Tag: Zoo

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Landlords Should Select The Right Tenants
There are a vast number of strange people in this world. Despite our best efforts to understand the litany of weirdness that surrounds them, we are often left baffled by their mysterious ways. If you’re a Landlord looking to let a property, then the last thing you want is The Crazy Guy living under your roof.

Unfortunately, the ‘good tenant’ is a rare and elusive creature, who is greatly outnumbered by the ‘odd-squad’. Thankfully for you, we have listed the seven reasons for landlords to select the right tenant, and more importantly, just how to spot them.

"Hello, I'm your new tenant. Don't worry, I only turn dead animals into bagpipes."

1. Hello, Is It Me You’re Looking For? As Lionel Ritchie once famously sang “hello, is it me you’re looking for?” The short answer is no! One of the best things you can do is meet with the potential tenant in advance. Nine times out of ten you will know if something is amiss. Tell-tale signs are any of the following:
- The everlasting handshake: If your arm is still being violently thrusted up and down after 10 minutes, then loosen your grip and head cautiously to the nearest exit.
- Soap dodgers: Tenants should treat this as they would a job interview. If they turn up in filthy clothes and covered in muck, then this is a clear insight in to their own living habits.
- Everyone needs good neighbours: One of the quickest ways to get evicted is getting complaints from your neighbours. Ask your tenant what their likes and hobbies are. Playing an acoustic guitar at 5pm may be soothing. Belting out heavy metal from your electric guitar at 3am is something quite different.
2. Show Me The Money. You want a tenant that will be financially responsible. This means someone that will pay their rent on time. Ask to see copies of their recent pay slips and even speak with their employer. Avoid anyone that asks to pay in small change or colourful buttons!

3. Run A Credit Check. Even if their wallet is bursting at the seams, they could still be in more debt than Greece. Find a professional company to run a credit check, they will be able to tell you if they have a history of paying bills on time. It will also check their monthly income and if they have any outstanding debt.

4. Welcome To The Zoo. Whether you hug puppies, or feed mice to hungry anacondas, liking ‘pets’ and having them reside in your home are two different things. Be clear what your rules are if allowing pets. One hyperactive dog can leave you with thousands of pounds worth of damage to your property.

5. Brush Up On Your History. The best person to ask about their living habits will be their previous landlord. Ask to speak with them to find out if you are inheriting a problem tenant. Be careful though as they may be some what forthcoming with the truth in an attempt to off load them on you. Remember, if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is.

6. Lifestyles. Do they move or switch jobs often? If the answer is yes then they are unlikely to be a long term tenant. If their last long-term employment was their school paper round, then they may struggle to regularly pay the rent.

7. Two To A Room. Be extremely clear as to how many occupants you allow per room. Even Noah made the animals enter ‘two by two’. You don’t want to find your cosy one bedroom flat has twenty people living inside. Clearly state in your contract how many people are legally allowed to live in your property.

By following these simple rules you can rest easy that your tenants are living in tranquillity, while the nutty and quirky are left safely locked outside.

Author Bio: Andrew Potter writes for My Online Estate Agent where you find useful guides such as how to advertise on Rightmove and other useful property tips.
March 7, 2012
7 Reasons The Zoo Is My Habitat

Last week I did something I hadn’t done since I was a boy. I went to the zoo. I’m not going to lie, I immediately felt at home. Here’s why:

Zoolympics Challlenge 1: Stick Your Head Through A Set Of Shark Dentures And Look Sexy

1. Playground. As I may have expressed before, I am a boy trapped in a man’s body. Though whose it is, I am yet to establish. I have never grown up and I don’t intend to. I like being silly. Silly is good. I also like swinging from things while being silly. I saw monkeys at the zoo. They were being silly. And swinging. And picking their noses. It looked awesome. Well, maybe not the picking the nose bit. That made me a little bit sick. But the silliness and the swinging was definitely for me. I want to do that.

2. Sleep. Generally, after I’ve had a day of being silly and swinging around the clothes line, I like to have a sleep. Unfortunately I am prevented in this pursuit by one of two things. Either Claire arrives home or, as sometimes happens, Claire is already at home. Such appearances from my future wife make it very hard to sleep when there are important things to do such as make dinner, plan weddings* or – and the notion still makes me shiver – talk. At the zoo, there was silliness, swinging and sleeping. A whole lot of sleeping.

3. Talk. As previously indicated, I’m not a big fan of talking. I absolutely loathe small-talk. And, as for big-talk, I would rather do a naked lap of St. Andrews. (The football ground, not the golf course. My embarrassment does not need enhancing by the cold Scottish winds). It’s not that I’m uninterested in what you have to say, it’s more that The Tremeloes said Silence Is Golden and I have never stopped listening to them. The thing I noticed at the zoo was that animals don’t talk. Not even a little bit. They make weird noises occasionally – which is nice – but there’s no talking. And no animals asking other animals to talk to them either. Which means more time for silliness, swinging and sleeping. They’ve got it sorted.

4. Feeding. Some of the animals are fed upwards of four times a day. And I’m not talking about snacks here, I am talking proper meals. Four proper meals. Each day. That’s my kind of feeding.

5. Chores. With the exception of the ants who seemingly work all day and all night carrying bits of leaf over logs, non of the animals at the zoo have to work. Or go to school. Or get the shopping in. Or iron their trousers. (In fact, many of the animals I saw were naked). Animals, from what I have seen, don’t do any of the boring stuff at all. They’ve never had to write essays on Pride & Prejudice. They’ve never had to stand in a queue at the bank. They’ve never experienced an episode of Time Team. Their work-life balance is perfect. No work, all life. And life, as I’m sure we can all agree, is for living. It is not for spending in Barclays.

6. Vanity. It’s an alarming statistic, but if I was to walk down the entire length of Regent Street ten times in a row, only on seven of those would someone stop and take a photo of me. For someone who fancies themselves quite as much as I do and does their very best to live up to the meaning of their name – Gift Of God – it’s rather upsetting when someone just walks past without even so much as a raise of the eyebrow. In the zoo though, everyone would be taking photos of me. I’d probably even appear on postcards and desktop backgrounds and t-shirts. And that is the way it should be.

7. Olympic Qualities. As I was walking around the zoo I was challenged to a number of Olympic contests. The Zoolympics they called it. A name that made me chuckle uncontrollably for at least twenty-two seconds. From what I experienced the Zoolympics were designed to belittle me. In less than three hours I discovered that my reaction time was slower than the Blue Dart Frog, my wingspan was shorter than the Wandering Albatros and my backside wasn’t as stripy as Okapi. Which all leads me to believe that if I want to win Gold at anything, anytime soon, I need to move to the zoo to be pumped full of whichever Performance Enhancing Drugs the zookeepers have access to. I felt stupid being outwitted by a frog. Really, really stupid. But at least I beat my Dad.

*You do only have one wedding don’t you? It’s just that having booked both the church and the reception venue there is apparently so much still to do. How? I would like to know how?

September 7, 2011
7 Reasons to get a Cross-Eyed Opossum

This, as I’m sure you already know, is Heidi the cross-eyed opossum, a resident of Leipzig Zoo. Now that you’ve seen her, you’ll want one of your own. And a cross-eyed opossum would make a great pet. Here’s why.

1. It’s The Cutest Thing In The World. Just look at the pictures. Have you ever seen a cuter animal? No, of course you haven’t. Even Bambi on ice nuzzling a baby hedgehog that’s wrapped in a cashmere blanket and sucking its thumb isn’t this cute.

2. Attract The Opposite Sex. Men: Get an opossum. Women like cute things. Women like things with personality. Women like quirky and interesting things. And now they’ve seen it, women like this opossum. I may be generalising here, but I can’t think of any woman who wouldn’t be charmed by a cross-eyed opossum.*

3. Attract The Opposite Sex***. Women: Get an opossum. I know that men are supposed to like cars and guns and things, and some of us do, but we aren’t immune to the charms of this opossum either, because it’s bloody amazing. No man is hard-hearted enough that he doesn’t find this opossum cute. Even Hitler would love it if he weren’t dead. If you’re looking to attract men, get this opossum. And some beer.

4. Ready-Made. Part of the allure of Heidi the cross-eyed opossum comes from the fact that she is cross-eyed. Once we’d seen her, my wife and I decided that – obviously – we wanted one. But our cat’s an only pet, and the introduction of a strabismal rival for our attention would probably be too much for our doddery old cat. So we decided to improve him. I stood to his left, my wife stood to his right, and we both called him repeatedly. Sadly, we were unable to cross his eyes. He merely moved his head rapidly from left to right between us for a minute before sighing and falling asleep. A cross-eyed opossum does not require a rigorous training regime to make it cute. It comes pre-cute.

5. Pedantry. Heidi the cross-eyed opossum, as you may have already spotted, is an opossum. Not a possum; that’s a different thing predominantly found in the Southern hemisphere. Nor is it related to the hippopossamus, which is a somewhat larger African variant which kills its prey by beguiling them with cuteness before sitting on them to death. This makes an opossum the ideal pet for pedants who can boundlessly amuse themselves by correcting people:

“Ah, cute possum”.

“Opossum”.

“I love your possum”.

“Opossum”.

“Your opossum is amazing”.

“Possum…bugger.”

6. Love. You’ll always feel loved by your cross-eyed opossum. Because when you’re conventionally-eyed pet is sulking, it won’t look at you. But when your cross-eyed opossum is sulking, it will appear to be looking at you, even when it’s looking at something else. Food probably, or your shoe.****

7. The Name. Steve Jobs says that putting a vowel in front of the names of things is cool, so it must be, and the opossum has a seemingly superfluous vowel at the front. This makes the name opossum cool and increases the product…er…creature’s desirability. Now the opossum was named many centuries ago, but if I didn’t know that I’d sense that it was some sort of Apple marketing ploy. But then I see the hand of Jobs in everything. Anyway, the name is cool.

*If you are a woman (and let’s face it, some of us are) and you don’t like the cross-eyed opossum please let us know via the comments section.**

**And a mob will arrive at your door within hours and burn you at the stake, you stone-hearted harridan.

***Or the same sex. The cross-eyed opossum attracts everything.

****All pets do weird things to your shoes; never leave them unattended.

Want to see more pictures? Of course you do.

January 12, 2011