7 Reasons

Tag: Bernie Taupin

  • 7 Reasons That Sorry Isn’t The Hardest Word

    7 Reasons That Sorry Isn’t The Hardest Word

    Sorry is the hardest word*, we are led to believe.  But it isn’t.  It’s amongst the easiest.  Here are seven reasons why.

    The word sorry written in white on a red background

    1.  It’s Short.   There are far longer and more difficult words in the English language:  triskaidekaphobia, for example, or antidisestablishmentarianism.  They’re much trickier:  Try using them at a bar and you’ll inevitably trip over your tongue and come across as a slurring dunderhead, even if you’re not.

    2.  It’s Not Laden With Terror. Sorry; a hard word?  Try saying Coulrophobia.  It’s not only longer, with more syllables, but it evokes both clowns and fear.  Clowns!  Fear!  Yeah, that’s a harder word.  Say “Coulrophobia“ without stuttering.  Or shuddering.  Or checking over your shoulder.  Have a quick check now, you’ll feel better.

    3.  It’s Ubiquitous.  Politicians of all parties, and husbands who’ve got carried away at parties (if you will hold a party in a house next to a golf course, you’re asking for trouble) have spent many years proving that sorry is bloody easy to say.  It’s a lot easier to get the apology in early rather than spend years in the political wilderness, or doghouse (or actual wilderness if you’re married in Montana).  I’m tempted to say that nothing is easier to say than sorry. But that’s not true.  Sorry is easier to say than nothing.  It doesn’t have the tricky th sound in the middle and ends in a vowel.

    4.  Allusion.  You don’t even need to say “sorry” to say sorry; you can just hand over chocolates or flowers.  Which means that anyone with access to the local confectioner or graveyard can say sorry without saying anything at all.  Couldn’t be easier.

    5.  Comparison.  Press, solid, rock, hulk, force, Chuck, iron, bang, kill, Norris, clap, strike, pound,   All harder words than sorry.  Every last one of them.  As is hard.

    6.  Fired.  I’ve had to tell people that I’ve fired over the years many things.  And trust me, sorry was almost always the easiest part of the statement.  Easier than incompetent, feckless, unreliable, dishonest, tardy, lazy and unstable (which is not a crap version of the seven dwarves, by the way). “I’m sorry, we’re going to have to let you go.  It’s not that we have a problem with you personally, or the standard of your work, it’s more the thousands of pounds that you’ve embezzled from the company during your time here.  Sorry.”

    7.  Nationality.  Because I’m an Englishman and, to me, sorry is the default word.  It just pops-out whenever anything unexpected happens.  Someone bumps into me: “Sorry”.  Someone tries to put their letter through my hand while I’m using a post-box:  “Sorry”.  Someone drives their 4×4 at me on the pavement because the road isn’t wide enough: “Sorry (though it is sarcastic in this case)”.  Sorry is the easiest word.  It’s just there.  Saying itself, even when you don’t want it to.

    *There is an Elton John and Bernie Taupin song entitled Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.  This is coincidental.  It is not Elton John week at 7 Reasons(.org).  Nor is it Bernie Taupin week.  Sorry about that.

  • 7 Reasons Sir Elton Might Like To Take A Look At His Own Songs

    7 Reasons Sir Elton Might Like To Take A Look At His Own Songs

    Hello, I’m back. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, that is not enough to make your Tuesday. As a result I shall also furnish your day with a 7 Reasons post. You may have heard that Sir Elton John has been having a pop at the songwriters of today. According to the BBC, he thinks they’re awful. ‘Fair enough’, I thought, ‘but let’s just have a listen to some of Elton’s stuff to find out how much better he was’. The results are staggering. Here are 7 Reasons Elton should probably listen to his Greatest Hits again.*

    Elton John

    1. Song – Your Song. Lyric – “I don’t have much money but boy if I did, I’d buy a big house where we both could live.” It’s hardly the stuff of Chaucer, Hardy or Dickens is it?

    2.  Song – Crocodile Rock. Lyric – “But the biggest kick I ever got,
was doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock,
while the other kids were rocking round the clock,
we were hopping and bopping to the Crocodile Rock.” I know this song is self-referential, but even so, it’s still a load of nonsense. I wouldn’t have thought the hallmark of a great songwriter was to make up some stupid dance name. I suspect Elton would laugh in Marc’s face if Mr Fearns approached him with the 7 Reasons Shuffle. Especially if he was wearing my mask.

    3.  Song – Daniel. Lyric – “Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane, I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain.” How convenient Daniel was going to Spain. Mind you, I suppose if he had been going to Derry he could have caught the ferry. Just a shame they don’t do a tram to Iran really.

    4.  Song – Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting. Lyric – “It’s getting late have you seen my mates, Ma tell me when the boys get here, it’s seven o’clock and I want to rock, want to get a belly full of beer.” Hardly the sort of message one wants to be sending out. Elton John and Grand Theft Auto have a lot to answer for.

    5.  Song – Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me. Lyric – All of them. This song is a cliche. From start to finish. In that respect, the songwriting is awful. It also doesn’t address the solution to the sun going down, which, in most parts of the world, is to switch on the light. Or light a candle. Actually, I’m glad Elton never lit a candle, he’d have probably written a song about it.

    6.  Song – Honky Cat. Lyric – “When I look back, boy I must have been green, bopping in the country, fishing in a stream.” I’m not a cynic, but I find it very hard to believe that anyone who is green and bops in the country also goes down to fish in the stream. I think it has more to do with the fact that it rhymes. Personally, for all the sense this song makes, I would have preferred it to have been, ‘When I look back, yowzer I must have been blond, chugging in the hamlet, pissing in a pond’. But I guess the tempo is not quite the same with that is it?

    7.  Song – Rocket Man. Lyric – “Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids.” No, neither is Preston. Talk about stating the bloody obvious. And whose idea was it to write a song about a fictional astronaut going on a fictional journey to Mars anyway?

    *Edit: In response to all of you who told me Bernie Taupin wrote the lyrics and not Elton, yes, I do know this. Elton still saw the lyrics fit enough to sing though. As a result, this post passes muster.