Tag: Annoy

Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Still Visit Greece

It might be beset by strikes and economic problems but it’s still a great place to visit. Here’s why…

The Acropolis: It will be nice when it’s finished. Photo by Dan Cross.

1. It’s Cheap. It is terrible to think of Greek people struggling with lower wages and higher prices but there are some fantastic holiday offers for Britons to take advantage of by visiting Greece. Some tour operators are cutting the price of Greek holidays by up to 60 per cent. This effectively means that you can get two holidays for the price of one – if you can find anyone to travel with you.

2. Citizen Journalism Opportunities. With strikes and protests common on the streets of Athens there are plenty of fantastic opportunities for British citizen journalists to cut their teeth by recording some great front-line footage. A quick look at internet forums show that many Greek people think that reports of anarchy in their country have been greatly exaggerated. Are they right? There’s only one way of finding out…

3. To Annoy William Hague. British Foreign Secretary William Hague clearly isn’t keen on Britons travelling to Greece. In February he incurred the wrath of tour operators by announcing plans to evacuate Britons from Greece in the event of major civil unrest. Britons have never liked being told what to do and, just like Bluebeard telling his wives that they must never enter his forbidden room, discouraging us from going somewhere just excites our determination to do just that.

4. To Support Our Fellow European Nations. Even a cursory glance at the film Captain Corelli’s Mandolin shows us just how much the Greek people suffered during the Second World War. Now is the time to join together and support a fellow European nation in their hour of need.

5. To Annoy The Germans. The Germans are clearly not happy about bailing out the Greeks. Expressing support for Greece – by visiting their beautiful country – could well provoke the ire of a nation with which it has a troubled relationship (again, see Captain Correlli’s Mandolin).

6. To See Sights Of Great Sporting Importance. Greece is the cradle of sporting civilisation – this is where the Olympics began many moons ago. So British sports fans should feel very at home when visiting the ancient crumbling sites where Greek gladiators fought for their livelihood.

7. To Escape The Olympic Hype. Alternatively, if you’re a Briton who is not keen on sport and wants to escape the Olympic hype this summer then Greece is just the place to visit. Touring the ancient crumbling remains of the country offers the perfect escape route and might afford a frightening glimpse of what London’s Olympic Stadium could look like in a few years’ time!

Author Bio: James Christie writes for airport parking and hotel provider BookFHR. If you’re travelling to Greece, do so in style by booking a hotel near Gatwick for the night before your flight.

April 27, 2012
7 Reasons To Smile At A Stranger

The other week I came across a nice little campaign from a New York City-based good karma deliverer. Going by the name of Urban Muser, he/she is leaving notes in subway stations and on trains encouraging people to smile at strangers. And then other people, from all over the world, are doing it too. It’s a lovely idea, simply but effectively executed. We should smile at strangers more. Here’s why:

Smile At A Stranger by Kim Tackett

1. Love. It’s easily done. You’re sitting on the bus and bham! your future wife/husband sits in the seat opposite you. You don’t know them. You’ve never seen them before in your life, but something deep down in your loins says this is the one for you. So, what do you do? Do you carry on reading the paper and hope they come over and ravish you right then and there or do you take matters into your own hands? All you have to do is catch their eye and smile at them. The chances are they’ll immediately turn away, but don’t fret this is natural instinct. They’ll turn back. And when they do, smile again. If they smile back, you’re in. If they don’t, never mind. Just make sure you get off at the next stop. You don’t want to be accused of stalking.

2. Opinions. Maybe you’ve just had a session in the dentist’s chair and now want an opinion on your freshly cleaned pearly whites. Smile at someone. If they whip out their sunglasses you’ll know your dentist has done a good job. If they ask you if you’d like to borrow a bit of dental floss, you know you’ve just been ripped off.

3. Cracked It. Have you noticed that people find chimpanzees and monkeys cute? This can’t be because they pick both their noses and bottoms. That’s disgusting. It must be because they have a cheeky smile. So the next time someone catches you with your hand down your pants just smile at them. They’ll immediately fall for you.

4. Annoy. If someone is annoying you, don’t fire the staple-gun at their head again, smile at them. And don’t stop. Get in their face and smile at them. Even when they ask you what you’re smiling at, don’t stop. Don’t even speak. Just keep smiling. I guarantee that within two minutes they will be far more hacked off with you than you were with them. Especially if you follow them into the toilets and peer over the cubicle door.

5. Intrigue. Just go and sit in a cafe and smile at your fellow coffee drinkers. They’ll wonder what on earth you are smiling at. They’ll be intrigued by you. Are you coming on to them? Are you a spy? Do they have froth on their top lip? Just don’t smile at the girl with the big boyfriend. Especially if you are with your own girlfriend.

6. Reactions. When I was a schoolboy, I was cool. Whenever I went off to another school in the minibus to play rugby or cricket or hockey or other posh-boy sports (like chess), I used to smile and wave at random people as we passed by. In wasn’t a casual smile and wave though, this was a smile and wave that screamed, ‘Hello! I know you!’. The double-takes were priceless. In the minibus I was heralded a genius. Though when in France I accompanied it with a “Salut!” and a boy on a bike very nearly killed himself under a lorry. So you’ve go to choose your moments wisely. An you can do too much. So my advice is don’t do the French shouting to start with. Or the waving. Build it up over a period of time. To begin with, just smile as you walk past someone. A smile that says, ‘I know you!’. You’ll enjoy it, I promise. One day, if you’re lucky, you might become cool too.

7. Contagious. Smiling, like laughing, is contagious. According to the Guinness World Record website, there is no world-record for the number of people smiling at once. (Though, incidentally, I have just set it with the grand total of one). Therefore, why not try and set one. Smile at as many strangers as you can and hope that they smile enough to catch someone else’s eye. Then they’ll smile and the cycle will begin. Eventually everyone in the world will be smiling. And that’s a world record that can’t be broken. Here’s a picture of Jon and Marc smiling to get you started.

October 11, 2011
7 Reasons To Like Andy Murray

I know what you’re thinking, ‘Blimey! He’s gone for the impossible post!’ To think like that though, is to underrate my brilliance. Or is it naivety? Either way I am going to do what Andy Murray’s PR Agency has consistently failed to do. Make the miserable, moaning, anti-English, I-don’t-wanna-play-for-the-Davis-Cup-team, tennis supremo, look amiable. Wish me luck.

1. He Always Comes Back. At least when Murray loses, he fronts up, comes back and takes the flack. And you can’t say that about all Scots. Anyone seen that Scottish Prime Minister we once had?

2. Money Is Nothing To Him. Andy has confirmed that he would happily play tennis for free. Which is tremendous of him. I would like to announce here and now that I wish to take him up on his offer. All prize money should now be sent to me. Thanks.

3. Judy Murray. If you don’t like Andy, start now. You are disliking the wrong Murray. Judy is the annoying one. She is the one who thinks Wimbledon is too traditional. And she’s smug. It’s not a good combination. I just look at her and feel annoyed. Try it. It makes you respect Andy. I mean, he has to put up with her all the time.

4. He Has Restraint. You have to hand it to Andy, how he hasn’t punched Gary Richardson yet is something of a miracle. Along with 90% of the nation, he always looks like he wants to. Whenever he tries to walk from the practice courts to the locker-room, Richardson is there, asking stupid bloody questions. ‘How did practice go today, Andy?’, ‘How are you going to play today, Andy?’, ‘Are they your balls Andy?’. And if that’s not enough, Richardson then does the immediate post-match interview, which, without fail, goes like this, ‘Well done. You’ve won. What’s your reaction?’ Come to think of it, if Murray thumped him then I’d probably like him even more.

5. COME ON! Remember the days of the Tim Henman fist clench and the whispered, ‘Come on!’? We all used to hate that. We all wanted him to show a bit more emotion. With Murray comes emotion. When Henman won a great point, he’d clench his fist, look to his mother and father and jog to his chair. Then he’d realise it was only 15-40 and he still had two break-points to save. With Murray, it’s completely different. When he has played a great point he’ll come back out of the crowd, scream about Bonnie Prince Charlie, show his muscles and generally get pumped up. In fact, we get to see Murray at his most excitable point. I pity his girlfriend.

6. He’s Due. I don’t mean a Grand Slam, I mean a smile. The fact is though, that Murray isn’t going to smile until he’s got what he wants. England’s footballers were smiling having been beaten by Germany. Idiots. I only want smiling when you’ve won something. Something major. This is surely what Murray is waiting for. I have faith that he has a great big smile. If we all like him and get behind him, he might just show it to us one day. Possibly on Sunday?

7. He’s Our Only Hope. The fact remains that without Murray, Briton’s have no one to support. You may as well support me for all the other British players coming through the ranks. And you really should be thankful to Murray that you don’t have to do that. Despite what people say, my drop-volley really isn’t worth your applause.

July 2, 2010
7 Reasons Radio DJs Annoy

1. Singing Along. Why do some DJs seem to think they are also singers? I don’t mind them singing along to Phil Collins’ version of You Can’t Hurry Love – indeed I’ll be doing the same – but please switch the mic off first. Or at least get one of the funky little voice boxes that makes you sound like an alien. That would be cool.

2. Talking Over Tracks. Usually when the DJ has got bored with all the singing along, he or she will fade out the track so they can talk over it. And usually its not even a comment about the song. It’s to tell us that they have just been given a coffee. And a plain digestive. Thanks. That’s really interesting. Though next time perhaps you could just interupt Phil Collins if we are being invaded by the French or the traffic reporter has just whipped her bra off.

3. Inane Comments. Why do DJs feel the need to impart some sort of wisdom after every song? This morning I had the mispleasure of catching the last five minutes of Sarah Kennedy on Radio 2. (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher & Higher by Rod Stewart was just coming to the end which prompted Kennedy to say, ‘Be careful. You’ve ruffled my tutu.’ Not only did I not understand where this comment had come from, the thought of it made me feel quite ill.

4. Questions. Does anyone actually answer when the DJ says, ‘Hello. How are you?’ or ‘Have a good weekend?’ If you do I think you will be recaptured soon, so just sit tight.

5. Humour Bypass. Most DJs think they are funny. They are not. Steve Wright particularly annoys me. There was a time when I found him quite amusing. I think this must have gone to his head because these days he seems to think he is getting funnier by the hour. Someone should really tell him funnier and fatter are two very different things.

6. See You Tomorrow. No you won’t. That is a stupid thing to say. The only thing you will be seeing is a microphone and a set of headphones. The only thing I will be seeing is a radio. You don’t even know I exist. I mean nothing to you. You don’t even know my mother’s maiden name. So stop talking to me as if you do.

7. Responding To Lyrics. Note to DJs. It is not always necessary to try and improve a song by answering or pre-empting lyrics. When Brandon Flowers sings, Are we human or are we dancer? I really don’t need you to fade the music down a bit and say, ‘Can’t we be both?’ Nor do I like it when you play Take That and you feel the urge to say, ‘Sing up Robbie’. Just shut up, play your records and go to the news. That’s all you need to do.

March 8, 2010
7 Reasons The Voice Of The Tube Is Annoying

1. Fake Apologies. We Are Being Held At A Red Signal. We Apologise For The Delay. We? There is no we. You are a recorded voice. A recorded voice belonging to a woman who got paid to say it. No one who gets paid to apologise really means it.

2. Use Of Language. Alight Here. Who alights in this day any age? In fact who alighted in that day and age? No one alights. They hop off. Or jump off. Or barge past. Or miss their stop.

3. Vagueness. Alight Here For Museums. Any museum is that? I can alight at South Kensington for the Vatican City Tractor Museum can I? No, I can’t. I’ll tell you what I can alight at South Kensington for. That’s the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum and the V&A Museum. Tourists love me.

4. Stating The Bloody Obvious. Mind The Gap. A complete waste of oxygen this. We see gap, we avoid gap. We are not stupid. We do not have signs near rivers saying, ‘Use The Bridge’ do we? And doesn’t mind mean look after anyway? Why is it our job to look after the gap? If you ask me the gap seems perfectly capable of looking after itself.

5. Lack Of Consistency. So when we pull into South Kensington, we are told we could alight for museums. Although the Japanese don’t know what the museums are, it is quite useful information. When we pull into Embankment, we are told we can alight for ferries. Again useful. So why is it that when we pull up to Parsons Green, all we hear is, ‘The next station is Parsons Green’? Where is the additional information? Why shouldn’t people be told to ‘Alight here for Peter’s Fish Bar and the rather plush co-op’?

6. Out Of Touch. The voice of the tube is monotone. How the hell is it possible to sound just as cheery on a hot summers day pulling into Wimbledon as it is in the depths of winter in West Ham? I don’t want an impossibly happy voice telling me to alight at West Ham when it’s -5 and there is four foot of snow on the ground. In fact I don’t want a voice telling me to alight at West Ham full stop. It’s miles away from home and means I have got on the wrong tube. Again.

7. Lies. Change For The Circle Line? On a Sunday? I don’t think so.

March 1, 2010
7 Reasons You Upset A Woman

Upsetting a woman is never very clever. Which is why man tries to avoid doing it. Unfortunately, trying is never really good enough. Sometimes we – and I speak on behalf of all man here – just end up in a situation where we can’t help but say something amusing. And make no mistake about it, what we say is amusing. It’s just that the fairer sex can’t see it. And so for some reason they get a bit annoyed. Here are seven examples of things we have have said to women that didn’t go down as well as they should have.

1. “Wow. You’ve got evil eyes!”
Discovered: Friday 26th September 2009
Discovered by: Jon
Location: The Bedford, Balham
Circumstances: Girl standing next to me was staring into my brain.
Excuse(s): 1- Not sober. 2 – It was true. Consequence(s): 1 – Verbal abuse. 2 – Harmed Anglo-Cuban relations. 3 – Forced to down some alcoholic concoction that contained Sambuca and Absinthe.
Positive(s): 1 – Free Drink.
Action to take next time: Advise her to invest in a pair of large sunglasses.

2. “Is you sister really more dull than you or is that just not possible?”
Discovered: 1997
Discovered by: Simon
Location: A pub in St Andrews, Fife
Circumstances: I had endured a term of stories presented as being fascinating and exciting, in reality they were dull tales of life in Aberfeldy, mostly involving horse riding. She was preparing us for her sisters visit the next day by explaining that in comparison to her sibling she was the life and soul of the party.
Excuse(s): 1 – Really not sober. 2 – Boredom following months of dull stories.
Consequence(s): 1 –Having a most of a pint thrown over me. 2 – Loss of the pint for drinking purposes. 3 – Damage to a really rather nice shirt. 4 – Damage to Anglo-Scottish relations.
Positive(s): 1- I didn’t have to meet the sister (which was very much on the cards) 2 – I never heard any more dull stories about horse-riding in Aberfeldy (or anything else for that matter).
Action to take next time: Wait till you’ve met the sister and then compliment the first woman on how interesting and fun she is.

3. “I’m not really keen on it, do you still have the blue one?”
Discovered: December 1997
Discovered by: Marc
Location: My then girlfriend’s bedroom.
Circumstances: I was asked my opinion on the dress that she intended to wear to the Christmas Ball, ten minutes before we were due to leave.
Excuse(s): 1 – I’m very honest.
Consequence(s): 1 – I attended the 1997 Christmas Ball without a date.
Positive(s): 1 – I was able to spend time with friends. 2 – I was able to break wind without apologising. 3 – I still don’t get asked my opinion on dresses.
Action to take next time: Like the green one, no matter how inferior it is to the blue one.

4. “Well, not anymore he doesn’t, he’s dead.”
Discovered: Late 2007
Discovered by: Jon
Location: My old flat in Crystal Palace
Circumstances: Having a discussion with my flatmate about her dog. I found out he had been run over some years previously. Flatmate said something along the lines of, ‘He loves running around the garden’.
Excuse(s): 1 – I was trying to be amusing.
Consequence(s): 1 – She stared at me, looked a bit shocked, then left the room. 2 – I felt a bit uncomfortable. Positive(s): 1 – I could change the TV channel.
Action to take next time: Don’t comment on photos of dogs that may be on the mantel piece.

5. “Piss off, Hitler!”
Discovered: Autumn 2009
Discovered by: Marc
Location: The upstairs landing.
Circumstances: My wife was attempting to comedy-slap me on the forehead with her right hand. I anticipated this and stepped backwards to avoid her hand. This left her standing with her right arm fully outstretched in what could have been interpreted as a Nazi salute.
Excuse(s): 1 – It was funny.
Consequence(s): 1 – She poked her tongue out. 2 – She ignored me for five minutes and spoke to the cat instead. Positive(s): 1 – I was able to ascertain what flavour squash she had been drinking from the colour of her tongue. 2 – She ignored me for five minutes and spoke to the cat instead.
Action to take next time: I’m not sure yet. “Piss off, Goebbels?”

6. “It’s because they’re for girls.”
Discovered: 13th December 2009
Discovered by: Marc
Location: A Department Store
Circumstances: My wife and I were browsing in the kitchen section of a local department store. She spotted a new range of mops, brooms, dustpans and brushes with a floral motif on their handles. “Why are they covered in flowers?” she enquired.
Excuse(s): 1 – It was funny. 2 – Shopping is dull and needs enlivening.
Consequence(s): 1 – I received a look of utter contempt from my wife. 2 – The man next to us laughed loudly, but briefly, before he stifled it. 3 – The woman next to us scowled at the man next to us (presumably her husband) causing him to stifle his laughter. 4 – The woman next to us scowled at me.
Positive(s): 1 – I am becoming familiar with the use of mops, brooms, dustpans and brushes.
Action to take next time: Browse in the tools section.

7. “You are like an oven. When I turn you on, you get hot.”
Discovered: Sunday 5th October 2009
Discovered by: Bri McIntosh
Location: Twitter
Circumstances: Brian McIntosh sharing his best chat-up lines with the female world.
Excuse(s): There aren’t any.
Consequence(s): 1 – Mirth all round. 2 – Much ridicule. 3 – Re-Tweeted around the world. 4 – Posted on many blogs.
Positive(s): None for Brian. Constant source of laughter for everyone else.
Action to take next time: Don’t talk to girls. On or offline.

Are you a man? If so, we want to know what you said. Just head over to our contact page and you may see yourself on this site very soon. Especially if your words of wisdom resulted in plates being thrown.

December 20, 2009
7 Reasons The Tiger Woods ‘Story’ Is Annoying Me

1. It’s All In The Name. Half the people commenting on this story don’t even know who Tiger Woods is. I have lost count of the number of times I have seen his name written Tiger Wood or Tiger Wood’s. There are two things that really annoy me in life. Spelling names incorrectly is one of them. How hard can it be? There should be a rule. Only people who can spell properly are allowed to live. (The second thing that annoys me is when people ask, ‘Are the US/Australia/France/Bognor-bloody-Regis ahead or behind us in time?’ It’s simple geography people).

2. The Jokes. They are quite frankly rubbish. They’re obvious, poorly written, usually spelt incorrectly and not funny. Ten minutes after news of his car crash broke, everyone in the world had come up with, ‘What’s the difference between an SUV and a golf ball? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball!’. So why then are people still posting it? Just shut up the lot of you.

3. Here, There and Everywhere. It’s dominating all media outlets. There are reports in the news, sport and entertainment sections. And they all say the same bloody thing. ‘Tiger Woods may or may not have had sexual relations with cocktail waitresses.’ Firstly, I don’t care. Secondly, it isn’t news. You may as well write, ‘Jonathan Lee may or may not have had sexual relations with a cocktail waitress,’ for all the fact that the statement contains.

4. It’s Not Happening. If the allegations are true, a few people will be outraged. But that’s it. No one is going to make an example out of him. Tiger is too big a star to be dropped by those who sponsor him. Not even Nike. Nike need Tiger more than he needs them. This is the world we live in. I don’t care whether you like it or not. It’s a fact. Nothing is going to change so get over it. Stop wasting your time by drawing up pointless petitions asking Nike to drop him. It. Will. Not. Happen.

5. We are all human. I’ve seen a lot of people say that his transgressions just show Tiger Woods is human. What?! He was a robot before was he? And since when did having an affair become acceptable? If he did have an affair, he’s an idiot. Simple as that. If you think he should be forgiven in an instant, it’s because you have been sleeping around yourself. The fact that Tiger may have done it too, makes you feel just a little bit less guilty. Twat.

6. Tiger Woods’ Downfall. There’s always a bloody Downfall spoof. And it’s always the same bloody clip. Yawn.

7. I’m A Loser. I end up writing about it. Even though I am bored to death of the story, think everyone writing or commenting on it is a muppet and my heart says I shouldn’t join in, I do. The fact is, I know it’s what people want to read about. I know that if I write it this website will get billions of hits. So I have a dilemma. Stick to my moral convictions or put on my business hat. Obviously I have no morals. It makes me sick.

December 4, 2009