7 Reasons

Tag: Swings

  • 7 Reasons The Playground Is A Metaphor For Life

    7 Reasons The Playground Is A Metaphor For Life

    I’m sitting in the park. It’s August but it’s gloomy, dank and wet. There’s no one else around. The playground ahead of me is completely empty. I stare for a while. Thinking back to the days when it would have been acceptable for me to run over and jump on the swing. Then I realise something. I’m already on a swing. And a merry-go-round. And a see-saw. The playground ahead of me is just a metaphor for what we experience every day. Here’s why:

    7 Reasons The Playground Is A Metaphor For Life

    1.  Swings. Back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes quick, sometimes slow. It’s just like commuting to and from work everyday. Or doing the school run. Sometimes we want it to speed up. To get us through the day. Sometimes we want it to slow down. So we can live the moment for longer. Most of all though, sometimes it makes us throw-up.

    2.  Slides. It takes time and effort to get to the top. For what? Just to slide straight back down to earth, on your backside, at twice the speed.

    3.  Merry-Go-Rounds. You go round and round and round in circles. Then you feel dizzy, have a lie down, get up and get back on. And we repeat this ridiculous lifestyle choice for eternity. We’re idiots.

    4.  See-Saw. Up and down, up and down. All while some git tries to make you fly off and smash your head on the concrete floor. Well, it was concrete in my time. It’s probably wood-chippings now. It’s health and safety gone mad.

    5.  Climbing-Frame. It doesn’t matter which route you take, the view from the top is always the same – usually some bloke with his tongue down your girlfriend’s throat behind the cricket pavilion.

    6.  Monkey Bars. You pull yourself up, you think you look cool and then your pants fall down. You lower yourself and realise your pride hurts only slightly more than your biceps.

    7.  Sand Pit. It’s pretty standard. You make your castle only for some twat to come along and kick it to smithereens. Good name for a 1960s band that, The Smithereens. I was so after my time.

  • 7 Reasons To Experience A Simple Pleasure

    7 Reasons To Experience A Simple Pleasure

    7 Reasons is, by and large, a humour site. At least that’s what we like to think. You may have noticed that occasionally we divert from this, although it must be said that half the time it is probably not that intentional. Today, you’ll be pleased to hear though, it is. So there’s no need to laugh. I was walking back from Tesco the other day when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It got me thinking about simple pleasures. I know what you are thinking, but no, it wasn’t that kind of pleasure. Well it was, but that’s not what I am talking about. It was a text from someone and it made me smile. And I thought to myself, while stubbing my toe, that sometimes it’s the simplest things in life that are the best. So, if you want a simple pleasure today, try these.

    1.  Tea. There is nothing quite like a cup of tea. Nothing. Despite what 50% of the 7 Reasons creative force say. A good cup makes you go ‘Ahhh’. Ahhh-ing is the ultimate simple pleasure. Unless it’s…

    2.  Confectionary. There is nothing quite like the satisfaction you get from biting all the chocolate off a Kit-Kat finger without breaking the biscuit. Or letting a Rolo melt in your mouth without giving into the temptation to bite in to it. Or getting a Malteser stuck up your nose. Unless it’s…

    3.  Displaying Knowledge. There is nothing quite like answering a question no one else knows the answer to. Especially when you declare your answer with, ‘I know this! I’ve done it! It’s sodomy!’. Unless it’s…

    4.  Finding Treasure. There’s nothing quite like putting your hand in your pocket to find a forgotten pound coin. Or a five pound note. Or that you’ve got someone else’s trousers on. Unless it’s…

    5.  Child’s Play. There is nothing quite like walking past an empty playground, looking around to see if anyone is about and then quickly nipping over to the swing for one last ride. And then trying to jump off and forgetting to let go. Unless it’s…

    6.  Winning/Insulting The French. There is nothing quite like finding you can use the last couple of letters on your scrabble rack to spell the word ‘Francophobia’. Unless it’s…

    7.  Unexpected Research Results. There is nothing quite like researching for the most popular simple pleasures and being presented with the website SimplePleasure.org.uk. And then clicking on the link and discovering it’s a site for sex toys. Just as your housemate enters your room to ask you a question.

  • 7 Reasons You Know You Are Still A Child At Heart

    7 Reasons You Know You Are Still A Child At Heart

     

    1.  Aversion to Pavements Part 1. There’s a wall a couple of feet high next to the pavement. That looks like a far more entertaining place to walk. Especially as it’s quite thin and so has an element of risk.

    2.  Aversion to Pavements Part 2. Cracks. They’re disasterous things to have on pavements. You must avoid them. Stepping on the cracks mean you lose the game. And the world implodes.

    3.  Your Colleague’s Computer. It looks quite inviting when he/she has gone off to the kitchen to make the coffee round. Especially the email account that is open. Wouldn’t it be funny if you were to send an email to that bloke in IT declaring love for him? Yes. It would be hilarious.

    4.  The Playground. Walking past it is hard work. It’s instinctive to have a quick look around and see who is in the vicinity. How you would love if it there was no one around? You so want to have one last go on the swings. Just to feel that rush again.

    5.  Children’s TV. Flicking through the channels whilst on holiday you come across Children’s afternoon TV. You smile as you remember the good old days of Grange Hill and Round The Twist and Mr. Benn. You change the channel but something is pulling you back. An hour later you are compelled to the modern-day Blue Peter, but can’t help thinking that it was so much better in your day.

    6.  Mannerisms. Giving high-fives and calling people dude and saying cool is still part of your everyday routine. And you do it because it’s a bit silly. And silliness is good.

    7.  Reach For The Stars. You are in a bar when something S Club 7 or Steps-like fills the air. You look at your friends and shake your head and bemoan why you keep coming to this place. Underneath the table though, you are struggling to prevent your foot from tapping and deep inside you are singing along. Loving it.