Do you look like a horse? Some people do (most horses do too, but we’re not anticipating that many of them will be reading this). There’s no reason that it should be a barrier to a successful or fulfilled life though, as these horse-faced people demonstrate.
1. Jerry Seinfeld looks like a horse. This hasn’t held his career back though. His eponymous sit-com is the most successful comedy show of all time. Jerry Seinfeld made a fortune from it, and he was the least funny thing in it, being upstaged by all of the other cast members. Perhaps his success – relative to that of the other cast members – is because people’s expectations are lower when it comes to performing horses. After all, if a horse multiplies 6 x 7 using its foot, we marvel at it. If a person does it, we cross the road and hope they haven’t spotted us. Forty-two, by the way, in case you were wondering.
2. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse. All horses, in fact. Yet she’s been phenomenally successful as Carrie from Sex and the City. This is despite: 1) Looking like a horse: 2) Being completely divisive in her appeal. The Sarah Jessica Parker Paradox is this: Most women find Sarah Jessica Parker attractive, yet no man finds Sarah Jessica Parker attractive. She’s not desirable to men in the least. Women, however, can’t understand her lack of appeal to men and never believe that men don’t find her attractive. If you’re a woman, you probably don’t believe it right now, so we should test this notion. Women, you have my permission to leave your computer for a moment and go and ask the nearest man if he finds SJP attractive (don’t get distracted by something and forget to come back). Back now? Good. See, I told you. There may be an explanation for this phenomenon.
When they’re growing up, what do most girls want? A pony. What do most boys want? Not a pony. This is why women find SJP so attractive. Somewhere, in a subconscious throwback to their girlhood, women still want a pony, and find themselves inexorably drawn to Sarah Jessica Parker. Men, who spent their boyhood not wanting a pony, do not. What men want is one of the other lead characters from Sex and the City, or a combination of all three of them. Perhaps in a haystack, or a corner-bath.
3. John Kerry looks like a horse. Despite this, he was a highly-decorated military officer and a high-profile member of the anti-Vietnam-war movement. Okay, so George W. Bush retained the presidency when Kerry fought him in the 2004 election, but being defeated by Bush is no measure of failure. After all, George W. Bush attained the presidency in the 2000 election – an election which Al Gore won.
- The Princess Royal & Hound
4. The Princess Royal looks like a horse. Despite this, she’s been the greatest Princess Royal of all time. We’re not entirely sure what Princess Royals do, other than looking equine and telling the hoi-polloi to “naff off”, but she’s very successful at it.
5. Nicholas Cage looks like a horse. He looks more like a horse with every passing year. From his early days, acting terrifically in a series of brilliant and often quirky films, to his later career, acting badly in a series of vacuous and often inane films, he has grown steadily more equine. To be fair to him, in his latest film, Kick-Ass, he was brilliant; he plays a horse with a false moustache. He was also in the film Honeymoon In Vegas with Sarah Jessica Parker. They may have been in Sea Biscuit together too.
6. Ruud Van Nistelrooy looks like a horse. Like all Dutch people, he’s quite tall (he’s 18.3 hands high) and he’s used that height to great effect, his aerial prowess has helped him earn a fortune from football and become the second highest scorer in Champions League history. Here he is pictured with his great rival Alan Shearer.
- Camilla Parker Bowles (right) and horse.
7. Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, looks like a horse. This didn’t stop her displacing one of the world’s most celebrated beauties in the affections of the heir to the throne though. Perhaps Prince Charles is the exception that proves the Sarah Jessica Parker Paradox?
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*Thanks to sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com for the SJP pictures.
