Tag: Summer

Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Stay In The UK This Summer

Stop right there. Hold up. Before you dive into countless hours trawling the internet for that oversubscribed package holiday in Spain, that Tuscan villa or that Greek island hopping journey you’ve already done a gazillion times, just stop and look around you.

Take a deep breath.

Relax.

Now imagine yourself flapping around packing before heading to the airport at death o’clock in the morning to catch some horrendously coloured low-cost airway out of Luton. (Jeez, Luton!).

Not good is it? But the good news is you don’t need to put yourself through this.

Here are 7 reasons why you should stay in the UK this summer.

1. It’s a going be a humdinger summer. It is brass monkeys out there at the moment, make no mistake. The UK is currently in the throes of a second, and even more devastatingly brutal winter. Livestock have been buried under huge snow drifts in Northern Ireland, villages have been smothered up in Cumbria and the Siberian wind is biting at the Eastern Coast like a pack of wild dogs.

But remember March last year? It was scorchio. Then look what happened to summer: it was pish. That’s what happens, you see, in terms of the cyclic nature of the elements. So the fact that March has been, like, the nippiest ever, is a good omen for summer, and God damn it, the British people are due a long, heady summer like those of old. Believe people, believe!

Believe and it will come.

2. Festival season. There is no country in the world that has as rich a tradition as the UK when it comes to rolling around in open fields, slurping and spilling cider, enjoying mass singalongs to clodhopper-sporting bands and indulging in types of mischief you’re probably old enough to know better than to indulge in.

The UK music festival season kicks off in May and rolls through the different corners of the country from the Isle of Wight (Bestival, the Isle of Wight festival), to Dorset (the Larmer Tree Festival, End of the Road), to Suffolk (Latitude), to Kinross-shire (T in the Park) to literally hundreds of others including more niche events meeting the demand-smorgasbord of culture and music lovers across this glorious nation of ours.

There’s bound to be something out there for you, whether your tastes involve Celtic rock, house and techno, folk or skiffle. So roll out that tent from the loft, pack up a cold box with beers and head down to the festival of your choice for a much-needed extended weekend of hedonism.

3. Holiday parks. These massively underrated types of holiday option have also been appropriated by music festivals for their own ends over recent years. Think All Tomorrow’s Parties in Camber Sands. Think chaos.

But Holiday Parks are actually a brilliant option for a family break in the UK which will keep every member of your family or friendship group entertained. With their wide open spaces of lovely greenery, often by the sea, swimming pools stacked with slides and wave pools, ace sports facilities and a slew of cracking entertainment by night, parks like these can really take you by surprise.

All this, too, without having to even try and track them down in a place you don’t really know or have to clumsily ask for in a foreign tongue. Takes the pressure of a little, doesn’t it? And who needs pressure on holidays?

Not me, I tell you. Not me.

4. No planes. This one is dead simple. You stay on this island for your holibobs, you don’t need to faff around at airports or put your life in the hands of someone driving you through the air in some pinned-together plates of tin. OK, so maybe I exaggerate the last point a little but so many people just hate to fly. Imagine how much more relaxing a short car or train journey to your holiday location will be. Sooooo much more relaxing.

Saves you time, stress and effort. Those things are darn important when holidays are involved.

5. Countryside. As Danny Boyle’s game-changing Olympic Opening Ceremony richly demonstrated, the British countryside is kinda awesome. We all probably do not appreciate it as much as we should do. It is really quite a special thing.

The changing landscapes across the country are staggering, from the rolling green hills of Somerset, to the huge skies and wetlands of Norfolk, to the scarlet and purple heather of the North Yorkshire moors, we are inundated with glorious places to explore.

But have you ever really tried it? Really tried to get to know another corner of the country you profess to deeply love? If not, this summer could well be the time.

6. British people. Brits. They’re like you’re family in many ways. In fact, they probably are your family, too, in most cases. But our country can boast huge levels of cultural diversity, something which is probably attributable in no small way to our island status. Brits are famous abroad for their sense of humour and you will find laughter the common currency in the far corners of our island.

On top of this, the fascinating range of local regional identities with their own foibles, accents, foodstuffs and interests is a source of interest to visitors from all the corners of the globe. So why not you too?

7. Quirky festivals and traditions. The diversity of regional identities goes hand in hand with a huge array of quirky regional customs too. Many regions have their own festivals that are unique to that area only. We’re not talking about Summer Isle and The Wickerman here although, that said, there is The Wickerman Festival in July.

No, we’re talking instead about things like ‘Sheep Day’. Yes, that’s right – ‘Sheep Day.’ This happens once a summer in the Yorkshire market town of Skipton when the countryside is brought right into the town. Baaa–rilliant, yes? Ahem.

Alternatively, you could try the annual Scarecrow Festival in Torteval on Guernsey which happens every July, or maybe the Great Wrekin Barrel Race which takes place in Wellington in June. Teams compete to carry barrels of beer to the top of this major Shropshire hill, you can watch AND drink beer. Cool.

There are hundreds of festivals to choose from, they just require research. Do you know what the traditional festival and customs are for your little corner of the country? No? Then go thither and seek them out!

Author Bio: Matthew Pink is a writer who will not be using his passport this year.

April 10, 2013
Guest Post: 7 Reasons You’ll Put Weight On This Winter

As we head into winter, you’re probably dreading the added expense of Christmas and New Year. Our wallets are already stretched to breaking point, with families up and down the land having to make cut-backs here, there and everywhere, so the last thing we need is another visit from Rudolph and co.

That said, although you may be worrying about whether Santa will survive on the less-than-luxury mince pies you leave him at the foot of your chimney, you should probably be worrying about your waistline too. Why? Because winter is when many of us let ourselves go.

So, if you don’t want to enter 2013 looking like you do on the back of a dessert spoon, watch what you eat. Otherwise you might find yourself adhering to all seven of these reasons why you’ll put on more weight.

1. Cold weather. As winter is the coldest season of the year it’s pretty much a given that people are less active. Gone are the early morning walks with the dog, the sunset jogs around the block and the weekend cycles in the countryside. In comes the staying indoors, the radiators turned up and rubbish on the TV. Out goes the range cookers and the hearty filling food, in comes the takeaways and the microwave meals….

2. Wet weather. The winter brings with it wet weather too. If it’s wet you’re less likely to want to walk, cycle or snake-board to work, turning to your car instead. Understandably too. Why turn up to work like a drowned rat, when you can get there in the warm and relative comfort of your own pride and joy? The thing is, though, while it may be convenient, not only will your travel expenses rise, so will the size of your trousers.

3. Less light. With the clocks going back the nights get longer. You end up going to work in the dark, and coming home in the dark. As such, many of us start to ‘hibernate’, with our body clocks thinking it’s time to shut down for the evening. “Shall I go to the gym?” you ask yourself. “Nahhhh. I’ll go home to the warm, thanks.” Less daylight and longer nights reduce your desire to keep active, leading to a night in front of the tellybox, rather than the exercise mat. Unless you’re watching Aerobics Oz Style on Sky Sports 2 of course.

4. Winter blues. Talk to any sufferer of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and they will tell you the same thing, as soon as the clocks go back their mood suffers horribly. They rue the loss of summer and dread the cold winter months. They get depressed, they get down and they miss the sun. They crave sweet and carb-heavy foods to keep up their energy and spirits. If that sounds familiar, watch the scales go up.

5. Seasonal food. Christmas is coming earlier and earlier nowadays. In fact, it was August this year when we first started noticing festive fare on the shelves. Mince pies, Christmas puddings, Twiglets, nuts, selection boxes, advent calendas… you could actually buy them IN AUGUST this year. Surely a new record? If you’re tempted by these offers (£5 for a tub of Celebrations for example), then just think to yourself, “I’m going to get fat!” That should stop you. Unless you say it with pride and conviction, in which case no one can help you.

6. Seasonal drink. Now this one is a sore point for many of us. Supermarkets up and down the land know that us Brits love a drink. We do. We can’t get by without the odd glass of wine now and again. But with Christmas coming, it’s fair game. “A bottle of Baileys for £12, when the normal RRP is £20? I’m there!” But so are those pesky little calories. If you don’t want to slam on the festive flab, then try and avoid these festive drink offers. Or use a straw. You’ll probably feel better that way.

7. Office treats. No matter how hard you try to stay cheery in the winter months, whether that’s keeping up your exercise routine, going for walks or constructing a stationary tower out of paper clips, you can bet your bottom dollar/pound that your workmates won’t be as committed as you. As a result, before you know it, the office will be inundated with sugary treats to help celebrate…erm… nothing in particular. So, if you don’t want to see your scales creak under the weight of all that office joviality, the trick is to learn to say no. Good luck.

October 30, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Go On A UK Family Holiday

Everyone loves a good old British family holiday. I have many happy memories of days wasting my pocket money in arcades (apart from one traumatic moment when I dropped my pound coin straight through a gap in the pier, much to my sister’s amusement) and chasing AWOL camping equipment around windy Devonshire camp sites. In all seriousness, there are some fantastic family holidays in the UK, and hotels which provide real luxury and entertainment for both adults and children. With that in mind, here are 7 good reasons to holiday in Britain this year.

1. Your children probably won’t get eaten by a shark. You will be relieved to know that very few people have been eaten by sharks in British waters.

2. You can legitimately moan about the weather. It’s nice to moan about the heat when you’re abroad, but it’s always tinged with guilt because you’ve been moaning about the rain all year at home. Holidaying in the UK means you can start to complain about the weather as soon as you know you’ll be in Britain all summer and continue to complain about it when you’re back, knowing you’ll receive sympathy from fellow suffering Brits.

3. You can buy a normal sized loaf of bread. There is often a distinct lack of average sliced bread in Europe outside of the UK. I enjoy a baguette as much as the next person, but sometimes you feel as though you need to give your mouth a rest from the crust aerobics (a potential hit on Dragons’ Den?) it has endured.

4. You don’t have to learn another language. Unless you’re going to Somerset, in which case you might need a translator in some circumstances.

5. You don’t have to change your money. The customary trip to the Post Office is probably one of my least favourite parts of preparing to travel abroad. You suddenly have to start worrying about exchange rates and markets and buying and selling. Consequently I usually end up taking five times what I need in Euros, worrying the whole holiday that it will be stolen from my bag, and then forgetting to convert the rest of it back when I’m home.

6. It can be nice. We Brits get a fair bit of flack about our excessive drinking, repressed (or too under-repressed) sexuality, and unhealthy desire to start up a queue wherever possible. But I’m going to stick up for us here. We are lucky to live on a beautiful island with a long and varied history and probably the coolest capital city in the world. Tourists flock here because there’s loads to see; maybe we should be making the most of it too.

7. It’s not far to get home. By the time you all want to murder each other at the end (just my family?), at least you know it’s not going to involve a 4 hour wait for a delayed plane while your dad dances with a Turkish belly dancer in the airport shop (definitely just my family).

Katherine likes to a get a feel for the history of the places she visits, and seeks out the bits which reveal something about the culture in different areas of the globe. She has travelled in four different continents and is looking forward to exploring the rest.

August 26, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Book A Summer Holiday

With schools in the UK just breaking up for the summer holidays, many people still haven’t booked a family holiday. Talks of a double dip recession, job insecurity, rainy weather and uncertainty about the Euro have meant that many families have been left unsure of what to do with their main summer break. But you know you deserve a holiday! So why wait?

1. Don’t tear your hair out at home. Staying at home can feel ok for the first three days of the school holidays. After that, the kids will be running riot around the house, misbehaving and crying out ‘I’m bored’. You will be desperate to escape from the four walls of your home. If only you could escape from your family too…

2. It doesn’t have to cost the earth. In these times of economic uncertainty, many people resist booking a holiday until the last minute. The thing is, in uncertain times more than ever, we need a bit of joy in our lives and holidays are even more important. There are plenty of cheap self catering UK cottage holidays still available for this summer and booking last minute means that you can take advantage of great deals, making your holiday even friendlier on the wallet and hopefully giving you some spare cash to splash on meals out and treats for the kids whilst you are away.

3. Kids love holidays! Anyone remember being the only kid in the class who hadn’t been away for a summer holiday? Just me then? Give your kids some stories to tell back at school and something to write about in their ‘what I did in the holidays’ diary, you don’t want them going back to school looking like the poor kid who didn’t get to go anywhere.
On a serious note, holidays are educational for kids, they can learn about new places and experience new things. You might actually enjoy spending time with them. Going on holiday won’t make your kids behave but you can keep your fingers crossed that it might!

4. It doesn’t have to be loads of hassle. The thought of packing to go away, airports, queues and seasickness can all make it feel like it is way too much hassle to go away. It doesn’t have to be! Keep it simple, stay in the UK, pack up a few essentials in the boot of the car and off you go. There are plenty of places to look for hassle free holidays in the UK, like Web Cottages. You can take your own food and you won’t have to worry about the inconvenience of finding food that fussy youngsters will like when abroad too. Winner! There are enough things to think about without making life more difficult for you.

5. You never know what’s around the corner. It sounds really doom and gloom but you never know what the future may hold. 2013 may mean the end of the world for all we know! If the end of the world or more economic problems, and a whole host of other disasters are potentially just around the corner then we may as well enjoy ourselves now. Book a few days away; if we are all going to die next year at least we can die happy!

6. It’s good for your health! Going on holiday is good for you, fact! Well, the right sort of holiday is. Get away from the house, the office and the car and spend some time in the great outdoors. Loose a few pounds by walking in the countryside or along the coastline. You can even treat yourself to a ice cream or portion of fish and chips, it’s about a balanced diet after all! Not only will you return feeling refreshed and relaxed but you will be ready to back to work and endue the rest of the school holidays.

7. Make the most of the sunshine! Fingers crossed we may actually get a summer this year! News reports say that the jet stream that has been causing awful wet weather across the UK is set to change so we may actually get some lovely British sunshine. Make the most of it and head to the seaside for a beach holiday. Even if it rains, our good old British spirit will kick in. We are used to rainy beach holidays after all.
So, get on your marks, get set, go! Make the most of the school holidays this summer.

July 19, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Turn The Radio Up This Summer

Each year the summer feels like it begins with the melodic ringing of a catchy light hearted pop song that will stay in our heads for the entire season of hot weather and barbeques. There seems to be a song that signifies summer for all of us. Let’s take a look at some reasons to turn the volume dial to max.

1. Madonna – Holiday. It’s cheesy, easy and often the bragging song for those lucky enough to have booked a beach holiday. It’s not uncommon to hear Madonna’s holiday ringing round the canteen at work as Dave from Sales rubs it in that you’ll be taking on his workload for 2 weeks while he’s off to Majorca.

Year: 1982 UK Chart Position: 2

2. Cliff Richard – Summer Holiday. If you’re under 40 you may not have heard this song ever, and if you do, it’s unlikely that you’ll be rushing out to buy it. Before CDs had been invented and no one knew iPods were even possible, the squeaky clean crooner Cliff Richard managed to string the song out in to an entire film and the album of the same named topped the album charts. Expect embarrassing parents and grandparents to sing this one prior to a trip to the seaside or a family picnic.

Year: 1963 UK Chart Position: 1

3. Fresh Prince & Jazzy Jeff – Summertime. Before Will Smith began chasing aliens around films sets he was making funky friendly rap music under the alias The Fresh Prince. This is a good song for cruising in the car with the top down.

Year: 1991 UK Chart Position: 8

4. The Beach Boys – Surfing USA. Released the same year as Cliff Richard’s summer holiday but much cooler, because it’s about surfing and surfing is cool. If you haven’t heard this summer song you clearly haven’t been to a beach bar, school disco or the USA.

Year: 1963 UK Chart Position: 34

5. Wham! – Club Tropicana. Club Tropicana drinks are free – well if you’re on an all-inclusive package holiday they are! George Michael dances round the pool in this popular eighties hit that takes the listener off to the topical cocktail pool party dream.

Year: 1983 UK Chart Position: 4

6. LMFAO – Party Rock Anthem. For modern pop fans this dance track signifies the start of summer, late nights in Ibiza and hot sweaty night clubs for of scantily clad youngsters. Hear it once and it will stay in your head. All summer.

Year: 2011 UK Chart Position: 1

7. Mungo Jerry – In the Summertime. This classic tune has been used for many TV adverts. It’s a feel good, low key track but yet has achieved the status of the biggest selling single of all time worldwide. A cover version from the 1990s by Shaggy got to number 5 in the UK charts too.

Year: 1970 UK Chart Position: 1

Summer tunes are the soundtrack to happy days and carefree relaxation, whether you take your holiday as a road trip, visiting the vineyards with a house exchange France, camping in the woods or jetting off to the Balearics. For luxury home swapping accommodation for holidays all around the world, visit Lovehomeswap.com who kindly provided us with these top summer songs.

May 26, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Staycate This Summer

1. One Expects Ones Presence At The Diamond Bash. In case you hadn’t noticed, our dear old Queenie will be celebrating 60 years on the throne next month. Now, before you start, I know what you’re going to say, ‘I couldn’t care less about the Royals. The only purpose they serve is as a honey-trap for nostalgia hungry tourists, desperate to relive the days of old, when the monarchy actually had any power.’ Yes, yes, cutting stuff, Mr Opinions. But think of it this way. The Queen is the second longest serving female monarch in HISTORY OF THE WORLD. If she manages another 3 or so years (which is likely, seeing as she has royally appointed medical care) she’ll overtake Queen Victoria and go down in the history books as an incredibly empowering female figure head. And after all, this will most definitely be the only diamond jubilee any of us will be alive to see.

2. London Hasn’t Hosted The Olympics Since 1948. And after this year, it’ll be a very long time before we get the privilege again. That’s not to say we aren’t doing a splendid job, but the financial implications of such a gargantuan privilege have run up a bill close to £24 billion. Since last summer’s riots tore the soul out of the city, a lot of time and resources have gone into restoring London’s international stage status, which is definitely worth experiencing. From the red swirly statue that looks like a blood clot to the ‘fantasticology’ wildflower meadows that run adjacent to the main stadium, London’s had the mother of all makeovers.

3. The Weather Will Get More Exciting, Honest. It’s been a year of radical weather. From the wettest drought on record to a truly unseasonable May, Brits are crying out for the lustre of an endless summer. We are most certainly overdue a hot one and, as much as I want to use words like ‘heat-wave’ and ‘scorcher’ and ‘BBQ summer,’ I can’t, yet. All I can say is this, with wet droughts and dry winters, something exciting is bound to happen. Worst comes to the worst, you’ll save money on sun cream and still have a fun-filled break at a Great Yarmouth Holiday Park.

4. The European Union Is Going, Going… Who knows what will happen, but there are half a dozen countries on the verge of financial collapse and a couple that have already taken the hit. Visitors to Greece, for example, have been told to expect regular strikes, demonstrations, a general threat of terrorism and tear gas at protests. This, in general, is nothing the UK hasn’t dealt with before (minus the tear gas) but tackling these situations in a foreign country can be very testing and dangerous.

5. Hey Shakey, It’s Your Birthday. Shakespeare is 400 this year, Dickens is 200, Bond is 50 and the world’s greatest food invention, the humble sandwich, is 250 years old. There’s a lot of celebrating to do, and us Brits certainly know how to party. In fact, we’re known for it.

6. No Passports Please, We’re British. You heard it here first. If you’re staying in the country that you live in, you don’t need a passport! Jubilation! Not only that, but you don’t have to bother with flights or packing or connections or foreign languages or delays or sunburn or shark attacks. It’s time to appreciate lovely, safe Britain with its familiar quirks, rich diversity and fantastic holiday parks.

7. Stephen Fry Told You To. ‘Why on earth would anyone want to go abroad in 2012? I mean, there are so many events all around the country…’ Well, if the English Treasure bids it, who I am to say otherwise?

May 19, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Christmas Should Happen In June

We are sure many of you remember with great fondness our attempts at rebranding the 24th December as ‘The Day Of The Sausage’. Sadly – and wrongly – the idea never captured the imagine of the masses. As such we have long been looking for a new festive-based campaign to get behind. And we may have found it in today’s guest post. Over to Sam.

***

I’ve had enough of Christmas in December and reckon it’d be far more fun if it were to occur in June. Here are seven reasons why!

1. Christmas Shopping Would Be Fun. I don’t, as a rule, dislike buying my family and friends Christmas gifts. However, I do dislike turning out onto busy, dark, weather-battered streets in search of the perfect pressie. The ensuing festive scrum is just unpleasant. Admittedly moving the event to June wouldn’t lessen the crowds, but I have a theory. Defending oneself from the elements with sweaters, jumpers, coats, scarfs and the rest increases ones size. I, for a while, owned an anorak that was large enough to warrant its own seat on the underground. If Christmas happened in June this wouldn’t be an issue, t-shirts, vest tops, shorts and skirts would give us room to breathe. And it is also worth mentioning it would negate the instant sauna effect every time you enter a store that occurs with our current date arrangement. Imagine the possibilities. It’d be a merry stroll on sunny streets and, when you were done, an ice cream in the park.

2. Online Christmas Shopping Would Be Less Fraught With Potential Pitfalls. I’ve not finished with Christmas shopping yet. A counter to point one would be the suggestion that the modern Christmas shopper notices that it’s December 1st and promptly makes a cup of coffee and a cheese toasty, before sitting down at their computer and surfing straight to various gift themed websites. A click here and a click there and your Crimbo shopping is done quicker than you can say, “I am a gift giving god!” And you are – as long as there is no adverse weather forecast. It’s December though, and adverse weather is what December really likes to do. Cue impenetrable blizzards and M5 stranded delivery drivers eating that hamper of chocolates you ordered.

3. Santa Would Become A Positive Role Model. Currently Santa is a heart attack waiting to happen. In a world of health awareness holding this fellow aloft as the most important person in a young person’s life alongside Pikachu is surely a bad idea. Christmas in summer would see Santa trim in no time. He’d sweat off those extra 200 pounds he’s carrying in a couple of years, especially having to scoot around the world in half the usual time due to shorter nights.

4. Cold Weather Is Rubbish! Having already mentioned the weather in points 1 and 2 does not negate the requirement for an entry on its own merit. Cold weather is miserable. Plus it’s not just the cold; it’s the sideways rain and hip-breaking conditions underfoot. Historically, aside from the Jesus’ birthday deal, it is reckoned the celebration took place in sync with the winter solstice to lift spirits because everyone was miserable due to the short days, crappy weather and that there was little agricultural work to be done. Sensible? Maybe, but sensible never went hand-in-hand with a cracking celebration. Let’s go outside and party like it’s Christmas in June and pushing 100 Fahrenheit. Oh hang on, it is!

5. No More Mulled Wine. “Hot wine?! No thanks, you’re mad.” This is the correct response when someone offers you mulled wine, except if it is Christmas when you smile and swallow it down as if hot wine if the norm. It isn’t, but seemingly it is only brought out due to the fact it’s December and we’re all freezing. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather sit outside in June’s summer sun and celebrate my Christmas by reaching in to a bucket of ice for a chilled beer.

6. I Wouldn’t Get Combined Birthday And Christmas Presents. I’m not an ungrateful sort, but for the best part of quarter of a century I’ve been the receiver of combined Christmas and birthday presents due to my parents bad planning. Yes, I have an early January birthday. Switching to June would give all those suffering the same fate a taste of two awesome gift receiving occasions that are nicely spaced throughout the year.

7. Why Not? Why not indeed? I can’t think of a reason. And as they say, a change is as good as rest. Besides when we switch we’ll be getting two Christmas celebrations within 12 months, how cool is that?! It’ll boost the economy and raise public moral. I know I’ve criticised certain elements of the December-based festivity, but it is the most wonderful time of the year. In fact, are there any negatives to just adding another Christmas in June? If we do that every one’s happy. What could be more Christmas spirited than that?!

Sam C campaigns by night for the redistribution of national holidays, whilst by day contributing to the e-commerce site, Find Me A Gift.

March 13, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Should Wear A Two-Piece Swimsuit Over a One-Piece

Today we are joined on the 7 Reasons sofa by Susan Bodack. Susan is a blogger for Beauty & the Beach, a swimwear and fashion blog by InStyleSwimwear.com. It will come as no surprise, then, that her guest post is all about that most puzzling of conundrums. What kind of swimsuit to go for.

When many women hear the words “two-piece swimsuit,” panic starts to set in and confidence levels start to drop. I’m here to tell you that everything you think you know about two-pieces is probably wrong. You don’t have to be a supermodel or even freakishly good looking to wear one. Regardless of your size or body type, you should opt to wear a two-piece swimsuit over a one-piece. Sorry fellas, this post is strictly for the ladies. But you can thank me later. 🙂

1. Show Off That Bikini Bod (Or Lack Thereof). As I mentioned in the intro, you don’t have to be flawless to look flawless in a two-piece swimsuit. Lucky for us ladies (myself included) there are different types of two-pieces besides those skimpy string bikinis. For those who are in shape and have spent months perfecting that bikini bod for summer, a two-piece bikini gives you an excuse to show off that hard-earned body. But for those who are a bit more athletically-challenged, a tankini-style two-piece swimsuit may be more your style.

2. Tan Lines Are NOT Sexy. The jury’s in, ladies. Tan lines are NOT sexy. Unless you’re into nude beaches, tan lines are pretty much inevitable during summer; but the less you have, the better. A two-piece swimsuit exposes more of your skin than a one-piece, whether you’re wearing a skimpy bikini or a tankini. And with tankinis, you can still pull your top up a bit to let your stomach see the light of day, which I highly recommend. Two-Piece Tan > Farmer’s Tan > One-Piece Tan.

3. Going Pee Is Easy as 1, 2, 3! If you’ve ever worn a one-piece, you know that something so simple as going to the bathroom can become quite the hassle. Unlike one-pieces, a two-piece swimsuit makes going pee as easy as 1, 2, 3. With two-pieces, you don’t have to practically get undressed in the stall just to do your business. Some may argue that there are ways around it but let’s not get inventive and make things harder for yourself for no good reason.

4. Swimsuit Weather is Hot. Duh. When it comes time to bust out the swimsuits, you know it’s pretty hot out. When you go to and from the beach, pool or wherever your watering hole may be, chances are you probably just throw on your cover-up. A two-piece swimsuit feels more like typical undergarments and less like a layer of clothing, and during the hot and humid weather, you want to have as little on as possible… without getting arrested.

5. Next Best Thing… Let me just start off by saying that I DO NOT condone public nudity. Now that I got that disclosure out of the way, wearing a two-piece swimsuit is definitely the next best thing to being naked. Let’s be honest—we all walk around in the buff from time to time in the privacy of our own homes. It gives us a sense of freedom. Sure, there are some nude beaches around, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that the majority of us prefer public beaches. A two-piece swimsuit allows you to expose yourself without actually exposing yourself.

6. Wax On, Wax Off. No, I’m not referring to Mr. Miyagi’s words of wisdom, but rather a good old-fashioned bikini wax. I know what you’re thinking. Bikini waxes are no fun. But you know what they say… No pain, no gain! Despite what you may think, everyone needs some maintenance down there, whether you’re a man or woman. Since wearing a two-piece swimsuit exposes more of your body than a one-piece, it’s the perfect excuse to go get waxed. It’s one of those necessary evils and I promise it’s not that bad. And I’m sure your significant other will greatly appreciate it.

7. Um, Excuse me, Grandma? Whether you’re a one-piece or two-piece swimsuit wearer, you can’t deny that one-pieces tend to get the short end of the stick; there’s less of a selection, they’re always done in boring dark solid colors, there’s less variety in styles and well, they’re just not at pretty as two-piece swimsuit styles. We all know that once you hit a certain age, gravity starts to take its toll on certain, ahem, features. Celebrate your body while you’ve still got it going on. Whether you’re stick skinny or curvalicious, always choose a two-piece swimsuit. Save the one-pieces for grandma.

November 18, 2011
7 Reasons To Get A Winter Beach Body

It’s the summer, and chances are that, right now, your thoughts are turning to holidays, with all of the indolent ease, languor and sheer carefree bliss that they entail. Unless you’re standing in a branch of WH Smith and gazing at a magazine stand consisting of dozens of covers featuring airbrushed pictures and article titles such as “How To Get The Perfect Summer Beach Body”, in which case you’re probably experiencing something akin to terror. But don’t panic, you don’t need the “perfect summer beach body” for your holiday; in fact, it’s infinitely inferior to the winter beach body. Here are seven reasons why.

1. A Winter Beach Body Is A Safer Option. And safety in the sea is important. When I was a svelte child, learning to swim, one of the things that all of my friends and family spent many hours teaching me to do was float. “It’s simple”, they would say, “you just stretch your arms and legs out and relax”, and then they’d just lie there, on top of the sea. Then it would be my turn: I’d stretch my arms and legs out, relax, and soon I’d find myself floating serenely. To the bottom of the sea. I would sink like a stone every time. But if you have a winter beach body, you’ll be difficult to sink and, should you get into trouble and find yourself floating away from the shore, you’ll be easier to spot from the beach or a helicopter. Your chances of surviving your beach holiday will be manifestly better than those of summer-bodied people.

2. A Winter Beach Body Makes A Statement. Getting a summer beach body is easy, anyone can do it. But getting a winter beach body takes a considerable investment of time and money and requires technology too. You can use it to flaunt your wealth and status. What does your winter beach body say about you? A winter beach body says that you can afford to dine well; a winter beach body says that you’re a car owner; a winter beach body says that you live somewhere modern festooned with lifts and escalators; a winter beach body says that you can afford twice as much suntan oil as anyone else on the beach; a winter beach body says that you might own a Segway. A winter beach body signifies affluence and ease.

3. A Winter Beach Body Is Practical. You might be holidaying in Britain and for that, a winter beach body is the better option. On British beaches, where people consume ice cream to warm themselves up, you’ll at least stand half a chance of not dying of hypothermia or exposure. What’s the last question that any family in the UK asks before they head off to the beach? “Have you remembered to pack the blanket”? In this country, insulation is most important thing that you can take to the beach. Winter beach bodies have more of that, built-in.

4. Getting A Winter Beach Body Is More Fun. You don’t need to starve yourself or drink eight litres of water a day to get a winter beach body. You won’t have to visit a gym either, unless you’re going there to use the horizontal bar (the one with the bottles on it). You won’t have to spend the months leading up to your holiday eating only beetroot during daylight hours (except for every second Tuesday, which is miso soup day) and you’ll never, ever have to eat celery.

5. A Winter Beach Body Requires Less Hair Removal. As the possessor of a winter beach body you’ll be less inclined to wear a bikini made from a shoelace or a pair of budgie smugglers so small that they can barely contain your budgie. This means that there’ll be less hair removal, which is good as hair removal is the most painful experience known to man (and the second most painful known to woman). I would sooner break my fingers with a piano lid than tweeze a nose hair, let alone pluck one from down there, beneath my trousers. A winter beach body means less pain. Or fewer pain, to be correct about it.

6. A Winter Beach Body Frees You From The Beach. With a winter beach body, you might find that you’ll want to spend less time on the beach, away from all of those preening show-offs. This is brilliant, as no one actually likes the beach. It’s uncomfortable, being made of either stones (which hurt) or sand (which chafes). It’s boring, as the number of people busy ignoring it and burying their noses in their books demonstrates and it’s frustrating, as your chips will be stolen by a seagull. If you spend less time on the beach, you’ll have more fun, and you’ll get to eat all of your chips yourself. Unless you’re a man. Your winter beach body will liberate you from the beach.

7. It’s Too Late To Do Anything Else. Having blithely ignored every magazine at the supermarket checkout and every other daytime television programme telling you how to get the perfect summer beach body for the past five months or so, there’s very little time left. This is good, as getting a winter beach body is quick and easy. It won’t be the perfect summer beach body as depicted in magazines (which are only ever perfect in the mind of the beholder, and never in the mind of the owner), but it’ll be your body. Take it to the beach and enjoy yourself, or even better, take it away from the beach and enjoy yourself. Oh, and don’t read magazines.*

*Do, however, read websites.

July 22, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Glastonbury Sucks

This week Luke Glassford has taken the 7 Reasons sofa to a field far, far away. Luke is the chief music writer for music news and review site, All-Noise.co.uk and has been to Glastonbury more times than he would ever admit.

Yes people, it’s that time of year again – festival season! When everyone suddenly becomes a super-cool, shades-and-wellies wearing fashionista and likes to prattle on about how much of a ‘proper music’ fan they are. Right in the middle of this hyped-up, giddy season of festivals is Glastonbury – the biggest, oldest and oh-so coolest of all the summer festivals. And here’s 7 reasons why it sucks!

1. Travel. The first ‘festival’ thing you will do is make your way to the festival site. Like going on holiday, this is always the best bit. Except, unlike your holiday, the journey will come to an abrupt end about 50 miles away from your destination because of massive, soul-draining, spirit-crushing tailbacks. And if you think the 7 hours of stop-start traffic on the way there is bad, just wait until you leave on Monday morning – when you’re tired, dirty and in absolutely no mood to be queuing up for hours just to get out the car park!

2. Toilets. Where there’s lots of people, there’s lots of poo. It’s just a fact of life. At festivals, toilets become stinking, disgusting cess pits which make you more aware of everyone else’s bodily functions than ever. This also makes you much more aware of your own bodily functions and you will, at one point, have this conversation with yourself: “Right, I’m front and centre at the Pyramid stage and my favourite bands on in 10 minutes – God I love Glasto. Oh, hold on, do I need a wee? Maybe, but I should be able to hold it. No, I’ve thought about it now, it’ll only get worse. Ill have to go find the toilets. But how am I going to find my way back to this great spot? The queue will be massive too – I’ll probably miss half the gig. Well I can’t hold it for 2 hours now so Ill have to go, lose my friends and lose my great spot to go stand in a toilet queue for an hour. God I hate Glasto!”

3. Camping. Everyone ‘lucky’ enough to be going to Glastonbury needs to ask themselves: “When did I last go camping?” and “Why have I not been since then?” The answers will probably be: “Ages ago” and “Because it was crap”. Now picture that crap camping experience at that picturesque location with the shower block. Now picture an overcrowded field with tents and guide-ropes pointed in a myriad of angles, trapping you in a cess pit of drunken louts and annoying, squealing teenagers – that’s Glastonbury!

4. Weather. Yes we’re British so we have to moan about the weather. But no-one likes rain when they’re trying to enjoy themselves. Eating fast-food and drinking lager is no fun whatsoever when it’s raining. It’s also no fun when it makes a quick trip to The Other Stage a tiring ordeal made all the worse by the fact all you can do when you get there is stand ankle deep in mud and get rained on. And what do you do next? Why, go back to your flooded tent of course!

5. Expense. It’s not only the fact it costs so much. It’s more the rigmarole you go through for the privilege of just getting the chance to pay for a ticket. Filling out a massive, intrusive form will get your foot in the door. Then you have to get a ticket. Sitting in your dressing gown for 4 hours with your laptop on, pressing ‘refresh’ every 10 seconds while hitting redial on your phone. At 9am. On a bloody Sunday!

6. Other People. No matter what fun activity you do in your life, one factor will always ruin it – other people. They get in the way, push in in queues, throw cups of wee all over the audience and generally annoy you.

7. U2. Just when you think Glastonbury couldn’t get any more suckier, they wheel out your mum’s favourite ‘rock’ band for an opening night smug-fest on the Pyramid Stage. There’s not much more to say to justify this point except – if you’re looking forward to seeing U2 then you probably deserve all the horrible, soul-destroying stuff that is going to happen to you over the weekend!

Obviously, this is quite a pessimistic view of Glastonbury and there is fun to be had – so we look forward to a follow-up here on 7reasons.org called something like “7 Reasons Why Glastonbury Rocked!!!” (If you can think of 7 things that is!)

June 25, 2011