain does not.”

    “I can’t overstate how categorically The Great Outdoors and Cliffhanger_1 aren’t there.”

    “I’ll be standing on the desk, arms aloft, running around impersonating an aeroplane and at least two other things.”

    “You’re like Richard Bacon to my Arlo White.”

    “Ask the next person you see to pat you on the back. That should work.”

    “I always feel out of my comfort zone writing about sport. Norman Mailer wrote about sport. Hemingway wrote about sport. It’s quite intimidating company.”

    “You’re like Lynne Truss to my er..Lynne Truss.”

    “I have no problem with you leaving the apology in, you’ll be pleased to know. I accept it.”

    “I was hoping that we might “break” America. That we’ve gone over well in Widnes is scant consolation, though I concede that it would be bloody funny if it happened to someone else, or in a sitcom.”