7 Reasons

Tag: Snooker

  • 7 Reasons Life Would Be So Much Better In Black & White

    7 Reasons Life Would Be So Much Better In Black & White

    This post needs no introduction, but I’ll give it one anyway. Colour is rubbish. Right, on with the reasoning.

    1.  Colour Blindness. Suffering from the disability myself, I know that a world without colour would make things much easier. Especially when it comes to my work as a designer. Never again would a client phone me up and ask why I have decided to turn their red logo a shade of dark green. I then wouldn’t have to apologise and spend hours redoing the poxy thing. Nor would I get a subsequent phone call from the client advising me that they are terminating the contract because I obviously thought it would be funny to send it back brown.

    2.  Dull Games More Exciting. There was a time that I used to like snooker. I was at school and it proved a more enthralling than doing my homework. These days though I have found my entertainment elsewhere. I like to prod myself in the eye with chopsticks for example. If snooker went back to the good old days when it was played in black and white though, I can imagine being positively horny about the prospect. What colour has he hit?

    3.  Wardrobe. The reason I have such questionable dress sense is because I just have so many colours to choose from. That’s my excuse anyway. If everything was black or white though I couldn’t possibly go wrong. I could wear black with white. Or black with black. Or white with white. Or, if I was feeling adventurous, I could replicate a pack of dominoes.

    4.  Embarrassing Clothes. Talking about dress sense, why is there always someone who turns up to the wedding looking like a twat? Either they are wearing pick shoes or a turtle-shell patterned blazer.Black and white would eradicate this problem immediately. And you wouldn’t need to store your photo album in the loft.

    5.  Sunburn. Another disability I suffer with, the inability to put enough suncream on regularly. Because of this I often find myself getting burnt. Mostly on the face and neck, but I have been known to get burnt somewhere near Maidstone before too. While a black and white world wouldn’t lessen the physically pain, it would certainly reduce the mental anguish. I’d probably have something of a grayscale face which would enable me to blend nicely into an urban world of roads, pavements and lampposts.

    6.  Cheaper. The reason living is so expensive is due in no small part to likes of cyan, magenta and yellow. Get rid of them I say. Let’s just have black with nothing filling in where one wants white. We’d save a fortune and

    7.  Decision Making. In a world that is black and white it would only make sense that there are no blured issues. We would automatically know right from wrong. We would know that tea is right. We would know that Janet Street-Porter is wrong. Life would just be so much simpler.

     

  • 7 Reasons That Golf Is The Wrong Sport For Businessmen

    7 Reasons That Golf Is The Wrong Sport For Businessmen

     

     

    Businessmen play a lot of golf, and business golf is a accepted part of business culture – there are even books about it.  Here are 7 reasons that golf is the wrong sport for businessmen.

    A business man in a suit with a golf club and a golf club preparing to tee off in a game of business golf

    1.  Location.  Business takes place in the city – an urban environment – but golf takes place in the suburbs or in rural environs.  Therefore, golf is in the wrong place.  As a businessman, this means you have to travel to the golf course.  What you need is a sport that you can play in cities, thus saving travel-time and expense.  Snooker or pool would be ideal.  After all, things always go better with a drink and you’ll have a big table that you can put your paperwork on.

     

    2.  Stuff.  Golf requires an astonishing amount of equipment.  There’s all manner of paraphernalia to lug around – so much of it, in fact, that you need to carry an enormous golf-bag, or hire a man to carry it for you.  Some people even use electric buggies (a whole special car to convey golf equipment!).  This is clearly ridiculous.  Carrying your golf equipment around is incompatible with being businesslike.  What you need is sports equipment that fits into a briefcase.  A Frisbee is perfect.

     

    3.  Assessment If you compete against potential business partners over a few holes of golf, what are you really learning about them?  That they don’t like to get their pink trousers muddy?  That they can chat about very little while waiting to tee off?  A more challenging sport will teach you far more about them.  Rugby union, for example.  You’ll learn far more about your potential business partner’s drive, desire, sense of ethics and commitment when he’s growling, biting your ear and trying to remove your testicles with his hand or when he’s spear-tackling your head of marketing.  Rugby union is a team game.  There’s no “I” in rugby union.  Well, there is, but someone will poke it out sooner or later.

     

    4.  Clothes.  Golf requires you to physically exert yourself.  Golf also requires a different set of clothes than business.  This means that you have to shower and change once your round of golf has finished.  This is inefficient use of time.  This is time you could spend working and earning money.  Unless, that is, you earn your money in the men’s changing rooms, in which case…er…er…do carry on.

     

    5.  Women.  You don’t see women heading out to the golf course to “network” or play “business golf”; they usually prefer to conduct their business at their business premises, and it’s quite hard to fault that sort of logic.  If you’re playing business golf, you’re doing business very inefficiently – as you’re only meeting men.  You need to be in an environment that’s agreeable to both sexes.  I don’t know what that place is, but there must be at least one, even if it is always at the wrong temperature.

     

    6.  Length.  Golf takes too long.  It takes you out of the office for hours.  If you must use the company’s time to participate in sport, you could find one that takes less time.  100 metre sprinting is a quick sport.  Here’s how to combine it successfully with business:  Walk to a point that’s 100 metres away from your desk, then run back to your desk as fast as you can; because that’s where you should be – at your desk – getting work done.

     

    7.  Displacement.  Is your work really so dull and frustrating that you need to go to a field and repeatedly smack a ball with a stick?  Aren’t you just avoiding work when you’re playing golf?  If you didn’t hang around on the golf course “working”, then your actual working day would be so much shorter and you could spend your free time doing what you really want to do.  Spending more time with your family or…er…playing golf.