7 Reasons

Tag: Characters

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Take Part In The Next Fancy Dress Marathon

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Take Part In The Next Fancy Dress Marathon

    For most people, the mere idea of running a 26-mile marathon is liable to induce feelings of discomfort and possibly a little unwanted sweating. But to do it dressed as a giant vegetable? That’s just silly. So why do people do it?

    7 Reasons To Take Part In The Next Fancy Dress Marathon
    1.  Fun. Fancy dress is undoubtedly fun. Whether hiring costumes from a shop or assembling them DIY-style, the possibilities are almost endless. Runners have appeared as superheroes, vehicles, plants, planets and beasts of all shapes and sizes.

    On the day, the camaraderie between those in fancy dress makes the experience highly enjoyable. The crowds always give an extra cheer for those who’ve made an effort. The fancy dress crew provide a much-needed antidote to the frowning seriousness of the professional runners.

    2.  Charity. Many marathons require that runners raise a certain amount of money for charity in order to enter. Unfortunately, with the global economy in exceedingly poor shape, it’s harder than ever to convince people to donate. Research has shown that people are far more likely to give to charity if the asker can make them smile. What better way than presenting them with the mental image of a giant sweaty sausage?

    3.  Personal Achievement. Everyone needs a goal in life. For some, it’s finding the nearest take-away. For others, it’s a matter of finding a suitable challenge. Running a marathon is one of the many endurance-style feats undertaken by those hoping to better themselves. For those who’ve already finished a marathon, doing another one – but this time wearing fancy dress – is the logical next step.

    4.  Strength. Children’s fancy dress costumes aside, the average adult outfit adds around 16kg to a runner’s weight. Running around with this added mass will increase core strength. Perhaps more importantly, it’ll also increase mental strength and resilience.

    7 Reasons To Take Part In The Next Fancy Dress Marathon

    5.  Health. The resting heart rate of the average person is approximately 80 beats a minute. For fitter people, such as those entering marathons, it can be as low as 50 beats a minute. To get super fit, people try to keep their heart rate within a target zone for sustained periods. This is easier in fancy dress, where the extra exertion keeps the heart pumping.

    Other health benefits from donning a costume include rapid calorie burning and an increase in high-density lipoprotein – the so-called ‘good’ cholesterol. For those trying to detox, wearing fancy dress will almost double the amount of fluid lost through sweating.

    6.  Kudos. New acquaintances at the pub will be amazed, or confused, by the commitment required to run far wearing a lot. Whatever the response, it’s a good start to a conversation. And any potential love interests will always choose enormous running chickens over regularly dressed people.

    7.  Masochism. Let’s face it, some people like a little suffering. What better way to suffer than to run for miles clad head-to-toe in faux fur, plastic and other non-breathable man-made materials? When the Sunday Telegraph newspaper monitored a man running in a chicken suit, it found that his body temperature rose to 40C (104F). Tortuous indeed.

  • 7 Reasons Modern Cluedo Is Murder

    7 Reasons Modern Cluedo Is Murder

    I’m not really paying too much attention as Rob sets up the game. I’m too busy hitting my phone against my knee in an attempt to try and make the Eurosport app work.

    “Who do you want to be?” he asks.

    “Colonel Mustard,” I reply. I’m always Colonel Mustard.

    “You’ll have to be Jack Mustard.”

    “Pardon?”

    “There’s no Colonel Mustard anymore. It’s Jack Mustard.”

    I get up and move to the table. I look at the scene in front of me. Oh crikey! Oh blimey! Oh deary, deary me! Cluedo has changed! I don’t like it. I haven’t even started playing yet, but I instinctively know I don’t like it.

    7 Reasons Modern Cluedo Is Murder

    1.  The Characters. They’ve all changed. They’ve all been… modernised! Colonel Mustard is now Jack Mustard. A former football player come pundit. Think Jamie Redknapp. I don’t want to play Cluedo as Jamie Redknapp. But what are the other options? Kasandra Scarlett, an egotistical ‘actress’. Think Kerry Katona. I don’t want to play as her either. Then we have Diane White, a former child-star still waiting for her moment of fame. Then there’s Jacob Green, the former white reverend turned black cool dude. Eleanor Peacock isn’t much better. She’s the wealthy daughter of a former politician. Presumably one who is in prison following the expenses scandal. Finally we have Victor Plum, a video game designer and self-made millionaire. And they’re all tits.

    2.  The Weapons. Rope? Check. Candlestick? Check. Dagger? Sort of. It’s now a knife. Revolver? Check. Lead Pipe? No check. It’s now a baseball bat. A baseball bat?! If you’re going to update it at least make it a cricket bat! Spanner? No check. It’s now a dumbbell. And we have new weapons too. There’s some poison, an axe and a trophy. Which no doubt belongs to Jack ‘Wholegrain’ Mustard. Probably his ‘Knob Of The Year’ award.

    3.  The Rooms. Can I read a book in the conservatory? No I can’t. That’s because Kasandra has had the builders in and replaced it with a spa. Also out is the ball room, the cellar, the billiard room, the library, the study and the lounge. Replacing them in the Chigwell manor is a patio, a pool, a theatre, a living room, an observatory and a guest house.

    4.  The Cards. Apart from having a make-over, there are new cards. Intrigue cards. The name, sadly, defies their being. The Intrigue cards are formed of two kinds. Keepers and Clocks. Draw a Keeper card and you get to look at another player’s cards. Draw a Clock card and you might be killed off by the murder. If this happens you are out of the game. What’s wrong with that you may ask? Well quite a lot. I got killed off on my second go. Which meant Rob had no option but to make an accusation. He was wrong. Game over in four minutes.

    5.  The Name. It’s not even called Cluedo anymore. It’s called Cluedo: Discover The Secrets. Has there ever been a more unnecessary sub-name in the history of board gaming? Actually, in gaming full-stop? No, scrap that. Has there ever been a more unnecessary sub-name? Ever.

    6.  The Design. I won’t lie to you, it’s gone to tackville. The simplicity, charm and vintage style of the original has been thrown into the bin of class to be replaced by smug looks and bright colours. It’s abhorrent. It’s vulgar. It’s vomit-inducing. It’s enough to make Professor’s Plums shrivel.

    7.  The Result. I lost. I had never lost a game of ‘traditional’ Cluedo in my life. I was family champion year after year after year. I was so good that whenever I asked school mates if they wanted a game at break-time they would immediately say no and call me a ‘freak’. Yes, I was so good that they had to resort to petty name calling and writing false accusations about me on the toilet wall. This modern version killed me. Again and again and again. I will not be playing it again. Again.