7 Reasons

Tag: Rail

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons My Experience With Northern Rail Was Shocking

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons My Experience With Northern Rail Was Shocking

    Okay.  This has never happened before, and it may never happen again but today, we’re bringing you a guest post on a Tuesday.  This is not because we’ve decided we can’t be bothered writing something ourselves, or that we can’t get enough material from the world not ending.  We could possibly write about that for a week.  We’re posting this today because well, frankly, a friend of one of the 7 Reasons team has just been through a ghastly and iniquitous experience at the hands of Northern Rail and fortunately – as a former journalist – he was in a great position to write it up for us.  We have, in the parlance of his former trade, a scoop.  So here’s indie-popster, former-journalist, father, husband-to-be and public relations man Conrad Astley to tell his tale of woe.  This should be a cautionary tale to us all.  Take it away, Con.

    The logo of the rail company, Northern Fail.

    When it comes to writing that autobiography, everyone needs their chapter about standing up for truth and justice. Their tale about sticking it to The Man. Their clammy-palmed, seat-of-the-pants courtroom drama.

    Well, here’s mine. And it was all about fifty pence.

    1.  Yes, You Read That Right. 50p.  Enough money to buy a packet of chewing gum, a bag of crisps, maybe a chocolate bar if you stick to the cheaper brands.  Enough to buy roughly one seventh of a pint if you drink in tastefully lit venues full of attractive, fashionable people, or maybe a quarter of a pint if you prefer hostelries that smell of dog hair and failure.  Yet for some reason, Northern Rail – one of the country’s biggest train companies who operate services from Carlisle to Crewe – insisted this sum was worthy of a criminal court’s time.

    2.  This Went On For A Long Time.  The story started last June, when I was making a return journey from Hyde to Manchester Piccadilly and mistakenly bought the wrong ticket. Yes, for readers outside Greater Manchester, that is Hyde of Harold Shipman fame.  For reasons far too tedious to go into here, I was travelling into the city centre from one station, with the intention of returning to another several hundred yards away.

    3. I Made A Mistake, But In Good Faith.  As the two stations were so close, I thought both journeys cost the same amount, so for the sake of convenience I bought a return ticket from the station I was returning to. It turned out I was wrong, and the difference between the two journeys was in fact 50p.  A Northern Rail official brought me to one side, took my name and address and, despite the tiny amount involved, told me in no uncertain terms that I had committed a criminal offence which carried a maximum fine of £1,000.

    4.  I Tried To Make Amends.  I tried explaining that this was an honest mistake and offered to pay a fixed penalty notice – once in person to the official and twice in writing – and even sent them a letter of complaint as a shot across the bow.  What happened next can only be described as strange. I received a letter of apology from Northern – admittedly for the fact they had not initially replied to my complaint rather than for the incident itself – along with a free one-day travel voucher.  I assumed the whole incident had been forgotten about. After all, nobody would prosecute someone they’d apologised to in writing, would they?

    5.  Suddenly...  It turns out they would. Fast forward to the first week of the new year, and a court summons landed on my doormat, accompanied by a list of witness statements and a sheet explaining that I was being prosecuted under legislation dating back to the great Victorian age of steam.  Was I going to be transported to the colonies? Not quite, but somewhat disturbingly, it did state I could – technically – be sent to prison for up to three months.*

    Of course, I didn’t need to worry and this was no big deal. In fact, the first few legal people I spoke to said the best thing to do would be to plead guilty and go all out with the mitigation.

    After all, the worst I’d be likely to get was a conditional discharge, as well as having to pay Northern’s £100 costs. And with a full time job, a young child and a wedding coming up, I didn’t need the hassle of going through a trial.

    6.  But It Was Wrong.  But on the other hand, doing this would mean getting a criminal record, which – no matter how small the offence – I’d have had to declare whenever I applied for a job, took out an insurance policy, or went on holiday to America. Was that worth it for 50p?  Some niggling thing deep down inside said I needed to fight this.

    Now, if there ever was an advert for joining a trade union, this is it. I contacted the good people on Unison (my trade union)’s legal advice line who told me that, as the train journey had been to get me into work, this was technically employment-related and that they’d pay for my representation.

    They also advised me to plead not guilty and even got me a barrister. This was getting serious.

    The case was finally heard on 16 May, three court hearings, 11 months, countless meetings and phone calls to lawyers, and a great deal of stress later.

    7.  They Came Out With A Lovely Line.  In order to win the case, Northern needed to prove three things: that I was travelling on the train on that day, that I had bought the ticket in question, and – beyond all reasonable doubt – that I had intentionally set out to defraud them.  The prosecution said that if everyone used the railway defrauded them of fifty pence every day, the rail companies would lose a huge amount.  I can’t remember the exact amount quoted, but I do remember feeling very concerned for the shareholders.  But, as my defence barrister pointed out in his closing statement, if my intention had been to defraud anyone, I might not have chosen a station a few hundred yards away from the one where I’d embarked. Perhaps the true fraudster might have gone for one of the three other stations closer into Manchester, which would of course have carried smaller fares.  This might have been the clincher, as the magistrates eventually found me not guilty.

    If a single ounce of common sense had been applied to the situation, it would never have gone anywhere near a court, and I would not like to estimate how much this little episode cost the taxpayer.

    As a regular passenger, I pay Northern Rail the best part of a grand a year for what is frankly a shoddy service. It’s good to know where their priorities lie.

     

     

    *The 7 Reasons team added that asterisk: A young child could have been deprived of her father for three months which would surely have hampered her development, for nothing.  For absolutely no reason.  Shame on you, Northern Rail.  Shame on you.

     

  • 7 Reasons That This Sign Could Be Better

    7 Reasons That This Sign Could Be Better

    A first Capital Connect sign urging passengers to keep their feet off seats

    1.  What’s Missing? I saw this sign on a First Capital Connect train yesterday.  What do you notice about it?  Or, more specifically, what do you notice about the person depicted on the sign?  That’s right, First Capital Connect, you have a sign asking people without feet to keep their feet off the seats.  You might as well have put this sign up.

    a sign exhorting rail passengers to keep their heads off seats

    2.  It’s Not Very Interesting. But if you’re going to ask people to keep something that they don’t have off seats, then feet don’t really have enough appeal.  Football has mass-market appeal and advertisers often use it to get their message across.  How about this?

    a sign exhorting Emile Heskey to keep his goals off the seats

    3.  Some People Don’t Like Football Though. So you can always try a more fanciful approach.

    a sign exhorting rail passengers to keep their unicorns off seats

    4.  Your. Given that the person depicted has no feet you, rightly, don’t use the word your, as you aren’t asking them to keep their feet off the seats; you’re asking them to keep feet in general off the seats, presumably in case any footless passengers travelling on your train are carrying bags of feet, which are probably quite heavy and burdensome.  In which case, this sign would be better.  This sign would also let people know that putting bags containing items other than feet on seats is also unacceptable, thus serving a practical dual purpose.

    a sign exhorting rail passengers to keep their luggage off seats

    5.  Targetting. It’s not clear which footless demographic the sign is aimed at.  After all, if these footless people are old enough to travel by train, but are still so ignorant that they need to be told not to put their feet on the seats, then the chances are that they won’t know why it is wrong.  This sign spells out the consequences to them.

    Please Refrain From Placing Your Feet On The Seats, As It Is Discourteous To Other Passengers And May Lead To Contemptuous Looks From Them, And A Stern Rebuke From The Train Manager

    6.  Or Be Less Subtle. Or you can try the putting the fear of god into them by letting them know that if they put their feet on the seats then they will be shot by a man without a lower-body.  That should get their attention.  Can you implement a foot response unit?

    A sign exhorting rail passengers to keep their feet off seats

    7.  Feet. Or you could just have thought about what you were doing in the first place and engaged someone competent to do your signage.  I’d like to tell you that your stupid sign ruined my journey, but it didn’t.  The late-running of the train did that.

    a sign exhorting rail passengers to keep their feet off the seats

  • 7 Reasons Not To Write On The Train

    7 Reasons Not To Write On The Train

    As a part of 7 Reasons Travel Week, we have decided to try something new.  Rather than writing this piece in a conventional location; a quiet atmosphere of consideration and reflection – or in the pub – it’s going to be written on the train during a journey from York to Kings Cross.  We like to think of it as a bold experiment into guerrilla style blogging, because that sounds more interesting than a man typing on a train.  Anyway, the guard has blown his whistle (or I’m having another acid house flashback) and we’re off.  Here are seven reasons not to write on the train.

    Space…The Lack Of

    1.  It’s Tight. No, not my prose style, my deadline – or even my trousers – I’m referring to the amount of room that I have at the moment.  I’m 6’2”.  The tiny seat that I am crammed into has sufficient legroom for an eight year old child (a small one).  My back is planted firmly into the back of my seat and my knees are jammed right up against the hard back of the seat in front of me, just under the “table”.  I’ve only been seated for ten minutes and I’m already in pain. Balanced on the teeny-weeny-tiny “table” in front of me is my very small netbook, a bottle of water, a pen, a notebook with a picture of a skateboarder on it (how cool am I?) and a pair of sunglasses.  The sunglasses aren’t meant to be on the “table”, they just keep being shaken from their resting place on top of my head.  They – for some reason – always land on the f key.  Anyway, ocular accoutrements aside, it is all essential writing gear on the “table” (well, I say on the “table”, I keep having to retrieve a lot of it from the floor).  This is because of…

    2.  The Shaking. The shaking of the train is making typing difficult, to say the least.  It causes me to accidentally touch the trackpad quite a lot, which makes the text I am typing suddenly begin to appear in the middle of a line I don’t want it to be on.  So if what you’re reading seems somewhat confused and incoherent, it’s because of the shaking and not, as is usually the case, because I’m confused and incoherent.  Jfmklsdjlggfkgnfk;gnf.g   (My apologies, that was my bottle of water leaping from the table and landing on the keyboard.  That happens quite frequently).

    My webcam captures the moment the flying bottle makes another guest appearance

    3.  The Mysterious Burning Smell. Oh yes, we have one of those.  It smells like an electrical fire.  I first noticed it shortly before the train ground to a halt in the middle of the countryside near Leeds.  Am I about to die in an inferno?  Where is the nearest door?  Why don’t the hammers next to the windows resemble hammers?  Is that a field full of cows that we’ll have to escape into?  Why didn’t I finish that packet of Hob-Nobs before we left the house?  I’m beginning to realise that my imminent death isn’t conducive to concentration.

    4.  The “WiFi”. The East Coast Mainline WiFi network is slower than the train itself.  In fact, it’s slower than me alighting from the train, going to the pub for a bit, growing a beard, taking a course in both basic and advanced basket-weaving, and then walking to Google’s office in California to get a printout of the web page that I now wish to view.  I keep checking back every five minutes or so, to see if my web page has loaded but no, it hasn’t.  And I may need to read that page on how to avoid being eaten by a cow as a matter of some urgency.

    5.  The Woman Next To Me. The woman sitting next to me, despite being approximately a foot shorter than I am, keeps complaining about the lack of legroom.  She also keeps staring at my screen, which is very off-putting.   She continually encroaches into my armrest territory, and when the train jars or shakes, her pointy elbow digs into my left arm and my ribs.  It serves me right for marrying a woman with sharp elbows, I suppose.    The woman next to me is now pulling a face.

    6.  Announcements. I’m being annoyed by the PA system and it’s causing me to become distracted and lurch into epistolary instead of writing properly.

    Dear PA System,

    I have heard the announcements now, and I understand them, thank you.  I couldn’t be more aware of the location of the buffet car, the name of the train manager, or the myriad ticket restrictions that apply to my journey.  I have now decided, as a consequence of the many announcements I have heard, that I will be taking my personal belongings with me when I leave the train.  Obviously, without your help, I would have abandoned all of my stuff and wandered off the train naked to begin a new life unencumbered by material possessions and socks.  Thank you very much for sparing me from this alternate and possibly quite chilly future. Yours sincerely,

    Passenger 12 (facing).  Coach C.

    7.  The Time. We’ve been on the train for two hours and we’re arriving at King’s Cross already.  That’s not enough time to write anything.  Where’s my delay?   Bastards!

  • 7 Reasons This Poster Frustrates Me So

    7 Reasons This Poster Frustrates Me So

    7 Reasons This Scarborough Tourism Poster Frustrates Me

    1.  It’s Quicker By Rail. I’m sure it was, 75 years ago. Sadly, given the fact that my last foray on a train took a good deal longer than it took Neil Armstrong to get to the moon, I would suggest times have changed. And not for the better. It’s frustrating that this poster would now have to say, ‘It’s Quicker By Rail (Unless You Meet A Cow)’.

    2.  It Oozes Frenchness. This isn’t my usual anti-France and all things French rant, in fact, it’s made me think of Grace Kelly. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, unless you happen to be writing this in front of your girlfriend. Now, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that Grace Kelly isn’t French – or at least a close second behind her – but in the film To Catch A Thief, she did spend an awful lot of time poncing around with Cary Grant on the French Riviera. And frustratingly, this picture reminds me of that poncing. And if there are two things I can’t stand, it’s poncing and the French. Together.

    3.  The Woman. While the man looks like he’s a man, the woman looks like a statue. It’s disappointing for those of us who take female equality so seriously. You would never find 7 Reasons being so vindictive. That’s why, at all times, 50% of us are strictly male lesbians.

    4.  Visit Scarborough. It looks quite nice in the poster. If I had been alive back in 1927, I may have got on the train. Unfortunately, having found a photo of its current state and transposed it over the poster, I can see that it hasn’t really changed much. Which is why I now have little option but to pay the £108.40 and take the 5 hour 40 minute journey (plus cows).

    5.  Chivalry. I am naïve. I believe it when the older generation say, ‘it wasn’t like this in my day’. They are usually talking about manners. Or sex. But that was the wrong club at the wrong time, so really it’s just manners. People used to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, though not necessarily at the same time, and men with walking sticks would most definitely offer them to women with bad backs. Sadly, though this poster indicates that in fact man couldn’t care less. Which means the older generation have lied to me. Either that or this woman is in fact a statue.

    6.  It’s Joe. This man is Joe Scarborough. He’s the host of Morning Joe on MSNBC. In a past life he was also a politician. The only reason I know this is because I found numerous pictures of him while searching for a photo for Reason 4. Rather frustratingly, forever more, I will hold this useless piece of information about Joe Scarborough in my mind. No doubt at the expense of some fascinating fact about sausages.

    7.  The Man. He reminds me of Piers Morgan. And I’m not sure why. Which means it’s doubly frustrating. And as doubly frustrating things tend to do, they will no doubt occupy my mind for the rest of the day. Which in turn, of course, means I will be dreaming about Piers bloody Morgan tonight. Thank you BBC News Magazine. Not what I call a public service.