7 Reasons

Tag: Elephants

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Go On Safari

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Go On Safari

    Going on safari should certainly give you plenty to write home about! Here are seven other good reasons to think about booking one.

    7 Reasons To Go On Safari
    Photo by prise69

    1.  Because African Wildlife Is So Much More Interesting Than British Wildlife. Since Sir Ewen of Lochiel slayed the last wolf in Britain in 1680 there has been a distinct lack of interesting animals on British shores. With UK farmers expressing reservations about ideas to re-introduce bears, lynx and wolves to Albion’s countryside, intrepid travellers must go abroad to try and catch glimpses of the beautiful but dangerous wild animals which have roamed the earth since the dawn of mankind.

    A glance at television wildlife programmes shows the gulf between the variety and quality of British wildlife compared to that found on an African safari. While shows such as Springwatch concentrates on the nesting progress of chaffinches and Blue Tits, Safari Vet School focusses on lions’, elephants’, rhinos’ and giraffes’ glorious fight for survival.

    African wildlife or British wildlife: in terms of variety and exoticism there really is no competition.

    2.  Safaris Keep You Fit. The TV programme Safari Vet School does paint a slightly distorted picture of how physically taxing an African safari break is – you are unlikely to spend all day chasing lions with tranquilised darts in their body as the young vets did in one episode.

    However, a typical safari in Africa will involve lots of healthy activities in the fresh air; walking safaris are particularly popular in this fascinating continent.

    And if you want to combine long hikes with relaxing on golden sands then bear in mind that countries like Tanzania offer beach-and-bush holidays.

    3.  To Brush Up Your Photography Skills. Going on holiday shouldn’t be all about collecting holiday photographs which are more interesting that the ones your friends have displayed on Facebook. But let’s face it, it often is.

    Your long-lens photo of a lion staring at you in the Masai Mara is sure to trump those blurred photos of the Eiffel Tower your annoying neighbours have just posted.

    4.  It’s A Good Excuse To Wear Great Fashions. Safari styles never seem to go out of fashion. While it’s considered a fashion faux-pas to wear animal print accessories when checking in at a safari lodge, khaki clothing and belted bush jackets look as good on safari as they do on the catwalk.

    5.  You’ve Seen The Film, Now See The Place. Films like Out of Africa and African Queen have put safari culture on the map and showcased the beauty of the African continent. African Queen, which starred Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn, was filmed in Uganda and the Congo. Out of Africa was shot in Kenya. Any places which are part of Hollywood history must be worth visiting.

    6.  Because The Royals Love Safaris. The British Royal Family has long been a fan of the safari experience. Queen Elizabeth II was staying in a Kenyan treetop safari lodge when she learned that she was to become Queen and her immediate family have all at one time or another gone on safari to escape the stresses of daily court life. Maybe you’ll see a member of the Royal Household through your binoculars when you’re trying to catch a glimpse of wildlife in Africa.

    7.  To Emulate David Attenborough And Wildlife Cameramen. Just how do cameramen capture extraordinary footage of Big Game in the wild? And why do camera operators never shout out a helpful warning to a creature if it’s being stalked by a predator?

    You might well have a better understanding of the qualities needed by cameramen if you go on an African safari. Patience and the ability to stay silent are probably two of the main necessary attributes.

    If you’ve got these then you’re ideally qualified to get the most from a safari!

    Author Bio: James Christie writes for safari specialists Safari Consultants. Contact Safari Consultants to find out more about tailor-made safaris in Africa.

  • 7 Reasons Not To Ignore The Elephant In The Room

    7 Reasons Not To Ignore The Elephant In The Room

    Come on, hands up. How many of you have noticed an elephant in the room and then just turned the other cheek? Be honest. Well that was very risky of you. Don’t you know the dangers? In keeping with tradition, here are seven, yes seven, reasons why ignoring it was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Just wrong.

    Banksy Elephant In The Room

    1.  Love. If an elephant has entered your room there are a number of possibilities as to why. Maybe they’re lost? Maybe you’re lost (and elephant’s trunk)? Maybe they’re bored of the savanna and now want to live in Bolton? Whichever it is, ignoring them is not the way to go. The chances are they will be nervous, afraid and sceptical of their new surroundings, so the least you can do is make them feel loved and welcome.

    2.  Damage. Elephants are big lumps of meat and probably not too dexterous when it comes to tight spaces. As a result you need to watch it like a hawk. If you so much as glance back at facebook you could find yourself losing that impending insurance claim. If the elephant treads on the coffee table and the TV and the wife, but you’ve been too busy poking some fifteen year-old on the internet to notice, well, it’s just going to be your word against the elephants. And people just don’t beat elephants. At anything.

    3.  Water. This will affect those of you who have a water meter more than those who just pay for the buffet ‘all you can use’ service. Elephants like water. Sometimes they like spraying it at clowns, but for the most part they like drinking it and washing themselves with it. Unlike the bush, your home probably has water on tap. If that elephant gets anywhere near your kitchen you are going to be consolidating your debts quicker than you can say ‘Accident Help Line’.

    4.  Sticky Buns. I have no idea whether elephants and their carnal desires towards sticky buns is in fact a truth or merely a myth. The last place I want to discover if it is the former however, is in my lounge. As a result the elephant shall not move from my line of vision. And if you don’t want an elephant sucking on your weekly pleasure, I suggest you do the same.

    5.  Mates. Don’t be so naive as to think the elephant is alone. Chances are, half his/her pride are waiting outside while he/she checks out places to stay for the night. Perhaps they are headed to Scotland for the Elephant Polo World Championships? But don’t think about heading off to the study to research this on Wikipedia, because if you disappear for  evne just a split-second Babar and his mates will be flying through that hole in the wall and making them selves comfy on the sawdust. Or the sofa as it was known earlier that day.

    6.  Hunters. Sadly, you are not the only endangered species here. It is quite possible that the elephant is hiding at yours because some git is after his/her tusks. I can’t believe for a minute that you are pro-elephant hunting, so you won’t let it back on the street, will you? Instead you must protect it. And protecting it means keeping an eye on it at all times. If you let it wander off to the kitchen alone the hunter will see his opportunity. He won’t waste a moment. Before you know it he will have popped his weapon through the cat flap and fired off rapidly. You’d need more than a Kleenex to clear up that mess.

    7.  Comfort. Or lack of it. The elephant in the room is glaring. The elephant in the room makes everyone uncomfortable. The elephant in the room is a hindrance to achievement. The elephant in the room scares the cat. The elephant in the room keeps squashing unused lemons into the carpet. It’s getting ridiculous. It’s time to stop ignoring it. You must deal with the elephant now. Right now. It’ll be for the best. We promise.

  • 7 Reasons The Sinclair C5 Was Destined To Fail

    7 Reasons The Sinclair C5 Was Destined To Fail

    The Sinclair C5 was relentlessly ridiculed. And quite rightly so, it was rubbish. Any Industrial Design & Technology graduate/person will tell you that. But if they had just made a few small changes, it could have sold at least 500 more units.

    Sinclair C5

    1.  Women. Quite why Sir Clive Sinclair thought his bucket-on-wheels was going to appeal to a market that needs to check make-up upon arrival at destination, is anyone’s guess. But he did. And he was wrong. If only he had doubled one of the wheels up as a mirror. Sure, it may have looked a bit ‘bling’, but it would probably have appealed to the ever growing pimping community.

    2.  Date. Unfortunately for Sir Clive, he decided to launch the Sinclair C5 on 10th January 1985. It just so happened that the Viennese zither player, Anton Karas, passed away that day. And as we all know, a zither is much more powerful than a Sinclair C5. The 11th January 1985 was a very slow news day. If only Clive had waited 24 hours.

    3.  Hills. Always a bit annoying having to get out of your vehicle and push it up a hill isn’t it? Which is why the Sinclair C5 should have come with a tow rope. Or a map that just showed hills that went down.

    4.  Stirling Job. Getting Sir Stirling Moss to promote the Sinclair C5 may have seemed like a stroke of genius, but they really should have prepped him first. “Just treat it as if you are riding a bicycle,” probably wasn’t quite the ringing endorsement Clive was after.

    5.  Washing Machines Live Longer With Sinclair. There is an urban myth that says the Sinclair C5 was powered by a washing machine motor. It’s a myth because although the motor manufacturers, Polymotor, do supply to the washing machine industry, they also manufacture torpedo motors. Unfortunately, it is true that the body work of the Sinclair C5 was manufactured by Hoover. Clive should have waited for Dyson. Then maybe I wouldn’t be trying to think of witicisms that involve ‘Sinclair C5’ and ‘cleaning up’.

    6.  Britain. Sir Clive’s biggest mistake was probably that he tried to sell the Sinclair C5 in Britain. Not only did Britain already have things called cars, it also had weather. And sadly it was never very good. If Sir Clive had been any good at geography, he would have realised that the Sahara desert would be a much better place for his bits of plastic. If it had come with a spade too, the owners could have made sandcastles.

    7.  Elephants. There is a joke about elephants and minis that I have never really understood. It goes something like this. Q: How many elephants can you fit in a Mini? A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back. Hilarious it may not be, but it does at least make you think of four elephants. In a Mini. Now that’s a terrific endorsement for both Minis and elephant dieting tips if ever I have heard one. So now let’s try it with the Sinclair C5. Q: How many elephants can you fit in a Sinclair C5? A:

    Elephant sits on Sinclair C5

  • 7 Reasons I Should Sue Disney

    Disney might have a reputation for making child friendly animations, but each and every one of them gave me nightmares. And I can’t be alone. The animators did some bloody scary things when they were colouring in.

    Nightmare 1.  Snow White And The Seven Dwarves. The Queen in Snow White concocts a potion and turns into my then next-door neighbour. As a result of not being able to bring myself to go next door, Disney owe me £45.75. (Or 22 tennis balls, one football and three badminton shuttlecocks).

    [youtube l9GJtM9lN-I Snow White – Queen Becomes The Witch]

    Nightmare 2.  Jungle Book. The slippery snake that is Kaa decides to make his eyes go all funny. Disney owe me two years worth of eyes as that is how long I spent not looking directly at people.

    [youtube TRASn4tcXFE Jungle Book – Kaa Hypnotizes Mowgli]

    Nightmare 3.  The Little Mermaid. The ugliest creation ever. And she wanted to hurt Ariel. Disney owe me a £5000 Hackett voucher for the clothes I ruined using lesser quality soap powders. They only have themselves to blame. If they’d called her Daz…

    [youtube LG8qwzUE1jE The Little Mermaid – Ursula The Witch]

    Nightmare 4.  Fantasia. The whole film was nightmare enough. How long did it last? Two weeks or something? This scene inparticular gave me the creeps though. Dancing broomsticks. Well, actually, not just dancing broomsticks. Dancing broomsticks and a haunting musical accompaniment. Disney owe me house cleaner.

    [youtube R-7Qar1lFjo Fantasia – The Sorcerer’s Apprentice]

    Nightmare 5.  Lady And The Tramp. Not only did the siamese cats look scary, the bloody song made them terrifying. Disney owe me a pet.

    [youtube TpPGE_SKtA4 Lady And The Tramp – Siamese Cats]

    Nightmare 6.  Dumbo. Elephants made out of bubbles. Need I say more. This is probably the single most scary act in any Disney film ever. Disney owe me 3000 litres of soapy water as this is how much I threw out instead of making bubbles from it. You know, just in case.

    [youtube RJv2Mugm2RI Dumbo – Pink Elephants On Parade]

    Nightmare 7.  Bambi’s Mum Dies. Why? Why did this have to happen? What had Bambi’s mum done to the bastard who shot her? From the very moment I saw this – when cinema tickets cost about £1.90 – I was scarred. Disney owe me a deer. Called ‘Mother’.

    [youtube -eHr-9_6hCg Bambi – Bambi’s Mum Dies]