7 Reasons

Tag: Adventures

  • 7 Reasons We Should Congratulate Rupert Bear On Reaching Ninety

    7 Reasons We Should Congratulate Rupert Bear On Reaching Ninety

    As I am sure all you bear aficionados are aware, today marks Rupert Bear’s 90th Birthday. Even if you don’t regularly read his adventures in the Daily Express – and let’s be honest, that’s all of us – you should raise a glass in his name. Or, at the very least, don’t go on about how much you love Paddington Bear. It’s called respect.

    7 Reasons To Congratulate Rupert Bear On Reaching Ninety

    1.  Loyalty. In case you are wondering why I mentioned the Daily Express above, it’s because Rupert was created for the paper in 1920. The aim? To increase sales. Did it work? Wikipedia doesn’t say. And I can’t be bothered to do that much research. What I did research though is that Rupert has outlasted nineteen Daily Express editors. Nineteen! That’s quite a lot. On any other day it I’d have rounded it up to 20. But that’s nineteen different people who have given up on the paper. Rupert hasn’t given up once. He’s there, everyday, trying to increase sales. And that has to be applauded. Even if it is the Daily Express.

    2.  Fashion. Sadly for the world, I wasn’t around in 1920, but I would be very surprised if Rupert’s choice of attire matched the fashion of the day. A red jumper, white shoes and matching yellow-checked trousers and scarf? It’s unlikely, isn’t it? But that’s just one reason why Rupert should be celebrated. He was a bit of a maverick. He was a trend-setter. Whether the trend comes to fruition in my lifetime, who knows, but one day, everyone will be dressing like Rupert.

    3.  Respect. Rupert has and continues to spend many-a-day in the presence of his friends. The trusty and originally named Bill Badger. The stodgy Podgy Pig. The delectable Edward Trunk*. And my personal favourites, Ming The Dragon and Pong-Ping The Pekingese. And yet, despite chewing the fat with them for the best part of century, not once has Rupert ever uttered the immortal line, ‘Have you ever heard of deed-poll?’

    4.  Role Model. While Rupert’s main rivals for our affections have tragic and cliched characteristics, Rupert was the real deal. Take Winnie The Pooh for instance. Ignoring the fact that he looks cuddly, what have you got? A honey-monster who has a habit of forgetting to wear trousers. Hardly inspiring. And then we have Paddington Bear. An immigrant from Peru whose idea of helping the economy is to create a marmalade deficit. Not the role models our children need. Rupert on the other hand is everything a bear should be. Clever, loyal, adventurous and trousered.

    5.  Paul McCartney. Rupert remains the only bear ever to have inspired a Beatle. Paul McCartney – Rupert And The Frog Song.**

    6.  He Defied Hitler. Not even a war could stop Rupert. And I am not talking about a silly, little war. I am talking about World War II. Despite the fact that there was a severe paper shortage – we needed it for planes – Rupert still got an annual out and onto the shelves every year throughout the conflict. Along with Churchill sticking two fingers up, Rupert getting his annual out epitomised Britain’s approach to the war. We were never going to be beaten. And we were going to read tales of a bear going on an underwater mission in the process.

    7.  Alternatives. Look, it’s only right that you should celebrate one 90th Anniversary in 2010 and if you’re not going to choose Rupert to congratulate then it’s going to have to be the Bangor Operatic Society. Make the right decision.

    *Edward Trunk was an elephant. Clever.

    **This might cause nightmares. Or daymares. Just don’t smash your computer. You’ll regret it tomorrow.

  • 7 Reasons 7 Robin Hoods Have Been Useless

    7 Reasons 7 Robin Hoods Have Been Useless

    The French Robin

    When I was a child, I loved the stories of Robin Hood. This great outlaw who beat the baddies and gave to the goodies. So when it comes to the big screen, I would like to know why they always cock it up. Why the hell can’t Robin be the Robin I admired so much when I was sat in bed in my Super-Ted pyjamas? Let’s have a look at seven Robin Hoods. And why they were rubbish.

    1.  Errol Flynn. The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938). He was alright firing his arrows, but I’m sorry, no man should be seen to enjoy wearing tights quite as much as Errol did. The real Robin Hood certainly wouldn’t have been.

    2.  Brian Bedford. Robin Hood (1973). Don’t recognise the name? No, that’s because Brian Bedford (whoever he is) voiced the animated version of Robin Hood in this Disney version. The version where Robin was a fox. Robin Hood was not a bloody fox. Robin Hood was a man. The lack of research is astounding.

    3.  Sean Connery. Robin And Marian (1976). Robin Hood is 46 apparently. Oh, and he’s decided he doesn’t like Richard The Lionheart anymore. What the hell? Robin Hood never reached the age of 46. He’s like Peter Pan. Always in his late twenties or early thirties. And as for disliking good old Richard. Laughable. Robin had posters of Richard on his treehouse and everything.

    4.  Wayne Morris. Maid Marian And Her Merry Men (BBC TV Series 1989-1994). Everyone remembers this programme for Marian. And possibly Tony Robinson. There was a Robin though. He was called Robin of Kensington. And he was a tailor. A tailor? In Kensington? Yes, because that’s right next to Sherwood forest isn’t it? I think I may be losing the will to live.

    5.  Kevin Costner. Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves (1991). Never quite got the hang of the accent thing did Kevin. Either that or some muppet told him Robin Hood was born in California.

    6.  Jonas Armstrong. Robin Hood (BBC TV Series 2006-2009). If there is one thing we know about Robin Hood for sure, it is that he liked firing arrows and he had the horn whenever he saw Marian. He fancied her. He wanted her. And he does in this version. Great. That’s until Marian decides to leave. Does Robin chase her and try and get her back? No, he moves onto the new girl in the village. Some bird called Kate. Pathetic.

    7.  Russell Crowe. Robin Hood (2010). Russell Crowe thinks Robin Hood is French. I shall let my silence tell you what I think of that.

  • 7 Reasons It Is Stupid To Compare Asterix and Tintin

    7 Reasons It Is Stupid To Compare Asterix and Tintin

    1.  It’s A Moot Point. Comparing Asterix and Tintin is like comparing Superman and Spiderman. Or Batwoman and Catwoman. Each has their own talents and each has their own flaws. And to be honest, no one cares. Not even me. And I’ve spent the last week indulging in the subject.

    2.  Two Brains, One Brain. Asterix was invented by two people – illustrator, Albert Uderzo, and writer, Réne Goscinny – while Tintin was created by just one, Hergé, or to give him his proper name Georges Rémi. To say which is better is a bit like saying who is better when you have the Williams sisters on one side of the net and Andy Murray on the other.

    3.  Different Worlds. Asterix was set in the time of Julius Ceasar. 50BC. That’s quite a long time before Tintin hit the scene in the 20th Century. Think Cleopatra and Louis Theroux.

    4.  Different Styles. As Uderzo, Goscinny and Hergé all agreed in one of their very rare interviews together, the Adventures of Asterix were very much humorous adventures. Tintin’s adventures were the opposite. No, not unfunny jaunts. Just adventures with occasional humour slotted in. So basically it’s like comparing Paul Merton in China with Michael Palin’s Pole to Pole.

    5.  You’ll Be Wrong. Suggesting that Dogmatix is better than Snowy is asking for trouble. Suggesting Captain Haddock is a better name than Anticlimax is also inadvisable. The fact is that people are passionate about the things they love. Which means there is a never a right answer. But there is always a wrong answer.

    6.  Devaluing Greatness. By comparing the two works, you are automatically looking for ways in which you can devalue one or the other. That has to be wrong. They are two of the greatest comic book inventions ever. They deserve nothing but the utmost praise. So well done lads.

    7.  Default. It just is. The only reason I did it was because I needed something to write about. I don’t have a preference one way or the other. Though, if pushed, I would say Asterix. I like funny. Which is something we’ll get back to on Wednesday by the way.

  • 7 Reasons Asterix Is Better Than Tintin

    7 Reasons Asterix Is Better Than Tintin

    1.  The Hair. Yes, so it is mustardy bordering on bright yellow, but at least when Asterix removes his helmet it reveals an uncontrollable mess. It doesn’t seem seem to matter what time of the day it is or where Tintin has been, he always has a Cameron Diaz hairstyle. There is just no product on the market that can hold a style for that long.

    2.  Travel. Asterix actually goes to real places. Britain and Corsica and Spain and Belgium. Tintin visits Syldavia and San Theodoros and El Chapo. Given the age-range these comic books are aimed at, I would say Tintin books are highly irresponsible. How many Geography exams have been failed because some little Herbert has labelled São Paulo as São Rica?

    3.  Commitment. Asterix has one job. Beat up Roman Legions. And he sticks to it. Daily. He always returns home for dinner too. Tintin, on the other hand, is a liability. He is a journalist who never produces a single story for his employers. Far too occupied with solving mysteries than reporting the facts as all good journalists should do. A particularly poor role model.

    4.  Obelix. Not only does Asterix have to deal with Roman Legions, he also has to look after Obelix. A man who spends most of his time looking for wild boar instead of remaining focused on the job in hand. I don’t think it should be underestimated just how much hard work goes into looking after someone who deliberately seeks out wild boar.

    5.  The Dogs. Dogmatix is a proper, realistic dog. One who bites people on the backside and won’t let go. Then there is the fact that you, quite rightly, can’t see what the hell he is thinking. You shouldn’t be able to see what a dog is thinking. It goes against all logic to do so. So why can you see what Snowy is thinking? And why has the smug terrier always got the answers four pages before Tintin and five before the reader?

    6.  Humour. Asterix is much funnier. He basically puns his way through the adventures and takes a swig of magic potion every eight pages. Tintin is far too serious. He doesn’t drink and he doesn’t laugh. In truth, he is quite boring.

    7.  Default. Asterix in Britain beautifully captures the great things about this country. Rugby, cricket, English gardens and roast lamb with mint sauce. Not a mention of football or Kerry Katona anywhere. Tintin pops over to Britain in The Black Island. In the third edition of the book – published in 1966 – the names of the Police Officers are changed from Edwards, Johnson, Wright and O’Rally to McGregor, Stewart, Robertson and Macleod. Political correctness gone mad.

  • 7 Reasons Tintin Is Better Than Asterix

    7 Reasons Tintin Is Better Than Asterix

    1.  Appearance. Tintin – despite his abnormally spherical head – looks like a proper human being. He takes pride in his appearance. He wears blue sweaters and beige coats and spreads a little Brylcreem in his hair.  Asterix, though, is a bit of a scruff. He has an exceedingly large nose and a bushy yellow moustache. He also never changes his clothes unless he’s having a dip in the Roman Baths. And why has his helmet got feathers sticking out of the top? Not one to be taken seriously.

    2.  Names. Asterix is surrounded by people whose names are supposed to be funny. Fulliautomatix, Unhygenix and Bacteria for example. These aren’t funny. They are just baffling. And when you first pick up an Asterix comic book aged seven, very confusing. Tintin, on the other hand, is good friends with Captain Haddock. Simple. Funny. Effective.

    3.  Fighting. While it’s occasionally fun to see Asterix and Obelix bash a load of Romans up and collect their helmets, it gets a little boring when it happens every other page. Which is why it’s good that Tintin has never felt a need to collect Roman Soldier’s helmets. Instead of bashing up a few baddies, Tintin prefers a little espionage. Hiding behind lampposts and impersonating scientists and wearing kilts. Far more exciting.

    4.  Magic Potions. Asterix is a short little fella and so would have struggled to destroy entire Roman Battalions without a sup of magic potion. Tintin, though, could bring down evil conglomerates while sipping a soda and doing The Belgian Times’ crossword. Upside down.

    5.  Superstitions. Asterix was silly. Well, actually, all the Gauls were silly. They believed that the sky would one day fall on their heads. And in one particular adventure, the Donald Trump of Gaulville – Vitalstatistix – thought it had. Then he realised he just had his pyjama top over his eyes. Tintin didn’t have any silly superstitions like that. Probably because he was well read. He also sleeps naked.

    6.  The Dogs. Both Tintin and Asterix have a dog that follows them around on their travels. Tintin’s dog is called Snowy. Snowy is forever taking part in the missions. Always on hand to save Tintin’s life. He’s a great addition to the stories. Asterix’s dog, Dogmatix, actually isn’t his dog at all. It’s Obelix’s. And he’s not very good. Instead of snapping at Julius Ceasar’s heels, Dogmatix’s main job is to get all jealous when Obelix falls in love with a girl. That’s just odd.

    7.  Default. Tintin was created by a Belgian. Asterix by a Frenchman. Need I say more.