7 Reasons

Tag: Rain

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: 7 Reasons We Were Wrong

    Russian Roulette Sunday: 7 Reasons We Were Wrong

    The good thing about 7 Reasons – or should that be one of the good things? – is that it never gets bogged down in fact. Ninety-nine percent of the time, ninety-nine percent of all our reasons are nothing more than opinion. Which is great, because it means you get the chance to disagree with us. Or at least it would if our opinions weren’t so well thought out and presented. However, just occassionally we do get proved wrong. And when I say we, I mean me. I’m Jon. Here are 7 Reasons I got wrong. And 7 Reasons they were wrong. Which common sense would suggest means you have 14 Reasons to read. You don’t. You have seven. Twice.

    1. 7 Reasons To Become An Artist
    Reason Put Forward: It’s A Con. You can do anything and call it art. Take Tracey Emin for instance. No, actually don’t bother. No one is quite sure where she has been. Instead take a look above. That’s Emin’s artwork. My Bed it’s called. The Saatchi Gallery describe it thus, ‘Tracey Emin shows us her own bed, in all its embarrassing glory. Empty booze bottles, fag butts, stained sheets, worn panties: the bloody aftermath of a nervous breakdown. By presenting her bed as art, Tracey Emin shares her most personal space, revealing she’s as insecure and imperfect as the rest of the world’. This is how Jonathan Lee describes it, ‘Bollocks‘.
    Reason I Was Wrong: People are making a mint out of forging Tracey Emin’s work.

    2. 7 Reasons To Write A Song About Rain
    Reason Put Forward: Grace Kelly – Singing In The Rain. Standing in the rain and having a sing-song is quite frankly a stupid thing to do. You’ll get wet and cold and the sound of the rain hitting the ground will drown out your harmonies. But if you are a songwriter then you have free license to try and brainwash people.
    Reason I Was Wrong: The reason is perfectly acceptable. Suggesting Grace Kelly sang it, is not. It’s Gene Kelly. Always was. Always will be.

    3. 7 Reasons The Tiger Woods Story Is Annoying Me
    Reason Put Forward: It’s Not Happening. If the allegations are true, a few people will be outraged. But that’s it. No one is going to make an example out of him. Tiger is too big a star to be dropped by those who sponsor him. Not even Nike. Nike need Tiger more than he needs them. This is the world we live in. I don’t care whether you like it or not. It’s a fact. Nothing is going to change so get over it. Stop wasting your time by drawing up pointless petitions asking Nike to drop him. It. Will. Not. Happen.
    Reason I Was Wrong: Pretty much everyone was outraged. Pretty much everyone dropped him. As getting things wrong go, this is one of my finer efforts.

    4. 7 Reasons To Fly With British Airways This Christmas
    Reason Put Forward: Sir Richard Branson. He never flies with BA.
    Reason I Was Wrong: He has. A few times. According to Chris Evans’ autobiography, Sir Richard Branson was so keen to get Evans to sign for Virgin Radio that he joined Evans on a flight to New York – on Concorde – just to try and get his signature. And in 2008 Branson flew to China as part of a British Government delegation on BA744.

    5. 7 Reasons Buying A Christmas Card Is Infuriating
    Reason Put Forward: Brothers. Why is it you can no longer buy a ‘Merry Christmas Brother’ card? It’s always ‘Bro’ or ‘Bruv’ or ‘Brother and Wife’ or ‘Brother and Girlfriend’ and new for this year ‘Brother and Boyfriend’. My brother is not gay. He has not got a wife. I am not sending him a text in which I may shorten to Bro. And he is not in some downtown hood where everyone goes around punching fists and calling each other ‘Bruv’. He is just my brother. I want a card that says that. Is that too much to ask?
    Reason I Was Wrong: I found one. It said, ‘Merry Christmas Brother’. All I had to do was look a bit harder.

    6. 7 Reasons To Love A Cardigan
    Reason Put Forward: The Dog. No one is going to tell me that the Cardigan Welsh Corgi was not made for riding.
    Reason I Was Wrong: In the words of the guy in Clevedon at Christmas, “Get off my f***ing dog! It’s not a horse!”

    7. 7 Reasons 2010 Will Be Great
    Reason Put Forward: The Winter Olympics. We’re only a few months away from Vancouver 2010 and what an Olympics it is going to be. Great Britain have their most successful games ever after clinching Gold medals in both the male and female snowball fighting events. Unfortunately they lose out to Canada in the final of the gritting competition, but the then Prime Minister Gordon Brown still hails the achievement as “remarkable” and “a terrific reflection of what global warming can do for our country”.
    Reason I Was Wrong: Not only are gritting and snowball fighting not included in this years Olympics, but the British Ski and Snowsport Federation is going into administration.

  • 7 Reasons To Write A Song About Rain

    7 Reasons To Write A Song About Rain

    I think it’s fair to say that this is the only time I have had trouble cutting my reasons down to seven. Usually I have four reasons for something and spend all night trying to think of three more. I will have slept peacefully last night. That’s nice isn’t it?

    1.  Creedence Clearwater Revival – Have You Ever Seen The Rain? Yes, I have. Pretty much everyone has seen the rain. Write a song about something pretty much everyone has seen and pretty much everyone will be interested. Pretty much.

    2.  The Carpenters – Rainy Days & Mondays. This makes sense because only people who like rain would like Mondays. So basically The Carpenters were talking about people who should be locked up again very soon. Or idiots as they are more commonly known. You can only make such an opinion known via the medium of song.

    3.  BJ Thomas/Burt Bacharach – Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head. You can basically admit to being a muppet in a song about rain yet no one will ever pick up on it. Apart from me. If raindrops keep falling on your head then buy a bloody umbrella. Or walk on your head.

    4.  Neil Sedaka – Laughter In The Rain. As this song aptly demonstrates, if you are a man it is perfectly acceptable to sing about the rain while sounding like an slightly butch sixteen year-old girl. Something that in every other walk of life would be deemed suspicious. And probably illegal in at least eighteen US states.

    5.  Gene Kelly – Singing In The Rain. Standing in the rain and having a sing-song is quite frankly a stupid thing to do. You’ll get wet and cold and the sound of the rain hitting the ground will drown out your harmonies. But if you are a songwriter then you have free license to try and brainwash people.

    6.  Supertramp – It’s Raining Again. Rain doesn’t actually have to mean rain. Fascinatingly in this song the rain actually refers to bad times and the fact that they happen all too regularly. Cleverly though, by using the word rain and adding an uplifting tune, you don’t realise you are listening to something that should really want to make you commit suicide until it’s too late.

    7.  Carole King – Might As Well Rain Until September. It’s a throwaway comment. If you said, ‘It might as well rain until September’, in the pub you’d be scoffed at. Put it in a song though and it’s fine. Helen Shapiro will even cover it for you. As will a Canadian pop duo called Gary and Dave. Seriously.