7 Reasons

Tag: Vampires

  • 7 Reasons To Have A Pizza Express Tattoo

    7 Reasons To Have A Pizza Express Tattoo

    Now, I’m not really a fan of fantasy and sci-fi. Whether it be in book, TV or film format. Last week though, I caught my girlfriend watching one of those Twilight films. Eclipse I think it was. Given that the sofa faces the TV I ended up watching a bit of it. And what I saw was quite extraordinary. One of the main characters, Jacob, – who is not a person, but in fact a wolf – has a tattoo on his arm. A tattoo that looks very much like the Pizza Express logo. That was it then, I didn’t watch the rest of the film. I was too busy thinking how cool it would be to have a Pizza Express tattoo.

    7 Reasons To Have A Pizza Express Tattoo

    1.  Memory. Many people get a tattoo to celebrate the life of someone who is no longer with us. In a similar vein, a Pizza Express logo is a nice tattoo to get if you wish to celebrate the life of that pizza. Maybe it disappeared due to natural causes (IE: it was eaten) or maybe it died a sudden death (IE: being burnt to a crisp in the oven). Either way, the tattoo will never let you forget.

    2.  Love. We’ve all seen people with the names of their loved ones tattooed across their body. They do it to express their never-ending deep affection for someone. You may feel the same way about someone you love. Or a Pizza Express pizza. But, if like me, you have deep affection for a variety of Pizza Express pizzas you may feel it disloyal to show your love for just one. In such a case, the best option would be to show your love for the entire brand.*

    3.  Originality. I am going to put myself out on a limb here and say that no one in the world has a Pizza Express tattoo. If you got one, you would be one of the first. You’d actually start a trend. We are well aware that we do have something of a reputation for not being taken seriously, but I can categorically state this is not the case. People take our posts very seriously. Since giving people 7 Reasons Not To Date A Polar Bear, no one in the world – that’s all six point three billion of us – has dated a Polar Bear. So people do listen. Later today people will be getting a Pizza Express tattoo. It’s up to you whether you want to be original or you want to go home and watch Eastenders. Choose the latter and you might just regret it.

    4.  Service. So, having decided to be original, you walk into a Pizza Express with the logo on your arm. You just watch as the staff jump into action. Anyone with a Pizza Express tattoo is free advertising for them. It would be naive and stupid not to treat you as a VIP. They want you to keep that tattoo for life. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself getting free Coca-Cola. And, if you fancy stealing a Peroni glass, do it.**

    5.  Service (Two). Just say though, you are more a deep-pan kind of person. Pizza Express, with their thin, crusty bases, wouldn’t satisfy the likes of you. You’d be more inclined to go across the road to Pizza Hut. Here you can have your pan deep and your crust stuffed with cheese. And, because the staff will be gutted to see you with a Pizza Express logo, they will go out of their way to treat you like a VIP. They will want to show you want you are missing. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself getting free Pepsi refills. They do that anyway. But do eat as much as you like. Just make sure you haven’t ordered the buffet. That kind of defeats the objective.

    6.  Mistaken Identity. If I mistakenly thought Jacob the Wolf’s tattoo was the Pizza Express logo, then it is very likely that a lot of teenage girls may mistake you for a wolf. So, if you like the idea of dozens of teenage girls yanking your tail, get a Pizza Express tattoo.

    7.  Reminder. Ironically, when you see the Pizza Express tattoo on your arm every day, you won’t think of Pizza Express, you’ll think of those idiots at 7 Reasons. The next thing you’ll do is log on to our website and read our latest post. No longer will you need to be on twitter or facebook to keep up with us.

    *Understandably, there maybe something about Pizza Express that you don’t love. In my case it would be the dough balls. I just don’t see the point in them. In such a case I would have an asterisk placed next to the Pizza Express tattoo on my arm and then have a disclaimer on the lower part of my back to state that my love did not stretch to the dough balls.

    **Disclaimer: You MUST have a Pizza Express tattoo to steal a Peroni glass otherwise 7 Reasons can take no responsibility for your actions.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Always Ask Who Is On The Other Side Of The Door Before Opening

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Always Ask Who Is On The Other Side Of The Door Before Opening

    Another Saturday, another guest post. It’s almost as if it was what Saturdays were made for. Almost. Of course, they’re not. Saturdays were made for sport. But we can’t provide you with that here. So you’re getting a guest post. And today it comes from Sam Murray who, as well as making his debut on the 7 Reasons sofa, also sets a new ‘longest post title’ record. Well done Sam. Right, I’m off. There’s someone at the door. Which is quite a coincidence really considering Sam’s post is written in association with Door Stop, composite door manufacturers who are leading the way in providing U Value doors to the trade and construction industry.

    7 Reasons You Should Always ask Who is on the Other Side of the Door before Opening

    A door in its purest sense is a moveable barrier used to cover an opening. Pretty handy and an invention I am sure we are not surprised to learn has been about since the dawn of time. The door was invented before the coming of any advanced civilization and was used by the earliest primitive people, maybe for some of the reasons below:

    1.  To Protect Yourself Against Vampires. According to Vampire folklore and mythology before a Vampire can enter your home you have to invite them in. Now I have not come across many vampires in my time but I am pretty sure that this is not because they are polite individuals who like to wait. Take a quick look out of your peep hole and if they look like they haven’t had a holiday for a while be on your guard.

    2.  To Stop Debt Collectors Erm… Collecting. Debt collectors can’t enter your home unless you invite them in or you leave a door or window open. So unless they also have super powers (or a ladder) you can probably afford to leave top floor windows open to for a frosty reception.

    3.  For The Sake Of Your Interior Design. It is rumoured that Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen from changing rooms and other Home Improvement shows preys on innocent and naive victims who let him into their home before he rearranges their furniture. Be warned and check before you let people in to your home, especially if they have silly hair and a colourful outfit.

    4.  To Discourage Squatting. Squatting has suddenly become hot property after news that Harry Hallowes, 71, was given a plot of land that could be worth up to £4 million. Harry has camped on the 60ft x 120ft patch of garden for around 21 years and has been dubbed Britain’s wealthiest vagabond after being given squatters’ rights to the plot in Highgate, North London. Always make sure you check who is on the other side of the door before vacating your property for a week or two or even when popping to the shops for milk.

    5.  So Your Friend Can Finish His Knock-Knock Joke. Knock-knock jokes are well entrenched in the UK and most of mainland Europe, even South Africa, Philippines and India. So it would be a shame if you didn’t ask who is on the other side of the door when your friend tries to impress you with their latest witty joke. Nobody likes a spoil sport, go on, ask.

    6.  To Avoid Trick And Treaters. The only form of begging that is acceptable – outsmarting a bunch of children by asking who it is before answering the door will although you to avoid any monetary loss or from cleaning up egg from your windows or doors.

    7.  Because You Can. Doors were invented and built for the exact purpose of privacy. No one can see you behind it so go ahead and ask, maybe even put on a voice and pretend you’re not in.