7 Reasons

Tag: Portugal

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Start Learning Portuguese

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Start Learning Portuguese

    Thinking of learning a new language? If you’re like most English people, chances are your answer is probably no. Forget the French you learned in school (if you still remember it) and check out these seven reasons to start learning Portuguese, the world’s sixth-most widely spoken language.

    7 Reasons To Start Learning Portuguese

    1.  You won’t embarrass yourself when the World Cup starts. There are still a couple of years before the World Cup kicks off in Brazil, and even more time before the 2016 Olympics in Rio. Get learning before then and there’ll be no need to hold back when the tickets go on sale.

    2.  Understand Spanish while learning Portuguese. It doesn’t matter if you tried extra hard during GCSE Spanish – Portuguese takes extra study time to master. Here’s the good part – Portuguese speakers can understand Spanish better than Spanish speakers can understand Portuguese.

    It sounds weird but it’s true. Because Brazil is surrounded by Spanish-speaking countries, the languages have developed so that Portuguese-speakers are at a major advantage. If you don’t know any Spanish, you’re effectively killing two birds with one stone by learning Portuguese.

    3.  It’s awesome to order a Caipirinha without a bad accent. There’s nothing worse than the classic English tourist trying to communicate abroad by using lots of hand-waving and an incredibly bad quasi-foreign accent. Stand out from the crowd by being the only one in your party who knows how to mingle with the locals – it’ll get you serious kudos.

    4.  Brazilians are hot. No doubt about it, Brazilians do tend to be pretty attractive. If you’re on the pull while on your holidays, there’s nothing more impressive than being able to chat someone up in their native tongue. Just make sure you know exactly what you’re saying before you open your mouth – accidentally insulting someone’s mother isn’t a great start for a romantic encounter.

    5.  You’ll know when tour guides are mocking you. If you’ve only ever spoken English (and possibly bits of broken French on holiday) you’ll probably have been mocked while abroad numerous times without even noticing.

    Waiters, receptionists, taxi drivers – they all count on ignorant tourists not to understand what they’re saying while they grumble under their breath about heavy bags and changed orders. Knock them for six by letting them know you know exactly what they’re saying – then ask for the manager.

    6.  Get in with the Brazil’s recession-proof economy. Unless you’ve been living with your head in a bucket the past few years, the global economic crisis won’t be news to you. Most western countries are either in recession or at an economic stand-still – not so for Brazil.

    Brazil’s economy is growing at a strong rate of around 5% per year and is currently the sixth largest in the world. Learn Portuguese and you won’t have to worry about job opportunities – there are plenty of roles open to bilingual foreigners. So while Brazilians check out daytime and evening English courses in London, you can check out the Portuguese courses and get planning your trip to Brazil.

    7.  It’s just an amazing language. Portuguese is a beautiful and expressive language, and there’s a heck of a lot of passion behind each and every word. Despite being a versatile language, there are some words and phrases in Portuguese that literally don’t translate into any other dialect in the world. Take the word ‘saudades’, for example. It basically means that you miss someone and want to see them all in one word. Cool, eh?

    If point 4 swayed it for you, check out this language school in London for details of courses near you. Once you’ve got the basics down, you can forget about shuffling around Brazil, squinting at signposts and consulting your phrasebook every five seconds – a brilliant new holiday experience will be open to you.

  • 7 Reasons to be Glad We’re Playing Germany (Again)

    7 Reasons to be Glad We’re Playing Germany (Again)

    It’s been a fraught week at 7 Reasons (.org).  First we upgraded the website, then we redesigned the website, then we had a catastrophic failure of the website which left us offline for a day and then we fixed it, and are still tinkering with it to make it more stable.  This caused confusion.  We didn’t know whose turn it was to post yesterday.  So, being diligent, conscientious humourists, we both wrote one.  Sadly, we found our inspiration in the same subject.  Fortunately though, we both said completely different things so, with apologies to readers in Australia, South Africa and Greece, we’re writing about England versus Germany again today.  And possibly on Monday too (we’re a bit excited by it all).

     

    Germany V England South Africa FIFA World Cup 2010 June 27, the German and English flags and the World Cup 2010 logo Bloemfontein

     

    1.  The Great Escape. As comedy genius Bob Mills has observed, playing The Great Escape theme at England matches is pointless and out of context.  On Sunday though, it could be in context.  If we win, we will liberate ourselves from decades of World Cup tyranny at the hands of Germany.  It actually could be a great escape.  This may be the first match at which hearing The Great Escape played atonally on a trumpet will be meaningful, rather than just primal-scream-inducingly irritating.  Then, perhaps, we won’t have to hear it again.

     

    2.  5-1. The spectre of their ignominious defeat will loom large in the German consciousness.  When we beat Germany 5-1 in Munich in 2001, Steven Gerrard was the architect of a lot that was good about our performance.  And now he’s our captain!  That should put the fear of God into them.  Also, they can’t be unaware of the popular refrain, “5-1, even Heskey scored”, and Heskey’s in the squad too, so the Germans are at a psychological disadvantage before the game even starts. “Nein nein nein, es ist das Ziel Maschine, Heskey” will be the fearful reaction of the Germans upon his introduction to the game.   Gerrard seems really up for it too.  On Wednesday he said of the Germany game, “Bring it on!” .  Well, he said “Brincchhh ii on”, in a voice so high that it startled dogs – I’ve had it translated.

     

    3.  Tyldesley. In commentary on Germany versus Ghana, Clive Tyldesley said, “…it’s a different Germany than we’ve seen in past tournaments”.  This is excellent news.  If Clive is right – and anyone who’s met a man named Clive will know that Clives are never wrong – this can only be good for us.  After all, in past tournaments (except the one where the Russian linesman helped out), the Germany that we’ve seen have knocked us out (often on penalties).  Bring on the different Germany!

     

     

    Fabio Capello pictured outside a Little Chef.
    Fabio Capello: Pictured outside a Little Chef.

    4.  Beer.  Fabio Capello is coming to terms with the new challenges of managing at international tournament level.  When we played well in the match against Slovenia…Slovakia?…no, almost certainly Slovenia,  Fabio Capello attributed our much improved performance to permitting the England squad to drink beer on the night before the game.  Germans, as we know, consume most of their beer in October so their team won’t realise its performance potential until November, by which time the match will definitely be over.  It’s not tennis, after all.  Is that match still going?

     

    5.  Common Bond. Germany and England have so much in common: They eat sausages, we eat sausages; they drink beer, we drink beer; they drive BMWs, we drive BMWs; they dress up in braces and leather hotpants and put a feather in their hatbands and slap each other’s bottoms, we…er…well…we don’t.  Because it’s weird.  But I doubt that lederhosen is what makes them good at penalties and, sooner or later, given that they’re so similar a nation to us, they’ll cock them up.  After all, if the match goes to penalties Germany will have the pressure of expectation weighing on their shoulders.  England certainly won’t.

     

    6.  Confidence. England had an uncertain start to World Cup 2010 but, on the evidence of Wednesday’s performance, we seem to be growing in confidence.  We don’t have the self-possessed surety that the Brazil and Argentina teams seem to be imbued with, but there’s a way that we can attain that: By beating Germany.  If we beat them on Sunday, our team will get the monkey off our back and will feel that they can take anyone on.  The traditional obstacle to England’s progression in world cup tournaments will have been removed and we’ll believe we can accomplish anything.  Except a Heskey goal, obviously, no one (except Germany) expects that.

     

    7.  Defences. The German defence looks suspect.  Ghana created – and spurned – countless opportunities against them.  The most notable of these occurred after thirteen minutes when Germany were totally undone by a fluid passing move at the right hand side of their penalty area.  Sound familiar?  Correct.  That’s the same area that all of the brilliant creative interplay between Gerrard and Rooney took place in the England versus Slovenia match.  They won’t be able to defend against it.  “Take that, Mertesacker!” will be a particularly enjoyable thing to exclaim during the match when we score against them.

    Our defence will be able to contain them.  Most of the good attacking German play in this World Cup has occurred on the wings.  And we have two fantastic fullbacks with Gerrard and Milner in front of them who’ll track back too.  I don’t know what we’ll exclaim when we prevent them from scoring against us.  “Blimey”, probably, or “crumbs”.  But that’s what’s going to happen.  We can win this.  Be glad that we’re playing Germany on Sunday.  Well…at least until kick-off.  Then feel anxious as usual.

  • 7 Reasons England Will Beat Ze Germans

    7 Reasons England Will Beat Ze Germans

    Capello

    1.  Ze German Edlines. The German hacks are primed to write such classics as So Klose, But So Far. Although obviously they’ll write it in German. So it’ll be something like Zo Klose, But Zo Var. Basically, Miroslav Klose is going to take a shot from 50-yards which ricochets off the crossbar, flies up the other end of the pitch and finds the net. Net result England 1-0 Germany. German hacks have their headlines.

    2.  Ze Tactics. I am sure you have been wondering why Capello continues to play Gerrard on the left. It took me a while to work it out too. But finally I have. It’s all about balance. And ultimately making the opposition cock-up. Glen Johnson can’t defend for toffee (which is annoying because he loves the stuff). Anyway, the opposition think they should try and take advantage of this and attack down the left flank. However, because Gerrard tends to move away from his position on the left, the opposition see the gap on the right flank and wonder whether they should attack on that side. All this confusion results in them trying to compromise. And compromising means attacking straight down the middle. Right into Barry, Terry and Upson. It’s classic mind game stuff and the reason Capello is the genius that he is.

     

    3.  Ze Names. The Germans are named after lagers. A pint of Mertesacker. A pint of Schweinsteiger. A pint of Trochowski. The English are named after musicians. (David) James and (Gareth) Barry White. Oh, and there’s (John) Terry’s Chocolate Orange. You’re going to perform so much better if you listen to James and Barry White while munching on one of Terry’s Chocolate Oranges pre-game, than if you are downing three pints of lager.

     

    4.  Ze Beckenbauer. Franz said we have reverted to ‘kick and rush’ in this World Cup. How dare he! We don’t rush. We hang back and hope. Karma is a bitch and Beckenbauer will be summoned by Angela Merkel to explain why he gave the English such a great pep talk.

     

    5.  Ze 27 June. It’s Sieben Schlagfertig in Germany. Which is a day basically celebrated by muppets. If it rains on this day, it will apparently rain for the next seven weeks. I like the idea of raining on Germany’s parade and then continuously beating the Germans for seven weeks.

     

    6.  Ze Missing Of Ze Goals. Gerrard’s goal against the USA was missed by many because ITV decided to show an advert. Defoe’s goal against Slovenia was missed by many because the work experience boy at EDF Energy pressed the off button. England didn’t score against Algeria because everyone was watching. The simple conclusion to make is that I need to buy 10 million extension leads and forty million kettles. If I do that and press the on switch at 2:59pm on Sunday, I reckon I might just be able to blow a fuse somewhere on the National Grid and cause absolute chaos. We’ll all miss the game, but England will win 4-0. Don’t thank me, thank the nice people at Argos who are about to get a very big order.

     

    7.  Ze Zeven Reasons. I have drafts of 7 Reasons England Will Beat Argentina, 7 Reasons England Will Beat Portugal and 7 Reasons Why It’s Second Time Lucky For England And They Will Beat The USA ready to go. You can’t buy this kind of motivation. The England boys want to read my work. They are in a win-to-read position now. Which is so much more impressive than a boring win-t0-be-MBEs position.

  • 7 Reasons I Should Be Celebrated The World Over

    7 Reasons I Should Be Celebrated The World Over

    Today I turn 27. I is Jon. Happy Birthday to me. Thanks. This very special day gives me a wonderful opportunity to indulge in a little piece of narcissism. Well, I say narcissism. It’s more a chance to try and make the world a better place.

    7 Reasons Jonathan Lee Should Be Celebrated The World Over
    Image Courtesy of Ceci Masters

    1.  Holiday. June 10th would automatically be made a public holiday. And just before you start thinking this could never happen, well it already has. In Portugal.

    2.  Statues. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so vain that I think there should be statues of me in every town, village and hamlet. But one in every 50sq miles sounds about right. The simple fact of the matter is that there are 6.2 billion people on this planet and I can’t get round to everyone. A statue does exactly what I do. Apart from get injured when someone takes exception to seeing me everyday and knocks my head off.

    3.  Italians. As this short film demonstrates, they need to sort their attitude out. I am hoping that if the rest of the world celebrate me then the Italians might join in. Voluntarily or otherwise.

    4.  Common Denominator. There is a lot of bad blood between a lot of people in this world. What the world needs now is love sweet love, but if we can’t get that we need something else. Something that ignores borders. Something that ignores beliefs. Something that ignores opinions. Something that ignores The French. Something that everyone can agree is beauty. Maybe then, with common ground, we can build a better world for our children. That something, is me.

    5. I Do The Things That You Don’t Have To. For the most part of my life, I have been getting on and doing the jobs that otherwise you’d have to do. Trying to become an international athlete for instance. Or deciding that I could take on – and beat – Australians at every single sported ever invented. Or spending three years of my life searching for my friend’s look-alike – and then writing a book about it. Or planning to catch one hundred London buses in one night. If it wasn’t for me, you’d have had to do all that. You’d be the one who was a bit…erm…strange.

    6.  You Again. Have you sent me a Birthday card for today? The chances are you probably haven’t. But that’s not necessarily your fault. It may simply be a case that you don’t know me. If you don’t know me you can’t be expected to know when to start looking at Birthday cards. If I was celebrated all over the world though, you would know. Clinton Cards would put adverts up and stuff.*

    7.  7 Reasons. If I was celebrated the whole world over, I wouldn’t have to spend ages, in the early hours my birthday, trying to think of a poxy seventh reason as to why you should celebrate me.

    *If you do know me and you haven’t sent me a card, I would like to know why. Thanks.