7 Reasons

Tag: spaceman

  • 7 Reasons To Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Yuri Gagarin’s Flight Into Space

    7 Reasons To Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Yuri Gagarin’s Flight Into Space

    On 12th April 1961, Yuri Gagarin became the first man in space. To celebrate his achievement there are a variety of events happening all over the world, but here at 7 Reasons we thought we’d give him our own homage.

    7 Reasons To Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Yuri Gagarin's Flight Into Space

    1.  You’re Hired! Way before Mark Burnett invented The Apprentice, Sergei Korolev invented the The Spaceman. It wasn’t actually called that, but it should have been. The premise of The Spaceman was simple, find the world’s first spaceman. After weeks of tasks – that may or may not have included filming an advert for a brand of CCCP cereal – the final came down to a battle between Yuri Gagarin and Gherman Titov. Right up until the last minute it looked liked Titov was going to get the nod. Then Korolev found out Titov was the son of a teacher and Gagarin was the son of a peasant. The decision was made. One wonders why he didn’t read the applications properly at the beginning. He could have saved a lot of bother.

    2.  Infinity And Beyond! Due to the length of time The Spaceman would have to spend alone in his shuttle, part of the training process included long stays in an isolation chamber. When each cosmonaut left the chamber they were asked what they did. Titov recited poetry, Popovich sang Ukraniane folk songs, the rest thought about their past. It was only Gagarin who thought of the future. Korolev liked this. He wanted a man who thought he would come back. (Do bear in mind that this was a good few years before the introduction of iPhones and Angry Birds).

    3.  Clothing. Look what he’s wearing! Just look! Yuri Gagarin went around the earth in a thin orange jump suit! I wear more protective clothing when I use the hob.

    4.  Humour. Throughout his flight, Gagarin referred to Korolev as ‘Dawn’. What a brilliant way of getting back at the guy who has made you risk your life. In every single transcript of the flight it’s full of Gagarin talking to this mystery character called Dawn. In fairness to Korolev he played along. To be honest, I think they were flirting by the end.

    5.  Polite. Can you imagine John Terry walking into a press conference and giving the journalists a standing ovation? I doubt it. But that’s exactly what Gagarin did when he attended a British press conference in July 1961. He also brought them flowers. What a nice chap.

    6.  The Spacewoman. Seeing his new found popularity as an opportunity, Gagarin began his own search to find a woman to send into space. As you can see, there were plenty of candidates. Personally I’d have gone for the woman in the top right hand corner. She looks like she could do with some G-forces.*

    7 Reasons To Celebrate the 50th Anniversary Of Yuri Gagarin's Flight Into Space

    7.  Serious. At 7 Reasons we don’t like doing serious very often. Serious isn’t funny. Just for today though, I am. I urge you to watch some of the videos here, spend 100 minutes watching this and following as-live coverage of the flight on twitter. It’s all fascinating. Really, really fascinating.**

    *This reason may or may not be true.

    **I’ve spent so long writing this that Gagarin’s already parachuting into a Russian field. Sorry about that. Worth playing catch up though.

  • 7 Reasons We Shouldn’t Try To Contact Aliens

    7 Reasons We Shouldn’t Try To Contact Aliens

    This year is the fiftieth anniversary of SETI (the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence).  For half a century mankind has been broadcasting into space, trying to contact extraterrestrial life forms.  Is it really a good idea to get in touch with aliens though?  Here are seven reasons that we shouldn’t.

    1.  Size.  Jimi Hendrix once said that he believed that aliens could be enormous, and that we would be like ants to them.  As he put it, “You wouldn’t go miles out of your way to step on an ant-hill”.  What if our communications are annoying them though?  You wouldn’t go miles to tread on ants, but you might cross the living room to swat a buzzing fly.

    2.  Evolution.  What if the aliens have evolved differently to us?  What if they’ve evolved from insects or snakes?  What if they have feelers on top of their bulbous heads?  What if they’re descended from ear-wax?  We’d find them repellent, that’s what.  What if they came to visit us and they turned out to be 15 feet high spiders?  Half of the world’s population would scream “Kill it!  Kill it!” and the other half would take one look at them and think “Not bloody likely”.  Do we even have a giant shoe?

    3.  Disease.  Aliens are…well, alien.  Humans would have no immunity to any diseases or infections that they would bring, and they would have none to ours.  We won’t be able to cope with Venusian Flu of the eye and they won’t be able to cope with Herpes of the tentacle.  Meeting aliens would be a bad idea for all concerned.

    4.  Dullness.  What if the aliens are uncharismatic?  Really boring?  Catatonically, mind-numbingly, vapidly, monotonously Daily Mail dull?  Do we really want to have an unimaginative dialogue with dreary spacemen?  What if they’re like Vogons?

    5.  Defeat.  What if the aliens are more powerful and more advanced than us?   We can’t know that they’re not war-like and intent on universal domination.  By trying to contact the aliens we could be guaranteeing ourselves a new world order.  We could only hope that our new alien masters would be benevolent.  Perhaps they’d be a bit subtler than going for out-and-out enslavement, preferring to conquer and rule us – they might even settle for a puppet-government.  To head this, they would need to find someone innocuous and popular, with a good grasp of modern communication, whose covetousness and vanity would leave him open to their manipulation.  Our new alien-overlords would probably install Richard Bacon as Earth’s puppet-leader.  No one wants that – even him.

    6.  Beggars.  Why would aliens want anything to do with us anyway?  If they’re in any way more advanced than us we’d drive them round the bend.  Whether It’s pestering them for technology to save our ailing planet, pestering them for accommodation when we realise that we can’t or pestering them to take David Gest back, we’ll be, at best, a nuisance, and at worst, a burden.  We’re like the annoying neighbour that you try to avoid by pretending to be out.  The aliens – if they have any sense – are hiding from us.

    7.  Madness.  What if there are no aliens?  Then the whole SETI programme will have been in vain.  If there are no aliens out there then essentially we’re talking to ourselves.  I’ve seen people that do that out on the street.  They look a bit foolish and they say the silliest things – often about spacemen, ironically.

    ********************UPDATE********************

    Since we wrote this article, Stephen Hawking has come out and stated his opinion on this subject.  He agrees with us.  We don’t know if he read this piece first or eventually – after considering these issues for a good while longer than we did – came to a similar conclusion by himself.  We like to think that it’s the former.