7 Reasons

Tag: vehicle

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

    7 Reasons Why Road Trips Are Awesome

    There’s no better feeling than the wind in your hair, the open road ahead of you and some pumping tunes on the radio. You have only two objectives – get from A to B and have fun. Here’s seven reasons why road trips rock.

    1.  You Get to Drive Something Different. Although you can opt to take your crappy Nissan Micra cross-country – where’s the fun in that? A road trip is the prime opportunity to hit that car hire firm and rent the vehicle of your dreams. Go wild. Cadillac, camper van, Monster Truck – the choice is yours. Just remember three things, it needs to be comfortable, you need to opt for a vehicle with cup holders – so as to ensure that passengers can be hydrated with no risk of spillage – and you need a sound system that goes up loud!

    2.  Power Rock. Road trips are 25% about the journey and 75% about the tunes that you choose to accompany your epic voyage. This is your prime opportunity to delve into the greats of 80’s/90’s power rock. I mean screeching guitars, high pitched man voices and lots of opportunities for throwing your rock fingers into the air and waggling your tongues ‘Gene Simmons-style’ at the children trying to peacefully watch ‘Lady and the Tramp’ in the next car.

    3.  Road Trip Games. When else in your adult life do you get to play games? Any sport with a referee doesn’t count. I’m talking good old-fashioned car journey games. There is something about the fact that you are cooped up in a car that makes even the simplest game amazing. In every day life you may see six, maybe seven yellow cars a day and allow them to pass by without comment. Suddenly, simply your location means that the appearance of a yellow vehicle will have you acknowledging its presence with a shrill cry of victory and a short, sharp jab to your partners arm. When else is violence condoned? Ordinarily you may be saddened to see a poor little badger deceased on the side of the road – not when your objective is to spot the road kill before you companions. Embrace the games.

    4.  Junk Food. No matter where you are travelling, chances are you won’t be able to be healthy. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Drink that Red Bull even when you heart tells you it can take no more. Scoff those Haribo and Pringles safe in the knowledge that they were the only option in the Texaco garage on the M42. And, if you have to, follow those golden arches. This may well be the only time that it is acceptable to step inside the home of that creepy clown and heck…supersize it if you want – you need the energy.

    5.  Interesting Characters. What’s the one thing that crops up without fail in road movies? Unusual characters. It’s inevitable. Whether it be a minibus full of boisterous football fans on their way home from a match – eager to show you what’s under their clothes – or a handsome cowboy who seduces you and then steals all of your bail money, it will happen so have a contingency plan.

    6.  Arguments. Whenever map reading is involved, there will be arguments. Use them as therapy, air your woes and criticise your companions’ foibles. Get it out, you’ll feel lighter. See it as ‘On-the-Road Healing’.

    7.  Saving Money. Your outgoings are petrol and snacks, none of this airport tax malarkey or being charged extra by the cretins at Ryanair for a blanket in their sub-zero plane cabin. These saved pennies can be used to stock up on fun road trip activities or as extra beer money when you finally reach your destination. Bonus.

  • 7 Reasons to Buy a Popemobile

    7 Reasons to Buy a Popemobile

    It’s the last day of the papal visit to the United Kingdom and, somewhat to my surprise, I’ve been inspired by it.  I used to believe that the bicycle was the correct vehicle for the urban environment, or that a tank would be practical, but I now realise that I’ve been a fool.  The correct vehicle for the urban environment is, in fact, a popemobile.  Here are seven reasons why.

    A white Mercedes m-class popemobile (pope mobile) registration number scv1 (SCV 1, S.C.V.1) carrying Pope Benedict XVI

    1.  Performance.  A popemobile might outwardly appear a little too sedate for the urban environment.  You might wonder how your popemobile will keep pace with modern traffic.  But it will.  Because the popemobile isn’t the top-heavy, lumbering vehicle that it appears to be.  The popemobile that we’ve seen in the UK recently has a top speed of 160mph, and a 0-60 time of six seconds (never let it be said that we don’t do research here).  Why they haven’t demonstrated this by spinning the wheels and performing doughnuts to delight the assembled crowds, I don’t know (unless they think that the smoking tyres might signify the election of a new pontiff).  But the popemobile is faster than you think.  And it’s also bullet-proof, which is handy if you live in Nottingham.  Or near a Wetherspoons.

    2.  Running Costs. Now you might imagine that your popemobile will be expensive to run.  And you’re right, it will be.  But you can offset that cost by moonlighting as a taxi driver.  You’ll make a fortune.  Consider it for a moment.  Imagine that you’re having a great evening out, but the time has come to return home.  You might be a girl with impractical shoes, or married to a girl with impractical shoes and you’ll need to call a taxi.  Or you can choose the new premium option, the popemobile taxi.  Who wouldn’t pay through the nose to ride home in the popemobile?  I’d be dialling MCMXIVIII to order a Vaticab like a shot.

    3.  View.  Finding somewhere to park is one of the trickiest aspects of urban driving.  Ever seen a pope struggling to find a parking space?  Of course not, just look at the visibility they get in the back.  You’ll be able to find a space easily.  And laugh at balding people at the same time.

    4.  Income.  The back of the popemobile is, essentially, a large glass jar.  Now traditionally, in fairgrounds and confectioners, people fill large glass jars with sweets and charge customers money to guess how many are in there.  And you can do that with your popemobile.  You can’t just fill it with any sweet, obviously.  You’ll need something (ahem) appoperiate.  Werther’s Original?.  You can charge people to guess how many are in there, and your vehicle will pay for itself really quickly.  And you’ll meet lots of men in comfortable knitwear, which is..er…well.  There must be a plus side to that somewhere.

    5.  Visibility.  Ever lost your bland silver box of a car in the car park?  Of course you have.  I once spent almost an hour searching for a Volkswagen Passat I’d parked at B & Q.  But with a popemobile that problem will disappear.  A popemobile is visible from quite a  distance.  Even when there isn’t a pope in it.

    6.  Self-Sufficiency.  We’re all looking for ways to stretch our budgets further these days, and everyone’s come over a bit Tom and Barbara from The Good Life recently.  In fact, there probably hasn’t been a time since the second world war when people are growing so many of their own fruit and vegetables.  In the urban environment that most of us live in though, there isn’t much space to do this.  But look at the back of the popemobile.  It’s glazed.  You can use it as a greenhouse when you’re not cruising in it.  And it’s bulletproof.  So no one can off your cucumbers with an uzi.  It’s an all-round win.

    7.  Resale Value.  It’s unlikely that you’ll tire of your popemobile, but if you should, remember this.  Second hand car dealers often try to attribute religious credentials to the former owners of the vehicles they’re trying to sell.  “It was owned by a nun”, or “it was used by a vicar to travel around his small country parish” are oft-heard pieces of sales-patter.  But imagine that you’re selling a vehicle that’s been owned by the pope?  “One papal owner”?  You’ll make a fortune.